A Jar of Rainbow Lightning

>Day White Lightning in Equestria
>You are Anon
>Wake up
>You've got a pounding headache from last night.
>Walk to the bathroom
>Shit, Shower, and trim your beard
>Would be a sin against Celestia to shave this long tapestry of manhood
>Head down to the kitchen and prepare yourself a hearty meal of biscuits and gravy and grits.
>Check the grandfather clock in the corner
>It's 8:15
>Shit, you're late. You better hurry along, don't want Applejack to tan your hide, even if you are part-owner.
>Walk out the door, and you run into Fluttershy.
How ya doin', Fluttershy?
>You give her a soft smack on the back
> "Oh, umm, I'm good."
Glad ta hear it. What brings ya to my neck of the woods?
> "I just...I wanted to, um, take a guess."
>Guess? At what? You're running late so you really can't stay to talk.
Sorry, Flutters. It'll have to wait, I'm late for work and if I'm not there before long, AJ will rape with a trowel.
>You're known in Ponyville for your crude and frank language
>Her ears flatten at your words, she seems nervous about something.
> "Okay, Anon. Bye."
>Jesus christ, she's so adorable. You can't leave her like this.
Tell ya what, come by at 6 and you can tell me what you were gonna tell me.
>You warmly smile to her and scratch her behind the ear.
>Fluttershy hops up and smiles ear to ear
> "Thank you so much Anon! I'll see you then!"
>She brushes your leg with her tail as she turns and bounds away like Pinkie Pie
Hmmm, weird.
>Arrive at Applejack's farm
>Look around the barn for Applejack, and she's no where to be found
>Only your most prized possession that takes up the main floor space of the barn.
>A large copper still, world renowned for it's high quality and pure alcohol
>Thanks to this magic still, you and Applejack have become the corner of the alcoholic beverage market
>Thank Celestia there's no stupid Anti-trust laws like back on Earth
>This has allowed you both to make a huge bundle of bits
>But since you're both down-to-earth kinds of people, you both donate huge amounts to charity
>Hell, at this point you make all this fruit brandy for the fun of it
> "Thar you are!"
>You recognise that sweet country twang anywhere
Howdy Applejack!
> "Don't you howdy me, you're an hour late!"
So? I'm the owner.
> Applejack snorts
> "Part owner, mind you. Ah swear y'all are the laziest, most irresponsible, most...most.."
You're getting better, I almost thought you were mad for a second.
> "Ah shoot, yah caught on did ya?"
Wasn't that hard, I could tell you were fighting back a grin.
>You both share a good laugh
>After a long (and easy) day of work, you and Applejack sit down for a drink
So what all happened at the part last night? I can't remember much.
> "'Course yah don't, yah drunk."
>She chuckles as she pats you on the shoulder
Well anything happen?
> She laughs into her drink, "Oh something happened alright."
>Oh, damn. You know where this is going. Sort of.
> "You, my little casanova, were sweet talking Fluttershy most of the evening."
That don't seem like a big deal, I'm pretty affectionate when I'm drunk.
> "It went beyond affection after a while, you started to rub her shoulders and whatnot and whisper things into her ear."
Ah damn it. what happened afterwards?
> She scratches her head, trying to remember.
> "Well you whispered something inta her ear and she went straight red."
> "Then for the rest of the evening, she followed you around trying to guess your fetish; sometimes actin' it out."
>Well...Fuck. No more 190 proof alcohol for you.
Then what happened?
> "With every guess she tried, you laughed and told her no. She eventually got a bit extreme."
>Applejack shook her head with a smirk
Oh, Celestia, what did she do?
> "She came up to you with Rainbow Dash and asked if BDSM threeways were your fetish."
>How do you even respond to something like this?
What?! What did I do?
> "You shook your head no and said 'Close.'"
>That don't sound like you. At least, as far as you know.
> "Relax, Anon. You were both blasted out of your minds."
I thought Flutters didn't drink.
> "She don't usually, but Rarity coaxed her inta a beer."
And you say she was blasted?
> "Sweeite Belle could outdrink her without even getting buzzed."
This is news to me. But it ain't the first time I've put myself in a bad spot because of the booze. Won't be the last.
> You remember that Fluttershy is going to be at your cabin at 6, it's 5:30 already.
