Hi. I hope you're prepared for a long story, and I really also pray that you will never use any of this information against me. Will not be using any names.

When I was born, my father was not around. He left my mother when she was pregnant for some reason, most likely business related. I was growing up in an abusive home, my mother was a raging alcoholic that beat me often because she was usually drunk whenever she got home, if and ever she got home. More often than not, she would either abandon me, hit me or bring me with her to strange parties where she would drink until she was intoxicated, then dangerously drive the both of us home.

Fast forward a few years, I'm an elementary schooler. However bad my mother sounds in the previous paragraph, she has always only wanted the best of me. But she suffers from depression, bipolar disorders, and many other mental illnesses. She was an alcoholic, and I can and will not blame her for how she treated me when the only reason she ever drank was because of my father. I was a terrible student, I talked to much and learned to slow, and my mother had sent me to a high class expensive private school for kids around my age. I would get sent to the principal's office nearly everyday, where he would berate me and eventually try to make a few advances. I was scared and alone. He never got far, but would treat me way worse than any of my classmates. He called my mother every day and complained to her about my failures.

This snowballed into more alcohol, and her abusive binges. I was hit every day, with almost anything she could find. Textbooks, wood blocks, coat hangers. However, as I grew older, instead of abusing me, she took to abandoning me on the side of the street. This is where things get exceptionally terrible and leads to my situation today. Oftentimes, my mother would drag me and pull me into her car, belting me down and locking the doors so I wouldn't run away. She would drive to downtown, and leave me on the streets overnight or for several hours at a time, or perhaps until she would remember to come get me.

One day, after an especially rough night when she threatened to kill me, I was left on the side of a intersection near the freeway in downtown. this was around 7 to 8 years ago, when I was only 9 or 10. I was sad, alone, bawling my eyes out and a little girl in a t-shirt out by myself in the middle of the night. I was a sad sight to behold. Usually, I stayed alone and slept on the side for hours at a time. That night was different, there was a boy that had been leaning against the concrete wall, and he occasionally shot glances my way.

Little did I know, that he would be the person that started it all. He was a drug dealer, doing hardcore stuff. I didn't know that because I was young, but he approached me and asked me what I was doing here. I told him nearly everything, being the stupid kid I was. My mom, my dad and even about my school. My home life--having no money, my mom barely having a job, and my father basically nonexistent my entire life.

He took me under his wing. He told me he knew how I felt, and that everything would get better over time. I felt enthusiastic, happen, I was overflowing with joy at making a new friend, even though he was significantly older than me by 4-5 years. My mother continued her alcoholic binges, and I continued to be thrown by the side of the road.

It was several months before I saw him again, but this time we spent a long time talking. He spoke to me, telling stories to make me feel better until my mom had come to get me. She was too gone to even notice him, and I said good bye and left. He gave me his phone number, and whenever my mother wasn't home I would call him and talk to him.

I was a middle schooler by now, and I was lucky enough to have gotten a phone from one of my "uncle"s, who was actually a man that my mom was having an affair with, even though my father had not been here, they were still married and had never filed for a divorce. It was during middle school that I had first begun working for the boy I met on the side of the road. Everything was simple at first, just small stuff like weed to older men.

He said I was a girl so I was not suspicious when I did what I did. Not only that, I was young too, so officers would never suspect a thing. One year passed of me helping him out. By seventh grade, he started paying me for helping him, but I was getting into stuff like ecstasy and pills as well. Eighth grade, was when he introduced me to his gang.

They were all well off people, a huge family of chinese people in what is called a triad. By this time, I was already deep in here, but I didn't mind. These boys were the only family I had. Even though I was significantly younger than even the youngest person in the group, I was the most outgoing and the friendliest. They cared about me, and I cared about them. They were the family I had never, ever had. These people were the only ones I ever had.

Another year passed, and I got closer and matured faster than most people my age. I had seen people get hurt, shot, cut, and even arrested. But it didn't matter to me. I had a family. One day, the boy that had gotten me into everything disappeared. No one knows where he went, he disappeared off the face of the earth.

It's been 4 years and he is still gone. I can't say I don't miss him dearly.

