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- Want to hear a pun about ghosts? That's the spirit!#Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.#Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos.#Kakuna Rattata, what a wonderful phrase. It means no worries Forretress of your days#Why does Tidus live in a boathouse. Because he's from Zan-ARK-and.#I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.#A hen will always leave her house through the proper eggs-it.#Who is Fozzie Bear's favorite FFX character? Wakka Wakka!#What do you give a tired programmer? Java.#Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!#At my boxing club there is only one punch bag. I hate waiting for the punch line!#It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.#What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#My idea for a hovercraft robot vacuum cleaner never really took off.#I’ve started sleeping in our fireplace. Now I sleep like a log!#Why is Rikku always insistent in using her overdrives when others are in battle? She wants to get in on the Mix.#Why isn’t suntanning an Olympic sport? Because the best you can ever get is bronze.#I'm not gonna Raichu a love song#When I had my PlayStation stolen, my family were there to console me.#Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? A: Pull down its genes!#Why couldn't Yuna summon her aeons? She lacked Fayth.#When the scientist wanted to clone a deer, he bought a doe it yourself kit.#Television sets in Britain have to cross the English Channel.#Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse.#Why couldn't the bike stand up on it's own? It was two tired.#I cannot Bayleef it is not butter! Guess that means it's Butterfree.#I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.#Have you heard about the Italian cook with an incurable disease? He pastaway.#Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.#On Halloween October is nearly Octover.#The cat took up computer lessons in hopes of mastering its grip on a mouse.#I nearly drowned yesterday. It was a breathtaking experience.#Machamp's gonna Throh you some puns#Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch? A: "Beef Jerky!"#Before my father died he worked in a circus as a stilt walker. I used to look up to him.#If you said you were from South America, I would not Bolivia.#Hopefully this egg pun doesn't make your brain too fried or scrambled.#I never understood odorless chemicals, they never make scents.#I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.#What did kouhai call her senior in math class? Sen-π#Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.#Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.#Have you seen the story of Braska's journey through the spheres Jecht left behind? It "shapes" up real nicely.#Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.#What do you call a snake that studies past events? A hissssstorian#Q: Why are flowers so hated by people? A: They have a certain stigma about them.#Did you hear about the circus that caught on fire? It was in tents.#Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.#Why couldn't Tidus get along with his father? He lacked the sin-ergy.#If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then lefties are the only ones in their right mind.#I feel sorry for shopping carts. They’re always getting pushed around.#Lettuce take a moment to appreciate this salad pun.#I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it's hard to understand him - he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!#These puns raised Mesprit a bit#What do you get when you cross a snoman and a vampire? Frost bite.#Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.#Let me Raichu some puns.#I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.#I just found an origami porn channel, but it is paper view only.#I always wanted to marry an Archeologist. The older I would get, the more interested she would become!#Why couldn’t the dead car drive into the cluttered garage? Lack of vroom.#what do you call an anniversary that happens in may? An Anni-may#I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.#What is Jecht's favorite season. Summer-ner#Don't let life get you a little Gloom#If I got paid in lots of Pennes I would make loads of pasta.#I lost a Sawk in the washing machine#What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together? CSI#The boys Arbok in town#About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.#I don't know any puns I Giratina#I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.#What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.#How do you organize a fantastic space party? You planet.#Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.#Santa Delibirds gifts#I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.#What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.#What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.#Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can’t hit the high seas.#Why did Lulu never use chapstick? Because she was a fan of having Chappu lips.#The magazine about ceiling fans went out of business due to low circulation.#I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.#I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.#The plane flight brought my acrophobia to new heights.#Why is Kimahri usually silent? He tends to find that nothing needs to Besaid.#My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.#How does Lee finish putting on his suit? With his Tie-jutsu...#Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na#Dunsparce's evolution should be named Dunplenty#My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.#The candle quit his job because he felt burned out.#What’s america’s favorite soda? Mini soda.#Police were called to a daycare yesterday, where a 2-year-old was resisting a rest.#I heard Apple is designing a new automatic car. But they're having trouble installing windows.#I've just written a song about tortillas - actually, it's more of a rap.#Could you call me on my Phione?#Learning to sleep upside down is often hard for baby bats, but they soon get the hang of it.#The plot twist in the movie Oriental Fish-press was a red herring all along.#A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.#I wonder why there aren’t any more cemeteries around. People are really dying to get in there.