Thread 29: Stories 76-90

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>Suckerpunch
"41"
'Tour Guide'
-Announcer-

'And here we go! The penultimate stop on our tour, a special slideshow on the company's future as a whole!'

"Penultimate?"

>Second to last.

"Why not just say that?"

'It sounds better.'

"It sounds like you made it up!"

'I did not!'

"Spell it!"

'What?'

"If it's a word, why don't ya spell it!"

'...P-E-N-U-L-T-I-M-A-T-E. It's just the word ultimate with pen tacked on the front!'

"Exactly!"

>...what are you two even arguing about here?

"'Stay outta this!'"

'Just watch the stupid video, then join the other groups for the Infusion presentation, and NEVER COME BACK HERE, understand?'

>Aw but the Zap Apple Cider was so good!

'I WILL call security!'

"Oh fine, ya big baby."

'Now kindly step into this handy dandy mini theater, observe the slideshow, and move on while I get the hell back to the front to guide less crazy people.'

>Yeah, the people who buy this load of crap are totally less crazy than us.

"Eyyyyup!"

>...did you have to change into Big Macintosh for that?

"It's for effect."

The two enter the confines of the mini-theater, a boxy affair looking not unlike a large phone booth or an arcade cabinet. Once they're inside, the doors on either side shut and down comes a film screen, a cheerfully triumphant theme begins to play as the screen shows the title "Fawntaine Industries: The Long March To Tomorrow!".

>I hope the film isn't as long as the march.

The film cuts to still of a little colt in a beanie walking down a sidewalk happily.

-Hey little fella!-

The colt blinks and looks at the screen, pointing to himself in confusion.

-Yes, you! On your way to the corner store?-

The colt nods.

-Perhaps getting ready for a day of rollicking adventure?-

The colt gives a little hop and nods his head again.

>Gee mister, you're taking a real interest in my schedule!

"Snrk, I need an adult!"

-Wanna learn all about how Fawntaine Industries is making Equestria a better place?-

>"HELL NO!"

The colt chipperly nods again.

"What a fucking yes man."

-Well follow me on an adventure to a place where magic and science collide!-

>Like a fifty cart pileup!

The film cuts to a blocky, industrial-looking building atop a hill, a different kind of cheery music playing in the background.

-This Fawntaine manufacturing plant and many like it is where all of Fawntaine Industries makes their products for consumers like me and you!-

>Also for the Palomino Crime Family and Stallongrad!

"Don't forget Neighpon~"

-It is here diligent workers toil to bring together the things that give us good Equestrians the standard of living we deserve, from common appliances, to our new Zap Apple Cider, to- -

>Don't forget the death robots-

- -our state of the art automatons!-

>"Wait WHAT!?"

The screen switches to a line up of various sleekly designed robots.

-Yes indeed, our soon to be released line of automatons can suit the needs of every Equestrian, great and small! From cooking, to cleaning , to protecting your home, these all purpose androids are primed and ready to lend you the old Fawntaine Helping Hoof (tm)!-

>You can't be serious with this bullshi-

The screen switches to that colt again, looking surprised.

-Now you may find yourself thinking 'Whoa! Hang on, buddy, Automatons? Aren't those just like those robots that invaded us all those months ago? This science stuff sounds like a load of trouble!'-

>They are!

"It is!"

-But just give us a chance to explain, if you will.-

>"Ok..."

'Are you two TALKING to the slideshow!?'

>"SHADDUP!"

The screen switches to a slide of a rather detailed drawing depicting both the robot invasion and Chitania's rampage.

-Certainly, it was indeed science that lead to the renegade noble Blueblood Mechanical Coup, and yes it was the scientific curiosity of one mare that released the terrifying beast known as Chitania...-

The screen quickly switches to a drawing of a purple alicorn sulking in a corner, a dunce cap crammed on her head.

>Hey isn't that Princess Twi-

The slide just a swiftly moves on to a small colt in a labcoat sitting on a cold doorstep, pouting.

-But we believe that science is not something to be feared and spurned!-

The slide moves on to that same colt being fed from a bottle.

-It should be nourished!-

Again to him being hugged.

-And loved!-

And finally to him as a strapping colt holding up two big bags of money.

-Until it can provide all the technological marvels that can undo the mistakes of the past!-

>Seriously?

"Damn this is just ridiculous."

