Tortured Park

SCENE 1: A Friendly Conversation
SETTING: Spot Coffee
Front lights. Three chairs on the right wing

CLAIRE is sitting alone, sipping coffee as she waits for her two friends BECK and BRIANNA
BECK and BRIANNA walk on stage, laughing and seeming to be affectionate


BECK: Sorry we’re late babe, I got caught up in studying for the Fundamentals of Algebra test


CLAIRE: Honey, I know you can do it, third time’s the charm right? Brianna, it’s so nice that you help him study.


BRIANNA: Oh it’s okay, I’m still in Geometry so the material is fresh!


CLAIRE: I saved you guys some seats, so sit!
BECK and BRIANNA sit down, but BECK isn’t sitting next to CLAIRE


CLAIRE: Did you guys want to order anything? I got some coffee


BECK: I forgot my wallet at home


BRIANNA: I’ll just pay for it Beck, don’t worry about it. Anyway, Claire, have you applied to any colleges yet?


CLAIRE: Not yet, I can’t decide on where I want to go. I haven’t even had the time to apply anywhere yet


BRIANNA: Why haven’t you been able to send any? Is it because of your little brother?


CLAIRE: Sort of. His medicine is really expensive, and my parents just left on their business trip so I have to do everything around the house. He’s a lot of work.


BRIANNA: Your little brother’s birthday is later tonight  right?


CLAIRE: Yeah, he’s gonna turn 8 this year so that's cool. You’re still coming to his birthday party right? It would mean a lot to him. He doesn’t really have any friends


BRIANNA: I guessss….. I don’t know, I haven’t been feeling too well lately. I’ll just take an advil or something


CLAIRE’s phone buzzes and she looks at the time


CLAIRE: Oh crap, sorry guys, I have to go now. It’s almost time for Bill to take his medicine. Bye!


CLAIRE walks offstage


SCENE END




SCENE 2: Ill Bill’s Birthday
SETTING: Claire’s House
PROPS: Roadrunner toy in a box,fairy godmother wand
Full Lights. Chairs for bed and front table


CLAIRE stands over ILL BILL as he waits patiently, but eagerly

ILL BILL: laying down
When will the party be?


CLAIRE: Everyone should be here soon.


ILL BILL:  Will mom or dad be calling tonight?


CLAIRE: No buddy, they’re busy (fixing their broken marriage) right now.


ILL BILL looks sad


CLAIRE: But all of my friends are coming, so cheer up!


ILL BILL looks happier


The Doorbell rings


CLAIRE: I’ll be right back buddy, I bet it's my friends


AMY is at the door, before CLAIRE has a chance to greet her AMY busts in through the door hurriedly


AMY: Oh. My. God. Did you hear?


CLAIRE: startled and confused
...No?


AMY: No?! God Claire you live under a rock. Anyway, listen carefully. I think Beck is cheating on you.


CLAIRE: pfft what? No way! What makes you think that?


AMY: pulls out phone and starts to scroll through her camera roll
I have pictures. Beck and Brianna were hanging out at Spot Coffee together! Look!


CLAIRE: I was there, I was just getting the coffee, you are seriously too paranoid, girl


AMY: I think he’s just too cute for Brianna to resist!


CLAIRE: Aah, isn’t he cute~? Anyway, the only reason they hang out so much is so she can tutor him for his math tests


AMY: Why do you think Beck never passes his tests then? What if Brianna isn’t teaching him algebra at all?

CLAIRE: You ALWAYS jump to conclusions. I’m sure there’s nothing going on


AMY: If there’s really nothing going on, then watch Beck and Brianna tonight.

BECK and MARC-ANTONY ring the doorbell. CLAIRE opens the door and greets them


CLAIRE: hugging Beck
Hey babe! I’m glad you could make it! It’s nice to see you too Marc!


MARC-ANTONY: Hi there, um, could we come inside now? It’s really hot.


CLAIRE: Yeah, of course!


