notkickass222urmom

LtD 82-83

Jun 19th, 2014
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  1. >>Chapter 82 - Part 3
  2. > I looked up at them, "I could have gone Breaking Dawn and got us through all that shit!"
  3. “That means it’s my fault that Greg and Aaron got raped. But don’t think about that.”
  4. > Zorrow held up a hoof, "Yes, but you didn't. We still made it, right?"
  5. You also spent three days in a city infested with horny stallions when Lance could have simply Breaking Dawn’d his way through the city and found that key.
  6. > “I'm not going to let anyone else get touched by a stallion."
  7. I hope that extends to everyone else outside of Manehattan and we’ll never have to experience another sex scene.
  8. > My eyes caught flame, burning with determination and slightly anger towards the stallions.
  9. At least you’re not fully angered. Seeing how inaccurately you tend to distribute blame, I was expecting you to go on a murdering spree.
  10. > I looked at everyone and smiled smugly, "Everyone, welcome to the controlled version of Breaking Dawn."
  11. Controlled ver—What are you talking about?
  12. Las time you went Breaking Dawn you nearly killed three foals, when did you train your consciences so you could be in control?
  13. > "Yep. You all know that when I use to go into Breaking Dawn, I would be pretty pissed off or something, right?”
  14. Yes, we are painfully aware of that little fact.
  15. > “Well, this way, I'm in control of my emotions and won't do something stupid."
  16. Oh, yeah. As if that’s going to happen.
  17. > I sighed, "I just noticed that Break and Dawn also have more influence on my actions. Its bad because of break."
  18. Then you are not in control!
  19. How the fuck can you say that this is the “controlled” version of Breaking Dawn if they have more influence in your actions!?
  20. That’s the opposite of control!
  21. God damn it!
  22. > Vinetion shifted Graze's weight and followed
  23. Why, oh, why are you taking Graze with you?
  24. Didn’t the incident with Derpy leave very clear that this dimension’s ponies are completely different from the other one?
  25. GAH!
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  29. >>Chapter 82 - Part 4
  30. > All the stallions turned my way and smile. I wonder what I look like to them?
  31. The same, but mare-shaped; Annabel already told you this. And you already know how you look as a mare.
  32. What is the point of this sentence?
  33. Or this chapter?
  34. Or this arc?
  35. Or this entire fic?
  36. > As they ran outside, they could see Lance in the middle of the crowd, throwing stallions left and right. He seemed to be enjoying himself... maybe a little to much.
  37. And this is supposed to be “controlled” version of Breaking Dawn.
  38. > Seth kept pace with Zorrow, who was lagging behind, "Come on dude! We gotta keep up!"
  39. > Zorrow looked at him and rolled his eyes, "I'm working on it dude!"
  40. > Seth sighed and looked ahead, content on staying with the group, but also staying with his best friend.
  41. These two have a friendship closer than any other kind of relationship in this fic, and it’s not as if they’re a paragon of friendship, it’s just that the others are so asinine and shallow that make this one look deep in comparison.
  42. > Up ahead, I heard Peter yell out in joy, "FOUND IT!"
  43. Ten minutes later, they manage to find the next teleporter.
  44. Hopefully, this time they’ll actually read the clue instead of forgetting and have one of them miraculously know what it is.
  45. > [The building] was fairly large, but only a one story building. It sat alone away from all the other buildings.... which means the damn stallions can surround us!
  46. Don’t worry, you’ll get out of there anyway.
  47. > I ran down the small hall and into a cafeteria of sorts. It was large enough to easily fit two hundred ponies. What was this place?
  48. Not a communal pool, that much is obvious.
  49. > I looked upward and saw a large poster... of... Trollestia?!
  50. Aside from the stupidity of the fanon characterization, I don’t think that's a good omen.
  51.  
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  53.  
  54. >>Chapter 82 - Part 5
  55. > I held up a hoof, "No, we're not all saved. There's only six teleporter's, but there's seven of us."