The slide moves on to the first colt looking amazed.

-Now, do ya see how good old Fawntaine can change your life for the better?-

The colt smiles widely and nods.

-Alrighty, now get out there and enjoy your day, ya little scamp!-

The colt trots off screen over a few slides.

-And as for you watching, stay tuned, because you'll be seeing one of Fawntaine Industries' advances in the realms of both magic and science firsthoof! The Fantastic INFUUUUUSION!-

The music swells as 'The End' appears on the screen before fading away as the doors open and the guide pokes his head in.

'Have fun?'

>Fuck.

"You."

'Wanna see the infusion now?'

>"YES!"

'Right on through the double doors, have a good day...you jackasses.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>DT
"SS"
'Spike'
~~~~

>Where the fuck is that idiot!?

"Should we find a staff member to make a PA announcement?"

>Totally. Let's embarrass that little shit and-
She turns the corner and bumps her head into someone.
>Ow! Watch where you're going!

'Ah! Sorry I didn't mean to-'

"Spike! There you are. We've been looking for you."

>Where the hell have you been?

'I got kidnapped into a parade, ended up in a dance club, and got lost in a house of mirrors.'

>Well thanks for wasting our time looking for you. We missed lunch because of you!

'I'm really sorry. Let me make it up to you two. I'll buy dinner.'

>You better! We spent so much time and energy on you. I don't know why we even bothered.

"Can we please stop fighting? Let's focus on food."

'There was this nice looking restaurant I saw a while back. Maybe we can eat there?'

>Hmph!

"Let's go. Tiara's not usually herself when she's hungry."

Spike raises an eyebrow.
'...there was a difference?'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>32
"Reggie"
'Q'
-Thorax-
~Flim~
#Flam#
@Spike@
&42&
^PJ^
+DT+
%77%
[Twi]
{???}

"...okay, someone's gotta die, because that shit's just fucking ridiculous! Like some kind of vertical censor bleep, I swear to god..."

>Agreed...I think! Though I'd prefer it if it was one of them!

The SSCS6kMk2 is currently rushing through the confines of Sweet Apple Acres, the A-Team hot on their tail on their hoverbikes (or in Twi's case, wings), Q unleashes volley after volley of surface to air apples, but it is to little effect as her targets are far too nimble.

"And there's another black bar! Because THIS needs an expansion of the cast, clearly!"

>Shut up and do something! Flim, Flam, can't this bucket of bolts go any faster!?

~Indeed it could!~

#But to do so we would need a set of rails!#

'What? Why?'

~You'll see, Flam, quick! Steer us towards the Friendship Express line!~

#At once, brother!#

'Who the hell names a train the Friendship express?'

"Soulless monsters."

>Less talky, more shooty!

'Working on it!'

@Give it up, 32, you and your cronies are done for!@

>Oh go die for the umpteenth time, you scaly shitstain!

BANG!

>Gah! You and your coward's weapon!

+Says the guy hiding behind a flak cannon!+

^Mrrphphm!^

-*chitter*!-

^Mmphrmrhhm!^

-*CHITTER*!-

^MRRRPH!^

"Save the philosophical debate for later!"

&Yeah, I'm gonna take this bastard down once and for all!&

>Ok, everybody get a bit of dialogue in?

[%NO!%]

>TOO BAD! Flim, how close are we!?

~We're almost there!~

#Try and get one of them to give you a heroic monologue!#

@No dice! Tiara, blow 'em apart!@

+With pleasure!+

%This pains me greatly, brother, it did not have to go down this tragic ro-%

>Oh shut the hell up!

BOOM!

>Gah!

+No, you BLOW THE HELL UP! AHAHAHAHAHA!+

>Little lovedamned delinquent!

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Explosions rock the cider machine-turned escape vehicle from side to side as it swerve to avoid destruction!

'She's too fast, I can't get a bead on her!'

