csDEPLOY.cmd

:: Name:     csDEPLOY.cmd
:: Purpose:  Silently deploys Crowdstrike Agent
:: Author:
:: Revision: 1.1

::build the environment
@ECHO OFF
SETLOCAL
SET DESKTOP=%USERPROFILE%\Desktop\
title Crowdstrike Rapid Installer


::check for root
echo Are you root? Don't worry, we're checking...
TIMEOUT >nul 2>&1 5
net session >nul 2>&1
if %errorlevel% == 0 (
  echo You ARE root! Isn't that nice. We will proceed...
  TIMEOUT >nul 2>&1 10
  goto CHECKINSTALLSTATE
) else (
  echo Your XP is too weak! Level up n00b and try again...
  TIMEOUT >nul 2>&1 7
  EXIT
)

::check for installation
:CHECKINSTALLSTATE
SET _serviceName="CSFalconService"
sc interrogate %_serviceName% >nul 2>&1
if errorlevel 1060 (
  goto RAPIDINSTALLER
) else (
  goto ALREADYINSTALLED
)

::installation sequence
:RAPIDINSTALLER
pushd <path to crowdstrike installer>
copy WindowsSensor.exe %DESKTOP% >nul 2>&1
popd
echo Crowdstrike is installing - shadow eyes will be watching you soon!
echo We'll need a minute or two...
echo                     ./-`   -`
echo                      `/+-` `/-`
echo                      `../o/.`-//.`
echo                       ./-.-++/-.:+/-.`
echo                        `-//-.:++/--/oo+/-.``
echo                           .://:--:+:.:osssso+/:-.``
echo                              `-:/:--:-.ossssssssso+/-`
echo                                  `.::-`.+sssssssssssso/`
echo                               ``    `.. `/sssssssssssso`
echo                               `---..:-.` `-+ssssssssss/.``
echo                                 `.-:/oo+:-.-:/+ooooooooooo+:`
echo                                      ``.-:--:++++ooooooooooo+-
echo                                             `-+ssssssso+/:---/.
echo                                              `-+osss+:-.`     `
echo                                                `-::/s-..:
echo                                                    `..
echo  _____ _____ _____ _ _ _ ____  _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____
echo ^|     ^| __  ^|     ^| ^| ^| ^|    \^|   __^|_   _^| __  ^|     ^|  ^|  ^|   __^|
echo ^|   --^|    -^|  ^|  ^| ^| ^| ^|  ^|  ^|__   ^| ^| ^| ^|    -^|-   -^|    -^|   __^|
echo ^|_____^|__^|__^|_____^|_____^|____/^|_____^| ^|_^| ^|__^|__^|_____^|__^|__^|_____^|
echo *******************************************************************
::execute installer script and log installation
%DESKTOP%WindowsSensor.exe /install /quiet /norestart ProvNoWait=1 CID=<get from admin>
::validate installation
sc interrogate %_serviceName% >nul 2>&1
if errorlevel 1060 (
  ECHO Something went sideways. Please contact your SecOps Shadow Broker, immediately!
  ECHO Your SecOps Shadow Broker is <your name here>. Contact <your name here>.
  TIMEOUT >nul 2>&1 300
) else (
  goto LOG
)


:LOG
pushd <path to crowdstrike installer>
echo %computername%_%date% >> installations.txt
popd
goto END


:ALREADYINSTALLED
echo Crowdstrike is already installed - we're already watching you...? We're back to the shadows in...moments...
echo                     ./-`   -`
echo                      `/+-` `/-`
echo                      `../o/.`-//.`
echo                       ./-.-++/-.:+/-.`
echo                        `-//-.:++/--/oo+/-.``
echo                           .://:--:+:.:osssso+/:-.``
echo                              `-:/:--:-.ossssssssso+/-`
echo                                  `.::-`.+sssssssssssso/`
echo                               ``    `.. `/sssssssssssso`
echo                               `---..:-.` `-+ssssssssss/.``
echo                                 `.-:/oo+:-.-:/+ooooooooooo+:`
echo                                      ``.-:--:++++ooooooooooo+-
echo                                             `-+ssssssso+/:---/.
echo                                              `-+osss+:-.`     `
echo                                                `-::/s-..:
echo                                                    `..
echo  _____ _____ _____ _ _ _ ____  _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____
echo ^|     ^| __  ^|     ^| ^| ^| ^|    \^|   __^|_   _^| __  ^|     ^|  ^|  ^|   __^|
echo ^|   --^|    -^|  ^|  ^| ^| ^| ^|  ^|  ^|__   ^| ^| ^| ^|    -^|-   -^|    -^|   __^|
echo ^|_____^|__^|__^|_____^|_____^|____/^|_____^| ^|_^| ^|__^|__^|_____^|__^|__^|_____^|
echo *******************************************************************
TIMEOUT >nul 2>&1 8
EXIT


:END
echo Crowdstrike is installed. We're watching you now... Refrain from childlike behavior. We'll know.
DEL %DESKTOP%WindowsSensor.exe >nul 2>&1
TIMEOUT >nul 2>&1 8
EXIT