MARC-ANTONY: Speaking of the heat, did you know that about 658 people die from heat stroke every year?


CLAIRE: Okay, why the heck would I want to know that?


MARC-ANTONY: It's just an interesting fact, speaking of which-


CLAIRE: interrupting Marc
Let’s just move on! Why don’t you go say hi to Bill? CLAIRE pushes MARC-ANTONY into the room with ILL BILL, much to his surprise and happiness. The two make idle chatter


BECK: Hey Claire, Marc and me brought your brother a present, where should I leave it?


CLAIRE: Just leave it on the counter with the other presents.

AMY is poking CLAIRE’s shoulder for her attention


CLAIRE: That’s nice, hey, I’ll talk to you later, why don’t you hang out with the boys?


BECK walks into ILL BILL’s room. When ILL BILL sees BECK, he lights up and motions for him to come sit down near him. ILL BILL, BECK and MARC-ANTONY make idle chatter. BECK and MARC-ANTONY are always seen next to each other. During this, AMY pulls CLAIRE to the side


AMY: Brianna’s late. Quite suspicious don’t you think?


CLAIRE: No, why? She mentioned she wasn’t feeling well...


AMY: Of course she said that. I bet she isn’t even feeling sick. Did she act sick?


CLAIRE: Well, no…


AMY: Open your eyes Claire! There’s some funny business going on here and I am gonna get to the bottom of it


The doorbell rings


CLAIRE: Oh! I bet that's Brianna right now. I’ll go get her


CLAIRE answers the door and BRIANNA greets her


BRIANNA: Hey Claire! Sorry that I’m like, late


CLAIRE: It’s okay Brianna, I’m so happy you made it! Are you feeling better yet?


BRIANNA: Hm? Oh, yeah, I’m like totally fine now. The healing energy of my crystals balanced my chakra and cured my stomach ache


CLAIRE: Okayyyy, that’s good. Anyway, everyone’s been waiting on you so that we can start opening presents. Let's hurry!


CLAIRE leads BRIANNA into the room with the rest of the boys. Amy yanks Claire to the side again, but this time, Claire is annoyed


AMY: I told you she’d come over and be magically healthy again!


CLAIRE: You know what Amy? Just save this for later, let's not ruin Bill’s birthday, it's supposed to be his day, not yours.


CLAIRE walks over to ILL BILL and positions herself in the center. She takes a deep breath to calm herself


CLAIRE: Alright everybody, let's sing!


EVERYONE: Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you~
BECK: Interrupts the song
Okay it’s time to open some presents!
ILL BILL: Thank you everyone *hacks up blood*


CLAIRE walks over to ILL BILL to comfort him


CLAIRE: It's okay Bill, how does it feel to be 8?


ILL BILL: I’m just waiting to turn 9 now.


CLAIRE: I’m sure you’ll get there. Hey everybody why don’t we open some presents?


ILL BILL: I like that idea!


CLAIRE grabs the boxes and brings them over to ILL BILL, he tears into them and opens the box; revealing a roadrunner prop toy


ILL BILL: Oh my goodness! Thanks Beck! This is my favorite character!


BECK: No problem!


ILL BILL: I love it-!


CLAIRE: Alright, who’s next?


BRIANNA walks up with the fairy godmother wand prop and hands it to ILL BILL. It is unwrapped


BRIANNA: Here, I like, got you this, happy birthday


ILL BILL: why would I want that? That’s girly and-
gets into a coughing fit
CLAIRE walks over to ILL BILL and places her hand on his back during his coughing fit


BECK: Still feeling under the umbrella, eh Bill?


CLAIRE: It's under the weather Beck.


BECK: But you’re always under the weather- oh I get it! I’m sure he’ll heal up in no time now! I mean, he’s been sick as long as I’ve known him.


MARC-ANTONY: Well Um- actually- Beck, according to the survival rate of this disease, only about 13%  reach the age of 9. He could drop dead any day.


ILL BILL looks distressed


CLAIRE: Hey! Um, it’s okay, Bill, don’t you know that time heals all wounds?


