To Make Amends

A very interesting idea from irathernot. This one will involve things from the live stage plays as well, which I'm not 100% well-versed with, but hopefully I could pull it off for the most part. Mainly deals with the Mayakuro revue against Koharu, and then Crete.

Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.

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															To Make Amends

It's been days since the events of that night had transpired.

And ever since, Claudine hasn't been able to look Maya in the eye.

Not after what she'd done.

None of them have really been able to look at Maya the same since, particularly Nana. Though she'd told Maya she'd forgiven her for her actions that night, Claudine can't be certain she'd said those things genuinely.

And Maya had apologized, but she isn't sure if that had been genuine either.

After all, Nana had still been in pain even days later, and Junna in particular had refused to say so much as a word to Maya for at least one day.

It's all just a heavy, sickening atmosphere hanging around the nine of them for days to come. No one talks much, and when they do it's all forced and nervous.

Claudine makes a few sorry attempts at conversation here and there. But whenever she turns to Maya, she can't help but flinch a little. She's now unnerved at the idea of talking to her, of dancing with her, of simply sitting beside her.

And she hates it. She hates it so much.

But she can't help it. Not after what she'd seen…

Even after a week has passed and the others have gradually begun to revert back to their normal selves, Claudine remains hesitant. Though she puts up her pretenses and wears her usual mask around her friends, and an even heavier mask around Maya, her heart is still deeply unsettled...

And it's only made indefinitely worse one day after classes have ended - when the two of them have opted to linger in the studio as they often would in order to review a few things.

Because out of seemingly nowhere, Maya ambushes her with what feel like the gentlest, and most untrustworthy of words.

"Saijou-san…"

Easing Claudine back in toward herself from a twirl, Maya all but forces Claudine to finally make proper eye contact with her after so many days lacking it.

"I've done a great deal of thinking over the past few weeks. No - months, even. And I've decided I should tell you sooner rather than later…"

And Claudine's heart all but stops. She tenses up, freezing in place as an awful dread grips her with sharp, piercing claws.

No… This isn't what she wants to hear. Not right now. She'd envisioned this moment a million times before, but not like this-

"Saijou-san-" Maya continues, and her tone seems genuine, but Claudine hates the fact that she can't even trust her right now. Maya loosens her hold on Claudine just a little and presents her with a nervous little smile. "I've decided it's time I tell you my honest feelings, Claudine. In all the time we've spent together, I truthfully have never felt as I have around you ever before. And I want to keep feeling those things in the future as well…"

No. Don't. Please stop. Not now. Not like this…

Claudine wants to pull away, to tell her to stop, but whatever part of herself that wants this wants it more desperately than the part that doesn't. So Maya continues.

"Claudine… I have feelings for you. I cannot deny it any longer. You, more than anyone else, I want by my side. For the rest of this year, and for all of next year, and even after graduation as well… It can be no one else but you, Claudine."

And surely, Maya must expect nothing but acceptance from her.

Surely, she must expect immediate - if not bashful - reciprocation.

And at any other point in time, Claudine would have given her just that.

But not now.

Now, she looks down and slowly steps away, out of Maya's grasp. She turns away, and feels she can hear Maya's heart sinking as she does so.

"I'm sorry-"

Her voice is choked and thin - nothing like what it normally is around her. Claudine feels another wave of nausea rising up in her chest.

"Not… not now…" she rasps. "I need some time to think…"

And without looking back, she runs out of the studio, and away from Maya.

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Claudine had never been afraid of many things. Stage fright and ghosts and things of that nature were common discomforts - things that didn't really have a lasting effect of terror on her.

There really wasn't much that fell into the category of concepts or things that truthfully and deeply terrified her to her very core.

In fact, for the longest time, she'd thought nothing at all fell into that category.

But the events of their recent underground revues had proven her horribly wrong. And the fear she'd discovered there is one she'd never expected for as long as she lived.

Tendo Maya.

The person whom she'd extended her hand to in spite of how everyone else in the school had seemed to be so intimidated by her. Claudine had been the only person who hadn't been afraid to approach her and to challenge her for her top spot. Tirelessly, endlessly practicing and straining to reach her, in spite of the possibility of failure.

