Catalyst 2.0: Acceptance

>You stand in front of Twilight's window.  The work you'd “accomplished” today had stolen the day, leaving you to again deal with the sight of a crystal clear night.  You moon-watched, using the zoom function on your AR to clear the signal.  It allowed you to pick out the population centers, glowing, fat blazes of blue light atop the silver surface.  Highways extended outward from them in all directions, looking like clusters of glittering nerve cells.
>Your neck felt stiff.  The collar was soft, but it was thick and tall.  Latched on tightly, it had first been constricting.  You had enough time, however, to grow accustomed to it.
>You had also expressed some appreciation in it.  Despite being cut off, you found you had a level of privacy you never knew you'd lost.  While the intrusions had been purely digital, your instincts had time to relax, without their constant probing.
>It was what Twilight called a “Lockdown Collar.”  It plugged into your jacks, spoofing your wireless connection to feed back into it's own faux IP.  After your... Incident, within the labs, she deemed it necessary.  You had agreed.
>The locking mechanism on a separate network, only she knew the codes.  There was only a keypad input, that blocked external connections.  For you, prison was acceptable.
>Especially with what you could have done, had it happened on a fully linked network.  What you hadn't voiced was what you could have done to another pony- still unawares of your run in the club, that was something your pride would not let you admit.
>Twilight sat on her haunches in the middle of the room. She had apologized over and over before growing so very quiet.  She knew what that collar did to something like you, and before she had finished explaining, you had so readily accepted it.

>She gave some concessions.  She'd added a basic library to it, allowing you to search terminology, history, and GPS files. In experimenting with it, you'd found it's internal drive only held the most major content, such as Twilight Firmware's tower and varying militia groups.
>You had been delving into a file on the moon's colonization when Rarity shuffled into the room.  Without a word, she hurried over to you, awaiting your response.  When you looked back toward her, baggy eyes regarding her with a half-smile, her own glance went between you and the collar.
>That's right.  She always made the way Twilight's devices looked.  Therefore, she knew what you were wearing.
>”What happened?” she asked. You replied without hesitation.
“I freaked out.  I crashed the system.”
>Twilight interjected. “It was my fault. I didn't stop to think he'd be so deeply fused to the memories.”
>”How could that possibly be a bad thing? Everything would be so clear.”
>”That's the problem, it's utterly Eidetic.” she replied.  “He remembers everything that can be contained in the physical storage. Because his code controls how his body functions-”
“Everything.”
>Rarity turns back to you, trotting closer.  She sits outside the corner of your eye, brushing a hoof below your chin. You lift it, braced by her touch.
“Every breath. Every bullet, burn, slice and scar, and how it tasted when they happened.”
>You laugh, weakly.
“Every piece is there.  I'm not recalling the memories, I'm reliving them.”
>Rarity gave one of her flowery gasps.  “C-certainly you had some good times.”  She said.  “Right?”
>You shake your head.
>Twilight came into view at your other side, watching the two of you.  “We only got one file out.  It says absolutely nothing positive.  We got good data from it though.”
“Yeah.  Right.  Good.”

>”Don't talk like that.  I never expected it to be easy.” She sighed. “I never expected it to be this hard for you, either.”
>”Well...” Rarity said.  “Tell me the bad news first.  I would very much like to get that out of the way.”
>You shrug.  You wave at Twilight, unwilling to speak.
>She puts a hoof to her head.  “We were able to find out he was part of a griffon battalion.”
“One that saw a lot of combat.”
>Rarity grunted.  She hooked a foreleg under where the collar wrapped around your front, and pulled herself close.  She rubbed her cheek against yours, and despite your admittance, her soft touch brought you to a smile.
“I died, too.  So, I guess that's something to look forward to.”
>Rarity closed her eyes.  She rests her weight upon you, frowning while she continues to listen. “Stop saying things like that.”
>Twilight continues. “We know it was in the scorched outskirts.  The Crystal Pony district, specifically, before it was abandoned.”
>”What?” Rarity replied.  “The newscasts, they said-”
>”With what I'm seeing from him, they're lies.”  Twilight quirked a brow. “Come on, Rarity. You've always been one to dodge the political landmines.  Don't tell me you believe PNN?”
>”Not unless I see their sources.  But, with what happened there...  You were part of it?”
>Slightly confused, you look to Twilight.
“Yeah.  I saw the tower myself.”
>”There isn't a tower any longer.” Twilight said.  “Griffon extremists lashed out at the monument.” she said. “Nothing left, no survivors. Not even the attackers.”
“But, that can't be right. I saw it. I saw the sky through it.  I watched us land.”
>”That file was over a month old.  The attack happened two weeks ago.”

