Act Four Diary Part One

09.07.07
Dear Diary,
It’s tomorrow. I can’t do this. I can’t fucking do this. I miss them every fucking day. And it hurts. I feel the heat on my skin again. I hold myself and I can’t stop crying. No amount of tears will put out the fire in my heart. I’m falling apart. I don’t want to see tomorrow. No. I’d rather die than go through that again. It was all my fault. I shouldn’t be alive right now. Everything, being here at Yamaku, Lilly, Hisao, all of it is because of what happened. I can’t stand it. I hold a knife to my wrist a couple times…no. I can’t do it. You’d miss me. And they’d go through you like hot knives through butter. They’d say I loved that Hisao boy and couldn’t deal with it. And that’s a lie! I feel nothing for him! He’s just someone whose life I want to ruin! Is that so bad? He came today, though. He dropped my stuff off from class. He cares. He might even love me. After all I’ve done to him. It’s still too soon. I can’t know yet. This is too much to deal with.
10.07.07
Dear Diary,
This is the la…no, I can’t do this. I can’t kill myself. I can’t write. I…I…I’m just going to cry today.
11.07.07
Dear Diary,
I decided it was time to go to class. I didn’t have much to say to Hisao. It’s time to focus more on my classwork.
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