sparks

Now, where do I plug the other end in? Doesn't it go into the Atari? Well, you can look all over the system, but there's no power connector. There's a separate box that you have to plug it in. Now seriously, have you ever seen one of these? Other than the Atari 5200, I haven't. So, you plug this bastard in, then there's this one wire coming out of the system, so you plug that in the box. (electric current) Whoa! Did you see that? That can't be good. Look, sparks. No joke. So anyway, the AC adapter and the TV actually share the same wire.

That TV is just out of the question. It's a little too busy back there. But, that's okay because I believe the only true way to play Atari... (Turns camera so we see his '80s TV) ...is on an old piece of shit like that. (Spy Hunter (NES) music plays as he tries to plug the TV in, but the cable isn't long enough.) Damn! (He sees the cable stuck by the TV.) Damn! (He tries to plug it in again, but gives up.) Damn, damn! (Blaster Master (NES) Area 1 music plays as we see him go into his closet to get an extension cord, which he plugs into the power strip, then plugs the TV cable into one of its slots. He then trips over the cable.) Ahhhh! Fuck! (He then turns on the TV as the King K. Rool boss music from Donkey Kong Country plays, puts the 5200 on the floor, then tries to plug the box into the TV.) Ugh. (sighs) Son of a bitch! (He tries to tug the wire from behind the other TV, but it doesn't work, so he picks up the old TV while he grunts, but the stuck cable on the stand makes him drop it on his foot, screams in pain.) AAAAGGH! FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK!

ow, after all that trouble I went through, let’s play some damn games. Well, we haven't played the games yet, but I can definitely tell you the cartridges suck, because they don't have end-labels. I mean, come on. The Atari 2600 games were all conveniently labeled so you can easily pick out a game, but the 5200, you have to pull each one out to see them. I mean, what a bunch of shit. Alright, let's try this one out. So, okay. Here we go. Now, listen. When you hit the power button, the box makes this weird clicking sound. (He turns it on, box clicks) I'm afraid this thing might blow up.

The Nerd: Oh, you gotta love this - no end labels on the cartridges. May I ask why? Here's the Genesis games. You can read them. You can see what they are. If I'm trying to pick out a game, I can just visually scan my eyeballs across them without having to this. (taking out games one at a time) Oh, what's this? Oh, Virtua Fighter. What's this? Oh, Star Wars. What's this? Primal Rage. The same thing as Atari. Labeled, not labeled. Labeled, not labeled. Labeled, labeled.. and not labeled. Even Nintendo's guilty of the same thing. If you labeled the older games, why can't you do the same with the newer ones? Who came along and said "Okay, we're going to have better graphics, better games, and, oh, those end labels gotta go."? When did this idea of simple convenience become obsolete?

akes another swig of Rolling Rock) What a piece of shit. Well, we can't play the games, but we can at least look at them. (The Nerd watches the Pole Position demo while drinking Rolling Rock.) We don't have to stand for this shit. There exist alternatives. Did you know that you can plug a Sega Genesis controller into an Atari 2600, and it will work? See, that's the interesting thing about Atari; you can find all kinds of different... stuff that's compatible. As for the 5200, there exist third-party controllers made for the reason of replacing the shitty controller that the system came with. So, let's take a trip into the cyber world known as the Internet, and take a look.