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1 | >tennis shirt in the center | |
2 | ||
3 | >Hey there, my name is Sarah L. Heartstrings. | |
4 | >I'm a girl who attends NJ High School for the Gifted | |
5 | >I make straight A's, and am the star player on the tennis team | |
6 | >I seem to be in with the popular crowd, which is nice. | |
7 | >However, I seem to have a bit of an obsession with horses | |
8 | >horses are wonderful creatures. Their mane, their tail, their endurace, their bodies; they're just so majestic I wander what fucking one would be like | |
9 | >I secretly wish I was a horse | |
10 | >I feel like I was meant to be a horse, that being a human wasn't for me | |
11 | >can't tell anyone at school, who knows what they would do | |
12 | >one day, soon after this racist kid comes to our school, this purple girl pops up out of nowhere | |
13 | >claims she's a horse from a world of magical horses | |
14 | >really wanna know more about this girl | |
15 | >hangs out with the racist kid a lot | |
16 | >don't wanna be seen with racist | |
17 | >but wtf the purple girl never leaves his side | |
18 | ||
19 | >work at a local Sonic Drive-In after school from 4-7 | |
20 | >another usual evening | |
21 | >get an order for 15 orders of just fries, weird | |
22 | >get them ready to bring to spot #4 | |
23 | >it turns out to be the racist guy and the purple girl | |
24 | >as i walk up, they recognize me from school | |
25 | >I say hi to the purple girl | |
26 | >the racist guy smiles and says hey, I give a quick wave trying not to talk to him | |
27 | >as I give the fries to them, the purple girl ducks her head down eating the fries like a chicken or something | |
28 | >or like a horse | |
29 | >I gotta know this girl | |
30 | >I ask if we can meet up sometime just to talk and hang out | |
31 | >the purple girl says we can go to the racists kid's house | |
32 | >not what I had in mind | |
33 | >his name is Norman | |
34 | >he groans but says why not | |
35 | ||
36 | >We agree to meet at Norman's house tomorrow night at 7:30 | |
37 | >awyeahhorsetalk | |
38 | >my friend, Bonnie, works at the Sonic with me | |
39 | >I tell her about the horse girl | |
40 | >she asks if I can ever be normal | |
41 | >I tell her to stop being such a candyass, uptight bore and live a little | |
42 | >"whatever" | |
43 | >tomorrow night comes | |
44 | >I come to Norman's house | |
45 | whaddyaknow, Norman's next door neighbor's with Bonnie | |
46 | >his mom answers the door | |
47 | >tell her I'm a friend of Norman's | |
48 | >god I hope I never have to repeat that | |
49 | >she says they're upstairs | |
50 | >I go upstairs and the purple horse girl and Norman are sitting there, the purple girl's talking his ear off about the different anatomies of humans and horses | |
51 | >I say hey and join in | |
52 | >I swerve the conversation to ask the purple girl about where she's from | |
53 | >tells me a shitload of information about how she's from some magical place | |
54 | >it's ruled by horses | |
55 | >it's ruled by fucking horses | |
56 | >the time flies by and it's eventually 11. | |
57 | >I tell them I gotta get back home for tennis practice early tomorrow morning | |
58 | >I really wanna see what the horse world would be like now | |
59 | ||
60 | >Agreed with Purple to meet the Tennis girl at 7:30 at MY house. | |
61 | >'why MY house?' | |
62 | >Purple claims cause it's nicer. | |
63 | >I dont even know where she lives and I ask her just that | |
64 | >'Well I DO have my own place where I live, but right now..im sleeping in the library' she says while fiddling with my cellphone | |
65 | >I...dont even. | |
66 | >she keeps touching random numbers in my phone while she says how cool it's to have fingers but she misses her hooves. | |
67 | >Srs. | |
68 | >The Tennis girls arrives and brings a friend that seems as excited as me. | |
69 | >THE HORSE TALK BEGINS | |
70 | >Horse kingdom, Princess in the moon, some avatar of chaos, a gala with horses, gotta admit that Purple puts detail into things | |