I have to hit the road, AJ. Fluttershy is coming to my house tonight.
>She raises an eyebrow with a grin
It's not like that. I didn't even know about last night until just know.
> "Sure Anon, but promise you'll be gentle. Fluttershy's pretty del-ee-cate."
>She laughs to herself and you give her the evil eye.
All right, I'll seeya tomorrow.
> "Be careful Anon. Today when Ah saw her, there was something off about her. Ah don't know what it was,, but just be careful."
>That's worrying. Fluttershy and AJ are good friends, AJ wouldn't talk about her like that unless something was serious.
Alright, Later Jacquilynn.
>You're pet name for her. She hates it with a burning passion equal to that of the melting point of tungsten, so about 2000 K.
> "Later sexy."
>You have made it clear to your pony friends that you are not, and will never be, attracted to ponies.
>It just creeps you out to be called Sexy by one.
>You arrive at your cabin afore long.
>It's not that far from the farm, it's just over yonder past the hill.
>You spy Fluttershy already at your front step
>She's got a box with her
>hmmm....Sus-pish-oouuuusss.
Howdy, Fluttershy!
>She jumps in her skin
> "Oh, Anon! You scared me"
>She hides behind her mane
Alright, no use standing out here, why don't you come on in?
>she nods and you both step inside
> "This is a very lovely home you have, Anon."
>You nod
'Preciate it Flutters. Now, what did you wanna ask me?
>She perks up, her cheeks go rosy red, and she quavers.
>She opens her box and pull out Diamond Tiara bound and gagged with a sharpie in the pooper. She quietly says
> "Are filly/mare threesomes your fetish?"
>mfwihavenoface.jpg
Fluttershy...No. Just...Let her go and leave.
>You are simply too shocked to continue
> "But was I close?"
Fluttershy I was wasted when we were doing that. Just stop, I'm not into ponies.
> she sways her ass at you
> "Well maybe if you try one..."
No. I'm not going to do that.
>You untie Diamond Tiara and she runs out as she swears to not tell anyone.
>She's smarter than she looks, you own her dad's buisness and if she told anyone anything like that, you could ruin him and her.
Why are you still here Fluttershy? GO!
>You didn't mean to raise your voice, but hopefully it will help you get your point across.
>Flutterslut flies up to your face, her snout touching your nose and she licks your nose.
> "Come on, I'll make a believer out of you."
NO, FLUTTERSHY! GET OUT!
>She locks lips with you and you push her away
>Flutterwhore launches herself at you.
>A 103 pound pony takes, you, a 270 pound mountain man, straight to the ground
>Fuckin' Dark Matter
>She sits on top of you and pins your arms down
>How the hell is this even happening?
>You lift 50 pound cases of your Appleshine all day, how the hell is she holding you down?
> "Are you ready?"
GET THE HELL OFF ME!
> "You sound ready."
I swear, if you don't get off of me right now...
> "And I swear to you, If you don't get off in me in the next 10-40 minutes, you will regret it."
>Suddenly, Physics kick back in and you simply sit up and she falls off of you.
>You pick her up and carry her to the door
> "Stop! Your bed is that way! Or do you wanna do this in my cottage?"
>You drop her on your front porch, facing the yard
>You wind your leg back and punt her, with steel-toed boots, right in her yellow, wet cunt.
>She gets 30 feet of air, then catches herself and flies away.
>Well, shoot. Now you need new boots. There's mare juice all over these.
>>LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN<<
>A year or two later
>After that night, you didn't see much of Fluttershy.
>When you did, she acted like nothing happened
>You won't ever forgive her for it. So when she tries to talk to you, you give her a hard look and tap your heavy boot on the ground.
>Flutterrapist aside, your buisness is booming with the development and sales of your newest alcohol. Rainbow Lightning.
>You found that it's far easier to make than your famous "White Lightning" and attracts a much larger crowd.
>No two swigs taste the same. Every taste is new and flavorful experience.
>You personally hate the stuff, it lacks the familiar burn of your usual 'Shine, but it pays the bills. And the charities. And fills your money fountain.
>People have tried to duplicate the formula, often to failure and cease and desist orders.
>Life is good.
>Life is easy.
>Was good day for all.
>Day speakeasy in Equestria
>Wake up
>Feeling great these last few weeks
>Buisness is booming
>Your and Applejack's constant donations have boosted the entire economy.