>Damn it all, we need to neutralize her stupid rocket launcher!

-*chitter*!-

>What? Seriously?

-*Chitter*!-

>But it doesn't even have a tailpipe!

-*CHITTER!*-

BOOM!

>Fine!

32 tosses an apple to Q.

>Do what the lunatic says!

'Alrighty.'

Q cocks back a foreleg, crystalline eyes narrowing.

'Only got one shot at this...'

"..."

>...

'...'

BOOM!

>THROW THE FUCKING APPLE!

'Okay! Jeez!'

Q lobs the apple into the air, it spirals and flies in the wind...right into TBDRLATU just as its about to launch another rocket at the SSCS6kMk2!

+Oh cr-+

B-KOOOOOOM!

+-AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaap!!!+

Like the proverbial banana in the tailpipe, the apple prevents the launcher from firing properly, causing the rocket to explode inside, sending Tiara sailing over the horizon!

"Booyeah!"

'She's not gonna be pretty after that.'

>Eh, she's rich, doesn't matter.

~Aha! We've reached the tracks!~

#Hold onto your hats!#

32 The Fighter looks at Reggie and Q.

>Especially you two!

The SSCS6kMk2 hits an incline, jumping out of the orchard and onto the tracks, its bottom morphing into a pseudo train engine. It continues on its way. Among the A Team, Twilight looks aghast.

[That's already one casualty beyond my calculations! This is unacceptable! PJ! Attack pattern gamma!]

^Mmrrrphrrrph!^

Meanwhile back on the SSCS6kMk2RE (Railway Edition), 32 The Fighter's quartet of malcontents celebrate their victory.

>That was insanely easy, come to think of it, then again I always did think of her as a punk ass.

'And thus a punk ass she became.'

>If it's that easy to dispatch the rest of them, this'll be easy street!

{Then how about a little fire, scarecrow?}

>...did anyone else hear that?

"Now ya know how I fee-"

Reggie's words are cut off ass he is suddenly cut in two by scissoring blades, a figure lands on the car, discharging her blades and reloading as her maneuver gear hisses. Reggie's top half blinks as it flops onto roof of the car.

"What the hell, how'm I supposed to drink cider now!? I mean...well, digest it anyway!"

>PRIORITIES!

With a grin, the potato loving changeling launches herself at 32.

>FFFFFFFFFF-

32 barely manages to duck as those swords come down-

And shatter off the crystalline hide of Q!

'You are an uncouth barbarian, and you will NOT be hurting my friend!'

^Mrrffphrrphl!^

'SWALLOW YOUR FOOD YOU TUBEROUS TROLLOP!'

PJ glares, reloading her blades and leaping off the coder machine, using her maneuver gear to swing in and around the car, picking her spots and attempting to smash Q with her swords, to little avail.

"You dummy, did you learn NOTHING from Annie!"

>Shut up, we have to break this stalemate before her cohorts get involved!

"Haaang on a minute...idea! Gimme some cider!"

>Now is NOT the time!

"Now is the perfect time, trust me! I may have half a body, but my brain is intact!"

>Fine! Flim! Cider me!

~I hope you know what you're doing! I'd rather not get shot again!~

Flim throws 32 a mug of cider, which he in turn throws to Reggie, who in turn throws it...directly into the path of one of the maneuver gear's grappling cables, causing it to latch on, making PJ's eyes go wide as it rapidly approaches and conks her in the head, making her lose control and smash into a tree, leaving her in the dust!

"HA! Let that be a cruel reminder to you! Never mess with a guy who can survive a nuke!"

>Excellently done, Reggie! Maybe we'll be able to survive this after all.

{Doubtful.}

>WHO SAID THAT!?

"Nowwww who's the crazy one!? Huh! HUH!"

'Incoming!'

As one, three more fighters slam down onto the cider machine, leaving their bikes behind. 77, 42, and Spike glare at the group.

@&%SHOWDOWN TIME, FUCKERS!%&@
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>29
"???"
'???'
~~~~