#Models of dragons are not to scale.#The first duck wouldn't go in the water. The other duck said "What are you, chicken?".#I took a Pikachu in the shower this morning#A persistent banker wouldn’t stop hitting on me so I asked him to leave me a loan.#Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers!#Why were other people against Issaru having his younger brother as a guardian? Because that trend was so Pacce.#Sharks enjoy hobbies they can sink their teeth into.#I used to make clown shoes… which was no small feat.#What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.#I heard that the post office was a male dominated industry.#I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.#Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.#I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.#I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese, and make America grate again.#I tried to stop the bleeding, but all of my efforts were in vein.#Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.#What's a sailor's favorite meal? Fish and ships.#In the early morning there's Dewgong the grass#Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together. It's hard for them to stay in sink.#Britain is a wet place since the queen has had a long reign.#My new diet consists of aircraft, its a bit plane.#A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.#The best time to open a gift is the present.#I don't engage in mental combat with the unarmed.#Get back to work. Don't Slakoth!#I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.#Never make fun of a Scotsman's traditional garb. You could get kilt that way.#My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.#Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.#Why was Jecht such a popular Blitzball player? He was known for making a splash.#I make bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon#You will address me as "Sir", because Omanyte of the round table#I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.#Under the doctor’s advice, the hen is laying off eggs for a few weeks.#If you wear cowboy clothes are you ranch dressing?#Eskimos keep all of their chilled eggs inside of the egg-loo.#How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.#Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.#There’s no place like 127.0.0.1#I got hit in the head with a can of soda? Luckily it was a soft drink.#Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.#Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.#Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just couldn't put it down.#I Luvdisc thing we've got going on#The shovel was a ground breaking invention.#Why is a skeleton a bad liar? You can see right through it.#If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?#The show was called Spongebob Squarepants but everyone knows the star was Patrick.#Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.#I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.#How did Jesus' crucifixion save us? It's 'cause he nailed it!#It takes guts to make a sausage.#When the spammer's computer exploded, it blew him to kingdom.com.#The tallest building in the city is the library because it has so many stories.#They’re building a restaurant on Mars now. They say the food will be great, but they’re worried about a lack of atmosphere.#What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha.#The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.#R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.#What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.#Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.#I decided not to go to Pisa, but I was leaning towards it.#Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.#To write with a broken pencil is pointless.#I bought a wooden whistle but it wooden whistle.#Why are the Al-Bhed weary of the Yevonites? They're afraid they Maester up some trouble.#Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.#Audino any more good puns#Why don't programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.#Sausage puns are the wurst.#Coffee is the silent victim in our house. It gets mugged every day.#How do fish keep up with what's going on? They listen to the current news.#What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.#I used to work at a hairdresser but i just wasn’t cut out for it.#What did Hashirama say to Madara? Did you get the messages I senju.#Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.#I tried to catch some fog, I mist.#I hate Russian Dolls, they are so full of themselves.#One skeleton to the other: Man, I’m so hard in love with Bella, I can barely think straight. I’d love to ask her out but I just don’t have the guts.#I used to Rhydon the bus but then I got my license#A teacher asks a student, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?" The kid answers, "I don't know and I don't care."#Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn't resistor.#Snakes Swallot their prety whole#So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world!#What is the difference between a living and a dead Spiran? Why ask me, the difference is Farplane to see.#What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? HeHe#I turn on my Charmander pants come right off#Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.#I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.#The apple crossed the street because he wanted to get to the other cider the road.#What do you call crystal clear urine? 1080pee.#The future,the present and the past walked into a bar.Things got a little tense.#The dead batteries were given out free of charge.#A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.#If artists wear sketchers do linguists wear converse?#My favourite travel destination is Paras# What do you call a notarized license to sail? O-fish-al.#The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.#Where do you imprison a skeleton? In a rib cage.#What do fish use to make telephone calls? – A shell-phone!#Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?#My math teacher called me average. How mean!#Old programmers never die, they just can't C as well.#Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.