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>Head to bathroom
>Shit, Shower, and manscape
>Had to shave your majestic beard so to make you a reputable buisnessman.
>You fuckin' died that day, but at least you could keep a goatee.
>Walk downstairs and make yourself your favorite breakfast.
>Biscuits, gravy, and grits
>You decide to splurge and delve into your private homemade jam stores
>mmmm...Blackberry
>The king of jams
>There's a frantic knock at the door.
Jesus christ, hold on.
>You walk over to the door, with jam biscuit in hand.
>As you open it, Applejack rushes in.
> "Anon, we got a huge problem on our hooves!"
>she made you drop your biscuit.
>It was the last of the jam.
>Fuckin' Applejack
That was the last of my jam.
> "There's no time for jam, 'Non, we got a crisis!"
Spit it out, you dumb bitch.
>she looks at you angrily
Sorry, it's just...that was the last of the jam I brought from home.
> "It's all right, but something big has happ'nd!"
>You remain silent waiting for her to answer
> "Celestia has outlawed alcohol!"
>wut.jpg
>fuck.gif
>youtube.com/thatgoddamnbitch
>Man... You need a drink
>Your entire livelihood is illegal now.
>What are you gonna do?
>You've got bills to pay, and you got rid of your money fountain 3 months ago.
>Since you and Applejack donated huge amounts to charities, there isn't much money for yourselves.
>Life is bad
>Life is hard
> "Anon, what're we gonna do?!"
I don't...know.
>How could Celestia do this? Her and Luna are one of their top customers
>You supply all of her banquets
>She personally buys a case of White Lightning a year
>There's something wrong here
> "We can't go out of buisness, Ah have a family to take care of!"
You still have the apple farm, you'll just have to go back to that.
> "When Ah did that, Ah still had to do dozens of odd jobs just to make end's meet."
> "The whiskey buisness got us out of poverty, we were finally living well. Granny Smith retired and moved away, so we shorter-staffed."
>They'll never make it now, hell, Applejack may have to start selling her body for money.
>You can't let that happen
Aj, relax. Your family will continue to live well.
> "How's that?"
'cause we ain't goin' out of buisness.
>You needn't say more, she understands.
I'll see you at work tomorrow.
> "Alright, g'bye."
Bye, Jacquilynn.
>She glares at you, chuckles, and leaves without another word.
>You go to the kitchen.
>Open the cellar door
>walk down the stairs
>In the cellar, you turn on the light and rows upon rows of your privately made alcohol appear before you.
This should last a while.
>You are Applejack
>You and your friend Anon are likely to go bankrupt because of Celestia's new law
>You trot home and try to assess the situation
A'right, 'Non said we ain't goin' out of buisness.
But our entire buisness is illegal.
>Your family would have a hissy fit if they knew you were doing anything illegal, but still...
>You need money
>Earlier today, you got a letter in the mail claiming the Head of the new government department, Alcohol Prevention, would be here tomorrow to shut down your operation.
Ah don't know what Anon's got in store, but Ah trust him. Ah shouldn't worry, Anon's got this!
>Somehow, you don't believe yourself.
>Honesty hurts.
>Applebloom and Big Mac greet you at the front door
> "Hey big sis! How was Anon's? Did you tell him Ah said hi? Is he coming over tomorrow?
>Hory Sheet, your sister could talk.
>Big Mac raises a single hoof to her lips
> "Hush."
>she's quiet instantly
> "Well?" Big Mac was anxious for the news.
Anon said we ain't goin' out of buisness and he'll see us tomorrow. That's all.
>Applebloom speaks up
> "What are we gonna do?"
The only thing we can do. Wait.
>You hate waiting
>The time you use to wait is time you could use to get more Rain' Lightnin' made.
>And that's it.
>That's how you'll wait, you'll make Rainbow Lightning until the cows come home.
>Stupid cows are huge gossips, so you don't want them to see you make liquor or store it.
Big Mac?
> "Eeyup?"
Can you help me with the still?
> "Eeyup."
>You are......ANON! you think...
>You feel pretty awesome right now.
>After 13 jars of 'shine, you're not sure what kind, you should be dead.
>But it's cool... It's cool.
>You can hold your liq
BLAARARAGHGHGAGAH
>Okay nevermi
HAGAGBRALARGAGH
>Yep, that's blood.
