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itlives

How to be a perfect Dad

itlives
Apr 3rd, 2014
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  1. itlives: hello, son
  2.  
  3. Venerated_Reaper: Hi, dad
  4.  
  5. itlives: how was your day?
  6.  
  7. Venerated_Reaper: Okay
  8.  
  9. itlives: just ok?
  10.  
  11. Venerated_Reaper: Well
  12.  
  13. Venerated_Reaper: I talked to this girl.
  14.  
  15. Venerated_Reaper: And she said I was ugly
  16.  
  17. itlives: oh yeah?
  18.  
  19. itlives: you're not ugly, son
  20.  
  21. Venerated_Reaper: Thanks, Dad
  22.  
  23. itlives: you're welcome son
  24.  
  25. itlives: got any homework?
  26.  
  27. Venerated_Reaper: No
  28.  
  29. itlives: I think you are lying to me
  30.  
  31. itlives: DO you?
  32.  
  33. Venerated_Reaper: no
  34.  
  35. itlives: son...
  36.  
  37. itlives: don't lie to me
  38.  
  39. Venerated_Reaper: I'm not :c
  40.  
  41. itlives: what if I check your book bag?
  42.  
  43.  
  44. Venerated_Reaper: DON'T LOOK
  45.  
  46. itlives: what is this... is this a condom...
  47.  
  48. Venerated_Reaper: DAD
  49.  
  50. itlives: why do you have a condom in your book bag?
  51.  
  52. Venerated_Reaper: SOMEBODY PUT IT THERE
  53.  
  54. itlives: unless...
  55.  
  56. itlives: oh no, son...
  57.  
  58. itlives: you didnt
  59.  
  60. itlives: son
  61.  
  62. Venerated_Reaper: Yes? ;c
  63.  
  64. itlives: Im disappointed in you
  65.  
  66. itlives: why would you do this?
  67.  
  68. Venerated_Reaper: I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING
  69.  
  70. Venerated_Reaper: SOMEOEN PUT IT THERE
  71.  
  72. itlives: son
  73.  
  74. itlives: dont lie to me
  75.  
  76. itlives: you know I dont like lying
  77.  
  78. Venerated_Reaper: I'M NOT
  79.  
  80. itlives: son.
  81.  
  82. itlives: tell me the truth
  83.  
  84. Venerated_Reaper: NO
  85.  
  86. itlives: dont use that tone of words with me, son.
  87.  
  88. itlives: what. is. it for?
  89.  
  90. Venerated_Reaper: bananas?
  91.  
  92. itlives: son.
  93.  
  94. itlives: dont make me get Grampy Love
  95.  
  96. Venerated_Reaper: NO
  97.  
  98. Venerated_Reaper: PLEASE
  99.  
  100. Venerated_Reaper: NO
  101.  
  102. Venerated_Reaper: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
  103.  
  104. itlives: an explanation
  105.  
  106. Venerated_Reaper: SOMEBODY PUT IT THERE
  107.  
  108. itlives: sure they did
  109.  
  110. Venerated_Reaper: THEY DID
  111.  
  112. itlives: mhm
  113.  
  114. itlives: don't make me get Uncle Nick, too
  115.  
  116. Venerated_Reaper: ****.
  117.  
  118. itlives: dont cuss at me son
  119.  
  120. itlives: NICK! GRAMPY LOVE!
  121.  
  122. KingKyd: What did he do now?
  123.  
  124. Miami_Heat_Lover: *hobbles to the house walking in with cane* what's the problem *shakes cane*
  125.  
  126. Venerated_Reaper: Okay, I got it in Sex Ed. :c
  127.  
  128. itlives: Nick, Love, he is lying to me about this condom I found in his book bag
  129.  
  130. Venerated_Reaper: NO, I'M NOT
  131.  
  132. itlives: dont use that tone, son
  133.  
  134. KingKyd: Oh?
  135.  
  136. itlives: Yup
  137.  
  138. KingKyd: Well at least he is practicing safe sex.
  139.  
  140. Venerated_Reaper: SHUT UP
  141.  
