Ben Shapiro Facts

Ben Shapiro facts:

Benjamin Aaron Shapiro is known as the "Cool Kids' Philosopher," if you consider a man in his mid-thirties a kid. He did not major in philosophy, and is angry at all times.

He has been a contributor to Breitbart News, Fox News, Dennis Prager University, and other oxymorons.

He is a famous member of the "intellectual dark web," a loose organization of Conservative thinkers whose intellects have gone dark, due to low battery, spiders and other factors.

Ben Shapiro often speaks at colleges, asking the audience "Does anyone have any questions?" and "Does anyone have any dumber questions?" and "No, a lot dumber, I need obviously dumb questions so I can sound smarter than you" and "Anybody? Please? They pay me a lot of money for this."

This last question is usually asked while crying.

Ben Shapiro used to be insecure about his height, until it qualified him to audition to be Trump's Elf On a Shelf every Christmas.

He did not support Trump during the 2016 election, calling Trump's white supremacist advisor Steve Bannon a "bully" and instead recommending Ted Cruz, as Trump's more likeable and handsome alternative. How'd that work out for him?

Ben Shapiro is Jewish and a strong supporter of Trump's concentration camps for Hispanic immigrants. He also loves the Chik-Fil-A ads featuring cows who say "Eat more chicken."

Ben Shapiro has a distinctive high-pitched voice, which is higher when he's speaking in dog whistles.

He spoke at the 2018 Young Women's Leadership Summit in Dallas, Texas, after being mistaken for a young woman over the phone.

Ben Shapiro often argues in favor of white supremacy, while his face serves as an argument for white inferiority.

He was given funding by several shadowy right-wing billionaires. Ben Shapiro then wished to become a real boy. However, he found the process uncomfortable and gave up halfway. To this day, people say "That Ben Shapiro is a real ---"

Ben Shapiro ingests large amounts of caffeine, because he and his producers theorized that any radio host sounds a lot smarter when they talk a lot faster. Shapiro's smart-sounding speeches prove this, or disprove this if you're over the age of twelve and/or know anything about anything.

Ben Shapiro's talks criticize all young people on the left today for being oversensitive SJW politically correct triggered wokescolds who are offended by everything. This is in stark contrast to Ben Shapiro, whose job it is to be angry about them at all times, every single second of every day.

Ben Shapiro once filed a police report because a trans woman was mean to him on television, and abandoned a BBC interview with conservative thinker Andrew Neil when Neil noticed that Shapiro had visibly shat himself on-air. Shapiro said during the interview, "I'm popular and no one has ever heard of you," thus proving he wouldn't last five minutes in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

Ben Shapiro has condemned the left's "hierarchy of victimhood," and considers himself more oppressed due to what he calls attempts to stifle his free speech. For example, in 2016 Ben Shapiro was scheduled to give a speech at a university, titled "When Diversity Becomes a Problem," but was unable to appear after students tricked him into pronouncing his own name backwards. Shapiro vanished for several days, during which time he was tragically unable to say anything stupid on Twitter.

Ben Shapiro mourned for days when David Koch died. Without the billionaire's money, Shapiro was worried he'd have to go back to living in a shoe at the end of a rainbow.

Ben Shapiro has said that if you need to work two or three jobs to survive, that's not a problem with capitalism or the economy, "that's a you problem." This is different from a "Ben Shapiro problem," such as when the lonely traveler on the mountaintop solves his riddles three.

In 2013, Ben Shapiro founded a now-defunct website named TruthRevolt with Jeremy Boreing. After working with Shapiro, Boreing changed his name to "Jeremy Actually More Interesting Than Ben Shapiro."

He is the cousin of popular child actress Mara Wilson, who has not answered any of his thousands of emails and phone calls since the late 1990s, but maybe this is his lucky year.

Ben Shapiro's sister Abigail is an opera singer, making her the only other Shapiro whose voice can crack windshield glass.

Due to his Orthodox Jewish faith, Ben Shapiro is a frequent target of anti-Jewish threats. So is anyone Jewish who has ever conversed with any of Ben Shapiro's alt-right chanon shitlord fans.

In 2013, Ben Shapiro called noted British imbecile Piers Morgan a "bully" who "tend[s] to demonize people who differ from you politically." Shapiro added that "Arabs like to bomb crap and live in open sewage," that pro-choice women are "baby killers," that "homosexuality is a sin," that "One American soldier is worth far more than an Afghan civilian" and that irony is dead.

Ben Shapiro has said "The idea that black people in the United States are disproportionately poor because America is racist; that's just not true." Shapiro had been told that he was an expert at statements which aren't true, and so he gave his expert opinion accordingly.

Writing in 2017, immediately after the Las Vegas shooting, in which one man killed 58 people and wounded 851 in the space of ten minutes, Ben Shapiro argued that "banning all guns would be unwise as well as immoral." Shapiro had been told that he was an expert at statements which are unwise as well as immoral, and so he gave his expert opinion accordingly.

Ben Shapiro and his ghostwriters have authored ten books, including Brainwashed: How Universities Indoctrinate America's Youth, Primetime Propaganda: The True Hollywood Story of How the Left Took Over Your TV, and Bullies: How the Left's Culture of Fear and Intimidation Silences America. It's estimated that as many as five people may have read them.

His books are all very similar, and center around telling you that the Left is bad because they're all the same and they tell you how to think. Shapiro then tells you how to think so that the Left can't do that. He also tells you about how the Left are bullies who silence their critics, and how he will sue you if you say anything mean about him, and don't you know who his father is and he demands to speak to the manager.

Because the Left are snowflakes.

Benjamin Aaron Shapiro was named after the dog in the "Benji" series of movies, because he's also a little bitch.

They call him Ben Shapiro because you're trying to talk politics like an adult but then this bench appearo.

Ben Shapiro was a child prodigy as a violinist. He continues that legacy today as a teacher, by complaining ceaselessly on the internet, which has taught anyone listening to play the world's smallest violin for him.

Ben Shapiro is often mistaken for Turning Point USA's Charlie Kirk, especially when he's wearing his diapers.

He has been known to Tweet about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez hundreds of times in a single week, but NOT BECAUSE HE LIKES HER YOU GUYS she just probably smells nice and he just HATES HER SO MUCH

Ben Shapiro's talks are almost always dedicated to everything that "people on the Left" have done to make him angry this week. It's unclear whether Ben Shapiro has ever had a real conversation with anyone on the Left.

Ben Shapiro has said "The only reason to have a conversation or be friends with anyone on the left is if you're in public in front of a large audience and your goal is to humiliate them as badly as possible."

Ben Shapiro has a brass plaque of his motto, "Facts Over Feelings." He also has a plaque over his bathtub reading "This is where I get dry" and a plaque over the front door of his house reading "This is where I don't live."

He lives with his wife and cats in Upside-Down Land, where they wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people. It's theorized that if Ben Shapiro ever read a transcript of his own speeches normally (rather than upside-down and backward), he would be horrified and say, "Wait, this is really offensive."

In 2006, Shapiro called for Democrats Al Gore, John Kerry and Howard Dean to be thrown in jail for being critical of the George W. Bush administration, calling them "disloyal" and "seditious." Shapiro apologized in 2018, stating that his 2006 column "absolutely blows. It's garbage." Apparently this was the first time Shapiro had ever read his own writing and discovered what everyone else in the world already knows.