>You should probably stop, but quitters don't get anywhere in life.
>The only reason you're drinking is because you're depressed, which makes you more dpressed, so you drink more
>It's a vicious cycle.
>You're depressed because your best friend and you are gonna lose your homes. Apple...something, is gonna start being a prostitute.
>Apple....OtherApple is probably gonna do it too.
>Big Apple will probably be their pimp.
>You are focusing on the prostitution way too much.
>Anywho... You need to firgue out how to continue your bizniss.
>Obvious choice is to sell it under-the-table.
>Like at home in the 20's! Hey that'll be fun!
>Yeah!
>Right now, you need to get to bed.
>Don't wanna be late.
>Shit, Shower, Shave.
>Head to bed
>Sleepy time.
>Was bad day for all.
>Ohh...You're head.
>This is The. Worst. POSSIBLE. Hangover. EVER.
>Oh, God. You're talkin' like Rarity.
>You roll out of bed and smack your head on the corner of the end table in the process.
>Barely hurts, you must still be drunk.
>you should probably get to Applejack's.
>Don't want to be late
>But first! Breakfast.
>Head down to the kitchen.
>There's blood and coffee everywhere and a huge turd right in the middle of the floor.
>The sight sobers you immediately
>fucknotagain.jpg
>It hits you, when Shat, showered, and Shaved, you did it in here.
>A huge chef's knife lies on the counter covered in blood.
>You stick your tongue in your cheek and find that your tongue goes through
What the hell?!
>You run to the bathroom and look into the mirror.
>Oh
>Mah
>Allah
>There's a huge gash on the side of your face and burn splotches all over your head.
>You must of showered with coffee
>Everything hurts
>You find some thread and a needle and get to work
>It ain't pretty, or sanitary, or safe, or helpful, but you stitch your face shut.
I need a drink. or an I.V.
>Health aside, you need to get Applejack's right now.
>You head out on your way, and you spy Fluttershy heading to Applejack's farm.
>It's gonna be one of those days.
Sigh...
>At Applejack's farm
>Fluttershy is talking to AJ about an upcoming picnic or some shit.
>Sounds like your not going.
>Fine, You didn't want to go to sexy pone orgy anyways
>What?
>You meant picnic.
>You ain't no pony fukker
>You don't embrace stereotypes so easily.
>Applejack calls to you, "Anon, git over here."
Comin'
>You know who'd get you comin'
Stahp brain
>Dat Applejack
Quit saying sh... You think so?
> "Anon? Ya alright? Yer covered in blood."
Hmm? Yeah I'm good. So what would your friend Fluttershy want of us, today?
>Fluttershy speaks up, "The reason I am here, as you may both be surprised, is to inspect and shut down your liquor operation."
>That's way too confident for her. Something's going on.
>Applejack's jaw has dropped.
>You're face wound starts to bleed because of your elevated blood pressure
> "I"m sorry to be the one to do this, but the law is the law."
>Flutterknight flashes you a quick grin
You whorse! You fuckin' spineless...
> "Language, Anon!"
You did this, didn't you? You convinced the princess to outlaw liquor!
> "Oh, I may have had a hand in it."
>She giggles
>Applejack just sits down. One of her best friends is destroying her life. You can't imagne what's going on in her mind
>INSIDE APPLEJACK'S BRAIN< Ah wonder if me and Big Mac could have a bunch of kids and collect welfare.
I swear, Fluttershy, I am going to kill you.
> "Temper! You wouldn't want to get in more trouble than you already are!"
I don't care how much "trouble" I'm in, you're gonna get hurt.
>You take a step forward, fists shaking
>Two large pegasi fly down from a low cloud and tackle you to the ground
>You try to fight back, but they have spray you with some burning liquid
>Smells like mace. Love the smell of mace in the morning
>A larger earth pony runs to the scene from the tree he was hiding behind
>He grabs Applejack and hogties her hooves together
> "You are under arrest, in accordance with Canterlonian law, for the distribution, possession, sale, and manufacture of alcoholic beverages."
LET ME GO! I SWEAR I'LL...
>One of thhe pegasi clocks you in the jaw
cook you a nice pretty applefart
>You're out like a light and fall with a resounding thud.