BRIANNA: Calm down Claire, let’s all just take a chill pill and like, stop being so dramatic.


MARC-ANTONY: I don’t think it's a good idea to support narcotics abuse Brianna. It's a big problem in this country


BECK: We’re doing drugs now?


CLAIRE: NO, no we’re not! Anyway, let’s just enjoy the rest of BIll’s birthday guys. It’s almost 7 o'clock and that’s BIll’s bedtime


ILL BILL: Did you say bedtime?


CLAIRE: Yes, buddy. You’re a growing boy so you need all the sleep you can get


ILL BILL: But i just turned 8! I should stay up till 8 at least.


CLAIRE: I’m the boss here


BECK: This is Balooga! He’s a mature young man.


CLAIRE: Beck! You’re not helping
turns to ILL BILL
Anyway buddy, it’s time for bed.


ILL BILL: pouting
Fine…


ILL BILL leaves


SCENE ENDS



SCENE 3: The Stakeout
SETTING: The Park
PROPS: Small bag of Pork Rinds


Full Lights. Chairs for park bench
CLAIRE arrives onto the scene and looks around with her phone in hand. When she sees Amy, she runs over to greet her, sticking her phone back in her pocket.


CLAIRE: Hey Amy! Why’d you call me out here all of a sudden? You sounded worried-
AMY: Shhhh! Don’t talk just put these on!


CLAIRE: What?! Why?! What are you going on about?


AMY: We’re staking out Beck and Brianna. She texted me the other day and told me that she and Beck were going to hang out here!


CLAIRE: Amy, Beck has a fundamentals of algebra test on monday, of course she’s gonna help him study for the test!


AMY: If she’s helping him study, then why did she tell me that they are going to see a movie!?
looks over to the side and notices the others
Look, they’re coming! Quick! Hide!


CLAIRE and AMY hastily put on their disguises and open their newspapers and sit down on a bench. They act like they’re reading the newspaper and watch as BECK, BRIANNA and MARC-ANTONY enter onto the stage. BECK and
MARC-ANTONY are glued together once again


CLAIRE: Is this okay? It’ll be hard to hear them from here


AMY: It’ll be fine, body language tells you everything you need to know anyways.


BECK, MARC-ANTONY and BRIANNA are center stage now


BRIANNA: So like, when’s the movie start anyway?


MARC-ANTONY: Uhhhh… Not until
checks watch
12:30, we still have some time, I think


BECK: Is anybody else hungry? I wanna grab something to eat


BRIANNA: I would like love to, but I’m on a diet now. Plus it's only a vending machine, so the food in there is super gross.


BECK: I’m still hungry! I’ll pay for my own stuff
BECK sticks both hands into his pockets and furiously searches all his pockets for his missing wallet.
Huh? Where’d my wallet go? I thought I brought it with me


MARC-ANTONY: I can just, um, pay for you. I’ll be right back


MARC-ANTONY walks offstage to pay for some food. BECK and BRIANNA go and sit over on a bench together


AMY: Now they’re alone. Together. I need to take a picture of this


BRIANNA: Looks behind herself and notices a squirrel near her shoulder
Oh my god! What a cute squirrel! Quick! Let’s take a selfie!


BRIANNA pulls out her phone and leans close to BECK and takes the selfie


CLAIRE: Why would he take selfie with her? You never do that with another girl when you’re dating!


The Squirrel props jumps away after the selfie is taken


BRIANNA: Awww… we scared it…


MARC-ANTONY returns with some snacks and walks over to BECK and BRIANNA


MARC-ANTONY: Hey, they uhhh didn’t have anything but Pork Rinds so ummmm... here you go


BRIANNA: Ewww! Those are, like, disgusting.


BECK: Jumps up from the bench and walks towards MARC ANTONY
Awww yeah! Those are my favorite!
hugs MARC-ANTONY and takes the Pork Rinds.
Bone Apple Teeth!


