oatmeal pink pie

>be anon
>be in sugarcube corner
>it's your fucking birthday
>pinkie is galloping around throwing streamers n' shit
>other ponies are dancing like animals
>you are just sitting at your table reading
>you never liked parties but pinkie forced you to come
>forced as in if you said no she would have been sad
>nobody wants to see a sad pastel horse
>and you have mad respect for pinkie
>she was one of the only ponies who accepted you when you first got here
>you reach into your pocket and pull out an oatmeal creme pie
>oatmeal creme pies are your favorite treat
>you lay down your book to open the bag it's in
>all the sudden a wild pinkie is in your face
>"Boop."
>you let out a chuckle
>"How's the birthday boy?"
"I'm wonderful."
>you look around the room to see twilight galloping at you
>"ANON I NEED YOU."
"Sorry, I don't lik-"
>before you can finish your sentence. she shoots a bolt of magic at you
>before you know it you're in twilight's castle
>twilight teleports a few feet in front of you
>"Anon I know this is your birthday bu-"
>she stops, stunned
"What, do i have something on my face?"
>she shakes her head and points to the left of you
>you turn your head to the left
>never have you seen something like this
>it's pinkie but her body is brown and
>her mane and tail look as if they are made of creme but they look solid
>you take a finger and slide it through her mane
>it leaves a thick substance on your finger
>you put the finger to your mouth and lick it off
"exactly what i expected."
>"something must have gone wrong with the spell."
"I think something went right."
>twilight gives you a quizzical look
>"Well. Give me a few days to think of a way to reverse this"
"what did you need me for anyways?"
>she blushes
>"I wanted to give you your present in private."
>pinkie speaks up
>"There's nothing wrong with showing me too. I already know what you got him."
>she winks at twilight
>"But how..."
>"I'm pinkie silly."
>you haven't a single clue what is going on
>they both seemed to brush off the fact she is now oatmeal pink pie
>"In fact, why don't we show him together"
>she winks again
>twilight brightens up at this
>they nod at each other and gallop off
>you follow out of curiosity
>you try to think of possible gifts a purple bookworm would get you
>perhaps it's a book and she didn't want to look like a nerd in front of your friends
>but she has never been this hesitant to give you a book
>or this might just be another attempt to study your human genitalia
>princess sparkle horn has tried it more than once
>coming in your house at night and trying to take off your clothes
>"testing" on sergeant Johnson
>most of the times you awoke with her force choking your stormtrooper
>you wouldn't have been against it if it wasn't rape
>It "was in the name of science"
>twilight and pinkie enter a room
>you follow close behind
>the room seems to be a library
>thank god
>"anon. hopefully this can make up for my multiple 'invasions' of your privacy."
>she magiks over a heavy looking book
>she drops it into your arms
>it is completely blank on the front and back
"What type of book is it?"
>"You'll have to find that out by yourself anon"
>you open up the book and flip through the first couple of pages
>this wasn't the type of book you where expecting
>the book seems to be mostly pictures of ponies in lewd positions
>little do you know your 1 eyed dragon is trying to get out of it's cave
>you close the book and look up at twilight
>she looks as if the sun smashed into her face and turned it red hot
>you could make smores on her face
>pinkie is bouncing around the room in unaware bliss as usual
>how does she keep her mane solid
>it's made of creme
"Twilight, where did you get these?"
>"can't a princess have her secrets?"
>you let out a sigh
>"Don't you two have a party to be at?"
"can you at least teleport us separately this time? I'd prefer not to merge with a pony today."
>she nods and fires the first bolt of magic at pinkie
"Beam me back twilly."
>She looks at you with a face of confusion then comes close to your ear
>"If you ever need more just ask."
>holy shit
>you just got a lifetime subscription to pony porn
>before you can say anything you are back in your seat
>the room is empty except for a ponies passed out near the drink table
>at closer inspection she isn't passed out
>just piss drunk
"Get out of here. this is a birthday party, not a fat party."
>Hey there *hic* big man. you look like yo*hic"u know how to show a mare a good time."
"get the fuck outa here."
>you pick the mare up by her mane
>"So, you like it rough huh?"
>you sigh and put her outside