>Fluttershy grins and motions to the Pegasi
> "You go, I'll take care of this one.
>They exchange looks, shrug and fly away
>Applejack snaps out of her stupor and tries to chew through her bonds
>Fluttershy smacks her on the back of the head
> "You cut that out, or I'll add resisting arrest to your charges."
> "Why are yah doin' this? Ah thought we were friends!"
>Fluttercop chuckles and shakes her head
> "We ARE friends, but the law's the law. Don't take it so to heart."
>Applejack's face goes redder than the apples she grows
> "Why yah no-good, dirty, varmintin', whor..
>Fluttershy interupts Applejack with a open mouth kiss
> "MMMMmmmmMMMm-plawh! Take that with you to jail."
>Fluttersy nods and the earth pony drags Applejack away
>You start to come to, but very groggily
> "Now, now. What to put in you..."
>ohboyherewegoagain.jpg
>At Fluttershy's cottage
>You're fully awake now
>Suprise! You're tied to Fluttershy's bed
>More Suprise! You're naked
>One Metric Fuckton of Suprise! Flutterrapist is going to town on your flaccid pole
>Gotta give her A for effort, she's really suckin it.
>She must of been a dyson in a past life.
>Fluttervacuum stops
> "Why won't you get hard?"
>You honestly have no clue, her mouth felt amazing
Must be magic.
> "I think I know what it is, I never guessed your fetish."
>Well, good luck to you
I don't think you'll get it.
> "I think I will."
>She trots over to a drawer and oulls out a box of matches
>This seems familiar.
What are you doing, Flattern Shceuen?
>What the hell? You don't know German.
>You must of been German in a past life
> "You'll see."
>She takes out a bottle of oil, open it, and dumps it out on your chest
>This is way too familiar.
>You start to panic
Stop it, Fluttershy! You better not light that match!
>She grins, strikes the match.
QUIT IT! I DON'T TO DIE!
>She brings the match across you're face
PLEASE I'LL DO ANYTHING!
>and lights a scented candle
> "What are you screaming about? I was lightning a candle."
Oh... I thought you were gonna light me on fire and masturbate will I burn.
> "I will if you want me to."
Noimgood.
>You are Applejack
>Your in jail, you've lost your buisness, your family's gonna be on the street, and you still can't work up the courage to tell Anon how you feel
>If you even see him again.
>your life is shirt
Sigh... Ah hope Anon is alright.
>A unicorn leads you to a cell
>She opens the door and you walk inside
>there are 3 large stallions in the cell
Uh, excuse me, Miss Jailor? Aren't the mares and colts suppostah be seperated?
>The unicorn rolls her eyes
> "The jail's overcrowded due to the new laws. This cell is the only one that had room."
>The jailor shuts the door and leaves
>You turn around and face the stallions
>One of them is bigger than your brother, but he's fat.
Uhh... Howdy partners.
>The biggest colt barks at you
> "Shut up. I don't wanna hear you talk. Now, you're gonna be a good girl and turn around."
Ah will do no such thang!
>Two of the colts rush up to you and tackle you down
>You try to kick them off, landing a hoof on one, but ultimately they subdue you
> "You could have done this the easy way."
>The fat stallion positions himself behind you
>One of the other stallion gets beneath you and pulls you on top of him
>The last stallion puts a hoof on the back of your head and stands on his hind legs.
Stahp. Please. Ah didn't do anything to y'all.
>They don't listen
>Their dicks prod at all your orifices
>You try to squirm out of it, but to no avail.
> "Hold still, you Applewhore."
>He smacks you hard on the ass
> "Now, Let's begin."
>All three sham (combination of shove and jam) their hard rods into you
>You try to scream but there's too much cock in your mouth to even breathe right.
>All you can do is take it.
>You hope Anon is at least all right.
>You are Anon
>Flutternutterbutter has got you tied down.
>Big whoop
>Wanna fight about it?
>She's rubbing you down with oil
>Surprisingly relaxing
>feels good man
>Fluttershy tries to stick her tongue in your mouth
>lol nope. You keep yout mouth shut and bar your teeth.
> "Hmph!"
>She won't be so easily beaten though
>Your cheek wound starts to hurt
>Forgot all about that
>Fluttershy sees a window of opportunity
>she goes back to her drawer and pulls out a small knife
What's going on?
