SiwelP AMA

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray : What classic literary works would be your dream to narrate?

<SiwelP> Oooh, yes please. Anything from Lovecraft or Poe would be amazing to sink my teeth into, something filled with dread, much like my inner child.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray :  Would you ever consider professionally narrating books on tape?

<SiwelP> I have considered it, especially when I was just starting, and it's definitely something I'd love to do if I could afford an audio editor (and/or some Cup Noodles.) The editing is always the longest/hardest part for me, and tackling something 10+ hours long currently is a bit daunting. Definitely keeping it in mind though.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray :  Is your singing voice as spectacular as your narrating voice?

<SiwelP> I'm sure my nearest neighbors would say "Absolutely not."

<cmd102> Question from Sterbai : What's your favourite horror novel or movie?

<SiwelP> My family has a history of being in Exorcism movies, so I should probably go with one of those. Deep down though, it's Paranorman all the way. Book-wise, I'm a sucker for the classics, and still trying to topple "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde."

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray : What is your opinion on Hall and Oates?

<SiwelP> I have always considered myself to be a Maneater.

<cmd102> Question from kneeod : Have you considered narrating erotica before? Also, what's your favorite kind of cheese?

<SiwelP> Considered, and completed. My newest audio compilation "Don't you Dare, Touch me up There!" should be flying off the shelves shortly. For cheese, I enjoy the ripe stalagmites of the moon. Though I'm still trying to get over the fact that they just left that poor robot there with his skis.

<cmd102> Question from EZmisery :  Are you a dress or pants kind of alien?

<SiwelP> While I do enjoy the wind resistance of a good dress when leaping from the tops of buildings, the most common answer is...neither.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray :  If forced to, which member of the Backstreet Boys would you eat?

<SiwelP> It's Howie.
<SiwelP> Howie it is.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray : What fruit do you relate to the most on an emotional level?

<SiwelP> I've always felt that strawberries were the most vulnerable of all the berries, wearing, as they do, their blemishes on their metaphorical sleeves, and lacking the thick skin of most other fruits. Poor, defenseless strawberries. That's me.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray : Please rank the Spice Girls in order of best to worst.

<SiwelP> It simply has to be: Posh - Scary - Ginger - Sporty - Baby. It must.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray : What is your favorite kind of soup?

<SiwelP> Any kind that is served in a bowl, rather than the slightly less common "Sure, just hold out your hands" approach.

<cmd102> Question from Sterbai : What is your worst fear?

<SiwelP> That there is nothing else in the universe save for this planet, and it's currently dominant species. If some merciful alien race doesn't come along soon to either better us, or end us, I'll be sorely disappointed.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray : Since you live in Colorado, is it safe to assume you are blazed as hell each time you narrate a story?

<SiwelP> That is a very safe assumption, given the circumstances. However, I have yet to go full Snoop on a story. That would probably end in the police being involved, wielding a comically large hook to try to pull my down from the uppermost closet shelves in a teary bundle.

<cmd102> Question from cravethepasta : What's the most disturbing horror movie you've ever seen?

<SiwelP> I try to shut my eyes throughout most of them, it's the only background noise to which I feel comfortable sleeping.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray : How many times have you done the Macarena in the last year?

<SiwelP> You caught me, any other year it would probably be zero, but I very recently performed the Macarena to taunt someone, and I have no excuse.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray :  What is the most pleasant thing you've smelled recently?

<SiwelP> I had a big cup of coffee, and a fresh, crispy-glazed apple fritter just this morning, the combination of which is causing small puddles of drool to accumulate on my kgeybaorsd.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray :  If you could collaborate to write a story with at least one, but up to four, of your nosleep peers, who would you choose and why?

<SiwelP> Ooooh, team-building exercise! I see Manen, Rona, Seamus, and EZ as being more than capable of outweighing just how very little I would bring to the team.

<cmd102> Question from YamiOswald : What was the last song you couldn't help but to listen to on a loop?

<SiwelP> I'm not saying that I recently looped Sufjan Stevens' "John my Beloved" from "Carrie and Lowell" over and over again while I rocked back and forth under a small blanket, but that is also exactly what I am saying.

<cmd102> Question from Sterbai : What is the most disgusting thing you've ever eaten?

<SiwelP> Alright, storytime: When I was a small boy, living up in the mountains where child services wasn't quite close enough to catch us in the act, I watched Disney's "The Jungle Book" on VHS, as you do. When Baloo the Bear was listing his necessitates (That sounds filthy) and lifted up the log for Mowgli to feast on a selection of ants, to my tiny mind,
<SiwelP>  that meant carte blanche for ant-eating. The next day, I was found straddling a log, deep in the forest, just having a ball. Everyone but me was horrified by this.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray : You and the following boy bands are all trapped on a post-apocalyptic island: Backstreet Boys, Nsync, 98 Degrees, New Kids on the Block, O-Town, and One Direction. Which two boy band members do you choose as your allies? Which two boy band members become your mortal enemies? Which two become your concubines?

<SiwelP> Marry: Brian and AJ. Kill: The Brothers Lachey. Bang: Whoever has the tallest hair in 1D.