  56. It’s a good thing that there were eight teleporters in total, right?
  57. Shadow used one and there’re six here; Greg got raped and got out, so his teleporter must be somewhere else.
  58. > “if we all want to get out of here, we have to leave Graze behind."
  59. Or you can go looking for the other teleporter, Annabel said there were eight.
  60. But you don’t really have to do that, since there’s no reason for you to bring Graze along.
  61. He’s in no danger of getting raped, just leave him behind and come back for him once things have blown over. Why are you risking yourselves by dragging along an unconscious stallion?
  62. > I shook my head, "We can't leave him! I want to get to the bottom of this little multi-dimension thing."
  63. What multi-dimensional thing!? Do you think this is the same Graze!? He’s not! You said it yourself; this is just this universe’s version of Graze.
  64. If he was, then he would have gone in KillJoy mode and raped all of you in your first hour here.
  65. Why the hell did I remember that!?
  66. > [Vine] sat him down and sighed, "Either he stays, or I don't go. I don't want you all to get raped."
  67. “I have no problem with getting raped myself, though.”
  68. > I sighed in defeat, "Fine."
  69. Are we supposed to believe that Lance is going to do the logical thing and leave Graze behind?
  70. > I sighed and looked at Graze. Poor guy.
  71. Why? Because he’s being forced to rape mares? Why does he deserve to be pitied while veryone else gets their asses kicked?
  72. > The sounds of glass breaking and doors being knocked down filled the building as the stallions began to flood into the building.
  73. > I hung my head and looked at Graze, "I'm sorry."
  74. Yeah, yeah.
  75. Just send Graze in, already.
  76.  
  77.  
  78.  
  79. >>Chapter 82 - Part 6
  80. > They all turned to look at Lance... or where Lance should have been. Instead, it was Graze, laying on the ground with his binds cut.
  81. Has it been stated that if the stallions go out, they’ll return to their normal states?
  82. No?
  83. Ok, just checking.
  84. > Vinetion growled, "Lance! YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!"
  85. He sure is, Vine.
  86. That won’t stop everyone from considering what he did “heroic”, or something...
  87. > Seth stepped out of the way to show off Graze, "Graze is a mare."
  88. M. Night Shyamalan would be proud.
  89. Mind you, “After Earth” and “Last Airbender” Shyamalan, not “Sixth Sense” and “Unbreakable” Shyamalan.
  90. > Back to Lance
  91. Last transition was a horizontal line, the one before that was just a two word prompt.
  92. I know you suck and writing transitions and writing in general, but at least keep them constant.
  93. > The stallions around me where talking excitedly, all examining my body.
  94. How convenient, right?
  95. Just a while ago they were jumping around just to get their hooves on a mare, but now that they’re, technically, in front of one, they take their sweet time.
  96. > They all laughed happily and charged towards me. Damn, its like a crowd of zombies.
  97. Oh, is it?
  98. What could have given you that idea?
  99. Lance proceeds to fight hordes of stallions and manages not to be pinned down immediately.
  100. However…
  101. > Suddenly, I felt something slide into my.... you know what.
  102. Why are you wasting time talking to the readers instead of warding off your rapists?
  103. > The stallions eyes widened as his member hung loosely.
  104. > <Poor guy, we broke his stallionhood.>
  105. > [Serves him right!]
  106. Why? It’s not his fault that a chaos being pumped him full of weird hormones and made him want to rape mares.
  107. It’s not his nature, he’s being forced to act like this.
  108.  
  109.  
  110.  
  111. >>Chapter 82 - Part 7
  112. > I began to stumble as the dizziness began to take affect. Damn...
  113. > One stallion ran towards me, but I luckily had the coordination to strike out and hit him across the face.
  114. What was the point of mentioning you were dizzy if you’re still able to kick someone square in the jaw?
  115. > I charged through the crowd, knocking them out of the way.
