Hello there, it’s been a while. I didn’t feel the need to do this anymore, but now seems like a great time. My mind is flooded with thoughts I can’t contain, making it hell to be in there alone, with no purpose.
	Lately I’m trapped again into this idea that I need to have someone in my life. It constantly drains me out of energy and reacts with every single normal interaction I have. There is also the fact that I am keeping secrets and making plans from my parents, I am not used to hide things from them, especially my dad. I’m trapped into some kind of vicious circle of worrying, over-confidence and to the limit of desperation.
	The motorcycle exam is coming soon, I have the required skills, I just need the luck and the weather. Any more than that, and I should be good to go. I dedicated so much time, effort and energy into this and now, more than ever, my doubts that I could fail it drive me inside. For some is just some exam, for me is a gate to finding peace with myself.  I dreamt about that moment on the road, with me and my bike, with nothing but present, no past, no future, no distractions, my mind will finally be quiet and I will be able to enjoy the moment.
	This worry of the incoming event amplifies every little reaction and observation I make. I am too focused, too sharp, the pressure of details is literally unbearable. I tried sleep, I tried gaming, I am somehow trapped into a state I can no longer do normal things. I can’t enjoy anything, I am overreacting and I used all my energy to contain myself, to deceive the obvious.
	Therefore here I am, loneliness is a heavy burden. Your mind is your enemy and there you are, alone, left to fight a battle you can tell no one, with no-one to question your right and wrong, with no-one to give you a hand or a pep talk. It’s just you, in the world, in the mind you so much praised, not knowing the curse that comes with it.