Thread 61: Stories 46-60

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>42
"Guard"
~~~~~

>HOW DOES SHE KEEP DOING THAT!?

She had turned the corner just once, and poof! Gone! How!? There were no doors or anything there!

"Miss Forty Two! Is something the matter?"

She was about to say yes, yes something was the matter, and then turn the whole castle on the search.

Until it hit her just how bad it would look if she needed the entirety of the army to wrangle one little changeling...

>...No.

"Are you sure?"

>Yes, nothing is the matter. I do not need help.

"Oh... what are you doing?"

>Playing a game.

"You don't look like you are having fun."

>I am having so much fun. This is my fun face.

"This is your fun face?"

>Now it's my annoyed face.

"S-sorry."

>Good! Now, if you do not mind, you have interrupted my game.

"Apologies."

>As well you should be. Dismissed!

Proudly, she turned up her head and stomped away, face stern and unblinking.

"...So did she just not wonder where I came from?..."

FWOOSH!

"Does everybody jus' ferget I can do that?"

>WAIT A MINUTE!

"MEEPMEEP!"

ZOOM!

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>Dadling
"Batmom"
~~~~~~

"Honey, we went out into the park to RELAX."

>I am relaxed!

"Then explain the battle-carriage."

>It is not.

"It is covered in spikes, has tank treads instead of wheels, giant spinning blades on the front, and a mounted turret on the side."

>...I left off the shotgun.

"What, could we POSSIBLY need to worry about that would require this!?"

>Zombie invasion.

"..."

>...

"...I hate how valid that is..."

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>DT
"SS"
~~~

"Hey, DT?"

>Yeah?

"Have you ever thought about arming the guards? You have a lot of weapons, why don't you share them?"

>...Because they're mine.

"What about the ones you don't use?"

>Don't exist, there's use and will be used.

"...Is this an excuse so you don't have to share-"

>MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE

"Gotcha."

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>I can't give them my guns, then what will I strap to TBDRLIATU!?

"He already has a small armory inside of him."

>DON'T YOU CALL HIM SMALL!

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NC
"I said he had a small armory-"

>OH! SO IT'S HIS MOJO YOU'RE CALLING SMALL!?

"No I-"

>You listen here, TBDRALITU has enough mojo to paint this whole damn castle, you hear me? And some leftover to spare! Why, if he really let lose he'd blow away a DRAGON with his mojo! He's got more punch in his pouch than Chitania has in her left hoof, you hear me!? HE IS NOT SMALL IN ANYTHING!

"..."

>...

"...Okay."

>GOOD!... Sorry for yelling.

"It's alright."

>...Want to touch him?

"No."

>Sissy.

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>SA
"Cadence"
'18'
~~~

>So then, no joke, she outright decides she's going to set the whole freaking castle on fire. I am dead serious, she decides that it's the only way to be sure, and that of course this means she has to burn the entire thing to the ground to make sure that no matter what, it was found.

"...Uh..."

>In case you were wondering, yes. We did, in fact, find the roll of biscuits unpopped, and she did not have to set fire to anything to find it. I want you to let that sink in, the happy ending is 'she didn't have to set everything on fire to find a roll of biscuits before it popped'.

'...Two has some problems.'

>A few.

"Well, I mean, it's not THAT bad an idea."

>...

"What!? That popping noise is scary!"

'It's just a result of a lack of air in the tubing so that it doesn't spoil.'

"I don't care what witchery it was, it's bad!"

>See this? This is what I have to put up with.

'Well, it's not that big a deal I guess.'

>Are you taking her side?

'...er...'

>...
"..."
'...'

>...Let's just both agree Cadence is right?

'Good call!'

"Oh wow, is that what it feels like when you've got ponies... what is it called, whipped?"

'I knew you had a kink!'

"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE THE WHIPS, AUNTIE CELESTIA! STOP SENDING ME THEM!"

>...
'...'

"...Sorry, flashbacks."

'Oh yeah! I almost forgot! We need to go back to doing the pole dancing, it was great. I've been practicing!'

>...

"Shiny!"

