Email from mom, June 28, 2013

Hmmm.  Margo is bipolar and takes meds for it so it might come from my side of the family. My Dad had serious depression issues and attempted suicide several times so we both need to be aware of the symptoms and deal with them before they get too severe.  Ron didn't seem bipolar to me for the 8 years we were together.  He works a lot but it seemed to me to be more of a drive to prove himself worthy and be successful.  Then he resented having to work so hard and was angry.

I hope you can find some balance that works for you. I love you and worry about you.  You are so talented and intelligent and loving and funny. I hope if you need help you'll seek it out. If there is anything I can do, I'll do it in a microsecond or even a nanosecond.  :) Just ask.

I always wonder if some of the doubts and depression we've both felt have been genetic.  That means it isn't going to go away with talk therapy and good things happening in our lives. You've got James and wonderful dogs and a good job.  I've got Bob and wonderful dogs and a comfortable financial situation .  But we always seem to struggle with anxiety and depression.  I feel bad for passing that on to you.  I wish I had a solution.   For myself, I have to keep reminding myself of the good things in life and appreciate things like good food, beautiful places, people and dogs I love.  Sometimes that isn't enough and I get myself into a bad mood where I'm aggravated by everything and depressed.  But over time it turns around like a cycle of some kind.  I just wish I could figure out if there was some way to control the cycle.  I tried several antidepressants and one, Wellbutrin really worked for me but I developed an allergy to it.  Now, I just try to eat healthy, get exercise and ease up on myself.  It doesn't always work but it helps.

I wish I could give you a hug.  Maybe James can give you a hug for me.  I love you, Matt.  I don't know if you remember one of the books we read together when you were little, called "Love You Forever" about a mom and her son, but I love you forever, even if I am a neanderthal.  Take good care of yourself.

Mom