>Well, on the positive side, things are looking up! I've gone ten whole minutes without-

"Ah, hell."

'And we were having such a nice time, too.'

>FOR THE LOVE OF SUGAR COOKIES! I JUST- wait a minute.

"Howdy, ya' annoyin' little shi-"

>LANGUAGE!

"Still with that? Yer' the horny little bugger that won't ever shut up."

>Thine words are as foul as the personality that spews them out! I never tried my vast seduction capabilities on you of all ponies, princess styrofoam!

"Ya' know, ya' ain't gotta try ta' get between my plot fer' me ta' think yer' a little wad o' rotten fruit. Callin' me Princess Styrofoam isn't helpin'."

>WELL I... uh...

'Darling, I say this as one who is actually quite good friends with many a changeling, you are by far the most annoying.'

>I didn't try to seduce you either!

'YOU CALLED ME FAT!'

>You literally, not figuratively, could barely move! By the fires of hell you weren't fat!

'I may have been, but that doesn't mean you could insult me!'

>It is not an insult if it is the truth!

"Still is, actually. Yer' a horrible, annoyin' little pest. See? Honest, but still insultin'."

>Well... I mean I... it's not like I wanted to talk to you all anyway! Mine standards so high class and well spoken are too far beyond you! I once declared any royal would be worth my fullest efforts but you two came along and disproved that, didn't you? Begone from mine sight!

"...Ya' do realize Ah' could just ask Pinkie ta' toss ya' out, right?"

>Go ahead! I've had nothing but a headache from everyone so far!

'And that's our fault, not yours?'

>YE-... well, I... I mean, not YOU, but your uh... Thine mentality is... um...

"Yeah?"

>...I-I have no time for this! The brief reprieve of my time is ever so short! B-begone, you... uh... you... pony!

'Lost a bit of composure there.'

>S-SHUT UP! NEH!

With that, he turned tail and ran.

"Feel like we went too far?"

'No.'

"...Wow, ya'll are still sore about-"

'YES!'
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>Actarius
"Jugglejack"
'Arana'
~~~~~~

>HOW BIG IS THIS PLACE!?

"Really? I mean, it looked big."

>Rhetorical.

"What does that taste like? I'm open to trying a lot of things."

>It's not-

'NO! WAYYYYYY!'

>...Arana? Have something to add?

'You guys have stuffed monsters too!? How did you manage to shrink them so small and not make them all hard and scratchy!?'

>Going to regret this?

"Do you even need to ask?"

'Aww, I used to have a corpse snuggler just like that baby Cragodile there! Mama spent all week preparing her for me.'

>They aren't alive, Arana.

'Well, yeah! I couldn't watch it, on account'a the fact I kept throwing up, but I don't think you're supposed to survive that much poison.'

>I mean, they're not real. They're stuffed animals.

'Well, yeah. You gotta stuff them with something, or they just collapse-'

>Fabric! They are made of fabric!

'...Ooooohhhhhh!... yeah, that sounds way easier... can I-'

>Yes, I will get you one.

'AWESOME!'

"And this is why my Queen said to stay away from her."

>...Starting to see her point of view.

'OHMIGOSH! You guys melt skulls too-, wait, that's just an apple. Nevermind!'

>...Just a bit.
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>Poindexter
"Mane-Iac"
'???'
[???]
~~~~~

>Huh. Had no idea that was technically legal.

"AHHHAHAHAHAH! WHO CAAAARES FOR THE LAWS OF- I mean, yeah! It's my hair, why couldn't I use it to toss a ball at some cups? Pegasi can use their wings."

>I admit, this is kind of a once in a lifetime thing, don't think they could prepare for it.

"AHHAHAHAHAHA!"

>Wow, you'd think I'd get tired of that, but I honestly love hearing you laugh.

"AHAHAHA! Where to next, Poindexter!? What ride shall we go upon in MERRIMENT and WONDER!"

>Well, there's the tunnel over there...

"Is something the matter? Do you sense the forces of GOOD!?"

>Uh, no, I just realized thaaaat... there is a ride we missed back there, and we'll have to swing back around if we keep going. Want to hit it up so we make sure we don't miss anything?

"Oh... sure!"

>Great! Let's go, now, quickly. Do the thing fast.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHH!"

>Right now, come on- WHEE!... I'm enjoying this now.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAhahahah...."

'...Well, yeah, I was obviously going to marry him. We were at the alter and everything. Of course I don't hold it against him, I was disguised as... huh...

[Something the matter, Chrysalis?]

'Yes... something is... but I can't put my hoof on what, exactly... but it makes me want to get shotgun, for some reason.'

[...I relate.]