71 | >The ride continues 'till 11 | |
72 | >Tennis says she has to leave and so she does. | |
73 | >I ask the same about Purple who seems to have brought a sleeping bag with her. | |
74 | >Mom makes me sleeps in the living couch so Purple has my own bed. | |
75 | >I never asked for this. | |
76 | ||
77 | >Bonnie tells me she honestly kind of likes how I talk "crazy" about horses sometimes | |
78 | >she says for her its a morbid curiosity thing | |
79 | >my eyes glance out her window and catch Norman | |
80 | >hey, the purple girl is with him | |
81 | >that's it, I'm gonna get to this horse world | |
82 | >I turn to Bonnie and ask if she wants to come with me to a world of horses | |
83 | >"what?" | |
84 | >I don't take time to explain | |
85 | >I shove her off and run out of her room | |
86 | >out the door to Norman's house | |
87 | >I hear Bonnie running after me, shouting | |
88 | >get to Norman's house | |
89 | >ring the doorbell | |
90 | >Bonnie catches up to me, demanding what the hell is going on | |
91 | >Norman's mom answers the door | |
92 | >before she can give a, "hello again" I'm rushing up to Norman's room | |
93 | >faintly hear Bonnie apologizing or something | |
94 | >bust open the door to find the purple girl lecturing Norman | |
95 | >tell her I'm coming back to the horse world with her | |
96 | >the purple girl says it's called Equestria | |
97 | >Equestria | |
98 | >sounds preddy cool | |
99 | >the purple girl says she would be delighted, that "Salestia" would be very interested if she brought back a human | |
100 | >awwwwwwyeahhorseworld | |
101 | >she says to get back to Equestria, she needs to win prom queen this year | |
102 | >weird, but ok | |
103 | >say I'll help out by being part of her campaign group | |
104 | >just then Bonnie walks in, looking flustered | |
105 | >"Sarah, what in god's name are you doing?" | |
106 | >Bonnie, would you like to help this girl here become prom queen? | |
107 | >"why?" | |
108 | >because she's really nice, and sweet, and I'm helping her, so you should too | |
109 | >"whatever" | |
110 | >I say I'll let the tennis team know, see if we can get anyone else to help out or at least vote for purple girl and head out with Bonnie | |
111 | >tell Norman's mom sorry for barging in, I just had to talk to purple girl | |
112 | >she says it was quite alright since she knew me from yesterday | |
113 | >she seems nice, I guess his family isn't racist | |
114 | ||
115 | >as we're walking back to Bonnie's house, she asks if that's the racist kid from school | |
116 | >I say his name's Norman and he doesn't really seem racist since he hangs out with the purple girl | |
117 | >Bonnie tells me her name's Twilight Sparkle | |
118 | >how did you know that? | |
119 | >"She sits in front of me in Trigonometry." | |
120 | >Bonnie also tells me Norman has a thing for the white girl with the purple hair | |
121 | >man, what a racist douche | |
122 | >Bonnie asks me why I'm helping Twilight become prom queen and the world of horses I mentioned earlier | |
123 | >Twilight said if she wins prom queen, she can get back to her horse world, Equestria, and that I could come with | |
124 | >Bonnie stares at me | |
125 | >"Are you serious right now? THAT's why you're helping her? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! It's bullsh- it's horseshit!" | |
126 | >I tell her to come with me | |
127 | >she says even if that was true, no way would she go to a world ruled by horses and ponies | |
128 | >I thought you said you liked all the horse stuff I talk about | |
129 | >"I said I like you talking about itbecause it's funny!" | |
130 | >I tell her I would be so happy, we can go there together | |
131 | >She says she'll humor me and if there really is a horse world, she'll help me get there and come with me | |
132 | >itbegins.jpg | |
133 | ||
134 | >next morning at tennis practice | |
135 | >after practice ends I hand teammates flyers with Twilight on them saying to vote for this girl for prom queen 2013 | |
