Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.;
What do you call a well-balanced horse? Stable.;
What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed veggie.;
Where do polar bears keep their money? In a snowbank.;
What do you call a British persons favorite animal? A tea-rex!;
How do you make an egg-roll? You push it!;
What would bears be without bees? Ears.;
What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-ntain.;
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.;
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired.;
What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re pointless.;
RIP, boiling water, you will be mist.;
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.;
I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know what comes first.;
Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She kept running away from the ball!;
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.;
What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.;
Where was King David’s temple located? Beside his ear.;
What did one toilet say to another? You look flushed.;
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.;
What does corn say when it gets a compliment? Aw, shucks!;
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.;
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.;
What do sprinters eat before they race? Nothing. They fast.;
What has more lives than a cat? A frog, because it croaks every day.;
Why was the fish’s grades bad? They were below sea level.;
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!;
What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.;
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pen? Because it’s pointless.;
Why can't you trust the king of the jungle? Because he's always lion.;
What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner.;
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.;
What do you call a sad strawberry? A blue berry!;
Why are pirates called pirates? They just ARRRR!;
How do you organize a space party? You planet.;
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.;
What do cows read the most? Cattle-logs.;
I lost an electron. You really have to keep an ion them!;
What do clouds wear under their shorts? Thunder pants!;
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.;
What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt.;
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.;
What did the drummer name her twin daughters? Anna 1, Anna 2.;
What did the lettuce say to the celery? Quit stalking me!;
What’s small and red and has a rough voice? A hoarse raddish!;
Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties? Because they are such fungis.;
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield? Too many ears.;
Why couldn’t the bad sailor learn the alphabet? Because he always got lost at C.;
What kind of cheese isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.;
What does a spy do when he is cold? He goes undercover.;
How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.;
When do computers overheat? When they need to vent.;
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.;
If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes.;
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.;
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.;
How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.;
What did the cucumber say to the pickle? You mean a great dill to me.;
Why didn't the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.;
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to go spreading it!;
What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.;
What goes up and down but doesn’t move? Stairs.;
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crumby.;
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!;
What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks.;
What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he was fired? Oh snap.;
Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.;
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants.;
Where does the general put his armies? In his sleevies.;
What do you call a magician that looses his magic? Ian.;
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.;
What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? Namaste.;
How do rabbits travel? By hareplanes.;
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.;
Why did the kid stock up on yeast? He wanted to make some dough.;
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? Give me my quarterback.;
Why are elephants wrinkly? Because you can’t iron them.;
What did the cake say to the fork? You want a piece of me?;
How did the two cats end their fight? They hissed and made up. ;
Why did the strawberry cry? He found himself in a jam.;
What’s black and white and read all over? A newspaper!;
How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut!;
What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry? 58!;
What did the nut say to the other nut in a game of tag? Imma cashew!;
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!;
Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.;
Why don’t astronomers like Orion’s Belt? It’s a big waist of space.;
What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.;
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!;
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? 5It is either one or the udder!;
What did one plate say to the other? Dinner is on me!;
Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don’t know the words!;
Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.;
What do you call a chicken that is staring at a lettuce? Chicken sees a salad.;
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!;
Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh!;
Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.;
do you call a blind dinosaur? A do-you-think-he-saw-us.;
how do you make a water bed bouncier? Add spring water.;
What job did the frog have at the hotel? Bellhop.;
What kind of car does an egg drive? A yolkswagen.;
What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality!;
Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure? He was a little shellfish!;
Did you hear about the sensitive burglar? He takes things personally!;
When does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn!;
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!;
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk!;