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Christmas is Christmas with Scarborough Clause

Scarborough_Claus Dec 2nd, 2017 2,309 Never
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  1. (to the tune of Joy to the World)
  2. Joy to the world, my intern’s dead!
  3. I just caved in her head!
  4. She said she tell my wife
  5. So I ended her life
  6. And now she can’t tell a soul!
  7. And now she can’t tell a soul!
  8. Aaaaaaaaand now she can’t tell a soul!
  9. Joy to the world, my intern’s gone!
  10. Where did it go wrong?
  11. If went from hugs and kisses
  12. To “I’m gonna tell the Mrs.”
  13. And so the bitch had to die,
  14. And so the bitch had to die.
  15. And sooooooo the bitch she had to die.
  16.  
  17.  
  18.  
  19.  
  20. (to the tune of Jingle Bells)
  21. Bashing Lori’s head
  22. With a bust of Abe Lincoln.
  23. One swing and she’s dead.
  24. Smashed her skull right in.
  25. Head wound gushing blood
  26. On the office floor
  27. It’s messy but I don’t have to worry anymore, cuz
  28. Lori’s dead,
  29. Lori’s dead,
  30. She just had to go.
  31. She was gonna tell my wife, I couldn’t let her know, Ohh,
  32. Lori’s dead
  33. Fractured head
  34. Now she’ll never tell!
  35. I’ve kept my secret safe but now condemned myself to Hell!
  36.  
  37.  
  38. (to the tune of Oh, Christmas Tree)
  39. Oh, Lincoln Bust,
  40. Oh, Lincoln Bust,
  41. You truly are a Godsend.
  42. Oh, Lincoln Bust,
  43. Oh, Lincoln Bust,
  44. You help me make a life end.
  45. I lift you up
  46. And bring you down
  47. Crashing upon
  48. Sweet Lori’s crown.
  49. Oh, Lincoln Bust,
  50. Oh, Lincoln Bust,
  51. That head wound’s not too shoddy.
  52. Oh, Lincoln Bust,
  53. Oh, Lincoln Bust,
  54. Now to get rid of the body.
  55.  
  56.  
  57. (to the tune of Frosty the Snowman)
  58. Lori the Intern
  59. Was a hopeful, happy soul.
  60. With a pure, sweet smile
  61. And a button-nose,
  62. Politics was her life’s goal.
  63. Joe ran for Congress
  64. And he won re-election.
  65. A smart, young representative
  66. He was up to have some fun.
  67. There must have some magic there when Joe and Lori met.
  68. Because it didn’t take Joe long to make her pussy wet.
  69. So Joe and Lori started to have an affair.
  70. In closets for brooms,
  71. And in hotel rooms,
  72. Carried on without a care.
  73. First Lori loved it,
  74. Then she felt the awful guilt
  75. Her affair with Joe
  76. Threatened to blow
  77. Up the family he had built.
  78. So Lori told Joe to end it or she’d tell his wife.
  79. Joe picked up a bust of Lincoln and ended her life.
  80. With her head smashed in,
  81. Lori’s corpse fell to the floor.
  82. Her head gushing blood
  83. In a grisly flood
  84. Of stomach-churning gore.
  85. Now you’d think Joe was
  86. In a penitentiary,
  87. But instead Joe
  88. Has his own morning show
  89. On MSNBC.
  90.  
  91.  
  92. (to the tune of We Wish You a Merry Christmas)
  93. Joe Scarborough killed an intern,
  94. Joe Scarborough killed an intern,
  95. Joe Scarborough killed an intern,
  96. In two thousand and one.
  97. Her name was Lori Klausutis,
  98. Her name was Lori Klausutis,
  99. Her name was Lori Klausutis,
  100. Died in two thousand-one.
  101. They had an affair, she said she would tell
  102. So Joe decided to kill her
  103. In two thousand and one.
  104. He picked up a bust of Lincoln,
  105. He picked up a bust of Lincoln,
  106. He picked up a bust of Lincoln,
  107. And he caved in her skull.
  108. So now there was a dead body,
  109. So now there was a dead body,
  110. So now there was a dead body,
  111. On Joe’s office floor
  112. He call in a friend
  113. Who was an M.E.
  114. Together they covered it up,
  115. The murder of Lori.
  116. Joe Scarborough killed an intern,
  117. Joe Scarborough killed an intern,
  118. Joe Scarborough killed an intern,
  119. In two thousand and one.
  120.  
  121.  
  122. (to Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)
  123. You know he’s got a show on MSNBC
  124. Mornings with co-host and wife Mika B.
  125. But do you remember,
  126. When Joe was a Congress member?
  127. Lori the fresh-faced Intern
  128. Was a very pretty girl
  129. Back when Joe was in Congress
  130. And looking for a cute side-ho.
  131. She was naïve and smitten
  132. With her handsome new boyfriend
  133. But Lori didn’t realize
  134. How the relationship would end.
  135. Then one balmy summer night,
  136. Lori heard Joe say:
  137. “I can’t let you tell my wife.”
  138. Then he snapped and took her life.
  139. Then Joe retired from Congress
  140. To “spend more time with family.”
  141. But we all know the reason
  142. Is cuz he murdered poor Lori.
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