136 | >they say "doesn't she hang around with that racist?" | |
137 | >you mean Norman? yeah- | |
138 | >they reply "Oh, so you know his name, do you? I wouldn't vote for anyone who's friends with racists" | |
139 | >they walk off all smug | |
140 | >well that could've gone better | |
141 | >now it's just me and one other teammate on the court | |
142 | >it's that rainbow haired girl | |
143 | >as she's leaving I hand her a flyer | |
144 | >she says Twilight's her friend and she didn't know Twilight was running for prom queen | |
145 | >she asks for one more flyer to give to her friend over there | |
146 | >I look over, her friend's that shy yellow girl I see around school | |
147 | >rainbow girl says maybe she and her friend can help | |
148 | >not sure how that yellow girl will help, she never says anything | |
149 | >whatever, the more the merrier, I hand rainbow girl a flyer and it's off to my classes. | |
150 | ||
151 | >I run into Twilight and Norman in the hall | |
152 | >he's telling Twilight no one will take his flyers | |
153 | >Twilight sees me and says to help him, she wanders down the hall to tell people to vote for her | |
154 | >wellthisisawkward | |
155 | >I ask Norman if he's really a racist | |
156 | >"No! Why would I be a racist? I just moved here from out of state, I don't even talk to anyone here, Twilight just won't stop following me." | |
157 | >I heard you have a thing for the one white girl here, though. That seems interesting considering everyone says you're racist | |
158 | >"Listen, just because I like a hot girl that happens to be aryan looking and white doesn't mean anything." | |
159 | >whatever, you don't seem like such a bad guy I guess. | |
160 | >"Holy shit, someone believes me. Thank you for once." | |
161 | >yeah, we'll have to get this misunderstanding sorted out. I'll talk to Twilight about it | |
162 | >I turn to walk off and immediately run into Brad, the quarterback for our highschool | |
163 | >he was eating a corndog covered in mustard, which got on my skirt | |
164 | >I hate mustard | |
165 | >never really talked much to him. Seemed kind of stupid | |
166 | >but damn did he look good | |
167 | >I gave him a flyer and said to vote Twilight for prom queen this year | |
168 | >he stares at it for a few seconds, then loudly blurts out in a deep, but nasally voice, | |
169 | >"Oh hey, that's Twily!" | |
170 | >yeah, Twilight is trying to win prom queen, you should vote for her | |
171 | >"Tell Twily she's got my vote!" | |
172 | >he says with a mouth full of corndog | |
173 | ||
174 | >later in the day giving out more flyers and "vote for Twilight"s | |
175 | >accidentally bump into prom queen from last year | |
176 | >and the prom queen the last 3 years in a row | |
177 | >I never really talked to her, but people always said she was a total cunt | |
178 | >she calls herself Sunset Shimmer | |
179 | >Sunset freaking Shimmer, what the hell kind of a name is that? That can't be her real name | |
180 | >she's going for prom queen again this year | |
181 | >I say sorry for bumping into her | |
182 | >she notices my flyers with Twilight on them | |
183 | >"So, I see you're trying to help that girl who keeps going on about horses to win prom queen." | |
184 | >yeah, so? | |
185 | >"Do you honestly think she'll win? Against me? She's new here, she has no chance. And you, that racist, and a couple other no life's are her ragtag campaign team. Besides, I've been prom queen 3 years in a row." | |
186 | >didn't everyone also find out you banged the prom king every year? | |
187 | >"Shut up, you horsefucker! Oops, did I say that out loud?" | |
188 | >I freeze in terror for a second but laugh it off | |
189 | >Please, just because Twilight goes on about horses so much- | |
190 | >"No, I mean you. I know about your little sick fantasy with horses." | |
191 | >ohshit.jpg | |
192 | >What are you talking about? | |
193 | >"Don't play dumb, you're buying into this stuff. You think that girl will take you to a magical land of horses." | |