  142. Venerated_Reaper: YOU'RE EMBARASSING ME
  143.  
  144. itlives: son
  145.  
  146. itlives: dont tell your Uncle to shut up
  147.  
  148. Venerated_Reaper: SHUT UP
  149.  
  150. itlives: son
  151.  
  152. KingKyd: Michaelan, calm down.
  153.  
  154. itlives: you are making a scene
  155.  
  156. Venerated_Reaper: I HATE YOU
  157.  
  158. KingKyd: Don't tell me to shut up.
  159.  
  160. itlives: son, you do not hate us
  161.  
  162. Venerated_Reaper: YES, I DO
  163.  
  164. itlives: Grandpa, smack some sense in to your grand son
  165.  
  166. Venerated_Reaper: No! :c
  167.  
  168. KingKyd: We just want you to practice safe sex, Mich. That's all. But we also want to know where you got that condom from.
  169.  
  170. Miami_Heat_Lover: *hits with kane*
  171.  
  172. Venerated_Reaper: I said
  173.  
  174. itlives: GRANDPA NO! NOT LIKE THAT!
  175.  
  176. Venerated_Reaper: Sex Ed ;c
  177.  
  178. itlives: Son. I know thats a lie
  179.  
  180. Venerated_Reaper: OW
  181.  
  182. Venerated_Reaper: STOP
  183.  
  184. Venerated_Reaper: YOUR'E ABUSING ME
  185.  
  186. Miami_Heat_Lover: gonna tell the truth???
  187.  
  188. magicpudding: Awww, you poor baby...
  189.  
  190. Venerated_Reaper: YEAH
  191.  
  192. Venerated_Reaper: I HATE YOU
  193.  
  194. KingKyd: Since when did Shockling High have Sex Ed class?
  195.  
  196. itlives: hello, Grammy Pudin'
  197.  
  198. itlives: son
  199.  
  200. itlives: you do not
  201.  
  202. Miami_Heat_Lover: *keeps hitting*
  203.  
  204. magicpudding: YOu bullies! stop hurting him!
  205.  
  206. Venerated_Reaper: OW
  207.  
  208. Venerated_Reaper: STOP
  209.  
  210. Venerated_Reaper: OKAY
  211.  
  212. itlives: GRANDPA STOP IT
  213.  
  214. Venerated_Reaper: I'M SORRY
  215.  
  216. Venerated_Reaper: MAGIC
  217.  
  218. Venerated_Reaper: HELP
  219.  
  220. itlives: DONT MAKE ME CALL THE POLICE
  221.  
  222. Miami_Heat_Lover: *stops*
  223.  
  224. itlives: thank you, dad
  225.  
  226. itlives: now, son
  227.  
  228. KingKyd: Mich, Shockling Shellington High II never believed in sex ed class. You are lying to us.
  229.  
  230. KingKyd: Tell the truth.
  231.  
  232. itlives: ^
  233.  
  234. Venerated_Reaper: I DON'T KNOW WHERE I GOT IT
  235.  
  236. Venerated_Reaper: I FORGOT
  237.  
  238. itlives: son
  239.  
  240. itlives: tell us
  241.  
  242. KingKyd: Did you take it from a store?
  243.  
  244. itlives: were you trying to use it on the girl that called you ugly?
  245.  
  246. Venerated_Reaper: NO
  247.  
  248. KingKyd: Did you steal?!
  249.  
  250. Venerated_Reaper: LEAVE ME ALONE
  251.  
  252. itlives: *gasp*
  253.  
  254. itlives: he stole!?
  255.  
  256. itlives: SON! HOW COULD YOU!
  257.  
  258. Venerated_Reaper: NO
  259.  
  260. KingKyd: I believe he stole it.
  261.  
  262. itlives: son
  263.  
  264. Miami_Heat_Lover: *starts hitting with kane again* TELL THE TRUTH!
  265.  
  266. itlives: its ok. just stop and think
  267.  
  268. Venerated_Reaper: STOP
  269.  
  270. Venerated_Reaper: OW
  271.  
  272. itlives: GRANDPA GOD DAMN IT
  273.  