BECK starts to eat Pork Rinds, BRIANNA looks visibly disgusted


BRIANNA: I think I’m gonna be sick, how can you eat that stuff? It’ll probably give you cancer! Ugh… I think I need to go. You guys can go see the movie without me.


Brianna walks off stage
AMY: Why’d she leave? Did we blow our cover? Did she notice?


CLAIRE: Or maybe its because she doesn’t want Marc to realize what's been going on with her and Beck, and she needs to cover her tracks. It would be dangerous if he knew!


AMY: Now you’re getting it!


CLAIRE: We need to get closer! We need to hear what they’re saying!


CLAIRE and AMY, approach MARC-ANTONY and BECK, not so subtly
BECK: So I guess it's just us? Are we still watching Rent together?


MARC-ANTONY: That was the plan from the start, or did you forget?


BECK: I’m not the sharpest lightbulb in the shed, you know that!


MARC-ANTONY: It’s sharpest TOOL in the shed, Beck. It’s uhh, not important I guess, let's go, the movie is going to start soon.


BECK and MARC-ANTONY walk offstage


CLAIRE: Hold on, did he just say they’re going to see Rent? What the heck! He said he was going to watch that with me! But he never made it last weekend!


AMY: He did? Oh girl, that’s the last straw, you NEVER cancel plans with a girl and take another person on the same date. He’s totally cheating on you


CLAIRE: That’s it, I’ve had enough. It all adds up. I’m sorry for doubting you Amy, but this is my business now.


CLAIRE walks offstage and AMY is the only person left while the scene ends. She gives a nefarious, evil smile


SCENE END



SCENE 4: BRO
SETTING: Just outside the movie theater
Front Lights

BECK and MARC-ANTONY walk onstage
BECK: I had a great time at the movie Marc, what did you think?


MARC-ANTONY: Well, you could argue that it is a musical more than a movie


BECK: I guess so, I don’t know, I thought it was a lit movie


MARC-ANTONY:  Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it, I guess this was a successful date then?


BECK: I think today is an okay date, I mean how good can May 15th be?


MARC-ANTONY: That’s not what I meant, I was referring to our date, you know, as boyfriends?


BECK: ...what?


MARC-ANTONY: Yeah, as in, a romantic date between two partners


BECK: Woah man, we’re just bros! Bros hold hands, right? Yeah, bros take each other to the movies, that’s all!


MARC-ANTONY: Depends on what you classify as: “bro”. I mean, why would you bail on your so called “girlfriend”
to watch a very romantic film with your just “bro”?


BECK: Bros before hoes yo. I’d take a bullet for you bro


MARC-ANTONY: Would you take a bullet for Claire?


BECK: ...maybe? I don’t know, she’s not a bro. She hasn’t reached that level yet


MARC-ANTONY: So you’d take a bullet for me, but not your “girlfriend”. By that logic, that makes me closer to you than to Claire.


BECK: So that makes you my girlfriend?


MARC-ANTONY: NO- sighs. we’re homosexuals, not bros. That means we are DATING, as in romantically. How many times do I have to remind you of this?


BECK: So we’re dating? Since when did that start?


MARC-ANTONY: First week of catholic school we started going out together, and then you got a “girlfriend”. You realize that you’ve been on twice as many dates with me right?


BECK: Really?


MARC-ANTONY: I’ve told you that It’s a terrible idea to keep leading Claire on, but you keep forgetting to break up with her! I’m honestly surprised she hasn’t figured us out yet


BECK: But I haven’t even figured it out yet! And besides Claire and me have something special!


MARC-ANTONY: I don’t want to force you to do anything, but I can’t see this ending well


BECK: I guess…
BECK’s phone rings and he takes it out of his pocket Hello? Oh, hi Claire, how ya doin? Hmm? Ummm okay?


MARC-ANTONY: What? What did she want?


BECK: I don’t know, but she asked me to come to her house, she sounded kinda angry. I gotta go, see ya later crocodile.


