Anon's Quest for the Phat Ass

Jun 23rd, 2014
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  1. >”Celestia I'll pay you five dollars if you turn the girl who live across the street into a mare with a phat ass.”
  2. “Anon, I can accuse you of attempting to bribe a member of the royal office and have you imprisoned.”
  3. >”So is that a yes, a maybe later...?”
  4. “That's a 'no' Anon. I won't turn that poor girl into a pony.”
  5. >”You are the opposite of fun.”
  6. “I'm fun....”
  7. >”No, you're not. You're just a tall stuffy lady who won't make my life easier.”
  8. “Why do you want her to be a mare, anyhow?”
  9. >”So she'll fall in love with me.”
  10. “She'll love you if you convince me to turn her into a horse?”
  11. >“Yes.”
  12. “Your logic is beyond faulty. It's intrinsically malformed. She'll only hate you.”
  13. >”Nooooo, no no no! You see, she hates me as a human, yeah?”
  14. “I'll believe that.”
  15. >”But -but, if she's a pony. A pony, see? Not a human, then she'll love me, because ponies love loving. And then she'll finally let me smack dat ass and watch the waves ripple.”
  16. “I'm going to the store Anon. I'm going to buy milk and fruit and vegetables. When I come back, I want you to be quiet and please stop waving that greasy five dollar bill in my face.”
  17. >”Do you know how many handjobs I had to give out to get these five bucks?”
  18. "..."
  19. >”Alright, so I found the fiver behind the couch when I was jerking it to some boba fett cosplay videos, WHATEVER. Point is it actually took some effort to get.”
  20. “Leaving now, Anon.”
  22. “Walking out the front doooor~
  25. “Starting the car...”
  26. >”But that's my car -HEY! HEY! HI! ALLISON~!”
  27. “Um. Hey, Anon.”
  29. “No, I'm not sweetie.”
  30. “Hi Ms. Celestia.”
  31. “Hello dear, please ignore Anon.”
  32. “He's making it hard.”
  33. >”You're making me hard!”
  34. “Bark bark bark.”
  35. >”Hi doggy. Well I'm gonna go inside now and drink some Hawaiian Punch. See you later. When I'm tapping that round rump of yours, unf.”
  36. “You're a weirdo, Anon.”
  37. >Celestia drives off in your car.
  38. >Jerk it to badly drawn midna porn.
  39. >No downsides.
  41. >Celestia comes back with your car and groceries.
  42. >Help her put them away.
  43. >”So are you going to do it?”
  44. “No, I've told you several times already, now hush.”
  45. >”What if...okay, okay, what if, uh, shit, I ASK her if she wants to be a pony and she says YES, would you do it?”
  46. “Such an act of persuasion would be nothing less than a diplomatic miracle.”
  47. >”Yes?”
  48. “Fine. If you convince her to allow a physical realignment, then I'll agree. Under supervision.”
  49. >”Hot damn.”
  50. >Skip across the street
  51. >Knock on the door
  52. >Knockknockknockknoc
  53. “Okay I'm coming, I'm comi-oh no, what do you want?”
  54. >”To turn you into a mare. With a phat ass.”
  55. “Why are you so obsessed with butts?”
  56. >”Well why NOT? They're GREAT! I mean they're so round and full and bouncy, I just want to dive in headfirst and go WRBRBWBBRWBRB!”
  57. “You are so gross.”
  58. >“Allison, I'll have it known that I took a shower today, I even used soap. Anyhow, for why I came over here. To look at your booty. Unf. Anyhow, no. No. The real reason I'm here is because I've convinced Celestia to turn you into a mare, if I can convince you to let Celestia turn you into a mare.”
  59. ”That....that actually makes sense to you, because of your brain damage, huh?”
  60. >“Yeah it does, I mean, this way is totally better, you get to be a mare and I get to keep my five bucks! Win-la-fucking-win!”