That had scared her too - the thought of failure. The thought of everything she'd ever worked for coming crashing down on top of her to suffocate her.

But even that came only second to this newfound terror. A terror she'd only just borne witness to only a few days prior.

Now, she's alone in her room, curled in her bed in the darkness of the quietest hours of the morning, somewhere between 3 and 4AM. These are the minutes when the world seems the most still, the most silent.

And the most terrifying.

Thoughts tend to run rampant, and hearts become weak. No matter what she does, she can't bring herself to stop her mind from wandering back to the memories of what had transpired weeks ago at those revues. Her heart pounds throughout her body, and her throat constricts. She can't stop the pin-pricks that stab behind her eyes and create a heated stinging sensation that continues to threaten to drip free.

After all they've been through…

After all she's done with and for Tendo Maya…

During their revue against Karen and Hikari so many weeks ago, Maya hadn't hesitated for a second in selecting Claudine as her partner. Claudine had liked to believe that, even if she hadn't been an option - even if she'd been seated in the audience like the others - that Maya still would've chosen her.

As always, their chemistry had been unparalleled. They'd danced, sang, and moved as one, not needing words nor even eye contact to innately understand what the other was feeling or intending.

And Claudine had willingly relinquished her sword for Maya - thrown away her last chance of winning that revue for herself in letting go of the only weapon she had that would have cut one of their opponents' buttons. The second she'd let go of that sword, she had let go of her desire to surpass Maya and be the one to decide the winners of that fight.

Instead, she had sacrificed that chance at her own glory for Maya's sake. She had given that chance away to Maya without a second thought, allowed her to use that blade as a stepping-stone to soar ever higher, ever more brilliantly than anyone else ever could have.

But even in spite of that, Maya had been the one to lose.

Did it mean Claudine's support of her hadn't been good enough? Had she fallen short for her, even after all those months of rigorous, arduous trainings? Even though she had been chosen to stand beside her and to accompany her, was Claudine still not good enough…?

Those had been her fears at the time. Yet Maya had reassured her with kind, gentle eyes - if not a shoddy French accent. Claudine had wept and smiled and accepted her hand when she'd offered it. In that moment, she had truly felt worthy of Tendo Maya, even in the face of their evident loss.

But even that loss had been something they had shared, something they could both hold a mutual understanding in.

But that isn't the case now.

More than anything right now, Claudine wishes she could erase all other thoughts from her head and simply let her mind continue replaying the memories of that night - of how she and Maya had worked together, hand-in-hand, side-by-side.

She wants nothing more than to keep hearing Maya's comforting words in that mediocre French.

She'd give anything to hear her say such things to her again right now.

But it never happens. Only the same silence - the eerie stillness of the dark, where the faint light of the moon dusting in through the curtains only serves to make the shadows all the darker. They dance on her wall, above her bed - reaching for her.

The first tears begin to fall, seeping into the fabrics of her pillow, and after that there's no stopping them.

Tendo Maya… she herself had once declared that it would be best for everyone to work together, for all of them to strive for greatness as one.

So… was all of that just a lie? How am I supposed to trust you now…? After what you did…

Their fight against Koharu should have been a warning. At the time, the idea of Maya losing on purpose, solely so she could 'test Claudine's skills' had seemed like just another infuriating prank pulled by her, a trial to ensure Claudine wouldn't give up on her just because she lost.

But now it all makes sense.

That initial, poignant, stabbing pain she'd experienced at the thought of Maya's betrayal had been real.

The thought that Maya would quit Seishou for Seiran…

The thought that she would leave all of her friends behind, forget all of her experiences they'd shared, leave everything behind in the dust simply so she could continue pursing her own path to the top alone… without them… without Claudine…

That agony Claudine had felt had been genuine.

And Maya had let it happen to her.

Perhaps she'd played it off as a 'test' of Claudine's skills afterward, but in those moments before that reveal, it had been real to Claudine. It'd felt like her heart was breaking, like her soul was shattering, like her world was imploding.

After all, everything she'd ever striven for, everything she'd ever worked for, the only person she'd ever wanted to stand beside with such ardency had left her behind for total strangers.

Maya had orchestrated the entire ploy. She had cruelly allowed and hoped for Claudine to experience such soul-crushing despair, and later revealed it all as a guise.

