The invasion begins

>You shot up from your couch as the house seemed to come alive, the banging of doors and shuffling of feet. “What are those fucks doing?”
>You slowly arose at the sound of a clatter, just to see what was the matter. You quickly toss the rhyming out of your head, you aren’t a bard.
>You heard shouting outside and the sounds from the house seemed to settle down. You lazily slide open the window and lean out to get a look.
>Undead! Undead Everywhere! It’s like the Wrathgate all over again. You snatch up your Runeblade and strike a pose as you leap out of the window. With a flourish you point the blade as you hit the ground firmly on both feet.
>”Anonymous comes for you, you mindless wretch- “ You don’t get to finish as Ranger falls on you from a window up and you both fall into a crumpled heap. “Damn it Ranger! This is serious you fuck!”
>He gets up with a sheepish smile on his face. “Anonymous, I….” He stops and swings his blade, parrying a blow from bony blades.
>You roll out from underneath of the exchange, Runeblade in hand and get a good look at you enemy. “I should’ve known this would happen..”
>Indeed, the dead guards had risen from the dead, the flesh stripped from their legs and the bones honed into fine blade and spears.
>They skittered around, chasing after ponies. You block a leg-blade aimed at Ranger’s back and steady yourself with him. Back to back to face the oncoming zombie horde with honor and-Is that Sapper?
>Sapper rides by atop one of the abominations, riding it like a drunken warrior rides a bull or a fat woman, you’re not sure which.
>She’s giggling and squealing as it bucks and leaps and jumps, trying its hardest to toss her off. You wish it luck in that endeavor and behead one of its horde mates.
>She rides by again. “Hello guys! Look at each other!
>And again. “Now back at me!’
>And again. “Now back at each other! Now back to me!”
>The zombie plops over into a pile. “Sadly, you’re not as cute as me, but with explosions anything can happen!” She scrambles off the zombie, leaving a pile of explosives half her height tied to the poor thing.
>The explosion tosses her in the air and she lands square on Ranger’s head. “I’m on a gay elf!”
>By Sargeras, what did you just see…..?
>You almost miss blocking another leg-blade dealing with Sapper. Maybe she and Pinkie are related or something? The three of you become surrounded by the horde, blocking, parrying and just trying to survive.
>Then you hear it, the resounding clash and confetti flutter of the party cannon. The color of a Rainboom blinds you momentarily and you take a blade-leg to the gut. “Keep pushing girls! We’ve got to make sure veryp0ny is alright!”
>They go right by your street…Well, fuck. Sapper hauls herself up onto a roof away from the Horde, even bringing Ranger with her.
>You were to slow to get to them and you were blocked off. You sliced, cleaved, hacked, smashed, clobbered, crushed, stabbed, and smote left and right but still on they came.
>Finally, one got through your defense and started slashing at your chestplate. You struggled to push it off of you until you heard the light Wizz-thunk of an arrow.
>The zombie dropped ad you witnessed something you weren’t sure how to feel about. Lyra stood high atop a street sign, dildo-tipped arrows flying from a homemade bow of a riding crop and lingerie.
>With every sexual-shot, a zombie dropped dead, arrows lodged a full 9 inches into their torsos, legs, and heads. “That gives a whole new meaning to skull-fucked.” You manage to hear Ranger mutter from the 12 foot distance.
>Lyra eventually drops into the street, two dildos attached by a chain in hoof. She swung them mercilessly, bashing the horde of undead over the head. Not one that neared her survived undamaged or un-raped.
>It was like a confusing sexual tornado of ‘Oh Gods, Why?’ Lyra neared you, on a warpath through the hungry horde. 	Finally, the chain snapped and she shoved the two dildos into a zombie. You’re not sure you want to know where exactly….
>She draws her old Dildo-sword and swings it like master, crushing in skulls and breaking bones. It was a flurry of death, rape, and more death.
>Your undead eye teared up at the very beauty of the slaughter. Sapper continued to fire her rifle into the horde with wild abandon and Ranger hauled your ass out of a pile of corpses.
>With the frenzied Lyra added, the wretched undead were being pushed back. There was no way there had been this many guards, where had all the bodies come from.
>With a loud bang, Sapper blew the head off of the last Zombie. All of you were covered in gore and ichor, including Lyra who was recovering her weapons.
>She saunters up to you on her back hooves. “No one bucks with my play things!” She stares hungrily at your hands. Great, you were saved just to be a sex toy…..Speaking of Sex toys…
>”Uhhh, Lyra?” She looks up from your hands, wiping blood and drool from her mask. “Yeesss?” You stare at her for a second “Where did you get all of those weapons from?”
>She blinks at you and giggles before placing her hooves on what might be hips on a p0ny and struck a pose. “Why, my ass of course!”
>You don’t even….Your brain just the whole thing….
>Ranger gives you a look and you return it. It was quite clear to you both that this pony was freaky, and not in the good way. “I….see?”
>Sapper hands, or Hoofs, Lyra one of her ‘Arrows’. “I just had an idea! Stuff those things with explosives! Explosives will make them better!”
>Lyra takes up a thinking pose while muttering about Exploding dildos, while Ranger collapses in a quivering mess crying about being drunk on a Winter’s Veil night.
>He was crying about something you probably didn’t want to know about. Poor deviant little fuck.
>By the Gods, you need new friends….
>Finally, you hear a mass clopping from behind you and the Elements come up the lane. “Sapper, Ranger! Are you guys ok!”
>Yeah, fuck you too Twilight, fuck you so hard….
>Finally, they reach your little group and they stare at your gore-covered features. “What...Happened….?” You say not one word but point to the ground, piled three high with the dead undead.
>Twilight blushes and puts her head down while Pinkie stares at Lyra.
>She gasps loudly. “Oh my gosh! Is that the new synthe-flesh 9000?”  She points at Lyras sword-club.
>It’s so silent you could hear the bubbling of gas escaping the rotting corpses of the dead. “Errr, ‘scuse me…” Ranger….You should’ve known…..
>”Does Anyp0ny know where these things came from?” You nod. “I know a portion of them came from the recently deceased guards.”
>All the p0nys seemed to gag at that but nodded. “Well, it looks likes we have to go see the Princesses!”
>Ranger nods while Sapper says something off hand about wanting to be a Princess since she first lit a house on fire..Or something…
>You think your brain has finally broken…..
>In a flash, you’re standing in front of Celestia and Luna. Luna has the same look you had on your face upon seeing Lyra and you swear, Celestia’s hair turned pink for a moment.
>”Celestia, shits hit the fan and we just got splattered in the throw-back.” You point out.
>Her face goes pale…er.  Well, kind of a creamy grey but, she must’ve understood the gravity of the situation. “By me, no!”
>The more you explain to Celestia, the more off white she gets.
>Luna is staring at her sister in shock. "'Tia, what is it?"
>Celestia rests her head in one of her hooves. "An ancient evil has wormed it's way out of Tartarus, Sister. It rose during your exile to the moon."
>Wait, Tartarus? She really got sent to the moon? Donuts are half off at Pony joes!?
>You shake your head. "Celestia, what's Tartarus and what is this evil?"
>She points a hoof at you. "In many ways, it is like you-"
>"What, Tartarus?" You interrupt.
>"No! Chronicler! That's what it goes by. Chronicler."
>Wait, like you? You hoped to all the Gods it wasn't a first generation Death Knight.
>"It's an ancient being that arrived here several years after the Nightmare incident."
>Luna looks a bit sheepish every time that comes up.
>"So Princess, what does this Chronicler look like?"
>She points at you, then Ranger. "Like if you both were fleshless, it's nothing but bones and magic."
>Oh shit.