#After bumping into a whale, the dolphin apologised and said "I didn't do it on purpoise"#England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool#A doctor broke his leg while auditioning for a play.Luckily he still made the cast.#I'm changing my name to 'Benefits' on Facebook. Next time someone adds me, It will say "you are now friends with Benefits."#Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.#What room has no floors, no ceiling and no walls? A mushroom!#Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds!#A man was arrested for strangling women's headwear accessories. When asked why, he said "I just had to chocobo."#The sore mummy needed a Cairo-practor#My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized.#What should you do if you are cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.#My phone has to wear glasses ever since it lost its contacts.#Why is Rikku not a fan of Final Fantasy 13? She hates Lightning.#I saw an ad in a shop window, "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full", I thought, "I can't turn that down".#You know the problem with grapes these days. People just aren't raisin them right.#The Pokeband Durant Durant made top-selling charts with their hot new single "All you need is Mew"#If I buy a bigger bed will I have more or less bedroom?#I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.#Is your refrigerator running? Better go catch it.#Where do fish go on vacation? Finland.#Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.#How does Ixion's anthem begin? "Djose can you see..."#A group of termites marches into a saloon and ask: “Is the bar tender here?”#Did you hear about the invention of the white board? It was remarkable.#Baby, I wish I were DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.#Dr.'s are saying not to worry about the bird flu because it's tweetable.#Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy.#I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.#I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.#I, for one, like Roman numerals.#What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet.#Have you heard about the film "Constipation", you probably haven't because it's not out yet.#He dropped a computer on his toes and had megahertz.#Did you hear about the human cannonball? Too bad he got fired!#Why do people become butchers? So they can meat people.#Why did the Al-Bhed dig a giant pit around their home and fill it with water? They wanted a Bikanel.#Did you hear about the man who got killed by a bear? It was a grizzly death.#If Donald Trump becomes president, America is going toupee.#To the guy who invented zero... thanks for nothing.#A good meteor shower can really rock your world.#What do the Al-Bhed do with ancient machina? Rikku-struct them#I flipped a coin over an issue the other day, it was quite the toss-up.#Are you sick? I heard you Koffing from the other room#I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.#The wedding was so emotional even the cake was in tiers.#Traveling on a flying carpet is a rugged experience.#How does Kagome wash her clothes? Inuwasha#What does every Moogle need in the morning? A Kup-o coffee.#A termite walks into a bar and says, "Where is the bar tender?"#Why was dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant.#Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"#One time somebody said if I was an element, I'd be copper. Then someone else told me I'm tellurium. Does that mean I'm CuTe?#I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer it came... Then it hit me!#I sat next to a man on the park bench. He had 9 watches on one wrist and 5 in the other. I said man "you sure do have a lot of time on your hands."#I read a book on anti-gravity. I couldn’t put it down.#Technically speaking a programmer's favorite subject with his boss is usually arrays.#There’s a fine line between the numerator and the denominator.#Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a well-balanced meal!#My psychiatrist said I was pre-occupied with the vengeance I told him "oh yeah we'll see about that!"#My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.#Thank you, my arms, for always being there by my side.#Why is it okay for Yuna to put her elbows on the table and chew with her mouth open during dinner? Because law only requires her to have Summoners.#Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.#Crossing a cement mixer and a chicken will result in you getting a brick layer.#Why was Seymour so intent on seducing Yuna? He wanted to be her Villain-tine.#Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.#Why was Kimahri kicked out of the Ronso band? Because he was horn-less.#The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.#Did you know a storm of Pokémon is called a Pokémonsoon?#37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court. They will be sentenced next Friday.#Why do the French eat snails? They don't like fast food.#Ekans see where you're going with this#How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.#On a scale of 1 to 10, I rate Noah's Arcanine#This is an Absol-utely brilliant idea#Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.#What does a house wear? A dress.#I haven't heard a pun in Mawhile#The chickens were distraught when the tornado destroyed their home. Hopefully they will be able to recoup.#Imagine if alarm clocks hit you back in the morning.It would be truly alarming.#For Halloween we dressed up as almonds. Everyone could tell we were nuts.#Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.#What happens when you eat too many spaghettiOs? You have a vowel movement.#The chicken knew the first leg of his trip would take him to Buffalo. From there he would wing it.#Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion. I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.#He couldn’t work out how to fix the washing machine so he threw in the towel.#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.#That reckless little egg always seems to egg-celerate when he sees the light turn yellow.#Why are fish so smart? – Because they live in schools!#What did the swordsman say when challenged to a fight by the enemy? "You guys Auron!"#How do mountains see? They peak.#Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.#What do you mean June is over? Julying.#When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
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