Reflecting on all of that now, it had just been a twisted, wicked act.

And now Claudine can't believe it had all been merely a 'test' of her skills; she can no longer trust the girl she'd once trusted with her life.

Some part of her believes Maya had truly harbored intentions of joining Seiran that night. Even if she'd revealed it all as a cunning scheme afterward, how was Claudine to have faith in her now? How was she to be certain Maya hadn't actually intended to leave her and all their friends behind in order to continue pursing her goals all on her own?

She'd always been lonely at the top until Claudine had come into the picture. Maya had told her as much herself. She'd expressed her gratitude toward Claudine in particular.

And like a fool, Claudine had actually believed her. How couldn't she? After all, as much as she tried to deny it - as ardently and furiously she tried to ignore it… Tendo Maya was special to her.

Their relationship is unlike any other Claudine has ever known or witnessed.

Rivals… enemies…

Partners… friends…

And even something more.

Something that always left her heart pounding, her body yearning, sometimes to the point where it hurt.

Love.

She almost can't bear to think the word now. Not after everything…

But how could she blame herself? After all this time chasing after her, trying to match her, singing and dancing and laughing and fighting together with her… Wouldn't it be natural to fall for her? For such a beautiful, shameless, powerful woman?

She isn't quite sure when it had happened, or if there'd been a specific instance at all. More likely than not, it had been a gradual process, one that had whittled away at her slowly, that had made Claudine's heart beat just a little faster and a little harder each day.

Until she was hopelessly and irrevocably trapped beneath the piercing weight of those jaws - jaws that threatened to swallow her whole.

Even after what she'd seen on that stage… Some part of her still loves Tendo Maya.

Even after what she'd seen…

What she'd seen…

While all Claudine had been doing was messing around solving the quarrels of sibling rivalry.

That isn't to say she isn't proud for helping Shiori and Fumi settle their differences and forge a newfound understanding to improve their relationship. But in retrospect, when she'd discovered exactly what Maya had been doing at the exact same time…

Claudine's actions had been child's play.

While she had been making jokes about ponzu to lighten the mood and help improve the sisters' relationship into what it had once been, Maya had been on some other stage, committing the ultimate betrayal.

To put up the pretense of betraying Sieshou for Seiran had been one thing. Inhumane as it might've been, she had revealed it to all just have been a test in the end.

But that…

That most recent act of treachery…

For her to have betrayed Nana, of all people…

Nana.

Who had sacrificed more than any of the rest of them - even more than Hikari, perhaps.

Nana - who had fought over and over again, countless times, in order to rewind their fun-loving school days and allow them all to continue living happily with each other.

Even though they had all expressed their honest wishes to her, and helped her through the process of moving on toward what would no doubt be a bittersweet future, Nana had accepted. She had stopped her time loops upon their requests - for everyone's sakes. Which spoke volumes to just how dearly she treasured them all.

And to this girl, who had loved them all so deeply…

That night, Maya had shown her nothing but the most vicious and brutal treachery.

The second Claudine's own revue had ended, she'd heard the screams.

Screams of sheer, unbridled pain. Agony.

They'd echoed across the theater, and brought Claudine and all the others running to witness the most terrifying scene they'd ever been faced with.

The revues had always been about fighting for brilliance, for dominance, for Top Star.

But never before had anyone ever been severely, physically injured.

Until tonight.

Nana had lain there, slumped on the stage, shuddering and sobbing.

And above her, blazing in the spotlight which cast a dark shadow down upon her fallen opponent, had stood Tendo Maya. Mercilessly, shamelessly, she had cut down one of her own.

Claudine hadn't seen an ounce of regret in her eyes. Only a cold, dull haze.

And that had been the first time Claudine had ever been deeply and undeniably afraid.

And of her, of all things.

Of her own classmate, her own partner.

Of the person she'd thought she'd come to love as more than just a friend.

Shortly afterward, they'd all been returned here. The injuries they sustained on that stage were always lessened to some degree upon being brought back, so Claudine could only pray Nana was all right. Even now, nights later, she only gets little comfort in knowing that Junna is taking good care of her.

Since it had happened, Claudine had even gone so far as to lock her door each night. Because she fears Maya might come to see her.

