Dulls puns 2018-12-21

Why did Tidus start hitting himself when he woke up in the morning? He had a case of Bad Breath.#I'm hungry, let me go grab Gabite#Old skiers never die. They just go down hill.#Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together. It's hard for them to stay in sink.#A doctor broke his leg while auditioning for a play.Luckily he still made the cast.#Mathematics teachers call retirement 'the aftermath'.#Where do you imprison a skeleton? In a rib cage.#He couldn’t work out how to fix the washing machine so he threw in the towel.#Police were called to a daycare yesterday, where a 2-year-old was resisting a rest.#What's a sailor's favorite meal? Fish and ships.#Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"#How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.#I slept like a log whilst on night duty and I was axed when I woke up.#How do you organize a fantastic space party? You planet.#What do you call a dictionary on drugs? HIGH-Definition.#Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just couldn't put it down.#What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.#My psychiatrist said I was pre-occupied with the vengeance I told him "oh yeah we'll see about that!"#Television sets in Britain have to cross the English Channel.#Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na#The cat took up computer lessons in hopes of mastering its grip on a mouse.#Why do people become butchers? So they can meat people.#When the dog swallowed a bell, his bark began pealing.#What is the computer’s favorite food? Microchips.#Why were other people against Issaru having his younger brother as a guardian? Because that trend was so Pacce.#Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke 6 languages? He was a man of many cultures.#I sat next to a man on the park bench. He had 9 watches on one wrist and 5 in the other. I said man "you sure do have a lot of time on your hands."#About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.#Old math professors never die, they just reduce their functions.#Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can’t hit the high seas.#I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.#The inept telegrapher was a weapon of Morse destruction.#Read enough of our funny puns, and you'll be punstoppable.#Two ropes were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-frayed.#Ralph was kicked off the skydiving team because he couldn't chute straight.#Any type of criticism would aggregate the builder including constructive criticism.#What did Tidus's dad say to his mom when he was born? "Sorry, honey! Gotta Jecht!"#What does every Moogle need in the morning? A Kup-o coffee.#I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na..#Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? A: Pull down its genes!#If Donald Trump becomes president, America is going toupee.#All the hens consider the chef to be very mean because he beats the eggs.#What was Forrest Gump's email password? "1forrest1"#What do you do to an open wardrobe? You closet.#A teacher asks a student, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?" The kid answers, "I don't know and I don't care."#After manually rotating the heavy machinery, the worker grew very cranky.#I really look up to my tall friends.#After spotting a hole in the net, the bluefin knew it was his oppurtunaty to escape.#I turn on my Charmander pants come right off#How much does the Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood BDs cost? An arm and a leg#People say i look better without glasses but i just can't see it.#What did the alien say to the pitcher of water? Take me to your liter.#Let me Raichu some puns.#Under the doctor’s advice, the hen is laying off eggs for a few weeks.#The old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner,there were strings attached.# #What's a time traveler's favourite game? A Link to the Past#These puns raised Mesprit a bit#The museum curator was brilliant at judging sculptures and paintings. He displayed art official intelligence.#Circling vultures are a dead giveaway.#Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers!#I heard Apple is designing a new automatic car. But they're having trouble installing windows.#His qualifications as a math teacher didn't add up.#What does a house wear? A dress.#Old math profs never die -- they just use strange expressions.#The apple crossed the street because he wanted to get to the other cider the road.#I was going to tell you a joke about infinity, but I can't find the end.#What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? HeHe#Don’t judge a meal by the look of the first course. It’s very souperficial.#Learning to sleep upside down is often hard for baby bats, but they soon get the hang of it.#I'm not gonna Raichu a love song#England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool#A math professor in an unheated room is cold and calculating.#Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.#I'm no photographer, but I can picture us together.#I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts' which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.#What did the chicken farmer say to the Chocobo Eater? "I don't want you eating Mi'ihens!"#I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.#The show was called Spongebob Squarepants but everyone knows the star was Patrick.#Teaching your slinky new tricks is like spring training.#I lost my rare deck of Tarot cards. I was sad. They cost me a fortune.#I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.#Even the smallest egg farms are multi-layer organisations.#I hate negative numbers and will stop at nothing to avoid them.#I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.#My favourite travel destination is Paras#Never make fun of a Scotsman's traditional garb. You could get kilt that way.#I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.#Installing a new bathroom fan is exhausting.#Why was Jecht such a popular Blitzball player? He was known for making a splash.#Why is Rikku always insistent in using her overdrives when others are in battle? She wants to get in on the Mix.#What happens when you eat too many spaghettiOs? You have a vowel movement.#How did Jesus' crucifixion save us? It's 'cause he nailed it!#I had a job tying sausages together, but I couldn't make ends meet.#The first time I got a universal remote control I thought to myself, "This changes everything"#Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.