>No no! I was thinking about Chrysalis and Celestia!

"..."
'...'

>N-Not like that! Them pole dancing!

"..."
'...'

>Pole dancing in front of me! For me to judge! That's what I meant!

"..."
'...'

>...Whoops! Dropped my fork!

"It's on the table."

>MY OTHER FORK!

*ducks down*

"...So, practicing?"

'Yep! I can show you how to do it too!'

"Do... do you think he'd like that?"

>YES!

"..."
'...'

>...Er, yes! Found my fork!

"...You aren't coming back up."

>Give me a minute.

'...This is going way better than I thought it would...'

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Canon-debatable
>Spike
"Twilight"
~~~
>You know, maybe you should get rid-

"I still have the soap, Spike."

>C'mon, Twilight, be reasonable! What in Celestia's Mom's name could you learn about harnessing the power of love from Eventide and the rest of its ilk?

"That's important information on speculation of parasitic inter-species relations!"

>The vamponies don't drink blood, Twilight! Much less feed on love! Or what about the Fifty Shades series?

"Uhhh... Love is sometimes badly written and cringe-worthy?"

>You mean my original crush on Rarity didn't tell you that already? Speaking of... Huh, Is this one of those romance novel's Rarity's been writing?

"Oh, yeah. Why?"

Spike begins blushing

>I'll... Take this. Be in my bunk, no calls-

"GET BACK HERE! We still have books to sort!"

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 >18's thoughts
"18"
'???'
~~~

>...this... this is going well! I can't believe it, this is actually going decently! This is actually not being a rolling dumpster fire of a disaster! Cadence isn't getting overprotective, Shiny isn't worried I'm about to jump his bone in the middle of the restaurant... which I totally would. And I'm not spazzing out! I'm acting normal! I'm actually acting normal! I'm not bringing up any horrifying stories about what I did before I got to the ballroom, I'm not insulting anyone by accident, I'm not being forceful and mean, none of that! Cadence is acting normal, Shiny is acting normal, NORMAL! I'm normal! NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL! NORMAAAL... Wow, okay, brain went weird there. Did I say that out loud?

"I don't know, what do you call an elephant with six legs?"

>Atta girl. Yep... everything is finally going normal, and this is going to work, and I'm going to finally get to kiss Shiny and-

'OH NO! THE KITCHEN IS ON FIRE!'

>He didn't just say that.

"...Yes he did."

>No, shut up, you don't know, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!

"...He did."

>I KNOW BUT FUCK YOU ANYWAY!

"At the rate this is going, we're pretty much going to have to settle for that."

>...Ouch. Self burn...

"Like the kitchen."

>Yeah... like the kitchen...

"..."

>FUCK YOU UNIVERSE!

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 >Chitania
"Mare"
~~~~

>Shutupshutupshutupshutup

"They ain't never gonna believe it! They gonna be all "NUH UH YOU PLAYIN'" and I getta be all "MAAAAAARE it's real! Got ta' see her an' everythin'! And they gonna be like "Bitch you got tanked and scribbled on a napkin' and I get ta' like "Mare you jelly!" And then-"

>Shutupshutupshutupshutup

"I get ta' tell Bouncah all like "Turns out you got banged by a prince but I got me a princess autograph!" and she's gonna be like WHAAAAAA!?"

>IwillnothitaprostituteIwillnothitaprostituteIwillnothitaprostituteIamnotgoingtoprisonforhittingaprostitute-"

"You the best Chitty!"

>...WILLNOTWILLNOTWILLNOT-

"Oh, shoot, that spoke with a K? Is it Kitty?"

>WILLNOTWILLNOTWILLNOTWILLNOTWILLNOT-

"...Issat blood comin' outta your eyes?"

>GRRRAAHHHHHH!

"..."

>...

"...You okay?"

>Peachy.

"Coo! So, like I was sayin' she's gonna be all NUH UHHHHH!"

>...I should have just starved to death...

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NC
>SS
"DT"
~~~

>OH DEAR GOD DT!

"...What?"

>YOU HAVE A MOUNTAIN! A LITERAL MOUNTAIN OF WEAPONS!