She is afraid of her. Or rather, what may yet become of her.

She isn't entirely sure what she's afraid of yet, but it is some version or form of Tendo Maya.

It forces her to wonder; had it been Claudine she'd been facing that night, would Maya have cut her down as well? Would she have betrayed her a second time - for real now - without a second thought? With such a hard, uncaring look in her eyes...?

A sudden wave of nausea surges up in her stomach, and has Claudine curling in more tightly on herself. She sobs into her knees, coughing a few times.

She's never felt so wretched before. To think she might have loved Maya… only to be so afraid of her now.

Maya has done such terrible things… and yet, she's done such wonderful things, too. She's helped Claudine as much as she's hurt her, saved her as much as she's betrayed her.

And she knows…

Claudine knows she shouldn't even think twice about someone who has proven to be downright sadistic and even manipulative at times, someone who would so easily cast aside those who care for her for the sake of her own greed and hubris, someone would would reduce all the rest of them to stepping-stones so she herself could achieve her goals alone…

And yet, Claudine can't help but try to justify those horrendous actions. After all, she understands the trials and trepidations of this industry, how the stage itself could eat you up alive, swallow you whole, and then spit you back up for one single misstep.

Growing up as the thoroughbred she was, wouldn't such a perception have warped Maya's way of seeing of things? She didn't know the meaning or feeling of being loved unconditionally. The pressure and the expectations thrust upon her by her family had skewed her view of the world, and of the stage. It had morphed her version of 'love' into something so destructive and self-satisfying that it would lay waste to anything - and anyone - who stood in her way.

And today… those words of confession Maya had spoken to her… those words of love…

Had they been real?

Claudine can't be certain anymore.

What if the 'love' Tendo Maya knows is not the kind Claudine wishes of her? After all, Maya's love is for the stage - for the crown - before anything else, is it not? She's made that painfully clear many, many times...

Even if she might love her classmates or Claudine to some other degree… would she always love the stage more…? Enough to use her friends at her leisure and then cast them all aside whenever she saw fit?

The thoughts tear away at Claudine's mind and heart alike.

She'd never locked her door before.

She'd never feared Maya before.

But now… after what she'd seen her do… After hearing her feelings…

She fears that in continuing to stay by her side, Maya's love may one day destroy her.

She'd never known a love like this before she'd met her. A love where her soul was constantly pining to be united with another, to be fulfilled and fated to be together with hers forever, so that they would never be separated.

But all of this has her terrified at the idea that Maya may one day replace her without a second thought, without even a shrug or a hint of regret. After all she's done now, it's entirely and terrifyingly possible that she might betray Claudine for real one day.

If she did… would she even care? Would she even bat an eyelash?

Or is Claudine just another classmate in her eyes? Just another obstacle to overcome, or prop to use and dispose of at her discretion?

She really can't be certain anymore. Especially not after Maya's confession had come out of the blue like that.

The only feasible explanation she has for it is that Maya had confessed as she would have on any other day.

As if she hadn't tricked Claudine and injured Nana just a few weeks before.

As if she didn't think Claudine might be conflicted about hearing such things from her.

As if her arrogance was really so bad that she wasn't even bothered or affected by her own previous actions.

As if she'd expected Claudine's immediate and surefire acceptance.

Surely, for Claudine to have told her she needed time to think things over, it must have been a major blow. Maya must have been shocked to not get what she wanted immediately on the spot. Claudine must've disillusioned her.

And though she hates thinking as such, Claudine is glad that she'd done what she had - that she'd chosen her own feelings over Maya's and perhaps knocked her off her high horse, just a notch.

She still doesn't even know what her answer is yet. Rather, she'd thought she'd known - for the longest time she truly had. But in the light of recent events, she isn't sure if she's absolutely certain anymore.

I want to… but… Tendo Maya… you truly are the worst…

She shudders, and continues weeping quietly.

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Maya truly hadn't thought anything of the past weeks' events. Why should she? After all, she was head of the class. Why should she hesitate to aim for Top Star under any circumstances? Even if it meant leaving Seishou or cutting down one of her own.

On the matter of schools, she may have said it was all just a ruse to test Claudine's resolve. But hadn't some part of her deep down been truly willing to leave Seishou for Seiran if it meant she could aim ever higher?