#Why are fish so smart? – Because they live in schools!#Why did the Al-Bhed dig a giant pit around their home and fill it with water? They wanted a Bikanel.#I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.#After eating the ship, the sea monster said, I can’t believe I ate the hull thing.#I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.#The leopard tried creeping up on the tigers using its camouflage but it was spotted.#I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.#Why is a skeleton a bad liar? You can see right through it.#The future,the present and the past walked into a bar.Things got a little tense.#I wrote a book about birds. It flew off the shelf.#You know what happens after you miss math class? It starts adding up.#Why is the navy full of anime fans? Because they love subs.#Pigs flying is an example of swine flew.#Why should you never throw away an old dolphin? Because they can easily be re-porpoised!#What is Jecht's favorite season. Summer-ner#Don't Weedle in more Pokémon puns into this conversation#Did you hear about that lightbulb party. It was totally lit.#What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.#Why does Tidus live in a boathouse. Because he's from Zan-ARK-and.#Where do the people of Spira learn to summon Aeons? The Yunaversity#Wife: "You're addicted to skin lotion!" Husband: "Go ahead. Rub it in my face."#Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.#If you said you were from South America, I would not Bolivia.#Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.#I'm bad at math, so the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.#I collect vintage time pieces. When I see one I like at online auction, I put it on my watch list.#Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds!#I took a Pikachu in the shower this morning#When kissing flowers, tulips are better than one.#What do you call a french pig? Porque.#There was a joke about fishing I was going to tell you. Oh no, I forgot the line!#What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.#How do fish keep up with what's going on? They listen to the current news.#Did you hear about the human cannonball? Too bad he got fired!#Bookkeepers are problems for libraries.#If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.#Aladdin took Jasmine on a Magikarp-et ride#One skeleton to the other: Man, I’m so hard in love with Bella, I can barely think straight. I’d love to ask her out but I just don’t have the guts.#The linen shop gave their employees free bedding. Even their accountant had his own handmade spread sheet.#Your mama’s so FAT she can’t save files bigger than 4GB.#There’s a fine line between the numerator and the denominator.#I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer it came... Then it hit me!#As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into a glass. Just wanted to make that clear.#The Pokeband Durant Durant made top-selling charts with their hot new single "All you need is Mew"#Q: Why are flowers so hated by people? A: They have a certain stigma about them.#On land crabs tend to use the sidewalk.#What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.#Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.#To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!#I read this book about Mount Everest. It was quite the cliff hanger.#What do you give a tired programmer? Java.#Things made in Australia are high koala-ty.#Why did Lulu never use chapstick? Because she was a fan of having Chappu lips.#What do you call a sour orange that was late to school? Tarty!#Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.#Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Sein.#Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos.#I asked my friend, Nick, if he had 5 cents I could borrow. But he was Nicholas.#I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.#Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn't resistor.#My computer is so slow it hertz.#A termite walks into a bar and says, "Where is the bar tender?"#This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that's a nice Jester.#What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.# What do you call a notarized license to sail? O-fish-al.#One hat says to the other, "You stay here, I’ll go on a head."#I lost a Sawk in the washing machine#My computer's got Miley Virus. It has stopped twerking.#Want to hear a pun about ghosts? That's the spirit!#Going to bed with music on gave him sound sleep.#I Luvdisc thing we've got going on#A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!#Have you seen the story of Braska's journey through the spheres Jecht left behind? It "shapes" up real nicely.#They’re building a restaurant on Mars now. They say the food will be great, but they’re worried about a lack of atmosphere.#I think I'm going to hire the same landscaper I used last year - he was really easy to get a lawn with.#My idea for a hovercraft robot vacuum cleaner never really took off.#Why don't programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.#Who is Fozzie Bear's favorite FFX character? Wakka Wakka!#Old artists never retire they withdraw!#Why are the Al-Bhed misunderstood? People think they are wanting to make war when they would rather be machina pun instead.#People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters.#This is not alcohol, water you thinking?!#My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized.#In order to talk to a viking you need to know Norse code.#I know a mathematician who could not afford to eat. He could binomial.#What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet.#I understand how gems were made. The concept is crystal clear to me.#I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.#Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.#I can't find my rutabaga. I hope it will turnip.#How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.#A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.#I read a book about gravity, it was a heavy subject.#Why couldn't Yuna summon her aeons? She lacked Fayth.#A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."#How do mountains see? They peak.#Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.#When the Park Warden spotted a Dalmatian off the leash, the owner received a spot fine!#Never gonna let Mew down#What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together? CSI#What did kouhai call her senior in math class? Sen-π#So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world!