194 | >ohhellnaw | |
195 | >Get right in her face | |
196 | >mfw | |
197 | >If you tell ANYONE, I will end you | |
198 | >"Oh please, why would I care to tell anyone about what fetish a bitch tennis girl has? I just think it's funny." | |
199 | >"Well it's funny isn't it? Two horse obsessed freaks, a racist, and some nobodies against the prettiest girl in school with 3 prom queen wins behind her already. It would be cute if it wasn't so fucking ridiculous. I don't even need to try to run against the other horse girl, I've probably already got over half the school voting for me. Well, Ta ta horse freak <3" | |
200 | >I guess that's why people call her a top cunt | |
201 | >How did she figure out about that horse thing? | |
202 | >Bonnie wouldn't tell anyone | |
203 | >would she? | |
204 | ||
205 | >after school at work | |
206 | >Bonnie walks in a bit late | |
207 | >before she can say hi | |
208 | >Bonnie | |
209 | >look at me. We will be best friends no matter what | |
210 | >"what-" | |
211 | >we will get through this | |
212 | >but tell me, did you tell anyone about Equestria? | |
213 | >"You idiot, who would I tell anyway?" | |
214 | >ok so it's not her | |
215 | >Bonnie says it would most likely be the delusional purple girl | |
216 | >dammit she's probably right | |
217 | >the next day I ask Twilight if she's told anyone about how I want to go to Equestria with her | |
218 | >she says she only told Brad | |
219 | >fuck | |
220 | >the rest of the day random people are snickering when they look at me and giving me horseshoes and shit | |
221 | >my popularity is dropping like a rock | |
222 | >oh well, if Twilight's right I'll be out of here soon anyway | |
223 | >Sunset prom queen whore Shimmer walks by and kicks me in the shin, laughing | |
224 | >"oops" she says playfully | |
225 | >Those streaks in her hair always looked like mustard to me | |
226 | >I really hate mustard | |
227 | ||
228 | >the last week before prom goes by pretty quickly | |
229 | >Twilight seemed to get a pretty sizeable group to support her | |
230 | >pretty much all of the outcasts and fat, neckbearded videogame addicts love her | |
231 | >some say Twilight reminds them of their "waifu" | |
232 | >idon'tevenknow | |
233 | >I also got most of the tennis team to swerve towards Twilight's side after me and the rainbow girl introduced Twilight to them | |
234 | >day of prom | |
235 | >Bonnie calls me | |
236 | >says Twilight and Norman want me to help set up the school gym for prom | |
237 | >why us | |
238 | >whatever, I get there, Twilight is waltzing around acting like the manager of preparations or something | |
239 | >Twilight sees me, runs over to greet me with a hug | |
240 | >introduces me to some friends of hers | |
241 | >the white, purple haired girl, an orange girl, a pink girl, and the yellow girl who hangs out with rainbow girl | |
242 | >rainbow's there too | |
243 | >Twilight says she's happy and excited, all her friends are here and Applejack is here too. | |
244 | >suddenly remember I don't have a date for prom | |
245 | >this will be fun | |
246 | ||
247 | >6:28 p.m. | |
248 | >fuck, forgot a dress | |
249 | >man, I got really wrapped up in Twilight's campaign | |
250 | >run home and grab something out of my closet | |
251 | >only dress is one from prom as a freshman | |
252 | >dear lord it's hideous | |
253 | >mom says she'll lend me one of her prom dresses | |
254 | >thanks, mom, you're the best | |
255 | >it's meh, but it fits | |
256 | >get back to the school at 7:25 | |
257 | >Bonnie is sitting at a table all by her lonesome just eating | |
258 | >pull up a chair and sit with her | |
259 | >"You're late, you know." | |
260 | >sorry, forgot a dress | |
261 | >"It's PROM, Sarah, how could you forget a dress?" | |
262 | >I blame Twilight | |
263 | >hey, I'm kinda hungry and they ran out of food, can I have a bite of that sandwich? | |
264 | >"Here, you can finish it." | |
265 | >haven't eaten since breakfast | |
266 | >take a bite | |
267 | >filled with mustard | |