BECK walks offstage and MARC-ANTONY walks the other way


SCENE END



SCENE 5: The Confrontation
Setting: Claire’s House
Back Lights


Claire is pacing around, waiting for Beck to arrive


The doorbell rings, CLAIRE walks over to the door, takes a deep breath and opens it


CLAIRE: We need to talk


BECK: Sure, what do you want to talk about?


CLAIRE motions to sit at a table nearby. She and BECK sit down and continue their conversation


CLAIRE: I’ve been hearing a rumor or two about you.


BECK: Really, I haven’t heard anything about myself


CLAIRE: Beck, please take something seriously, just once. I need to talk honestly


BECK: What do you want me to be honest about?


CLAIRE: I’ve been hearing you’re getting unusually close with Brianna lately.


BECK: I mean, she is my tutor and all. She’s gotta sit next to me to check my answers!


CLAIRE: I’ve seen how you look at her! Amy saw you and Brianna at the park! You were all lovey dovey! You guys went to the movies and saw Rent without me!!!!!


BECK: Why would I ever want to go out with Brianna? As Romeo Shakespeare once said, “You’re the only pear of my eye”


CLAIRE: Well Shakespeare is dead and we’re not in the 16th century any more.


BECK: Anywho, I was just hanging out with her, before the movie! Brianna didn’t even end up going, it was just me and Marc Antony.


CLAIRE: That’s the point! You ditched me for another person when you promised you would see Rent with me! You and them are so close and it’s making me upset that you hang out with them more than me!


BECK: Marc Antony mentioned that too! He said we’ve been on more dates than you and me have.


CLAIRE: Dates? You go on dates, with Marc Antony?..


BECK: Yeah


CLAIRE: So you are cheating on- wait, you and Marc Antony are gay?


BECK: Yeah, he said we’re something called “homo-sapien”?


CLAIRE: Did you mean “homosexual”?
BECK: See look at that, me and you are meant for each other you understand everything I say.


CLAIRE: Dear god Beck, how can you say something like that when you’re going on dates with Marc Antony and cheating on me!


BECK: You’re being ridiculous! I’m leaving and I’ll make sure that the door hits me on my way out!


Slams the door on the way offstage


SCENE ENDS



SCENE 6: Amy the Traitor
SETTING: Spot Coffee
PROPS: Tissues


Claire is sitting at a table with Amy. Claire is crying and is blowing her nose into tissues. She is a mess


AMY: Claire, what happened with Beck? Are you guys okay?  I got your text, is he actually cheating on you?


CLAIRE: he IS cheating on me!


AMY: Oh yes!


CLAIRE: stops crying briefly
-Wait, what?


AMY: I meant oh no! That’s terrible, even though I knew it I’m so sorry, Claire


CLAIRE: I couldn’t believe you at first but he TOLD me he’s cheating on me. He even had proof!


AMY: Wait, he TOLD you he cheated on you? For reals?


CLAIRE: Yes! He admitted that he was cheating on me with Marc-Antony


AMY: Marc-Antony? Hold on, he was cheating on you with Marc-Antony?


CLAIRE: That’s what he told me.


AMY: But that doesn't make any sense! I-I thought he was supposed to be cheating on you with Brianna!


CLAIRE: That’s what I thought too! Then he told me all about how he goes on dates with Marc-Antony and ditches me for him. I just don’t understand why he did it. Was I not a good enough girlfriend?


AMY: Of course!
 Claire looks at Amy surprised
...Not! And if he thinks that then he’s a jerk. You deserve better. You need to dump him


CLAIRE: wiping her tears away
I gotta get out of here, it’s time for me to get home to Bill. It’s almost time for him to take his medicine


AMY: No no no,  you need to go out and talk to Beck. I’ll take care of Bill’s medicine, you guys have some serious stuff to discuss.


CLAIRE: You're right, I should confront this head-on and be mature. You’re such a good friend. I’m glad to have you.


AMY: Pip pip ti diddly doo, my friend.