>She hovers over you.
Flutrshi
>She get's real close
wut r u doin
>Places the blade under your stitches
Flutrshi
>she grins at you, you cringe
STAHP
>She pulls the blade up with all her might, cutting all the stitches and widening the wound
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHYOUFUCKINBITCH!
>Mid-scream, Fluttershy sticks her tongue down your throat essentially eats your face.
>The pain is so unbearable, you pass out for a while.
>When you come too, there's blood, spit, and oil all over you.
>Maybe it's a dream?
> "Anon."
>lol nope.
>you're laying there, too aroused by what you see to move.
>She's did it. She's guessed your fetish.
>God that's hot.
> "What do you think?"
>She giggles.
I love it.
>She's wearing a pair of your overalls, with a dip of tobacco in her mouth, playing Duelin' Banjos on your banjo.
>And you can't take it.
> "You got a purty mouth."
OH GOD YES, YES! MY MOUTH IS BEAUTIFUL!
>your pre-cum gets lift off, blowing a hole through the ceiling.
TAKE ME NOW!
>You explode out of your bonds and tackle Flutterjimbob
>She in position. Face down, ass up. She's waiting for that hot monkey dick.
>You have your erect erection ready to go behind her.
> "Come on Anon! Take my virginity!"
>Instant flaccid
>She's a virgin.
>Now you're a good christian man (sort of), so you're not gonna take anyone's v-card unless you plan to marry them.
Ehh.. I got a meeting tomorrow. Soooo yeah. I gotta go.
>You haul ass out that thar door and skip town to your cabin over yonder
>You quickly put on some clothes
>Head down to your cellar.
>It's a wreck.
>All of the jars are smashed
>Except one.
>A single jar of Rainbow Lightning
>As much as you need a drink right now, you need to save it.
>It's probably your only chance to save Applepone
>You tuck it in your coon skin satchel and run out the door.
>You are Applejack
>You've been raped, abused, and nearly killed
>Thankfully a guard came by and saw what was going down and tazed the three stallions
>Now you're in the infirmary
>Those brutes broke your foreleg and your ass is destroyed
>It actually needed stitches.
>Hopefully Anon won't see you. You're a pitiful sight. You doubt he would ever love you now that you've been so violated.
> "Applejack!"
>oh, Hay...
Anon! You're here!
>You hide under your blanket
> "Why are you hiding from me?"
Ah don't want yah to see me like this.
>You've never been so embarassed in your life.
>Not even when Granny Smith found you sucking Big Mac's dick
>It's not like you knew what you were doing
>Big Mac bet you it tasted like the rest of a pony's skin, and he can't reach it
>So you volunteered to try
>You're getting off topic
> "Applejack, talk to me."
Ah can't.
>It's better if he don't know.
> "It'll be easier to talk to me if you move the blanket."
Sigh, Alright.
>You lower the sheets
>Wish you didn't, Anon is a terrible sight.
>Blood, and other fluids streaked through his hair and his face. His face is torn apart by his cheek. You can see his teeth on the other side.
Oh mah Celestia! What happened?
> "Long story, what happened to you?"
Ah'll tell you mah tale, if y'all tell me yours.
>Anon sighs.
> "Sounds fair 'nough."
>You are Anon
>It's been three weeks since Applejack was moved to the infirmary for the 4th time.
>In about a month, she'll be cleared to go back to her cell
>There is no court system, only the accused spending time in jail.
>That's why all the ponies are so nice, no one wants to be on the bad side of anybody.
I need to get her out of there.
>You need bits. A lot of bits.
>The bail for for such a "hardened" criminal like Applejack is 15,000 bits.
>To put that in perspective, 1 bit can get you a cherry.
>That's a lot of cherries
>Oh, yeah. You're home was destroyed by Fluttershy for running out on her.
>So you can't sell it for bail.
>All you have is your banjo, a pair of boots, a pair of overalls, and that jar of Rainbow Lightning.
>Prohibition has been going on for about a year now.
>Ponies everywhere are dying from the cheap, dirty alcohol they make at home.
>Pfft. Amateurs.
>That gives you an idea...
>An evil, awful idea...
>A terrible, horrible idea...
>>ONE BANK ROBBERY LATER<<
How the fuck does the First Ponyville Bank only have 3,000 bits?
>It's a fucking bank after all.