268 | >of all things, mustard | |
269 | >why.jpg | |
270 | >"Hey, Norman is out on the dance floor just standing there, you should go dance with him or something." | |
271 | >Bonnie, have you ever seen me dance? | |
272 | >This is prom, just do it | |
273 | ||
274 | >fine, go to ask Norman if I can dance with him | |
275 | >he says yes | |
276 | >wedancin | |
277 | >tell him I don't think he's a bad guy at all | |
278 | >he says thanks, maybe we can hang out some time | |
279 | >I'd like that | |
280 | >as we're dancing, something magical happens | |
281 | >I look at Norman | |
282 | >He really is a handsome specimen. His features are so smooth with just a slight hint of rugged | |
283 | >his hair moves perfectly, almost like a horses mane | |
284 | >I stare into his eyes | |
285 | >oh his yes, they look so beautiful | |
286 | >Norman looks at me and smiles, looking a bit creeped out or something | |
287 | >I've fallen for this man, and I must him | |
288 | >right as I was going to confess to him what has just struck my heart, that white girl with the purple hair shows up out of fucking nowhere | |
289 | >asks to dance with him | |
290 | >he immediately obliges, leaving me alone on the dance floor | |
291 | >go sit back down with Bonnie | |
292 | >hereIsitallbrokenhearted | |
293 | ||
294 | >feel like crying | |
295 | >gotta stay positive, maybe I'll meet a handsome stallion in Equestria | |
296 | >oh what's the point, I still don't even know if it's real | |
297 | >I could eat mustard right now | |
298 | >the dances end, someone comes up to announce who is prom king and queen | |
299 | >my sadness quickly turns to anticipation | |
300 | >oh yeah, this is what I've been doing for 4 weeks now | |
301 | >"The prom king for the year of 2013 is...Brad [Redacted]!!" | |
302 | >did anyone know he was even running? whatever, now the moment of truth | |
303 | >And prom queen for the year of 2013 is... | |
304 | >Twilight Sparkle! | |
305 | >She comes up to accept the crown | |
306 | >Brad loudly exclaims "hey, Twily got an award too!" | |
307 | >Twilight is about to accept the crown | |
308 | >Sunset Shimmer snatches the crown | |
309 | >top cunt, eh? | |
310 | >she flips shit, bitching and whining about how this was her senior year and she was supposed to get prom queen all 4 years, not some ditzy cunt who blabs about horses and her racist friends | |
311 | >I'vefuckinghadenough.jpg | |
312 | >call Shimmybitch out for the bitch she is | |
313 | >and who even voted for you? No one actually seems to like you, you're just a huge cunt to everyone | |
314 | - | >"I still was prom queen all those years, you retarded horsefucker, I think the people voted for me |
314 | + | >"I still was prom queen all those years, you retarded horsefucker, I think the people voted for me |
315 | ||
316 | >"We didn't vote for you!" | |
317 | >the rainbow girl from tennis was shouting from her table | |
318 | >with her was her yellow friend, orange girl, pink girl, and the white girl Norman liked | |
319 | >soon, other people started agreeing, claiming they never voted for Sunset Shimmer | |
320 | >some people say they voted for years ago, but just that once | |
321 | >everyone says they didn't vote for Sunset this year | |
322 | >"FINE! I actually won prom queen 3 years ago, but I rigged the ballots after that, are you fucking happy?!" | |
323 | >collective gasp | |
324 | >"I've been stuck here way too damn long, that crown is supposed to be my ticket out of here, finally back to Equestria." | |
325 | >holy shit, more horseppl | |
326 | >Twilight also seems pretty shocked | |
327 | >"You're from Equestria?" Twilight asks | |
328 | >"Yes, you idiot. I was Celestia's #1 student. I was the best. In fact, I was as good as Celestia. She thought I needed a lesson, dumb bitch. She sent me here. She said I was done with my lesson when I could come back worthy of being a princess. | |
329 | >"That crown is how I'm supposed to get the hell out of here. | |
330 | >"But every year, it never works. I thought maybe getting the crown all 4 years would work." | |