  274. Venerated_Reaper: SOMEBODY HELP
  275.  
  276. Miami_Heat_Lover: *stops*
  277.  
  278. itlives: son
  279.  
  280. itlives: tell the truth
  281.  
  282. Miami_Heat_Lover: *sits down*
  283.  
  284. Venerated_Reaper: I AM
  285.  
  286. Venerated_Reaper: BELIEVE ME
  287.  
  288. itlives: son
  289.  
  290. magicpudding: Just say the thruth honey, and it will all be over...
  291.  
  292. itlives: SSH 2 doesn't have sex ed
  293.  
  294. KingKyd: Grandma Pudding is right, Mich.
  295.  
  296. KingKyd: Just tell the truth.
  297.  
  298. itlives: yes, son
  299.  
  300. Venerated_Reaper: lelelel grampa and grammy hav sex
  301.  
  302. itlives: SON! FOCUS! I dont want to see my dad humping
  303.  
  304. itlives: OH GOD THE IMAGE
  305.  
  306. magicpudding: >.<
  307.  
  308. Venerated_Reaper: YOU MOLEST ME EVERY DAY
  309.  
  310. itlives: LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO YOUR DAD, SON
  311.  
  312. itlives: no I dont, son
  313.  
  314. Venerated_Reaper: DAAAAAAAAAAD
  315.  
  316. KingKyd: I stopped molesting you when you were 17.
  317.  
  318. KingKyd: You're 16 now.
  319.  
  320. itlives: son
  321.  
  322. Venerated_Reaper: THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE
  323.  
  324. KingKyd: Exactly.
  325.  
  326. KingKyd: Come here.
  327.  
  328. KingKyd: It's time.
  329.  
  330. itlives: it does if you are my brother
  331.  
  332. itlives: NO GOD NICK
  333.  
  334. Venerated_Reaper: SOMEBODY HELP
  335.  
  336. itlives: NOT AGAIN
  337.  
  338. KingKyd: HE DESERVES IT
  339.  
  340. KingKyd: HE IS LYING TO US
  341.  
  342. itlives: NICK
  343.  
  344. itlives: GOD DAMN IT
  345.  
  346. itlives: THIS FAMILY IS ****ED UP
  347.  
  348. itlives: THIS IS WHY YOUR MOTHER LEFT US, SON
  349.  
  350. KingKyd: Unlike you though Mich, I don't use condoms.
  351.  
  352. Miami_Heat_Lover: *hits with kane*
  353.  
  354. Venerated_Reaper: OW
  355.  
  356. Venerated_Reaper: STOP
  357.  
  358. KingKyd: Ever.
  359.  
  360. KingKyd: *unzip*
  361.  
  362. itlives: I DONT WANT TO LIVE WITH THIS FAMILY ANYMORE
  363.  
  364. Venerated_Reaper: OMG
  365.  
  366. Venerated_Reaper: PUDDING HELP
  367.  
  368. magicpudding: oh gawd... *goes into kitchen* ...
  369.  
  370. itlives: *calls 911*
  371.  
  372. itlives: OK GUYS
  373.  
  374. Miami_Heat_Lover: *stops*
  375.  
  376. itlives: THIS IS THE 7TH TIME
  377.  
  378. itlives: DO YOU REALLY WANT THIS!?
  379.  
  380. Miami_Heat_Lover: I AINT GOING BACK
  381.  
  382. Venerated_Reaper: GRANDPA, STOP HITTING ME
  383.  
  384. itlives: THEN STOP ANNIHILATING MY SON
  385.  
  386. KingKyd: *finishes*
  387.  
  388. KingKyd: Looks like this newbie
  389.  
  390. itlives: OH MY GOD
  391.  
  392. KingKyd: Just got excavated
  393.  
  394. Venerated_Reaper: OMG, UNCLE
  395.  
  396. KingKyd: YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
  397.  
  398. itlives: GOD DAMN IT NICK
  399.  
  400. itlives: THATS IT
  401.  
  402. itlives: IM DONE WITH THIS FAMILY
  403.  
  404. itlives: **** YOU ALL
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