  116. > Damn! Frank West makes this look so damn easy in the game!
  117. Probably because it’s a game.
  118. > Ponyville, twenty minutes later
  119. Sadly, Lance wont fulfill his dream of getting gang rape by stallions.
  120. Do you want to know why?
  121. > *BOOM*
  122. He’s being sent back to Ponyvvile!
  123. How is that possible?
  124. Did he find Greg’s teleporter? Did he find the golden key? Did he beat up every stallion in Manehattan and got out?
  125. Of course not, silly. What do you think this is? A logical sequence of events?
  126. No, none of that happened. Then how did he get back?
  127. > Mr. Bleak stood there, a unconscious Lance on his back.
  128. A Deus Ex Machina, of course!
  129. Quite literally too, seeing that Mr. Bleak is nearly omnipotent and most likely a god.
  130. > Mr. Bleak held up a hoof, "I know, you all want to know what the hell is going on."
  131. Not really, I know the answer will be disappointing.
  132. > “Mrs. Sparkle came to me a hour ago and told me about her husbands situation and asked if I could help him."
  133. Not the Princesses, nor the Prince who is also Lance’s close friend.
  134. The abusive detention teacher from Ponyville.
  135. I guess it makes sense, everyone else is incompetent.
  136. > I must say though, that was a fun fight to watch, and a fun fight to perform. I haven't had that much fun in centuries!"
  137. We have confirmation.
  138. Mr. Bleak is either a God or a wizard.
  139. Or an eldritch abomination, that’s possible too.
  140.  
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  142.  
  143. >>Chapter 82 - Part 8
  144. > Mr. Bleak opened his strange wings and jumped into the air. He then shot off for Canterlot, at a speed Rainbow Dash would gawk at.
  145. Remember all those feats that the characters spend quite some time achieving in the show?
  146. These guys do stuff like that for breakfast.
  147. > [Mr. Bleak] sighed, he had told them to much about his past. Even if it was only one thing.
  148. At some point, Kickass222urmom realised he didn’t really have a character with a “mysteriooooous~!” past, so he gave us Mr. Bleak.
  149. But do go on, I’m sure there’s a reason he can’t tell anyone.
  150. > He looked back at Lance and shook his head, "If only your son wasn't so special, I wouldn't have become friends with you."
  151. Excuse while I go jump off a bridge.
  152. Why is his son special? No, that’s not the right question.
  153. Why does his son have to be special? Does this have to do with the prophecy that was mentioned over seventy chapters ago? Was it about his son all this time?
  154. Is that what that shady group of disembodied voices is doing? Going after Lance son?
  155. God damn it, this fic always finds new ways of disappointing me.
  156. > He then let a small smile appear on his face, "But I'm glad we're friends."
  157. Yeah, you’ve only been around for a dozen chapters or so, wait until Lance gets back on track.
  158. > After that, Mr. Bleak flew in silence. Thinking of all the friends he's had. Sadly... Lance is the first.
  159. Woah, that’s just sad.
  160. Believe me, Mr. Bleak, you were better before.
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  164. >>Chapter 83 - Part 1
  165. > Title: A day with the family
  166. Finally a Slice of Life chapter.
  167. The sheer dullness and monotony should help me rinse the taste of awful sex and pseudo-adventure of the last couple of chapters.
  168. > I got into a video call with Silver Charger, I'll just say this: After talking with him, I have so many new ideas for the later chapters.
  169. There’s a bright future ahead of us.
  170. Bright as a mushroom cloud.
  171. > I also have a way for the 5 bronies who want Fluttershy to get her.
  172. Five?
  173. I know there’s Malbatorus, Shadow Breeze and Seth, who are the other two?
  174. Are you going to include two new more characters that are in love with Fluttershy? Or are two existing characters who haven’t confessed their feelings for Fluttershy, yet?