'I figured you would.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pinkie
"Twilight"
'Dash'
[Fluttershy]
{2}
~???~
~~~~~

>So that's when I told her she wasn't pregnant.

"And you knew this how?"

>Because she wasn't never getting laid!

'You really shouldn't antagonize Chrysalis like that.'

"Thank you, it's rude to-"

'Just stick to bug zappers in the bathtub, like I do!'

"...That sounds dangerous."

'Hasn't killed her yet!'

>And she's tried... OH COME ON!

[Something wrong?]

>Hold up everyone, bossy Pinkie's gotta come out for a second. HEY! YOU!

~Yeah?~

>You've got to put that out!

~Oh come on! It's not hurting anyone!~

"Wait a minute, are you saying that's not one of your performers!?"

>No, why would you think that?

'...What?!'

>What?

[P-Pinkie, he's... he's...]

{Fire pretty!}

"What kind of magic are you using to pull that off!?"

~...Me? Uh, I don't know, what kind of magic do you use in lamp oil?~

"None!"

~Oh... then it's the magic in a lighter. How do those work!?~

"Those aren't magic either!"

~They are so! You just turn a wheel and fire comes out! Witchcraft!~

"It's not... that's not how that works! What else do you do?"

~Uh... hold still and don't go in water?~

'How are you not dead!?'

~Wow, lots of ponies ask that, and I never know how to answer. I'm still breathing, I guess? That means not dead.~

>Ugh, gotta put it out, buddy! No smoking translates to bodies too!

~Oh, fine! Discriminatory, that's what this is.~

*TSSSSH!*

~Better?~

[No, you appear to be all black and charred. Are you... oh! You're a changeling!]

"You're a changeling!?"

'Oh, hey, I know that guy. He's from Appleoosa, and always puts on really dumb disguises.'

~DUNNO WHAT YA' MEAN, LOVEY!~

'See?'

"...What's the biological process behind this? As far as I know, all Changelings are susceptible to burning just like everyone else, and yet there is no visible damage on you despite being utterly consumed by flames. A magical ward you forgot you put on, perhaps?... No, that would require such an advanced spell no way would anyone forget it. Perhaps you're some sort of anomaly caused by a side effect of the green fire? Interesting, you don't even seem out of breath, though your oxygen supply should have been majorly reduced... fascinating. Revolutionary, even! Imagine what someone could do with a pure immunity to fire and its negative effects! Volcano exploration, re-entry protection, even basic firefighting utilities! There is so much you could do! Come to my lab, there's so much I could learn from this!"

~...Oh. Well, uh, I have a place, actually. Thanks for the offer though!~

"...That's it? Just, 'no thanks'?"

~No thanks!~

"B-b-but! But you could..."

~Hey, thanks for the offer anyway. But I'm going to go on the springy spronger, I finally have enough bits so the guy at the front doesn't yell at me! See ya!~

{Bye mister fiery guy!}

"..."

[Twilight, while I am happy to see you in the zone again, I would like to remind you that what you would actually be doing is figuring out a way to make Chrysalis fireproof.]

'And possibly bugsaurus.'

"..."

{What'cha lookin' at me for?}

"Nothing!"

>...Shiny will kill you.

"I wasn't even thinking that! What is wrong with you!?"

>Just saying.

{Oh! Were you gonna try to make me all fwooshproof!? THAT WOULD BE AWESOME! Then I could hug FIRE!}

'Well, glad someone is excited.'

"Two! We are not experimenting on you!"

{Awwwww....}

"Still, though... what I wouldn't give to know how he does that. A brilliant spell, perhaps?"

~HOLY CRAP! SOMEONE DROPPED A BIT!... Wait, nevermind, rock.~

"...Or maybe he's just stupid lucky."

[The world may never know.]
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>18
“Applejack”
‘Pinkie Pie’
-Fluttershy-
~~~~~~~

>What. The fuck.

“…This supposed ta’ be funny or somethin’?”

-O-oh dear…-

>No, seriously. Look at my face. See a smile? No? Because I’m not happy. I am the opposite of happy, I am the unhappy. What is this?

‘Whatever could you guys mean? This is one of our more scarier rides in the whoooole park!”

“The fact that y’all got it labeled as a goldarned haunted-house somehow pisses me off more!”

‘Well, you two have to admit that it IS scary! I mean, can you imagine doing this? For days on end? With no rest or appreciation? No way, nuh-uh!’

>…
“…”

-Um, Pinkie? Maybe you should, um, quit talking? O-or just kinda hush a little…?-

‘Look at all those ponies running out screaming their heads off!’

