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- http://www.fluffybooru.org/post/view/1308
- Written by philsrobeighn
- Internal Affairs
- >Be a go-getter intern at the Cleveland City Hall
- >Currently working with the Board of Multispecies Tourism
- >You admire their concept: targeting the new sapient species of the planet
- >Fluffy ponies are as targetable as children in marketing
- >Now owners will pay to go to Spaghetti Land with their fluffies
- >Just like parents pay for Disney World
- >Just so the whining stops
- >You’ve already seen it in a couple of friends
- >Had a get together at a house of a fluffy owner
- >Another of your friends brought their fluffy to keep the owner’s fluffy company
- >They don’t seem to mind the “enf enf enf” coming from the living room
- >Even though both their fluffies are stallions
- >Probably don’t understand because they’ve never had the stallions around mares
- >Well, as long as there are no complaints about hurt poopie-places
- >Today, the near constant sound of “enf enf enf” stops for once
- >You recognize the Spaghetti Land commercial
- >Voice-over is a Patrick Stewart sound-alike you personally found
- >Got a “Good job, intern” from your boss
- >Suddenly, the two stallions come busting in
- >”Daddy, Daddy, magic box show mountain of skettis!”
- >”Big sketti pawk! Fun wides fow fwuffies!”
- >”Pwease take fwuffy?”
- >”Pweeeeeeeeeease?”
- >The houseguest is a little strict with his
- >”Stop that noise! You won’t get anything from me that way!”
- >Swats fluffy on the nose with a rolled-up paper
- >”Owchies! Sowwy daddy! No huwty! Fwuffy be good!”
- >”Good. Because I already bought our ticket.”
- >Fluffy pony perks up. “Weawwy?”
- >”Yeah, little shit, so start behaving or else I’ll hawk them out.”
- >It’s an interesting love-abuse relationship
- >You know in the end he loves his fluffy
- >He just tries to put on a good show in front of your other friend
- >Other friend is such a pushover that pushovers take advantage of him
- >Other fluffy comes up to his owner and says “Fwiend get go! Fwuffy go too?”
- >”Of course! Our friend Greg here works for Spaghetti Land. Sold us on the idea.”
- >Boss forced you to buy some tickets and sell them to friends
- >Part of a grassroots build-up of opening day success to fuel positive media
- >More like Astroturf roots if you say so yourself
- >”Yay! Daddy bess daddy!”
- >”You’d better be good too, or else I’ll get rid of them just like our friend.”
- >”Fwuffy be vewwy good! Fwuffy wuv Daddy, take fwuffy to Sketti Wan!”
- >So your friends have bought weeks of good behavior and hugs
- >Not the best use of the $109 owner and fluffy combo ticket fee you can think of
- >But it will make the city cash hoof over fist
- >And that might translate into a paid position for you
- >So you work your hardest to promote the success of Spaghetti Land
- >And tonight is no exception
- >Been pouring over the fireworks budget
- >Plan on introducing the fireworks show after a week or so
- >Sure, the park opens tomorrow*
- >First week is more like a public beta test
- >So you are making sure that you show the best profit
- >A mix of balancing and book-cooking that makes you the best
- >But still, there is something that troubles you
- >You used to volunteer for your suburban hometown’s annual city fair
- >You know how much a good fireworks show costs
- >And this is supposed to be theme-park quality
- >Yet somehow your budget is running under that of a town of 30,000
- >Gotta check that
- >Even if it means a bit more money, the first firework show has to be a blast
- >Pull up the receipts
- >Look at the received amounts
- >The amounts set aside for the fireworks weekend is 70,000
- >That will set a world record!
- >How could it be so cheap?
- >Check the type of fireworks
- >There are names you’ve never heard of to describe fireworks
- >It seems most of this is sorted by weight
- >Check the manufacturers
- >Nothing sounds like a fireworks manufacturer
- >If it is in English, it’s labeled as “munitions” or “military surplus”
- >And most of it isn’t in English anyway
- >How the heck did this happen?
- >Note that all the receipts are signed for by one of the council members
- >One of the park’s biggest advocates
- >Go to his office
- >”Hey Greg, what’s up?”
- >”Sir, there seems to be a discrepancy in the fireworks purchasing”
- >”A ‘discrepancy?’ Whatever do you mean?”
- >”There don’t appear to be fireworks in the order
- >I’ve worked with fireworks before, and I don’t think these are fireworks
- >I think you’ve signed for a load of just cheap, dangerous explosives”
- >”Huh, let me see this”
- >He comes up around you and looks at the receipts
- >”So you’ve worked with fireworks?”
- >”Yes, sir.”
- >”Can you answer a question about something, then?”
- >”Sure, sir.”
- >”Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?”
- >”I don’t see what that has to do with firewo-”
- >Be very dizzy
- >Wake up later in a dark place
- >Recognize the markings on the wall as you come to
- >This is a storage area in the utilidors below Spaghetti Land
- >You are surrounded by explosives
- >You try to move, but you are chained to a pillar
- >You try to yell, but you are gagged
- >Nevertheless, you are heard
- >”Well, good morning Greg!
- >And I use that term lightly, as it is late at night
- >Don’t bother yelling, I assure you we are far enough away from the main paths
- >And this area is marked for a security clearance that doesn’t really exist anyway
- >I made sure this area was set aside in Spaghetti Land for this purpose
- >You see, Spaghetti Land combines my two great loves
- >Sweet, sweet money
- >And destroying those who love fluffy ponies
- >You see, these fluffy abominations were designed to be like they are by men
- >They were to be pets, pets to be taken care of
- >Pets whose care would make a profit for their creators
- >So one cannot blame them for their disgusting behavior
- >No, the problem isn’t the fluffies
- >It’s the goddamn faggots that love them so much
- >That’s why these things are bred to the point of mass overpopulation
- >That’s why the useless ones weren’t killed, but just left to become feral
- >And it’s these faggots that I am going to kill off in a 'tragic fireworks accident'
- >And then I will have a city free of those who would suffer the fluffies to live
- >Not to mention millions off of ticket fees and billions off of insurance
- >We’ll finally be able to make your position paid and permanent!
- >Not that you’ll be around to enjoy that
- >I’ll be sure you get a Citizen’s Award from the City Council though
- >For bravely staying with the city’s project to your end
- >Of course, there will be press conferences that night
- >So I will have to make sure that my colleagues on the council are all here
- >Leaving me as the sole legal recipient of all that money"
- >With that he cackles and walks away
- >You manage to get the gag out of your mouth
- >”Does your mother know you’re so evil?” is the best quip you can manage
- >”Oh, sonny boy, mama knows, but she don’t care.”
- >He then breaks your jaw with a violent blow
- >Then reattaches the gag
- >No chance you’ll be heard now
- >You try to get out of the chains
- >"Oh, and sonny, don't rock around too much there.
- >I may not have time to get back here for the ceremonies
- >So I am arming these explosives, so wiggling around may not be a good option"
- >No hope now
- >If you don't starve to death down here first
- >You will be blown to bits with the crowd
- >As the bastard that was your boss exits
- >You accept your fate
- >You fall down and try to make peace
- >It’s hard to meditate with such a pervasive smell of fluffy shit in the air
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