She doesn't want to believe it - that she'd leave her friends behind so easily…

And yet she'd turned on Nana so effortlessly…

Didn't that show just how little her friends mean to her…? The people whom she'd trained and performed with for so long. The people she'd fought beside. The people she'd laughed and played and eaten lunch with. She tells herself she would never leave them, never hurt them.

And yet she'd proven herself a filthy liar on both accounts.

No wonder things had been so awkward and silent around the dorms recently. Nana's understanding smile and words of acceptance had been genuine to the point of being hollow.

The others had barely spoken a word to her. Not even Claudine.

And it had taken her until this evening's incident to understand why.

Until now, Maya hadn't understood anything. She hadn't perceived their true feelings. She hand't been sharp enough.

Or is it simply that she hadn't felt like putting forth the effort necessary to care?

Her greed had gotten the better of her. She'd flown too close to the bright, searing spotlight of the sun, and now her feathers are getting burnt.

At this rate, it won't be long before she plummets. And when that happens, her sorry pride won't be able to catch her.

Tonight, she lies alone in her bed as everything finally begins to make sense. It's disgusting that it's taken her this long to realize her friends' feelings. Maya had been blinded by her hubris, by the gleam of the spotlight. She'd tossed them all away for the sake of her own success.

And she'd even had the gall to confess her feelings to Claudine, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

She truly had believed Claudine would accept - maybe with a bit of scolding and blushing of course. But the harmless image she'd been expecting had never come to fruition.

Instead, Maya had been made to witness a reality she'd never anticipated.

Fear.

It had been the fear in Claudine's eyes that had finally snapped Maya to her senses.

And she hates that it had taken something so drastic, so extreme, to make her finally comprehend all the wrongs she'd committed.

It had all just come so naturally to her. Was it not human nature to push down others in order to help propel oneself where you wanted to go? Did desperate times not call for desperate measures? In the end, did the world not come down to survival of the fittest?

All ideals presented to her and forced upon her by her parents. She thought she'd broken away to some degree, but perhaps her upbringing had been engrained into her spirit more devastatingly than she'd initially thought.

Whatever freedoms she'd discovered had been because of the friends she had made and the relationships she had forged here at Seishou. Is the grip of her parents' ideals on her still so great she would subconsciously choose them over her classmates, her comrades?

It's strange. She'd never felt an ounce of guilt when she'd turned her sword on Nana. The actions she'd taken then had been necessary in order to achieve her goal.

So why now? Why after it was already said and done?

She can only think of one reason, one catalyst.

It all comes back down to the fear in Claudine's eyes.

Just reliving that jarring moment in memories causes Maya's throat to constrict. She hadn't seen or spoken to her since, and now at this eerie hour of morning, it's killing her.

She's had a long time to reflect, though she probably hasn't suffered nearly as much grief as she surely deserves to. Because she's made all of her friends suffer it instead. One, above all the rest.

Maya can't take it anymore. She knows she should accept this agony in the beginnings of atonement for her wretched crimes. But her greed rears its head yet again, even now.

There is still something she wants. Something she needs to do.

Only when the gravity of her countless sins finally begins to register do the tears begin to fall. Like pillar after pillar of granite, it all comes crumbling down on top of her.

She'd been blinded. Unable - unwilling - to see the truth, or acknowledge the feelings of those around her. She'd put herself first, just like all those people she'd never wanted to be like.

Perhaps she is already too far gone. But there's always something to be said for trying.

She doesn't deserve forgiveness. But at the very least, she needs to ask for it.

So she runs, pushing herself out of bed, across the room, and into the hallway.

Even the fact that she can move as such is suspicious to her; is the weight of her grief really so light? That she can still move like this instead of be crushed by it? She feels it isn't nearly enough.

But at the same time she won't question it. Because she needs to do this.

Her bare feet hurry across the carpeted hallway to the door she knows as well as her own, and her knees buckle just as she reaches it. With a soft thud, she slumps against the frame and sinks down, voice breaking.

"I'm sorry-"

She rasps it outright, as if knowing the person on the other side of that door is still awake, still being consumed by the very fear Maya herself had instilled within her.

As she slides down, her fingers brush the handle that would always go slack.