#Did you hear about the pun that was actually funny? Neither have we.#I wonder why there aren’t any more cemeteries around. People are really dying to get in there.#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.#Did you hear about the mushroom? He's a fun guy#The boys Arbok in town#The best time to open a gift is the present.#Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.#Why couldn't Tidus get along with his father? He lacked the sin-ergy.#What did Cid say when he found out his wife was pregnant with his first child? "Oh, Brother!"#Why do the French eat snails? They don't like fast food.#What do you call a young musician? A minor.#I still had some Snubbull after shaving#My fear of roses is a thorny issue. I'm not sure what it stems from, but it seems likely I'll be stuck with it.#Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.#A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."#Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.#I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.#What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.#I hate peer pressure and you should too.#Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.#I read a book on anti-gravity. I couldn’t put it down.#The plot twist in the movie Oriental Fish-press was a red herring all along.#Why did Sin destroy the local fishing town? He was upset and assumed they were murdering the squid population, as the town was called Kil-ika.#My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.#A backwards poem writes inverse.#Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.#How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.#I asked Kermit the Frog what he was hunting for. He said, 'Rabbit, rabbit.'#Old math teachers never die, they just become irrational.#What do organic mathematicians throw into their fireplaces? Natural Logs.#My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.#Why is metal and a microwave a match made in heaven? When they met, sparks flew.#Simba, you're falling behind. I must ask you to Mufasa.#When a wasp started to come after me, I made a beeline for the exit.#Is your refrigerator running? Better go catch it.#The hunter stir-fried his game because he liked to wok on the wild side.#Making fun of a tree is a knock on wood.#My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.#Abrupt appearance of sinkholes is ground breaking news for media men!#Why are chocobos used for investigations? They're good at making in-KWEH-ries.#If people ask how many puns I made in Germany I reply, "nein"#Did you hear about the man who got killed by a bear? It was a grizzly death.#The inept mathematician couldn't count on his friends.#A group of termites marches into a saloon and ask: “Is the bar tender here?”#A ghoul that dines on kangaroos is a hop goblin.#Why couldn't the bike stand up on it's own? It was two tired.#I hated being a math teacher. It was a miscalculated move.#I'd make a Pokepun but then I'd have to roll-out of here.#An untalented gymast walks into a bar.#It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.#He was a great mathematician, although he did leave naught behind for his family.#These puns have my Seel of approval#This morning I was wondering where the sun was, but then it dawned on me.#To be Frank, I'd have to change my name.#When milking a nervous goat, kid gloves should be used.#I have problems with math but with chemistry, I have solutions.#The display of still-life art was not at all moving!#These puns have made my mind Exploud#When I took first place in the sewing competition, I thought that I had better quilt while I was ahead.#Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.#Get back to work. Don't Slakoth!#A mathematician who was also a horticulturist was interested in prime roots square roots and trees in general.#It takes guts to make a sausage.#Why isn’t suntanning an Olympic sport? Because the best you can ever get is bronze.#I’ve started sleeping in our fireplace. Now I sleep like a log!#The librarian didn't know what to do with the book about Tesla's love of electricity, so he filed it under 'Current Affairs.'#This stream never makes me Drowzee#My new diet consists of aircraft, its a bit plane.#The scarecrow get promoted because he was outstanding in his field.#Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.#The stripper was getting tired of the same old thong and dance.#Have you heard about the Italian cook with an incurable disease? He pastaway.#Being stripped of her Citrus Queen title was a bitter disappointment.#I met some aliens from outer space. They were pretty down to earth.#Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels!#I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.#Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.#Why do people in Spira use fish instead of money for currency? Because everything is bought with gil.#What do you call crystal clear urine? 1080pee.#Traveling on a flying carpet is a rugged experience.#I just finished reading Newton's Principia Mathematica, and found much of it to be rather derivative.#What do the Al-Bhed do with ancient machina? Rikku-struct them#He dropped a computer on his toes and had megahertz.#Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.#I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.#After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.#Where do fish go on vacation? Finland.#The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.#I think I Fraxured my funny bone.#What did the Luca Goers say when their score with the Aurochs was 2-2? "I can't believe they Tidus!"#The obstetricians seem to celebrate labor day every day.#You know the problem with grapes these days. People just aren't raisin them right.#I thought I saw a spider on my laptop, but my friend said it was just a bug.#Flatfish always do their job. They know their plaice.#How did Wakka go about naming his Blitzball team? He asked if they wanted paper, scissors, Auroch.#Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.#Two mathematicians arguing about even numbers were at odds.#I strongly dislike the subject of math, however I am partial to fractions.#Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.#Why is it okay for Yuna to put her elbows on the table and chew with her mouth open during dinner? Because law only requires her to have Summoners.#How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?