>You, Ranger, and Sapper look at each other at the same time. "Lich!"
>Celestia nods. "Yes! That's what he kept calling himself! So many of my ponies died to his plans and plagues."
>You here her mutter something about Skeletons.
>"Well. Looks like we've got a quest!" You glare at Ranger and he slouches. "What?! There might be gear in it for us!"
>Lyra jumps up from her seat on the floor. "I wanna come! I wanna come!"
>The Elements join her in her little cheer.
>Rarity is sketching in a little notebook. You can almost hear the jimmies of various ponies rustling.

>Sapper is shuffling across the floor. "We gonna raid 'em~! We gonna raid 'em~!"
>Damn it Sapper, you don't shuffle in front of royalty.
>You see her reach for her breastmail. "Sapper! Don't you fucking dare!"
>She gives you the stink eye. "Awwww! You're no fun! At least we have enough to do this! 10 man regular! Whoo!"
>What is she talking about..?
>Pinkie waves a hoof at her. "Pfft, It should be 25 man heroic!"
>"We don't have the gearscore or the men for that!"
>"That's implying that gear is equal to skill!"

>You step away from the insane duo as everyone stares. "Pinkie...Sapper....What in the Light's name are you talking about...?"
>Celestia and Luna are giving you a look.
>It says 'You and your kind are fucking nuts.'
>You have to agree with them...
>Celestia clears her throat. "I want Luna to accompany you, her control of the night will weaken his powers over shadow."
>Damn, a caster....You hated casters.
>Pansy, dress-wearing, no good...
>Back on task!
>"Uhhh, Princess, do you know where he might be?"
>She opens her mouth then frowns. "No, I don't."
>Hmmm, if the Guards had been killed by a Plague of Undeath...

>Maybe one of then brought it back from a patrol? Maybe visiting another town?
>You'd have to check records, papers, everything.
>Celestia clops her hooves. "You all leave at when I raise the sun, meanwhile..."
>She turns to her sister. "Have your guards wake the chefs, tonight we shall feast!"
>Everyone around you cheers and you can't help but smirk. Tomorrow, you go to do what you did best.
>Throw yourself at some wretched monster and hope the others kill it before it kills you.