>Rarity rolled her cheek against yours again, pressing her entire side to yours.  Staring quietly at Twilight for several seconds, you push back against Rarity, huddling up with her.
>”He NEVER would have done anything so vile.”
>”We all know that. It has something to do with the combat code that's partitioned in his head.  It has something to do with Chrysalis.” Twilight said.
>Upon hearing the name, Rarity froze.  She peered around you, one sapphire eye quivering at the purple pony. “What?!”
“It was the last thing I saw.  That black bitch, grinning at me.”
>”You can't be serious.” Rarity whimpered.
>Twilight stood straight up, looking toward the moon. “Yes, we are.  But I suppose that's the start of the good news.”
>She gave a sardonic laugh. ”Twilight, darling.  How could that ever be anything positive?”
>”I did some research.”  Twilight responded.  “I found the contract that had him deployed, and the services rendered by the griffons.  They were escorting him.”
>”To do what?”
“What else? Do the same thing I did two years ago.  Kill her.”
>It was the only point you could prove, then.  It was also the only point of pride you had in the entire scenario.
>”Did you?” Rarity asked.
“I don't know.”
>”It's been a month. The contract was labeled as completed fourty six hours after the destruction of the tower, and not a byte has been seen since by any digital means I've been able to gather.  For all intents and purposes,” Twilight shrugged. “I'd say, he was successful.”

>”I don't believe that for an instant.” Rarity replied.  “Not if you actually saw her.  If you survived, then maybe she-”
>You didn't want to say it.  Instead, Twilight knew you well enough to say it for you.  You'd made a mental note to thank her, later. “You're absolutely right.  Until we defragment more of his memories of it and completely confirm the kill, by his own hooves, I'm not buying it.
>What I am saying, though, is that we might have some breathing room to figure out just what happened.”
>”If she's dead, I don't really care.” Rarity said.  She kissed your cheek, and you were forced to smile.  It was something you simply couldn't stop yourself from doing. “I'm just worried about him.”
>”That's the only reason I want to go ahead with continuing the defragmentation.” Twilight said.  “I don't give a flying feather if Chrysalis is dead.  Heck, I'd buy the alcohol.  It irks me to now end, though, not knowing.”
“How do you think I feel?”
>You laugh a little.  Why it made you feel sore, you couldn't place where the ache came from.
>”That's the big reason I'm doing it.  You deserve to know.  We all do.  Maybe then we can sleep easier.”
>Rarity whispered into your ear. “I'm so sorry.”  You place a hoof on her cheek, and pull her closer.
>”That's the end of the bad news.”
>”Good. I was beginning to think you were going to simply keep going.”
>”that wouldn't do the defrag process any justice, would it?” Twilight finally broke into a smile, however weak it was. “It reveals more than the bad things, after all.”
>She turned and approached her desk.  When she arrived, she started to sift through the files she'd prepared.  When she realized that neither Rarity nor yourself were following her, she sat back in her chair. “Are you going to... Pay attention?”

