ya

Not an excuse, but through this experience, I’ve realized that overexposure can normalize almost any behavior. The lack of recent bans, along with the visibility of other highlighted players in the domestic scene, really radicalized my mindset. After thousands of hours witnessing firsthand how cheating often goes largely unpunished, it recently felt inevitable that at some point I would satisfy my own curiosity.

That being said, I maintain that I only used anything during officials this past week, which has already been amended to the best of my knowledge. I’m not going to offer much of an apology, as I didn’t have the time or scope to negatively impact anyone beyond my teammates and friends, past and present. I am truly sorry, however, for dragging them into something I caused, and I can only hope this moment prompts a closer look at the more blatant offenders still active.

I'm not trying to paint myself as a martyr or avoid taking personal responsibility. I'm also generally an excitable person in competitive settings, which can sometimes lead to toxicity, and I probably deserve some of the backlash and hate comments I’ll receive. In that sense, I feel fairly ambivalent about the situation, though admittedly a bit dejected, but I still wanted to offer my perspective. To me, it felt like hard work and skill were being quickly eroded in favor of a more common and increasingly accepted way to get ahead, which I assume to be obvious, so I gave it a try for a short time and subsequently got banned.
cya