Thread 31: Stories 61-69

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Step 1 in master plan to escape hotel unnoticed, fasten makeshift line to ridged surface.

Step two, ensure line is tight and study enough for her weight class.

Step three, ensure clear line of sight down to ground floor, and that no cameras, security personnel or passerbys are within eyeshot between landing point and shadowed alley.

Step four, prepare to drop.

Step five, scream in panic while falling because while the rope is properly secured to the chair, the chair is, in fact, a chair, and cannot hold her weight.

Step six, wonder briefly about the meaning of life and death, family and the importance of time as an abstract concept.

Step six and a half, remember to have Daddy make some of his special brownies for Silver Spoon, and also remember to get her something nice for her birthday. Or just in general.

Step seven, examine ground closely after being place there. To ensure optimum examination, lips are used. Thanking deities above is optional, but nonetheless done.

Step eight, dart into alleyway, thanking said deities that nobody saw the previous examination

Step nine, reconsider previous statement about obtaining brownies if Silver Spoon hoof-faces one more time.

Step ten, double check gear.

Step eleven, smile.

Final step...

>I'm coming for you, sexy.

Get ready to kick some ass.
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>42
"Brain"
'Spike'
~~~~~

>HA HA!

"Okay, you've done a lot of stupid things before, but this takes the cake. Okay, that cake? The cake of crazy? You have taken it, that cake is yours. You have all of the crazy cake."

>Fine line between crazy and brilliant.

"Indeed. I even know what that line looks like, as we leapt over it several minutes ago, and have not looked back on the crazy train."

>There's a simplicity you just can't understand.

"She said, to her brain, not knowing how utterly crazy that sounds, because she is eating crazy cake by the hoof full. Om nom nom, nummy crazy cake."

>It's too simple for you to understand, so I will bring it down a notch. We are over-

'WHAT THE FUCK!?

>Get back to you in a sec... Spike! How are you?

'Uh...42? I uh... wow, okay, did not expect to see you, uh, here. In this place. Last place you were expected, really.'

>Whatever do you mean?

'...You do realize you're in the middle of the pool, right?'

>Why, yes! And the terror consuming my mind is oh so strong, I wish you to know.

'So, why...'

>No reason.

'...No reason. You just... you just hopped on a pool floaty, and swam out to the middle-'

>Paddled, with an actual oar, holes in legs make swimming impossible.

'-right, sorry. But you did all of this, for...?'

>...Training.

'Can you come over here, please? I didn't think I was going to see you, but I'm not passing up this opportunity.'

>I don't know, I need this feeling of terror.

'...'

>...I mean, non-crazy response!

"That sold him."

>SHUT UP... aaaannnoying air conditioner! Isn't it just so annoying?

'...'

>...Right, hold up, rowing!

'...'

>There we go! What did you need?

'Here.'

>Spike, while I am always appreciative for gift giving, and I admit the tiny changeling with a helmet is a rather good fit for one such as myself, I must also admit my confusion. Shouldn't you give this to one of the mares you like?

'Actually, it's not from me. It's from Vekir.'

>Who?

'The morlock, the littlest one... the one that tried to steal your-'

>OH! Oh, her, okay. The one that went after my ass, okay.

'Ignoring that. She won it just for you.'

>...R-really?

'Yep. In a grand battle, so you'd be proud. Wanted you to know how much they respect you.'

>That... that's... wow, okay. That's kind of funny feeling, in the chest area. I will have to thank her at some point.

'You do that... so, uh, you going back in the water now?'

>No no... this is distracting enough...

'Right. Well, if you see Applejack and Rarity, tell them I'm looking for them, okay?'

>Of course, Spike. Have a pleasant evening.

'Right... right....'

>...

"Well, that's one way to keep your mind off of it."

>Indeed, this tiny version of me is quite pleasing to look at.

"...Dawwwwww!"

>You said it, not me.

"And said it I did, AWWWWWWWWWWW!"

>...Daw...

"...You think Cadence likes stuffed-"

>EAT HOOF!

*CLONK!*

>YOU ARE NOT RUINING THIS!

"OW!"

>DAMN RIGHT, OW! NOW GO BACK TO DAWING!

"....Dawwwwww!"

>That's better!
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>Actarius
"Arana"
'JJ'
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>Sooo...

"..."

>...Do you have any hobbies?

"I knit bombs!"

>Uh... bomb-bombs?

"Well, they don't explode, even though they're supposed to."

>How bout that.

'...'

>JJ, you don't have to schooch away from her.

'I don't have to do a lot of things, but I somehow end up doing them most days.'

>Hey, I'm a persuasive guy.

"No, it's okay. Momma was the most terrifying, scariest Changeling of them all! No Queen messed with her! None of them! Heck, nobody even talked to her!... Or got near her... or didn't run away when she arrived... or l-liked us..."

>Oh, Arana, don't be like that. I'm sure one of them liked her.

'I really doubt that.'

>JJ!

'She ate Changelings!'

"N-no! He's right, someone didn't run away..."

>See? Knew it wasn't all dreary. What was her name?