“I'm fine where I am, thanks.  You don't have to tell me this stuff anyway, it's Rarity that should hear it.”
>You took to letting the white mare rest her head on your neck, looking out to the stars and shimmering moon.  You didn't want to expose her to it, but you hadn't slept since the altercation with the chassis.  The scene and proximity to her was helping you finally rediscover what it meant to be calm.
>You watched her reflection in the window.  Twilight spun her hoof in a circle, waving off your lack of concern.
>”We know the group that escorted him.  Therefore, we can discover the contract origin.”
>”Asking them directly won't help, Twilight.  They lied to PNN, they'll lie to us.”
>”If we get details on the operation from other sources, we might be able to expedite the defrag process. If we get some legal leeway, we might even get data snippets that can link the events.”
“I... Actually hadn't thought of that.”
>”See? This is why you should pay attention.” Twilight groaned.  “We also have the name of the griffon in charge of his escort.  She's listed as a casualty, but she's alive.  We might be able to ask her directly.”
>”Might? What do you mean, 'might?” Rarity stiffened up, peering over your shoulder. She was looking at Twilight sidelong, her eyes thinned. “Why haven't you done that already?”
>”She was released from hospital care last week.  She's no longer viable as a soldier, but she's also protected under various privacy laws.  Considering our past experiences with her, I doubt she'd be inclined to answer us anyway.”
>”We know her?”
“Her name is Gilda.”
>You said it without an ounce of worried weight.  As a matter of fact, you felt rather proud of the name.

>Disgusted, Rarity lets out an eyerolling “Tch.”  “She protected him? Why?” She closes her eyes, and her brow raises. “Ugh, the idea makes me sick.”
“She looked out for me because I was necessary to the contract.  That was all.”
>At least, you thought so.  The first file was the only one you had to go on. What Twilight had told you about her was enough to make you believe Gilda was not the sort to do things from the kindness of her heart.
>Based on what the griffon had done and said in what you already recalled, you were apt to believe her.
>”I can track her down. It will take some time.  That's not the best part though.”
>”Really? Things are so divine already.”
>”I'm being serious here.  Thanks to the defragging that's been done already, I discovered an anomaly.”
“Uh, you didn't say that.  What kind of anomaly? Is it dangerous?”
>You looked back at her, and Rarity followed suit. Both worried, she lifted a hoof from the ground and moved in front of you.  As if she were trying to shield you from whatever the news was, she was placed between you and Twilight.
>”No.  It's the exact opposite.  A timing anomaly-  Your systems suffered a hard reset, a systems refresh. It's the exact moment your memories fragmented.”
“I... How could that help?”
>”We defrag you little by little, so you don't have to go through everything.  If we manage to locate that instant, the... Zero moment, I can find out precisely what fragmented you.  Then, I can reverse it, and you can peruse the information at your leisure- or, if you prefer, not at all.”
>Rarity, hearing it, was aglow.

>”No relapses.  No replays of getting hurt.  They'll just be memories, something you can forget or ignore. Hell, we'll be able to copy them without you feeling a thing, so you won't have to sift through them.”  Twilight smiled a little. “It's not much consolation, I know, but...”
“No! no.”
>You shake your head.  You even laugh.
“Trust me. That's probably the best thing I've heard about this whole clusterfuck in a while.”
>”There's just one problem.”
“Yeah. I know.”
>You had been on fear-murdering drugs the entire time.  Your body had suffered death at least once, judging from the first picture alone.  Gilda, supposedly some terrible cunt of a woman, had been your closest ally during every occasion.  Combat had been your only reason to exist, killing another being your burning purpose.
>And, in order to get back what was left of you mind, Twilight was asking you to define the singular moment so atrociously worse that it had completely eradicated your capacity to think straight.  It was like getting a second chance at clawing out your own eyes, when you'd already succeeded the first time.
>Rarity puts her hoof to your chest, then below your chin.  God, she always had such a nice smile. “Aren't you happy, Darling?” She asked.  “We can fix it.”

>You were back at a peaceful home.  A life ahead of you, however mundane. You smile back at her.  It hurts.
>Things you craved to know.  Things you had to feel, to see, to make sure of.  You realized, it really had changed you.
>After all, your only reason for existing right then, right there, had apparently been to kill.  To be killed.  With what you were doing, trying to pry out those blood-wet memories, it finally became obvious to you.
>You had wanted it all along.
>All because it had on your mind, twenty-four seven, soaked with the fear that you might hurt somep0ny that you didn't mean to.  Or, the fact they would get hurt anyway.
>Fuck it.  Twilight said you succeeded.  When had she ever been really, truly wrong?
>”Rarity,”
>You bump noses with her.  Did you really have a choice?  Could you just... Let the old, jibberish thoughts languish there?
>If you had a future without them, did they even matter?
“Maybe, just maybe, memories that bad don't deserve to be remembered.”
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