And yet this time - for the first time ever - it holds taut.

She's never locked her door before.

And Maya knows all too well that she is the reason why it's locked tonight.

To keep her out.

"I'm sorry-" She whispers it against the hard wood of the door, pressing her forehead there and letting the sobs rake through her from head to toe.

She doesn't deserve forgiveness.

She doesn't deserve these tears.

Not after all she'd done.

This night feels like it will last forever.

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Claudine is startled by the sudden sound against the outside of her door. But what frightens her even more so is the fragmented voice that follows.

A voice she knows as well as her own.

And even though she's spent hours, days, and weeks deliberating over her fears and feelings for Maya, somehow hearing her voice like that right now erases all else.

Claudine is out of bed in seconds, hurrying toward her door on instinct, if nothing more. She only stops as she reaches for the lock.

What if it's all just another act? What if it's another trick? Another 'test' of Claudine's feelings?

She feels sick even considering such terrible things, but at the same time, it's Maya who'd put her in such a position to begin with.

Even though Claudine can hear it in her sobs that her repentance now is real, she still hesitates.

Withdrawing her hand, she stands in silence for a long moment and simply listens to the sounds of agony coming from the other side. Maya doesn't even know for certain if Claudine is awake to hear her, or if she would care to listen if she were. But even so, she speaks.

"I'm sorry…"

The words send a shiver up Claudine's spine. Her heart is divided into two halves of pain; there is an ache that wants to be skeptical, and an ache that wants to believe. She knows which she'd rather lean toward, but the other weighs enough to keep her stagnant in the middle.

Maya continues sobbing against the other side of the door, still unaware of whether Claudine can hear her or not.

"I don't deserve you… I don't deserve any of you… I understand that now… All this time, I acted as though I were above everyone else, and yet… it's just the opposite… I am beneath you all, in every possible way…" She chokes and muffles herself, even though at this point there are definitely a few other people who have been woken by the sounds. They're all simply too scared to venture out.

Claudine, too, remains still, unsure of what to do. Though she wants to unlock the door, her heart shudders with dismay every time she reaches for the handle. The self-preservation wins out above all others.

Because in her heart of hearts, she knows Maya can very well be the kind of person who can easily tear her to pieces from the inside out. So she has no choice but to leave the lock as it is.

But she can't leave Maya like this. If she's truly come to terms with her crimes, then being unable to express her grief for them could break her completely.

Therefore, after drawing in a deep, steadying breath, Claudine steps toward the door. She rests her hand on it, then slowly crouches down to her knees.

"Tell me-"

Her voice is a meek sound beneath the weight of Maya's sobs, but even so Maya must hear it, because she chokes on a sharp gasp to listen. Claudine bites her lip, shaking her head as she forces herself to continue.

"Tell me honestly… If it had been me instead of Nana… would you have done the same thing…?"

This is the one question she must hear the answer to above all others right now. In wake of Maya's confession earlier today, her answer here will tell Claudine all of what she needs to know. Are Maya's feelings for the stage - corrupt as they may be - stronger than her feelings for Claudine? Are her extreme ideals warping her concept of reality? Is the kind of love she seeks to give the same kind that Claudine seeks to obtain?

Maya weeps for a long time, and Claudine listens in silence, now far beyond the point of shedding tears. Her heart is hollow with the melancholy of simply not knowing what is to come.

And when it does finally come, she isn't sure if she's ready.

"I…" Maya's fractured whimper comes through like a raindrop in a sea of darkness. "I'm not sure…"

And all at once, Claudine's tears return full-force.

And not out of dread or dismay.

But relief.

Relief, because she knows this is an honest answer from Maya's heart, an answer she knows she can truthfully trust.

Because hearing her deny it - or say if it had been Claudine, then she wouldn't have betrayed her - would have been a lie. After all, her ravenous, all-consuming avarice would likely have caused her to turn on whomever had been by her side in that fight - even Claudine. Even though they both like to believe she wouldn't have, this is the cruel truth.

But it is the truth, and for that much at least, Claudine is grateful.

She exhales, wiping her eyes over and over as she slouches back against the door.