331 | >"Well now it's time to put that to the test!" | |
332 | >Sunset puts the crown on, acting all evil and shit | |
333 | >nothing happens | |
334 | >"FUCK!" | |
335 | >Twilight tells Sunset a crown is not what being a princess is about | |
336 | >she says a princess must be pure of heart, full of friendship, something like that | |
337 | >Twilight puts the crown on | |
338 | ||
339 | >All hell breaks loose | |
340 | >rumbling, sparks flying, tables overturning | |
341 | >suddenly all is quiet | |
342 | >Twilight grows these huge, hideous wings | |
343 | >a a portal opens up | |
344 | >ohhhhhh shoot | |
345 | >this is it | |
346 | >this is the horse world | |
347 | >look around for Bonnie | |
348 | >Bonnie's standing there, shocked | |
349 | >This is the Equestria Twilight's been talking about. Come with me, Bonnie | |
350 | >"How do you know if we'll be ok?" | |
351 | >realize I don't know | |
352 | >well fuck | |
353 | >uhhh...we'll be together? bff's? | |
354 | >Bonnie agrees | |
355 | >yes | |
356 | >Before we leave, Norman comes up on stage >says he's coming too | |
357 | >white girl yells at Norman asking what does he think he's doing | |
358 | >Norman says he's tired of this school | |
359 | >I don't blame him | |
360 | >if she wants, she can come too | |
361 | >white girl calls him a crazy racist | |
362 | >>racist | |
363 | >>white girl | |
364 | >wat | |
365 | >Me, Twilight, Bonnie, and Norman going to Equestria | |
366 | >Sunset Shimmer tackles us into the portal | |
367 | >"Oh no you don't!" | |
368 | ||
369 | >we dust ourselves off | |
370 | >we look up | |
371 | >the world looks much more colorful | |
372 | >mountains, puffy clouds, flowers | |
373 | >looks kind of cartoony | |
374 | >a big white horse with shimmering hair approaches us | |
375 | >"I see you've made it back with some friends, Twilight. | |
376 | >"Hello there, my name is Princess Celestia. Welcome to Equestria." | |
377 | >HOLY SHIT YES | |
378 | >YES | |
379 | >FUCK YES | |
380 | >IT'S EQUESTRIA | |
381 | >look around at everyone | |
382 | >Twilight is now a pony, still has those freakish wings | |
383 | >those really don't suit her | |
384 | >Twilight gets teary eyed saying she'll miss Brad | |
385 | >of all people | |
386 | >fucking Brad | |
387 | >big white horse with a face like Brad's comes up to Twilight | |
388 | >"TWILY" | |
389 | >Twilight suddenly becomes happy again | |
390 | >"Brother! :D" | |
391 | >mfw | |
392 | >realize we're all ponies now | |
393 | >I can die happy now | |
394 | >we all seem to have marks on out butt now | |
395 | >Twilight says those are called cutie marks, they show what your talent is | |
396 | >mine's a lyre | |
397 | >I'll roll with it | |
398 | >see Norman is now a pony | |
399 | >he's a handsome as fuck stallion | |
400 | >ohyes | |
401 | >see something very large between his legs dangling to and fro | |
402 | >oh wow, is that what I think it is | |
403 | >a massive, glorious stallion cock | |
404 | >I'll see him about that later | |
405 | >Bonnie asks how long we're going to be here | |
406 | >I don't know | |
407 | >but might as well enjoy ourselves now | |
408 | >me and Bonnie head to a local restaurant in a town nearby called Ponyville | |
409 | >classy waiter comes up | |
410 | >order a daffodil and daisy sandwich, no toppings | |
411 | >get it soon after | |
412 | >I wonder how this will taste since I'm a horse now | |
413 | >look at the sandwich | |
414 | >wait | |
415 | >something is horribly, horribly wrong | |
416 | >sandwich has mustard in it | |
417 | >I'm sorry, I said no mustard | |
418 | >waiter looks at me, smiles | |
419 | >But Sarah, you need your MUSTARD | |
420 | >wait turns into a big, insectoid horse creature | |
421 | >army of smaller horse insects out of nowhere | |
422 | >hold me down | |
423 | >force feeding me mustard | |
424 | >everything is melting around me | |
425 | >I wake up | |
426 | >it was all a dream | |
427 | >fucking mustard | |
428 | ||
429 | END. |