4chan University - Chapter 1

>Be Seamus
>Move-in day at 4chan U (Go Clovers!)
>majoring in music
>concentration: musical saw
>arrive at your dorm, Blue Hall
>long ass line to check in, stand behind a guy playing pokemon
>guy gets in line behind you
>wearing a trenchcoat, mask, and a fedroa
>he's holding a box of plastic-wrapped comics
>you stare for a moment
"Lemme guess, art major? Animation?"
>"N-no, undecided. I can never figure out if I want comics or movies. Comics are pure, but only please through sight. Animation dilutes the product, but engulfs sight, sound, smell, tassssste."
"I hear ya. I've got all three Nolan Batman soundtracks on FLAC. Hans Zimmer nailed it."
>"Well if you like that, the 1989 Batman soundtrack was pretty good too. It really set the tone for every Batman movie after it. I'm Conrad"
"Seamus"
>finally get to the front of the line
>a guy with a headset is behind the desk
>"Hi, can I help you"
"I'm here to get my room assignment"
>"Name?"
"Seamus"
>"Okay Seamus, you're on the second flood, room /mu/. Will that be all?"
"Yes, thank you."
>walk to the stairs humming the batman theme
>all the dorms have different abbreviations on them
>/3/, /a/, /c/, /g/
>upstairs, all the doors have abbreviations as well
>/adv/, /biz/, /co/
>you find your down the hall a ways, in between /mlp/ and /n/
>you unlock your room door and survey the scene
>a desk, a twin bed, a window, a closet, a bathroom you share with /n/
"Just pretend you're living on the road. It's a cheap-ass hotel room you'll be stuck in for the next year."
>you leave the room to go start getting things from your van
>see Conrad walking into /co/
>"Seamus!"
"Yo!"
>"Nice! Same floor. He we ought to go check out the other dorm tonight. Red Dorm. That's where all the upperclassmen live. I bet they party hard."
"Ehhhhh, I was thinking about..."
>"What? Staying here and alphabetizing your record collection?"
"N-no!"
>yes
"Let me think about it. I still have a lot of setting up to do. I'll swing by later once I'm done."
>"Later tater!"
>literally what

>You're unloading dorm stuff from your van.
>gotta hurry before the notice you stole a dolly
>record player, tube amp, boxes of records
>fuck carrying all this
>"Ooohhh, neat van. How often do you pick up kids in it?"
>a young girls voice catches your ear
>you poke your heard out the back
"what did you just say?"
>She's in a purple dress with pigtails and a hat that says "TOP KEK"
>what the hell is TOP KEK?
>what is a child doing here?
>why did she just insult your van?
"I used this van to schlep around my stuff when I was in a band."
>"You play instruments? Can you play Wonderwall?
"Why would I want to play that?"
>"Because it's the best song ever! Duh."
>Seriously, who's fucking kid is this
"One, it's not. Two, I could play it but I don't want to."
>"I don't see a guitar. How can you play it if you don't have a guitar?"
"Hey I'm pretty busy trying to get my stuff out. Shouldn't you be with your parents saying good bye to your older brother or sister?"
>"Nope, I go here. I kinda run the place really. Hey, check'em!"
>She spins her arms and finger-gun points at your license plate.
"what"
>"Your license plate, it has dubs. You gotta check your dubs."
>an awkward silecence fills the air as you stare at this weird child
>It's like she's speaking a langue that is indistinguishable English, but totally different all the same
>"Anyway, we're having a party over at Red Dorm tonight and we needed some music. Buuuuut, if you don't have a guitar, I guess you can't come.
"Oh darn"
>"B-but if you change your mind, the password is "none".
"I'll keep that in mind."
>You wheel your stuff back into the dorm but are stopped by the stairs
>sonofabitch
>You're tapped on the shoulder, hard
>a muscular dudebro in a tank-top that says "GOMAD" is behind you.
>"need help?"
>The german accent is thick but you get the message
"I would love it"
>He takes the heaviest part as you both walk up the stairs
>You both make it up to the top and he sets it down
"Thanks bro"
>"You too!"

>Back in your room
>plug in record player and dig through record stash
>The Chronic
>whynot.jpg
>the beats and rhymes fill the air as you work to set your new room just as you want it
>you're plotting how to ironically hang a Bob Marley poster when you hear a knock at the door
>you answer it to see a guy dressed head to toe in cycling gear carrying a bike
>"Hey, I live next door. I'm Lance"
"Seamus."
>"I just got back from doing 20 miles and I heard the good tunes. You bike?"
"Not even a little."
>"Well I thought I'd offer. If you ever change your mind, hit me up."
"I will."
>"You going to the party next door?"
"Maybe, still working on getting things set up in here."
>"Well, if you do want to, I'm going over with a group at 9."
>He carries his bike off to his room
>You go and change the record to something less "good"
>Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven oughta dampen the mood around here.