~THE HORROR! SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!~

~OH SWEET CELESTIA THAT JUST AIN’T RIGHT!~

~WHAT KIND OF SICK MASOCHIST FREAK WOULD DO THIS OF THEIR OWN FREE WILL?!~

>…
“…”

‘See, we tried to make this as realistic as possible for that maximum ‘gouge your eyes out’ effect. Judging by those unholy shrieks of terror, I’d say me and Cheesies did a bang-up job!’

>…
“…”

Both 18 and Applejack continued to stare bitterly up at the ‘horror’ attraction garnering so much traffic. ‘The Dreaded Desk of Princesses’ it was called, and centered around shackling the rider to a chair and presenting them with stacks of paperwork to be filled out. It was more a test of the riders soul than anything.

‘We’re thinkin’ of opening up another one on the east district, too!’

-Um, Pinkie? I don’t think that would be very, um… sensitive to--

“Ah hate you, Pinkie.”

>What applehorse said times two.

‘Really? Well, I was originally planning to share half the profits of this ride with it’s main sources of inspiration but if you guys don’t liiiiiike me anymore then-’

>Open up three more!

“Five! Here, lemme show ya this one form that’ll really crack their hearts!”

'Now we're talking!'

-…and these are my friends, aren’t they? They are. -

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Tour Guide
"???"
'???'
~Crowd~
~~~~~

>And next on the tour of terror, BEHOLD! The visage of a demon most foul!

~AHHHH!~

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

'Y-YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUSAHAAHAHAHAHAH!'

>...And that is not all. For you see, those wavers you signed were not just for our insurance. It's so you could not blame anyone for yourself when THESE SPIDERS DESCEND UPON YOU!

~AHHH!~

~THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!~

~THEY'RE GONNA BITE ME~

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA N-NOOOO! Really?! You call THESE Spiders!? They're adorable!"

'I just want to take them home and show the class!'

>Okay, are you guys going to be like this the whole trip? I was okay when you laughed at the skeletons, the drowning river and the flame hallway, but being covered in spiders freaks most out.

"...Wait, we were supposed to be afraid!?"

'But this is the funniest ride ever!'

>OUT!

"Fine! Jerk. Come, Cheerilee, we will have to go down the tunnel of love again."

'They're going to catch us one of these times.'

"That's the fun of it."

>...Freaking weirdos.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

[AJ]
'Rarity'
>Pinkie

[Hoooweee I can't wait for the fireworks tonight!]

'Oh yes, it'll be simply divine no doubt!'

>Huh? Girls what are you talking about?

[...]
'...'
>Awkward pauses come on writer you can do better than that!

[Pinkie stop talkin ta thin air and pay attention!]

'Yes Dear what do you mean you don't have any fireworks set up?'

>Cheesie and I were working on getting the whole partyland up in the air for the grand unveiling and your asking me to shoot fireworks INTO the air?!

[Course we are!]

Pinkie looks at the two mare who seem geuininly confused before looking back at the screen with a small glare.

>I don't like you...

'What?'

>Not you Rarity just...something else. So you two want me to do a funnierific superspectacular explosions in the sky so high that it'll make everyone think Celestia raised the sun early?

[Eeeyup!]

>Okie doke loki, but one thing I don't get is, why?

[Are ya'll tellin me ya don't even remember Equestria's Independance day!?]

'Dear my schooling wasn't as top notch as my parents would wish but even I know about today.'

>I was homeschooled.

[...]
'...'
>Again with the looks what?

[That explains alot come ta think of it.]

'Remarkably yes, yes it does.'

>Well arlighty then you two I'mma go and find Cheesie so we can get this set up! Bye girls!

With a zip and zap with a bongiddity doo the mare hops along before disappearing from sight as the two alicorns blink at where the mare had slipped away before looking at one another.

'Darling did you...?'

[Nope!]

Applejack continues on away from the spot heading towards one of the milkshake bars.

'Darling!'

[Nope Nope Nope Nope!]
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-canon.
>Spike
“DT”
‘SS’
{Vendor}
_______

{I gotta say, it’s been awhile since I saw a triple-date pass on by here. Kudos, purple dragon.}

>Triple-date…? Whoa, whoa, no, we’re just getting lu-

{No need to start blushing, boy. It’s only natural, you're ‘bout that age anyway. Start catchin’ the ‘feel’, ya notice more… shapely things and the like. Totally natural.}

“L-listen here, you-!”

{An’ at least ya picked yourself a couple of cuties! Thank Celestia for polygamy, right?}

>Oh sweet merciful diamonds I wish I had Charity right about now….

{So what’ll you three lovebirds be havin’ today?}

>A nice heapin’ helping of ‘please shut up and get me a ruby sandwich’.

{Here ya go, freshly picked and cleaned. And you, ma’am?}

“Hooooold on... just gotta find it....”

‘Tiara, you can quit patting yourself down. As much as you might want to blow this guy to smithereens, your future husband got left behind.’

{Eh? Ya mean you three aren’t a thing?}

>THERE IS NO THING!

‘No sir, the purple one’s in love with her rocket laun-’

“Shut up, I am not in love with TBDRLIATU! I love SpiiiiIIIIIIKED PUNCH! SPIKED PUNCH. GIVE ME ONE.”

{Too young to be slurpin’ the dragons nectar, missy.}

>…

“…”

‘…’

{What?}

After a moment or two of hard staring, Spike set this tray down and started to walk away, arms thrown up in defeat.

>Nope. Done. Sooo done.

‘Ditto, let’s go, Tiara.’

“…”

‘She’s frozen….’

>Unfrozen her, then. Quickly. I need to get away from this guy before I burp his stand down.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Definitely not-canon

>Spike
"DT"
~~~
In a weird, distant, future...