CLAIRE and AMY walk off stage in opposite directions


SCENE END


Scene 7: Bill-napping
Props: Washcloth
Back Lights

AMY walks onstage. BILL is sleeping on the bed soundly


AMY: That Claire! I always wanted Beck, but she hogged him for herself. The nerve of her, dating someone she likes when someone else is interested. Who does she think she is, trying to be in a faithful relationship? Disgusting! I’ll steal that stupid Bill kid, and make her pay!


ILL BILL: Awakens, seems drowsy
Oh...hey Amy? What are you doing here?


AMY: I came to give you your medicine sweety…


ILL BILL: That’s not my med-
Gets ragged


ILL BILL, kicking and screaming, resists the chloroform but eventually succumbs. Amy drags ILL BILL offstage


SCENE END



SCENE 8: The Friend Group
SETTING: Claire’s House


Claire enters the stage with all her friends except for AMY and ILL BILL. Claire is pacing nervously


CLAIRE: I’m glad ya’ll could come over today.


BRIANNA: What’s, like, even happened? You just called us over and sounded like totally crazy and upset.


CLAIRE: Well, we have to talk about all of this. We all heard a lot of things in the past day.


BRIANNA: I didn’t hear anything


CLAIRE:... I’ll explain. Amy made me think Beck was cheating on me with you, but it turns out he was cheating on me with Marc-Antony.


MARC-ANTONY: After six months you finally noticed!


CLAIRE: 6 months? You’ve been doing this for 6 months and you didn’t even have the decency to mention it?


MARC-ANTONY: Well Claire, what did you want me to do? Just expose Beck when he didn’t even know?


CLAIRE: You act like I would spread it around like a rumor, I just would’ve appreciated to know I guess. I mean do you have anything to say about this Beck?


BECK: I can’t help it Claire, we have something special with each other but at the same time I feel buttered fries in my stomach when I’m with Marc-Antony


CLAIRE- Beck its-


MARC-ANTONY: Interrupts Claire
Beck it's butterflies-you know, cause they flutter?


BECK: Oh thanks...


CLAIRE: interrupting BECK, flips table
God, you’re all so toxic, I don’t even know why we’re friends anymore!


The stage devolves into chaos, every character yelling furiously at one another until a phone ringing is heard


CLAIRE: Answers the phone
Hello?-Who is this?-Look in Bill’s room?-Why?


Claire exits to Bill’s bedroom, screams, then returns


CLAIRE: Guys! Bill is missing!


EVERYONE gasps


CLAIRE: Some maniac kidnapped him, and he’s holding him at Cheryl’s Industrial, I gotta go rescue him!


BECK: Has been panicking the whole time
No, WE have to go rescue him
Bill was the closest thing I had to a little bro!


CLAIRE: Okay, we have to calm down and figure out how to save Bill. Does anybody have a plan?


MARC-ANTONY: Not yet, but we can make one right now. We’ll need to work together if we want to make sure Bill makes it out of there safely.
points to Claire
Claire, you’re the leader
points to Beck
Beck, you’re the muscle, I’m the mastermind and Brianna is…


BRIANNA looks visibly offended


CLAIRE: Brianna is the heart of the team!


MARC-ANTONY: but that’s not a-


CLAIRE: Just go with it


MARC-ANTONY: Anyway, listen carefully, this is the plan…
SCENE END

SCENE 9: The Final Battle
SETTING: Industrial Plantation
PROPS: Nerf Gun
Back Lights


CLAIRE, BECK, BRIANNA and MARC-ANTONY dramatically enter,unarmed. AMY walks onto stage, hooded, and holding ILL BILL by the neck. BILL is struggling


AMY: I see you’ve come here, Claire!
AMY rips off the hood


EVERYONE: Gasps dramatically


CLAIRE: It was you who took Bill, my dear brother? How could you?


AMY: I loved Beck, since the day I laid eyes upon him. And you took him from me!


ILL BILL: Save me Claire!!!!