  61. ”And you want me to be a mare, because why? I mean, what, do you think I'm an ugly human? Seriously?”
  62. >“No, it's because you hate me, but you'll love me as a horse.”
  63. “You're reaching a, like, record breaking level of stupid. Alright, fine. Fine, Let's just go talk to Ms. Celestia and try getting you over this weirdo fantasy of yours.”
  64. >”Yeeeeeeesssssss.”
  65. >Go back to the house.
  66. >“Celestia, she said yes! Alright, chop-chop, horse time, bitches. Let's turn this living room into a fucking stable!”
  69. “Allison, did you really agree to be a mare?”
  70. “Sorta. But only long enough to say I won't like him if I have two legs or four.”
  71. >”But I don't need you to LIKE me, I just need you to let me FUCK you.”
  72. “Can we please get this done with, Ms. Celestia?”
  73. “By all means.
  74. >Poof.
  75. >”Oh my god, that ass. That ass. The phatness. Phat. Phuck.”
  76. >She looks herself over.
  77. “It is pretty out there.”
  78. “You do look rather striking, dear.”
  79. “Thank you Ms. Celestia.”
  80. >”I can tap it now, right? My dreams are coming true, right? Right!” You raise your hand in the air for optimal smacking position. “IT'S TIME TO BRING THE THUNDER, RIGHT?”
  81. “No.”
  82. >”Huh?”
  83. “You do not have permission to smack my butt.”
  84. >“But...but you're a....”
  85. “Yes. I am, and I still don't want any spanks, taps, smacks, paddles, or whips. And if you do I'm gonna tell my daddy. And he's black, so he'll kick your ass.”
  86. >Your hand hovered in air. Your brain ground against the impasse. “Fu -um. Fuuuuuhhhhck.”
  87. “Anon. Put your hand down. Into your pockets.” You slid your hand down your front pockets, grinning sickly. “Your BACK pockets.”
  88. >”Aww...”
  89. “Are we done here?”
  90. >”I just wanted to slap the booty.”
  91. “Urgh. Fine. So be it. My role is to keep the peace, so the peace shall be kept. Anon, you have permission to slap the royal ass. Once.”
  92. >”R-really?”
  93. “Truly. But only once, so make it count. This derriere has withstood the storm of millennia, so be wary.”
  94. >Your hand flashes back into the air.
  97. >You channel all your ki energy into your shoulder
  99. >The sound of a gas explosion rings from your shoulder as your arm fires.
  100. >Your wrist rockets through the air
  101. >“HAAAA MEEEEE”
  102. >Allison stares wide-eyed as the air distorts around your hand
  104. >Contact.
  105. >The fur and flesh of the colossal royal ass quakes and shudders.
  106. >The floorboards she stands on crack and split.
  107. >Celestia makes a little yelp.
  108. “Eep!”
  109. >Allison tightens her cheeks in reflex.
  110. >Your hand falls to your side, every tendon on fire.
  111. >”Yeah, that's the stuff.”
  112. >You fall to your knees.
  113. >”I think...I think I can die now.”
  114. >You collapse face forward.
  115. >Allison pokes you.
  116. “I think he's alive.”
  117. >Celestia rubs her rear with a wing.
  118. “Oh most assuredly. My hindquarters have caused collateral damage before, but they're no murderers. You may wish to leave dear, he'll come around soon and I'll imagine he'll bolt off into his room and, erm, tend to his wounds.”
  119. “Yes, ma'am.”
  120. “One moment, dear.”
  121. >She turns Allison back into a human.
  122. “Thank you Ms. Celestia.”
  123. “No trouble at all. Just...lock your windows tonight.”
  124. “Yes Ms. Celestia.”
  125. >She leaves.
  126. >You wake up a minute later
  127. >Go to your room
  128. >Dirty fap to smacking Celestia's ass and badly drawn Midna porn for two days straight.
  129. >No downsides.
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