>No.

"C'mon!"

>Tiara, we've discussed this, and I don't bring Charity to bed, much less think she's capable of making things a 'threesome'.

"If it means that much to you, we can make it a fourway!"

>Tiara, look, you don't get it, TBDRLIATU is JUST a rocketlauncher, it's not alive, does not feel sexual excitement, and it sure as hell cannot help me spit-roast you.

[C'mon, Spike, don' be that way, mah bruddah, Tiara's totally mare enough fer both of us.]

>... The fuck did you put in my gems, woman?
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Cadence
"18"
'42'
~~~~

>So then Shiny stabbed him in the throat. Weird Parent Teacher meeting, but eh.

"You do realize you are telling this story to the one who had to file the guard report, right?"

>I thought it was interesting... oh dear hold up.

'What's wrong?'

Instead of answering, she just lowered her head and summoned a heart forged of magic. It fluttered away on the wind, and hovered above two ponies the changelings just noticed. The pair were engaged in a fierce argument, an argument that broke down immediately the moment the heart popped and reduced them to sappy lovers once more.

>There we go! Sorry, I just hate seeing couples fight like that.

'...Did you just brainwash them?'

>What!? Noooo! I just made them remember how much they loved each other and brought it to the surface. I didn't brainwash anyone.

"Yes you did."

>I did not!

"You did. You used your magic to alter their mind against their will."

>But I'm not, like, making them do anything bad, I'm just making them remember their love!

"With magic, against their will."

>It's not as bad as you're making it sound!

"Oh, really? Check this out."

Fire consumed her, and another Cadence stood before the original. Her own horn ignited, and cast it's magic outward, towards another fighting couple that the alicorn had been too wound up to notice. Just like hers, the magic burst, the argument stopped, and they were making doughy eyes at each other.

"See?"

>...You made it look worse!

"How?"

>Because you did it like that! You can't use Changeling magic, that's actually brainwashing!

"But I just made them remember they loved each other!"

>But not in the me way! In the you way! With bug magic!

"Hurtful."

'Yeah, that one did kind of sting...'

>I didn't mean it like that, I meant it like THAT!

"You don't say."

>Look, I'm just saying, those two over there? I can tell that I brought out real love my magic wouldn't work otherwise! Yours is based around manipulating minds, mine is hearts!

"...I guess you have a-"

[Hey, sis, did I ever tell you that you look really, really hot?]

{Mmm, tell me how hot?}

[How about I show you?]

{Oh, you dirty thing... let's go find a restroom.}

Before Cadence could react, they rushed off.

>...
"..."
'...Did he just call her-'

>DAMN IT! THAT'S THE THIRD TIME THAT HAPPENED!

"...Seriously."

>YOU SHUT UP! What about yours!?

"Married for six years, had a rough month because she though he cheated on her, he didn't, so I made her believe the truth. Now they're convinced they were acting silly, and want to make it up to the other."

>You read their minds!?

"Stuff for the argument, yes, so I didn't accidentally make them go gaga and patch a problem that needs an honest repair, or the... other mistake."

>...to be fair, my magic can't make you love someone romantically. It just grows what's there.

"Not better."

>Well... NEH! 42! Back me up!

'Uh... I think you did a good job?'

>See that? That's a buddy!

"If you say so."

>I do!

'... So do you want me to go catch those two before they-'

>PLEASE!

'At once!'

>...She's awesome.

"She is. But you need to stop it with the brainwashing."

>EAT ME!

"..."

>...What, no sex joke?

"18, not Chrysalis."

>Right... right... could you? It feels weird.

"Fine... eat you? Well, looks like that guy isn't the only one getting lucky tonight. And no worries about the funny looking kids on our end either!"

>YOU SUCK!

"Not unless there's something you're not telling me. That something is not a deal breaker, by the by."

>I HAVE REGRETS!

"Jumping the gun a bit there, save it for tomorrow morning."

>ENOUGH!

"I haven't even started yet, and you already can't take anymore? Damn, I'm talented."

>AGGGGHHHHHHH!

"...I'm glad we went on vacation."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
"Rarity"
'???'
~~~~~~