"...C... chitmumrmum..."

>I'm... sorry?

"...rmsmcm..."

>Arana, I can't-

"Ch... Chitania..."

>...Oh...

'You okay?"

>Hm? Oh, yeah, fine. Just fine. Nothing wrong at all.

'You don't look okay. You look uncomfortable. I know what it looks like when you're uncomfortable. I've seen it up close.'

"I'm sorry, I know she's bad..."

>She is. She really, really is. Ate a buddy of mine. Well, not 'buddy', I guess, guess it's kind of wrong to pretend I knew the guy all that well now. But... yeah. I did know his family.

"I'm sorry... I didn't want to say it."

>Hey, it's okay. Right? Totally okay. Glad you're talking.

'It doesn't sound okay.'

>JJ!

'Ack! Don't be rough! I don't like it when you're rough.'

>Sorry, sorry. I'll try to be more gentle.

"...She's not all bad..."

>What was that?

"N-NOTHING!"

'...So, how much longer till the princesses arrive?'

>Too long.

'H-heh, that's my line!'

"...Can you juggle again? Please?"

'Of course, milady! Dadadadadada-FUCKING HOLES!'

"Hee hee! I like that part best!"

>Hope nobody thinks this is weird

'No no, I'm trying agai-FUCKING HOLES!'

"EEEEE!"

>...It's probably fine...
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>SA
"Cadence"
'2'
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>Sweety, tell her not to eat the furniture.

"What? Why me?"

>I need to preserve my role as the fun parent.

"Oh lovey-bits no! I am not getting pigeonholed into the 'not-fun' parent!"

>But I'm already the fun one!

"I can be fun!"

>When do you ever do something silly? I ask you to come along, but you never do.

"What you do with those mares is dangerous and stupid!"

>You think I don't know that? But that's why I ask you to come, so we can be dangerous and stupid together, like we were back when we were younger!

"We're not that old!"

>We are so.

"We are not!"

>Prove it. When was the last time you heard a song in a concert you liked?

"Pfft, it's been years, because nobody is making anything good anymore! We had real talent going on when we were young."

>...

"...I AM NOT OLD!"

>You're old now.

"NOOOO! I'm hip! I'm with it! I'm cool, kiss-it!"

>We're old.

"WE ARE NOT OLD!"

>Are.

"I'LL SHOW YOU! I'll go out there and... and party! There's got to be a night party going on, I'm going to get ziggy with it!"

>...Okay, even when we were young, Ziggy with it was stupid.

"IT'S STILL IN, SHUT UP! NEH!"

*SLAM!*

>...Shoot... Two? Please stop eating the couch.

'Okay, Shiny!'

>...Well, now all of that just feels pointless... she's not going to do anything too crazy, right?

'HEE HEE! I can blow bubbles wit' the stuff from the couch!'

>Wise words, Applejack Two. Wise words.
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Non-canon
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The next day morning, Shining Armor picks up his copy of The Hive Gazette he requested ordered to his room and sees the front page news that shows a picture of Cadence riding a magically enlarged shark with wings over Partyland that read "Princess of the Crystal Empire Ruins Everything: 'Totally worth it!' Mi Amore Cadenza comments"

Shining Armor decided that, for the rest of that day of their trip, he and 2 were going to enjoy the activities found in the hotel itself.
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NC

>DT
"SS"
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>YAY! I finally get my own little subplot!

"You realize this is going to go badly, right?"

>Pshaw, what's the worst that could happen?

"..."

>..Wait, FUCK! NO! FORGET I SAID THAT! DELETE THIS! NOOOOOOO!

"You did this to yourself."

>THAT'S WHAT HURTS THE MOST!
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NC
>Zecora
"29"
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>WHERE THE FUCK AM I!?

"No rhymes?"

>FUCK YOU!

"No rhymes it is.... could be worse."

>HOW!?

"You could be killed offscreen by an evil killer clown."

>...Why would you say that...

"Because."
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NC
>Chrysalis
"SA"
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>Why is this hallway so fucking long!? I swear, it's like chasing a carrot on the end of a stick!

"Look, we are already overloading the innuendo with those two guys up there, we don't need more."

>Wha? Innu... OH! Because, yeah... because dick. You're talking about dick. Your dick. Which I am chasing.

"..."

>...HAH!
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Non-canon preview

>Pinkie
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CoWplXbeUw

We finally made it to the hotel. Night's not over yet though. DT is enacting a plan to bring Sexy back. Spike's running around trying to find Rarity and Applejack. 32 encounters Blueblood in his dream and real Blueblood gets a freedom extension. After Twilight, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and I read Chitania's diary we meet up with Applejack and Rarity to begin our karaoke night. The Cutie Mark Crusaders continue being unused and complain about how they didn't get invited to Partyland. Wait...oooh I knew there were someponies I forgot to invite. Find out next time in thread 32:No Matter How You Look at it. It's Your Fault I'm Not Cool...And of course, fun fan service!
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