  175. > Also, as you can tell. I'm in a good mood, for once :D
  176. Yeah, I don’t think that will increase the quality of this chapter.
  177. > I know I said I was going to do the Grace chapter tonight, but, if I did, it would be rushed.
  178. It would be a pity if you were to break the even pacing the story has had so far.
  179. > This chapter is full of D'aww moments XD Prepare thy self!
  180.  
  181. I’ve read Kickass222urmom’s attempts at comedy; I’ve read his attempts at drama, too. I have even read is action sequences.
  182. Damn it, I even read his sex scenes.
  183. I don’t know how to feel about this, except for being filled with dread.
  184. > Oh my head, it feels like a freaking brick fell on it.
  185. I don’t think you can make an informed comparison, why don’t you try it and then come back?
  186. > My eyes shot open to reveal my room at Dali's. I was in my bed, and felt relaxed for the first time in a long time.
  187. Yeah, after the utter insanity of the last chapters, I think it would be better if you took things easily and just rested at home.
  188. Doing nothing.
  189. Forever.
  190.  
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  192.  
  193. >>Chapter 83 - Part 2
  194. > I pulled the covers up to reveal Fawn and Spark.
  195. Ah, the promised D’awww moment. Let’s see how it goes.
  196. > Fawn was snuggled up to my chest, and Spark was curled up beside her.
  197. Cute, I guess. Kickass222urmom must be saving the big guns for later.
  198. > I smiled and began to stroke her mane gently.
  199. Boy, it sure is a good thing that Fawn got over her crush on Lance, otherwise this would be extremely awkward.
  200. > I've missed those two so much.
  201. Really? I couldn’t teel, seeing how they haven’t been mentioned in, oh, almost a dozen chapters.
  202. They didn’t even go to visit you at the hospital, what’s with that?
  203. > She had called Twilight mom, she already accepts us as her parents. YES!
  204. Of course she does. The girl has been rejected by so many possible parents by the time you adopted her, she would bond with a couple of hobos.
  205. > Fawn looked at me and cocked her head, "What are you going to do?"
  206. > I looked at her and grinned, "Just something I've been working on. Do you know where my guitar is?"
  207. Oh, God. It’s that song he was writing, I had forgotten…
  208. Those walls of lyrics.
  209. I can’t…
  210. > I chuckled and rubbed her back, "It's okay Fawn, I don't mind if you play with my things. Just as long as you don't break them."
  211. “Or you can break them, it’s not as if I’ll get mad.”
  212. > Fawn looked excited, "You wrote a song?! Can I hear it?"
  213. > I chuckled and jumped out of bed, "Sure you can honey. You can listen to me play it for Twilight."
  214. Yeah, I don’t think that’s what she meant. You could have just said ‘no’, you wait like everyone else.
  215. Also, wasn’t Spark lying next to them in the bed? Did Lance just jump without caring if his son got kicked out of the bed?
  216. > Spark awoke due to all the bouncing and turned to look at me. The second he saw me, a large bright smile formed on his face.
  217. As we all know, babies are so happy when they are waken up abruptly.
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  221. >>Chapter 83 - Part 3
  222. > Fawn huffed, "I wanna play to daddy?"
  223. What, the guitar? I didn’t know you could play it, Fawn.
  224. I assume that’s what you meant, because I don’t want to explore the other possible implications.
  225. > When she was close, I reached out with my right hoof and pulled her into a hug, "Gotcha!"
  226. This scene could incite some feels if we cared for anyone here.
  227. I mean, the only ones that I don’t entirely hate are Fawn and maybe Spark, but I think this is the first time they have a bonding moment with their dad.
  228. > <Lance, watch your language around the kids. Twilight will kill us!>
  229. I’m pretty sure they have already experienced far worse things because of Lance.
  230. Namely, the time he nearly killed three foals in front of Fawn.
  231. > Spark was also laughing, just watching and having the time of his little life.