Freshman year of highschool, I was making hard cash. Thousands of dollars a month, maybe even a week. I supported myself and my mother with this money. But I had no friends at school, and no one to rely on. However, I had joined a dance team and by the end of the year I had made tons of friends, but none that I could trust with any of my issues.

I was popular, and I was happy. But I still loved my internet friends a lot more. I met someone that I will refer to as M. He was a close friend, and we talked for several weeks, but then I stopped altogether when I had begun to get a social life at school. There were seniors on the dance team that I could talk to, that cared about me and were like an older sister. I was dumped and kicked out of my house often, and if I didn't sleep on the street I would take the 3 and a half hour walk to my only friend, C's house and stay there overnight. To this day, she still has no idea I am involved with anything. She knows I do things that aren't exactly legal, and is aware, but not to this extent.

Last year, I had become a raging alcoholic like my mom. All my friends and boyfriends were gangsters(usually at least 3 years older than me). I got invited to parties, I drank and I smoke and no one would care. My grades dropped, and I couldn't do anything.

My life was falling apart and there was nothing I could do. I had drank for 14 days straight, enough so that on the Sunday night before I had school the next day, I woke up at 3 in the morning, crying, throwing up blood in the sink, and resuming my drinking again.

October, I meet a kind boy I will label as H at my school. I was exceptionally fake around him, nice outgoing--he knew nothing about what I did and who I was. One day, I admitted it to him, and even though he knew, we continued to talk. We started dating, and everything was going amazing..

Until one day I went to a wild party with M(who was the first time I had met up with him since not talking to him for a long time). I drank, I smoked, I was acting stupid and I made out with another guy. H found out, our relationship went downhill from there.

He never forgave me, and things were never the same.

I broke up with him 3 months ago. Ever since then, I've been talking to M often. His life isn't much better than mine, financial wise.

Divorced parents, he lives with a mother with terminal cancer. In poverty, lives in a tiny house. Has a dog and a sister and a stepdad. His sister is a prostitute, and his stepdad does nothing to support the family. M does all the bills, and pays for nearly everything with his part time(completely legal) job. I found out more about him, and we become close friends with the intent of keeping it that way.

We both promised each other we would never like each other more than friends. He tells me more about him, I've met many of his girlfriends. Most he dumps quickly after using them for money. Though I don't blame him, considering how poor he is.

However, I had something he didn't have but needed.

Money.

My "job" made more than enough to not only support my family, but support all my expensive habits instead. I was purchasing one rolex every month, name brand clothing, bags and even shoes. I had jewelry of all sorts, diamond earrings and expensive necklaces. I had everything, but it didn't come by clean. All my ex boyfriends had always spoiled me with money and clothes and nearly everything I could ever want.

With Mario, I cared about him. He was the only friend I had ever had that new everything about me and didn't care. As more time passed, he became more and more of a jerk in my eyes. Dumped his girlfriends after using them, getting back together with them as a joke then dumping them again in less than 24 hours. He talked shit about all my boyfriends and ex boyfriends, and one day when we were drinking together, he said one thing that ruined everything.

He admitted that he liked me. It wasn't the same for me ever since. When I had finally dumped H, he started a huge deal about liking me and it put me into deep depression for several days. I have depressive psychosis, so my brain is already more messed up than it is. Oftentimes, I see dark shapes staring at me in the middle of the night, but that's an altogether different life story. At this point in time I am 16 years old, I find out why my father has been gone for the past 16 years, and I had visited him on break 2 christmas(s) ago. Through that, I find out his job. A drug dealer, escort ring leader, a triad member(coincidental and not the same one as I), and a loan shark.

He had not left when I was born. He was forcibly removed and relocated. At this point in time, I had begun to stray away from my second family, as my father had grown onto me and was beginning to provide hundreds of thousands of dollars to support me. More watches, clothing, shoes and even an expensive car. I had found this out several days before I had broken up with H.

Back to the story. M and I became closer friends and I constantly pushed away his attempt at relationship advances. One night, he told me he found out his mother had terminal cancer. Not only that, he told me a dark secret that I'm afraid that I can't let you know about, it's too far to even add to this story. M began saving for his mother' increasing medical bills to keep her alive, and even her funeral.

