The Pharoah

>be me, bonky
>with my friend pickle homer
>we're trying to scare each other
>i am trying to impress upon him the horrors of the grave
>he's telling me of more pragmatic social terrors
>like how skelletons shit
>and how maggots eat your flesh
>then i told him how i knew a guy who was eaten alive by worms
>and then he told me about this guy he knows who's shitting blood
>i tell him about how i kill snails and worms
>and then he tells me about a dead squirrel he dissected in school
>and how he's kept this squirrel's heart in his freezer for 3 years
>and he's afraid it will get freezer burn
>and i tell him about how i killed a worm by throwing it down a well
>and his eyes get wide
>i think that scared him
>he tells me how when he was a kid
>he buried a squirrel alive
>and i tell him about how i once saw a dog throw a cat in a river
>and his eyes are even bigger
>now i know he's scared
>i tell him how i once killed a squirrel by hitting it with a stick
>and his eyes get huge
>he's really scared now
>and he tells me about how in high school
>he and his friends were having a party
>and they were lighting off firecrackers
>and some dumbass put a firecracker in a dead squirrel
>and then dropped it
>and they all watched it blow up
>it exploded and the squirrel's innards flew out
>and one of them landed on his face
>it was wet and sticky
>and he had to shave his head the next day
>and i tell him about how i killed a squirrel with a knife
>and his eyes get enormous
>i think he's getting really scared
>and he tells me how he and his friends
>were camping in maine
>and they were drinking beer
>and one of them took a dead squirrel and threw it in the fire
>and it burned and burned
>and he ran over and kicked it
>and it was burning and burning
>and he woke up the next morning and it had burned all the way through
>and then he tells me how he once killed a squirrel by throwing it away
>and i tell him how i killed a squirrel by eating it
>and his eyes are really big now
>i think he's terrified
>suddenly someone throws the door open
>it's 4 guys in suits
>they ask us both to step out
>we're both scared
>they tell us we have to come with them
>i look at pickle
>he looks scared
>i tell them i think i'm going to throw up
>they say now's not the time for that
>they tell us we have to go with them.
>we get in the car
>one of them tells me not to worry
>i tell him i'm sorry
>he says not to worry
>he tells me to stay calm
>the car pulls up to this giant building
>it looks sort of like a giant pyramid
>we get out of the car
>they take us inside
>it's pretty bright
>my eyes get really big
>i'm trying not to throw up
>they sit us down at a table
>there's a man sitting across the table from us
>he's smiling
>i tell him i'm sorry
>he says not to worry
>he starts asking me questions
>he asks me about my job
>he asks me about my family
>he asks me about my hobbies
>he asks me about my interests
>he asks me about my sexual preferences
>he asks me if i have any children
>this goes on for hours
>at the end of the questioning
>the man says
>i am sorry
>but i have to let you go
>i ask if he's going to let pickle homer go
>he says no
>i ask what's going to happen to him
>he says you're going to kill him
>i ask when
>he says tomorrow
>i ask him where
>he says here
>i ask him how
>he says with a gun
>i ask him what should i do until tomorrow
>he says there's nothing you can do
>he tells me to go home and try to get some sleep
>i go home and get some sleep
>the next morning
>i wake up
>i know i have to kill pickle homer
>it's 5:30
>i have to kill pickle homer
>i'm driven to the pyramid
>i get in the elevator
>it goes up
>it goes through 3, then 2, then 1
>i step out of the elevator
>i see pickle homer
>he's standing next to one of those really huge guns
>i let out a little cry
>i ask him if he's going to kill me
>he says i'm going to kill you
>i ask him if i'm going to live
>he says no
>he tells me to stand against the wall
>i tell him i'm not going to do that
>he tells me i'm going to have to
>i run for the really huge gun
>he runs for the really huge gun
>we both reach for it
>we both grab the gun
>i pull it toward me
>it's heavy
>i throw it at him
>it hits him in the head
>it shatters
>he falls to the ground
>he's dying
>he looks almost exactly the same as he did yesterday
>his eyes are so wide
>i tell him i never really did anything bad to a squirrel in my whole life
>i tell him i love squirrels
>he says i love squirrels too
>i start to cry
>he says it's okay to cry
>he tells me you're a good kid
>he tells me i'm going to a better place
>i tell him i'm going to a better place too
>i tell him that i love him
>he says i love you too
>i'm so scared