"..."

>...

"...Technically it's a plateau-"

>DT!

"MINE!"

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NC
'???'
~~~

>Is that... IS THAT SPIKE!? What's that strapped to his back!?

"A motor."

>WHY!?

"It makes his mouth open and close really fast. You know how much he can cut though?"

>DT THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR!

"Really? Thought you'd take more issue with putting Fluttershy in a bottle and using her as a genie."

>....WHAT!?

"I have said too much."

'I-if someone could rub my lamp, I'd appreciate it. If it's not too much trouble, that is.'

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NC
'???'
~~~~
>What'd you do to 42?

"She has kung fu karate chop action when you wind her up."
Winds 42 up with a key and she begins rapidly karate chopping random things, smashing them to bits. Tables, chairs, a tree.

"She even chops pizza."
Throws a whole pizza, gets chopped and flung into plates.

'...I'm okay with this more than I should.'

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NC
'???'
~~~
'Okay, so what's with this vaguely mare shaped collection pink butts?'

>Well, sometimes you need protection too. So I took Pinkie's plot armor.

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 >42
"Sombra"
'2'
~~~~~~~

>You know, you could help!

She dove forwards, snapping her hooves closed just a second too slowly before 2 disappeared into a cupboard. Surprisingly, or rather unsurprisingly, she was gone when the doors were open again.

"Me? Assist the great general Forty Two? Never."

>I'm not a general, I'm a commander. We don't use general titles.

"Oh? Why is that?"

>We were around before the term was invented, and Queens changing for a pony term is... unlikely.

"Interesting. Still, vernacular aside, point still stands."

>She is slippery!

"And I lack appendages."

>Bite her then!

"That seems harsh."

>How!? She's practically a brick at this point!

"Exactly, I'll break my teeth. Very harsh."

>UGH!

"You should just be happy she is having fun."

>She's not doing this for fun! She's doing this because she doesn't want to take a bath!

"...What?"

>It's almost bed time, so-

'YAAYYYY!'

She practically exploded out of the couch.... which she had been nowhere near, of course, and raced off down the hall.

'I WIN I WIN I WIN! Bathtime!'

Forty Two just...stared as she went off further and further.

>....

"...You watched those ridiculous movies to 'prepare' for this and thought all children hated baths, didn't you?"

>...N-no comment...

"...She also does not hate broccoli-"

>ENOUGH!

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>7
"???"
'???'
~~

He had gone through every nook.

Every inch of this apartment.

He had searched high, and low.

...And he could not find a single sign as to their current location.

>If I was a frightened, guilty party, where would I go?

He had found plenty of evidence that the changeling had been living here. A slept on couch, plenty of charred artifacts from the apartment, even a bonsai tree with his name on the plaque in the front. This had most certainly been the location that Twenty Nine had ended up in.

And yet, he had not come home when the current work day would have ended.

Hours past, and still nothing. This could only mean one thing... he was laying low until this blew over, and the suspicion that Thirty Two would have given him up under duress stopped. A reasonable fear, all things considered. Her Majesty could be quite... persuasive when she wanted to be.

>But only when she wants to be...

No point in dwelling on that, not now. Forty Two had been right, her Highness was simply making choice political moves in order to get the most out of this alliance with the ponies. With it, she had gotten them housing, medical care and food, there was no point in dwelling on her actions for the betterment of their kind.

...Even if this was giving him a sinking feeling about the matter.

But enough of that! There was prey to be had here. Prey he himself would deal with personally, no need to tell Majesty of it before the deed was done. He would do this for her, and that was that. She would be pleased, and perhaps he could regain some of the favor lost during his failure to protect Spike.

There was one mere roadblock in his way.

>...Where are you...

~~~~~~~~

"Niney, we're going with you."

'I am merely visiting mine kin to ensure he lives, nothing more! We doth not need to bring the entirety of the group with us!'

"..."

'FINE! You may come, but I am sure it is just because thou wishes to see Canterlot!'

"Sure, that's why."

'...Thanks.'

"Anytime, Niney.'

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