"All right…" she murmurs. "Then I'm listening…"

She hears a few shuddering breaths from the other side of the door, deep, heaving gasps as though she's been keeping them in for years without even knowing. Claudine rests her head back against the door and waits. At last, Maya's voice reaches her once again.

"I… I want to rescind my confession…"

Claudine flinches, and her heart suddenly starts to beat much harder, much faster. It hurts.

But perhaps it's for the best… After all the mess they've been through now-

"However-"

Unexpectedly, Maya continues, and it sounds as though her tone has become just a little bit firmer now.

"However… make no mistake that I will tell you again in the future… But only once I have made significant strides to make amends and improve myself as a person... When that time comes, please listen to my proper confession, Claudine."

And Claudine breaks down quietly.

Because as willing as she might've been to let Maya go… she's still more unwilling to do that.

Even in spite of all this. Even in spite of her tricks and her betrayal.

Because even though Maya had done all of those horrible things… she's still here right now. She'd still come to Claudine asking forgiveness. Even if she didn't expect to receive it, she'd still come anyway.

Maybe Claudine is so obsessed with her that she can't fathom living without her at this point.

Maybe her love is as warped as Maya's is.

But even so, they've still somehow ended up here.

Neither of them want a sad and tragic future where they must split apart and wallow in their grief until it consumes them both.

Neither of them want to keep quiet about their feelings - good or bad.

They're both tired of fear, tired of regret, tired of unhappy endings.

That isn't the kind of stage they want to stand upon together.

"Fine." Claudine's answer comes softly, but clearly, and as she reaches up, the small click of an undone lock can be heard. The door opens inward just a few inches, and Claudine places her hand there, raising her pinky finger just a little. "Listen here, Tendo Maya. Once you've done a great deal of thinking… once you've apologized to Nana and to everyone else… once you've worked hard enough to undo all your wrongs, no matter how long it takes… then I'll listen to your confession again. Even if it takes years past graduation. I'll wait."

She hears a sound, something delicate and fragile, something that she'd never heard from the mighty Tendo Maya before.

It's quiet for a long moment, and if Maya leaves Claudine will cry, but she'll understand.

But she knows she won't.

And she doesn't.

Instead, a shaking finger curls around Claudine's pinky and gives a squeeze with as much strength as she can possibly muster right now.

Maya doesn't push her way in, nor does Claudine let her in. For now, she has to earn back that trust.

And as Claudine said, she'll wait for her as long as it takes.

Maya sobs again, and her pinky curls tighter around Claudine's.

"I'm sorry…"

Claudine sighs, wiping her forearm across her face one more time as she stares up at the gray ceiling.

"Mechante va… those aren't the words I want to hear right now."

And then, a sound she hasn't heard in weeks. A small, wobbly chuckle.

"Thank you."

Claudine smiles.

"That's better."

She leans her weight equally back against the door as Maya does, so that it remains in place and doesn't push on either one of them.

They maintain that balance all throughout the remaining hours of night as Claudine invites her to talk, and Maya speaks her mind.

All of her misgivings. All of her wrongdoings. All of her fears.

She apologizes for them all. She acknowledges them all.

And most importantly, she vows to take action in order to right them.

"I'll hold you to that," Claudine murmurs. "You're not allowed to go back on your word for this."

"I won't." Maya is deadly serious about all of this, and Claudine can hear in in her words as strongly as she can feel it in her own heart.

"Good. Then I'll wait for you."

"Yes. Please do so. I promise I will have my feelings reach you one day, Saijou Claudine."

"And when that time comes, I promise I'll listen, Tendo Maya."

They talk, laying bare all of their anxieties and guilt, all of their mistakes and blunders, all of their wrong actions and inactions.

They discuss, they listen, and all the while maintain that balance.

And eventually, the shadows fade away, and the first rays of morning come through.

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A/N: This is the first of its kind for my Starlight fics! Mostly just reflection and analysis of the events of the lives, which I don't even know how/where they fit into the anime or vice versa, but I hope this still makes sense. I used irathernot's notes for this, too (they had a lot and they were incredible).

And I thought it was all made even more interesting that Maya was to confess to Claudine. With all the things that happened to and between them, to have love thrown in as well would just make it all the messier. But regardless, I think they'd always be able to work through things, one way or another. I didn't want to rush their reconciliation, but instead give it time.