  232. This kid has the right attitude. If you were the child of Lance ‘Girokon’ Greenfield, you would laugh too, even if it’s just to keep the nightmares at bay.
  233. Or maybe he just snapped.
  234. > "I got you now! There's no escape from my grasp!
  235. You don’t have to remind me, I’m painfully aware of that.
  236. > Fawn began to laugh and kick, trying to break free, "NOOO!"
  237. It’s too late now, Fawn.
  238. > Spark just continued to laugh his little head off at our actions.
  239. Did you let this kid near Greg’s stash?
  240. > Spark just nuzzled my chest.... CUTE!
  241. “Take my word for it, guys. It was cute as hell.”
  242. Twilight walks in, and things play out as a diaper commercial with extra hugs.
  243.  
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  246. >>Chapter 83 - Part 3
  247. > I smiled and looked at my family, "I've missed you too. All of you. You don't know how hard it is to be away from you for so long."
  248. I don’t think three days count as a long time, but I guess that if you add your stay at the hospital in which your kids didn’t visit you, for some reason, then yeah. It was a long time.
  249. Either way, I’m glad your owning up to your role as a father and maybe—
  250. > "I'm sorry honey, but I have an important thing to do."
  251. Oh, come on!
  252. You just said that you don’t want to be away from your family. It’s literally the last thing that left your mouth.
  253. Now you’re telling them that you’re leaving to check that totally-not-a-trap Pleasant Fields place?
  254. > “But they want me to come down there alone to check it out."
  255. “I’m sure this time will be different than the last time someone asked me to come with them on my own.
  256. That time only a dozen guards got killed!”
  257. > Twilight looked skeptical, "Alone? Doesn't that seem strange?"
  258. Of course it does, but I doubt Lance’s mind registers it as such.
  259. > "Yeah, it does. But it seems like a nice place.”
  260. Despite the fact that I’ve never gone there, or that I just found out it existed.
  261. > Besides, I haven't meet a down right evil pony...
  262. What about Cody and Richard?
  263. > and I mean a real pony, not a human or something like that."
  264. What about the cannibal mare that attacked you in the Everfree? It was never stated what she was.
  265. > "I know... but can you just take one of your friends with you?”
  266. That way, when the ponies of Pleasant Field are too busy sacrificing him to their pagan God, you can escape.
  267. > “Just one, please. For me?"
  268. Now, the obvious choice would be the Prince, Lance’s close friend and powerful alicorn.
  269. Which is why I think he’ll take Greg or Deela.
  270. > I gave Fawn a playful kiss on the cheek, causing her to go into a laughing fit.
  271. Did I miss the part where someone pumped the room full of Nitrous Oxide?
  272.  
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  274.  
  275. >>Chapter 83 - Part 4
  276. > Then Fawn stopped and looked at me, "Dad, the.. ummm, thing for mom, remember?"
  277. Oh, no.
  278. The song.
  279. That song Lance was “writing”? It’s ‘Wiccan Lullaby” by Inkubus Sukkubus. And once again it’s just a copy and paste of the lyrics
  280. > La la la la la la, la la la la la,
  281. > La la la la la la la, la la la la la la la,
  282. > La la la la la, la la la la,
  283. > La la la la la, la la la la la la la
  284. Seriously.
  285. > Twilight was wiping a tear out of her eye, "Lance, that was beautiful, I loved it!"
  286. For those thinking that she was actually moved by Lance’s totally original song, just let me remind you that she cried when Lance brought her a leftover sandwich from the restaurant in which he used to work.
  287. > "I loved the song dad! Can you write one for me?!"
  288. Don’t get mad at her, she’s just a child.
  289. She doesn’t know what she’s saying.
  290. > "Sure, but it may take a while. I'm not very good at writing lyrics."
  291. You only copy and paste lyrics, Lance.
  292. You’re a hack.
  293. > We just laughed and held each other, as a family.
  294. Oh, shut up.
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