[Seadragom]

I have written and re-written this letter… woken up wondering about the content…. Like you and your letters it has been years in the making – even if this particular version has only been in preparation for 6 weeks or so….

Primarily I have failed miserably to impart a fathers wisdom, to be there to help you when you needed it... This is particularly tragic when we share so many traits, and I could offer you (even more than [brother]) insights into strategies to deal with life.

It is now irrelevant that at many times you would not accept my love or support.... That’s just an unfortunate result of other influences.

The important thing is that we must learn from the past, and move forward to create something good – out of something that in the past has not been so good.

Cutting through much of the following verbiage is my singular offer and wish for the future. I firmly believe that you need to move into the light, and it is my responsibility to show you the way. I need two weeks of your time – one on one. I need you to have an open mind, and a desire for future happiness.

If recrimination is on your agenda, then so be it, but my agenda for the fortnight is very simple. To show you what you actually suspect – and that is that I am actually not a bad person, and that there is some befuddling here that needs ironing out. I have no intention whatsoever of “bad mouthing” anyone (that you know personally) in this process. It is not (and never has been) a blame game.

There are actions and consequences. There always have been – and always will be…. That is all.

As you will be aware, there has been a recent exchange with your mum. It didn’t go well. But it did throw up some very disturbing items that had my head spinning.

She seemed to place great store on counselling – both hers and yours? She also made numerous references to the practice of psychotherapy? Psychotherapy counselling?

I am very concerned that you might be involved in psychotherapy, and that someone has determined that you need anxiety supression medication.....  I am also hugely concerned that your mum said that your counsellor cried at some stage during your sessions? That should have alarm bells ringing.... Counsellors should NEVER get emotionally involved with their clients. There are strict rules about what to do if that happens. They should stop the session and refer you to another practitioner immediately. Allowing any counselling activity to get to that sort of stage is very dangerous. Dangerous for you.

(There is a very good reason for this..... Bowen recognised that anxiety was a useful and normal condition for humans. However as anxiety increases, logic and rational thought decrease.... when people are emotional we usually see poor judgement and logic.)

And so onto the anxiety suppression drugs.... honestly.... do you really think that these work at all? All they ever do is slow the brain down or cause short circuits….

Drugs are not the answer…. A more valid alternative is to find techniques of dealing with anxiety, not muddle your brain with narcotics.

Anxiety is a fabulously creative tool that you need to harness and make work for you. You should use it to achieve great things...

And here you have a huge advantage.... our genetics. I can hugely empathise with your anxiety, (don’t you think that I suffer?) and teach you how to use it to your advantage, and not let it use you. Believe me, even now, every few weeks I find myself in a scared shitless situation... but I have learned how to think my way out of it. I can show you how to do it, and how to use anxiety… And avoid getting into anxious situations….

Thomas Szasz is a master of psychology sound-bites, and one of my favorites is that “There is no psychology; there is only biography and autobiography.” Isn’t that just so true?

And - Returning to Psychotherapy, it is hard to ignore the basis of Freudian theory, and even harder to ignore the complete lack of evidence that it actually works. In fact it can’t work if you think about it? It has to relate to a particular set of cultural constraints…. (It wouldn’t work in SE Asia at all for example…..).  And the theory is based on observation of a group of “sick” middle aged, middle class (mostly) women….. Silly stuff.... from a silly place.... in a silly time....

Of course the Psycho-rot doesn’t just stop with the Freudians. It goes on and on – biographically…. (I can show you the true theory… and how to use it…. I can share that with you.)

<stepmum> had many failings – and I failed to isolate you from some of them…. But that aside she always maintained that sometime between 21 and 25 you would decide it was time to listen to what I had to say…. Maybe she was right. Maybe now is the time?

All you need to do is say yes. And we will set up the time for the new beginning. A new life for both of us.

What have you got to lose?

[Cunt]

xxx