>Damn it, looks like your gonna have to sell your 'shine.
>You really didn't want to. it's the last good alcohol in equestria
>But, you don't want Applejack to die in prison...
Hmmm...choices, choices...
>Fine, you'll sell the booze.
>Damn it.
 >There's only one way to sell incredibly illegal substances to the masses
>An Auction!
>Don't quote me on that, I may be wrong.
>Anyways, You convince Mr. Cake to allow the auction to take place at sugarcube Corner
>Later that evening, ever pony in ponyville is there to buy the last jar of clean booze in Equestria.
>Some ponies have taken out second mortages on their homes.
All right, let's get this show started.
>You hold up the jar of Rainbow Lightning
>All the ponies gasp
>Rainbow Dash sprays down the crowd in mare juices
>She's probably the worst drunk you've ever met.
>And the richest.
>Cha-ching.
All right, as you all know, this auction is to bail out our good friend Appleja
>The mayor yells at you
> "We don't give two shits about that dumb hick!"
>Ouch.
Mayor, you're out.
> "WHAT? WHY?"
Because Reasons.
>she leaves in a huff and drinks a bottle of hand sanitizer on the way out.
>Jesus Christ, maybe bringing alcohol to Equestria wasn't a great idea.
Let's start the bidding at 5,000 bits.
> Rainbow yells, "5500 bits!"
>Carrot Top yells back, "7500 bits!"
>Hory shit, this is gonna be easy.
>Pinkie yells out, "ALL MY BITS!!!"
>Mrs. Cake sits her down and silence her
> "Shut the hell up, Pinkie. You only have 200 bits, and you owe me 28."
> "200,000 bits."
>Sugarcube Corner goes quiet.
>All eyes are drawn to this stupid or desperate mare.
>Derpy stands there with a pair of sunglasses on.
>It's 8 at night.
>And the lights are off.
Any counter-bids?
>silence
No?
>silence
Sold!
>Derpy walks up to you, one eye peeking over her sunglasses
Do you have the money?
>She hefts a large sack of bits onto the table in front of you.
Thank you, Derpy. This is incredibly kind.
>She nods and grasps the jar of 'shine. She raises it far above her head.
>You shake your head knowingly
Do it Derpy, It's only right.
>Derpy brings that jar to the ground with the force of a jar full of alcohol being thrown to the ground by a pony.
>The jar shatters, sending the rainbow colored alcohol everywhere
> "Did you guise see dat? It went kablowaaowoaowawplllumie!
>Good ole Derpy.
>you hightail it out of there and straight to the jail.
> "Stop right there, Mr. Meanie!"
>Fluttershy stands before you with a gun in hand.
> "You are going to love me!"
Uhh...No.
> "I holding a gun to you!"
I don't care.
>GOD YOU ARE SO FUCKING EDGY IT HURTS TO WRITE THIS. OH SHIT, THERE'S BLOOD ALL OVER THIS FUCKING KEYBOARD. DR. ZOIDBERG 2016 WHOOPWOOPWHOOP
I don't have time for this.
>You walk up to her, swing the bag of gold across her face, and walk inside
>She's out.
>You bail Applejack out an both of you return to her farm in peace.
>>LET US COMMENCE THE ACT OF A CHRONO WARPATURE ONCE MORE<<
>It's been three years since Celestia overturned the prohibition.
>Turns out Fluttershy snuck into the castle and wrote it down in the old laws.
>She had Twilight bring it to the princess's attention.
>Don't matter none much now.
>You, and the Apples are living comfortably on the farm.
>Thanks to Derpy and the hundreds of jars of booze Applejack and Big Mac made before Applejack was arrested, The four of you never have to work again.
>Life is good
>Life is easy
>Applejack finally came out to you about her feelings
>You were apprehensive about it at first, but quickly got over it when she found out what you're fetish was.
>You are now Applebloom
>You can't sleep because your sister and Anon are having hot sex.
>How can you tell? You can here Applejack play Dueling Banjos from the damn barn.
>That's usually followed by Anon screaming, "YES, MY MOUTH IS SO PURTY!"
>Then you can see a clear, white fluid being launched into the stratosphere.
>It was okay at first, until you started hearing "Eeyup" Every once in a while.
What the hay? They didn't invite me?
Hmph.

The End