CLAIRE: Amy, you dummy, you KNOW Beck is gay! I told you he was cheating on me with Marc, why would you take Bill?


AMY: I still blame you, Claire. You took any chance of having him away from me!


BRIANNA: Girl, you need to stop being so thirsty and stay in your lane!


MARC-ANTONY: Okay, that’s weird. ACTIVATE THE PLAN


CLAIRE, MARC, BECK, and BRIANNA rip off their jackets to reveal themed shirts and do exotic poses. Mid-pose, AMY pulls out a gun


AMY:  If I can’t have him, no one can! points gun at CLAIRE


BECK: Oh crap, she’s got a gun!


BECK, CLAIRE, MARC-ANTONY and BECK break their poses. BRIANNA stands there doing nothing, MARC-ANTONY dives behind cover and AMY shoots CLAIRE, but BECK jumps in the way and gets shot instead


CLAIRE: Oh, hell no!


ILL BILL kicks AMY, knocking her to the ground, and CLAIRE wrestles her. They go off stage to AMY’s death


BECK lies injured on the ground


BRIANNA: Takes out her phone to take a picture of the body
#Shooters gon’ shoot


MARC-ANTONY and CLAIRE run over to BECK’s corpse while he lies on the ground


BECK: Bro, am I gonna be okay?


MARC-ANTONY leans down and checks BECK’s chest


MARC-ANTONY: Beck, you’ve been hit by a rubber bullet! It wasn’t a real gun, you’re bleeding internally!


BECK: Oh great, that’s where the blood’s supposed to be right?


CLAIRE: NO! We need to get you to a hospital!


BECK: reaches up and pats CLAIRE’s shoulder
Oh, okay, thanks… Bro…


BECK falls unconscious, and his body goes limp


CLAIRE: Beck? BECK!


SCENE ENDS

SCENE 10: Epilogue
SETTING: BECK AND MARC-ANTONY’s WEDDING
PROPS: Seashells
Full Lights

BRIANNA, CLAIRE, and MARC-ANTONY are on stage, openly weeping


CLAIRE: Why’d it have to happen?


MARC-ANTONY: Beck, you left me with a hole in my heart


BRIANNA: It had so much potential!


CLAIRE: Is there anything worth living for anymore?


MARC-ANTONY: They left us too soon!


BECK walks on stage, wiping himself off


BECK: Hey guys, sorry about that. No use crying over spilt cake right?


BRIANNA: I really wanted that cake though! It was vegan and everything!


CLAIRE: It looked so delicious


BECK: Ah well, at least it was a good time before the cake


BRIANNA: This is the worst wedding of all time


BECK: I liked the ceremony.


MARC-ANTONY: I should hope Beck, it is our wedding!


BRIANNA: Amy would be rolling over in her grave right now.


BILL: Walks on stage, wearing a crisp suit
Please, stop fighting my friends! This is meant to be a joyous occasion. I’m sorry my private jet was late


CLAIRE: Bill! You finally made it!


BILL: Hello my dear sister.


CLAIRE: Gosh, we all thought you were gonna die before you were 9, but look at you! You’re a world-class trillionaire! You own Mars!


BILL: Well, after I made my fortune developing a cure for my disease, and once you conquer an entire planet, it’s hard to stop that momentum


MARC-ANTONY: Ooh! We just have to exchange each other a gift!


BECK: Yeah!
BECK picks up a shell off the ground
Marc-Antony, I can hear your voice in this shell
hands it to MARC-ANTONY


MARC-ANTONY: You realize that’s not a conch shell right? You can’t hear anything with that… anyways
pulls out the Libra shell.
Here is a shell for you-


BECK: Interrupts MARC
You got me a shell too! Great minds think alike


MARC-ANTONY:  A-anyway, it represents my protection of you, like a clam protects its beautiful pearl.


EVERYBODY: Half “awwws”, half groans


BILL: I’m so glad after all these years we’ve remained friends. Time really does heal all wounds


GROUP HUG