I let him borrow 5,000 dollars with a contract that he wrote and signed. He tried kissing me, and I turned him down. Two months later, here I am today. Constantly, I ask him how the money is coming along. He either comes up with the excuse that it's in the bank and he's too lazy to get it, or he can't pull out that much money because of the IRS and taxes.

Last night I introduced him to somebody, namely J. I've begun to grow feelings for this J person, and him and M become friends straight off the bat. I'll tell you know that J used to be super bad, vaping, smoking and drinking and even stealing and dealing. He's improved since his ex-girlfriend passed away, and today is a great person. Though he has stolen recently, and does have a blade on him for protection.

Today, I blew up on M. I demanded for my money back, and he was being a complete fucking smartass. I'll even do you a favor and send you the chat logs.The removed messages are what M told me as a secret that I had sworn to never tell anybody.

After reading the chatlogs, do you understand my anger. I was with J earlier tonight, and he had his blade on him. He had sworn to make sure that he will force M to pay me back whatever the cost. I have people in my second family that had access to weapons and more.

But I don't want M to get hurt. Even though he lies to me constantly, ruins my relationships and does everything he can to manipulate me into doing whatever he wants me to do. But he can't, because I am a strong individual and I only get angry when he tries this stuff.

I yell at him often nowadays.

I get angry.

I break mirrors, and stab walls.

What hurt me the most if that I lent him 5 grand and he is unwilling to pay me back. I'm not angry about the money, I'm angry that he took advantage of my friendship. Like J had said earlier today "I can't believe him. He has someone that cares about him enough to hand him five thousand dollars to help his financial situation, and he tosses it aside like it's nothing."

Right now, I am sitting here. Alone and afraid. I'm not going to get my money. My second family despises me because I had failed a job that I had given up in order to be with my friend M several weeks prior(a car trip to the mansion to pick up pounds of illegal weapons and powder). I have no one to go to in order to make sure M pays me back, and he owes me 5 grand that I don't know how I will get back.

He found out I told J what he had done and he had threatened to kill him. I am afraid he is not too far from killing me too. He has a glock that he had attempted suicide with a month ago, but he had previously claimed to have removed it but I doubt he has.

Today, he told me the contract was not legally binding because he is under the age of 18. I have a friend of mine with plans at 2:00 with him tomorrow, and I am considering driving over to his house and forcing his terminal, cancer ridden mother to sign the paper.

I am scared.

I am alone.

My other choice, which I prefer not to do. Is to tell my mother and father. My mother knows that he had borrowed money, and she has taken favor to him because he is supposedly really smart. He had claimed to be accepted into Yale and Harvard, but when asked for proof, is unable to show any.

My father has also been wanting to start up a business with him because of the promises of him becoming an business manager and an entrepreneur, but he will not hesitate to set M straight. J had called M today and told him that my father will speak to him if he continues to threaten not to return the money, but he claims my father will not follow through because he is seeking to become business partners.

And it's a bit sad, but I think he is right.

No matter how much my father may love me, money must always take first place in his heart. M had threatened to kill me, and if I died he claims my father will let him live.

And I'm afraid because it might be true.

However, if I tell my parents now, he will be forced to pay it back because my father has his ways considering his many jobs(he is the leader), and has many men working under him. My mother will be nothing but hurt.

My second option is to wait it out, but I assume that if I do that I will never receive the cash back.

My third option is to force his mother to sign the contract, for me to be comfortable and able to trust him to pay me back(we had agreed 1 year from the actual date he had borrowed the money).

Something is happening tomorrow, and I'm afraid it will not be a good thing. J is taking M out, and it is likely that they will get in a fight while I am at M's house attempting to get his mother to sign the contract to make it legally binding, before I head to M and force him to sign his part as well.

I apologize for any grammar errors, for I am not in the proper mindset right now.

Please don't tell anyone about this. You can try, and if you do it honestly won't help. It will tear my family apart, and me apart as well. If you are confused, I can provide further explanation.

If you do not have anything to say, that is fine as well, the rant was good enough to make me feel a bit better about my self.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I am willing to explain. It's a bit much to read, and a lot to take in.

But here is my life story.