Simurgh hallucination 3

"Okay. It's fine, don't stress about it," he said, hurrying to check more cars on the other side of the street.

She called out after him, "I was on stage!"

He stopped, turned.

"I was on stage. It was just before I stopped doing all the dance and music stuff. The whole thing then had been lyrical dance. But I'd been rebelling…"

She trailed off.

"I don't follow."

"I was fighting with my mom, top of our lungs screaming at each other, always about stupid stuff. The color of my dance uniform, and what I was eating for dinner, the amount of homework I was or wasn't doing. So I stopped practicing. Started hanging out with friends like I'd wanted to do for years. Thought I was getting back at my mom, that I'd get on stage, and I'd get fourth place, and she'd be pissed, whatever."

"But?"

"I froze. It's never really happened to me before. My mind went blank, I, um, I couldn't even bring myself to move, or pull one coherent thought into my head. I was sweating, breathing hard, to the point that I almost thought I'd finished, except I hadn't even started."

"Scary."

"It's… it's worse than that, but it wasn't scary so much as… devastating? I don't know if I explained it right, but it's like, I managed to get a little of my own strength, break away from my mom's grasp, and all the pressures she put on me, become my own person. And then I'm standing there on stage, and I feel a bead of sweat run down the inside of my leg and for just three seconds, I-"

She stopped.

Krouse didn't want to interrupt, and Marissa was busy talking, so he took over checking the inside of the car windows as they walked. He peered inside the next car. "You thought you'd pissed yourself."

"…I don't know why I said that out loud. You fucking mention that ever again, and-"

"I won't."

It was another ten seconds before she continued. "I must have turned bright red. I'd felt strong, felt independent for the first time in my life. And then it turns out like that. And she's in the audience, front row. My mom. She's smiling, because she thinks it's a victory for her. The rebellious daughter discovering that mom was right about everything after all, you know? That's how she probably saw it."

Krouse nodded.

"That smile? That was what the Simurgh showed me. Except it lingered. Couldn't shake it. Almost as if it was the Simurgh doing it and not my mom."

- Migration 17.6