>Ah' think Ah'm gettin' the hang of this!

"Really, darling, it is easier than it looks."

>Shoot, Twi made it seem like a chore and a half

"She got a hold of it in a day."

>Still...

"But you are right, taking a brief flight was the perfect idea! Do you think Pinkie will mind us going into her 'restricted' zone?"

>Naaah, she's a right nice gal, she'll understand.

"Oh, I do hope so... you know, it is nice to be out here again, in the cool air."

>Kinda gets stuffy in there, doesn't it?

"It does. But out here..."

>Makes ya' feel free.

"Soaring like an eagle."

>Unbound by some higher royal.

"Independent."

>...It's a nice feelin'.

"It is... I feel like something is missing, though."

>We got good company, good food, good view, what could be missing?

"I don't know, something... what is that noise?"

>It sounds like a- TARNATION!

"EEK! IS THAT A ROCKET!?"

>DODGE! DODGE YA' DANG PRISS!

"ME!? YOU DODGE YOU APPLE OBSESSED LUNATIC!"

*BOOM BOOM BOOM!*

>WE'RE GONNA DIE!

"WHO WOULD DO THIS!?"

Down below, Pinkie loaded up another firework into the canon.

'I hope Rarity and Applejack are close enough to see, would hate for them to miss out on all the fun....

*WINK!*

'Happy independance day, everyone!'

>"WHHHHHYYYYY!?"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

non-canon
~~~
Spike sits at a table of a random eatery in the park, before him a notepad filled with doodles, thoughts, ideas, new projects, and, at the moment, all manner of mottos to officializing for The A-Team. Several of them crossed out with notes near them, let's use our viewer meta powers to see some of what he's written down.

'If you are in trouble, if no one else can help, and if you can find us, maybe you can call on us!'
(All I can think of when I read the last part is 'Shoobee doo! Shooshoo bee doo!')

'Semper fi'
(pretty sure this is already in use)

'Venire, videre, vincere'
(None of the other A-team members, now that Twilight quit, know what this means. Yes, we checked. 42 only knows military ranks)

'The hidden guns in Applejack's ass'
(hehe. no.)

'The Hidden guns in Rarity's ass'
(Hehe. nope)

'We work in shadows to serve the light, we are the A-team'
(kind of pretentious)

'In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice.'
(Feh, maybe if we ever won something besides beating the crap out of eachother. Sad in reflection.)

'If we cannot save the world, it will be Avenged'
(hmmm... no)

'I want to c-'
the rest of that one is blotched out with stray food condiments
(I seriously need to get my mind out of the gutter)

'Emergency diplomacy'
(getting somewhere)

'Screw'em all!'
(Note to self: if that one gets rejected, run it by the others and see if they like it)

'Faust save the Royal House!'
(A bit clunky but the patriotism is nice and doesn't exclude Chrysalis or Rarity)

'We have more dakka'
(okay, time to lay off Hyperspace Hyp- Actually I haven't played in awhile, I think I'm still on last edition. Need to update my army)

'Violence is our fetish.'
(Terrible implications here)

"Okay, so maybe the A-team doesn't need a motto, still a nice way to kill time while munching." Spike closes his notebook after drawing a quick doodle of a 'totally badass flaming dragon sword', then heads off to find the others.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________