<cmd102> Question from EtTuTortilla : What do the fingers of your left hand smell like? What about the right?!

<SiwelP> On the left, we have floral notes, a hint of coffee grounds, some beard essence. To the right, it's more of a hodge-podge of ghost pepper and old stone steps.

<cmd102> Question from EtTuTortilla : Unrelated follow up question: What is the best evidence for the existence of extraterrestrials? What is the best evidence for them visiting Earth? How much would you charge a person for one kiss? Two? Is that with or without tongue?

<SiwelP> 1 - The vastness of our many-mirrored universe. 2 - Jeff Goldblum cannot have simply become that talented without outside help. 3/4 - I do a lot of pro bono work, if you know what I mean... 5 - Always tongue.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray : Which Disney princess is your favorite? Conversely, which Disney princess is your least favorite? If necessary, could you deliver a 3-5 minute oral defense of these choices?

<SiwelP> Favorite: Belle. Belle is the one. Not so much: I feel like Sleeping Beauty really missed a lot of the action there. I can defend just about anything orally, if given enough anti-bacterial mouthwash.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray : Which of your colleagues on the NoSleep Podcast do you think you could best in a vigorous hula hooping competition?

<SiwelP> Nikolle Doolin could give me a serious run for my money, I'd go that route if I wanted to keep the action going long enough for people to place their bets.

<cmd102> Question from EtTuTortilla : If you had the option of being in a Freaky Friday-esque situation with Kim Jong Un, would you do it? What would you do first?

<SiwelP> I guess that depends on if I would automatically switch back into my own body when I die. I would also be very concerned for the state of my apartment upon return. I have a nice collection of old books going, and I'd hate to find them all eaten when I got back.

<cmd102> Question from theephemera : The next nosleepover is next summer. Might we see you there?

<SiwelP> Well, my presence would be a horrifying disappointment for all in attendance, but depending on where there is, it's a distinct possibility.

<cmd102> Question from YamiOswald : Who is/are your favorite author/authors, and are you a writer yourself?

<SiwelP> Outside of NoSleep, I'm a big Handler/Gaiman fan. Inside: There are too many to count, and they haunt my dreams forever. Particularly EtTuTortilla. I have penned a few sad sentences myself, but not nearly enough to consider myself a proper writer.

<cmd102> Question from EtTuTortilla : How has ghost pepper changed the way you write your characters?

<SiwelP> They are tremendously more sweaty, on the whole, than they used to be. You're welcome "double entendre" fans.

<cmd102> Question from EtTuTortilla : What is the worst US state?

<SiwelP> For the vast majority of the country, our cognitive state is the most disappointing.

<cmd102> Question from Sterbai : What in nosleep annoys you the most?

<SiwelP> That there aren't more Twin Peaks references in the day-to-day.

<cmd102> Question from EtTuTortilla : Was the double entendre for "sweaty on the hole"?

<SiwelP> That was the long and short of it, yes.

<cmd102> Question from kneeod :  If you could narrate your own death as it's happening, would you do it?

<SiwelP> Absolutely! That would be amazing, and the sooner the better.

<cmd102> Question from kneeod : As a followup to Tortilla's double entendre question, on the whole, do you think preparation H feels good?

<SiwelP> I do feel as though Preparation H feels good, on the whole.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray :  What is the last thing in your Google search history?

<SiwelP> Are we talking text...or image search...Uh, what is..what's Google? I don't use anything like that.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray : Kill, bang, marry: Bernie Sanders, Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump

<SiwelP> Kill: Donald Trump. Marry: Bernie Sanders. Privately message Hilary Clinton, and work out an under-the-table deal to trade the banging for one more stab at Trump.
<cmd102> Question from theephemera :  What's some advice you could give writers who want to hear their stories narrated?

<SiwelP> "Always fill your stories with saucy colloquialisms." Keep writing what you love, and we'll find you eventually. If we're big, slow jerks (you're welcome) let us know you've got something awesome on social media, and we're bound to check it out.

<cmd102> Question from EtTuTortilla : MFK: Tom Cruise, Medusa, Donald Trump

<SiwelP> Marry Tom Cruise for the money, but slip a refusal to be audited into the pre-nup. Then mythologically seduce Medusa into staring at Donald Trump until the inevitable occurs.

<cmd102> Question from KPants : What happens when you get scared half to death twice?

<SiwelP> In my case, a trip to the store for new khakis.

<cmd102> Question from kneeod :  If you could gain superhuman abilities in one sense at the cost of permanently losing another, which would you choose?

<SiwelP> I think I would go superhuman vision at the cost of taste. I could still smell things for their deliciousness, but might lose a few unneeded pounds, and might finally get that post with the firewatch so that I could spend my time befriending fawns.

<cmd102> Question from Sterbai : What do you find scarier - Gore horror or subtle horror?

<SiwelP> Definitely subtle horror. Something the builds up to a defining moment, or flips the script on me at the last minute will always stick in my mind, and make me wonder.

<cmd102> Question from iwantabear :  what is the one thing you would do if you were immortal?

<SiwelP> I would probably try to travel around a lot, so that nobody would catch on and attempt to study me. I could devote my time to solving the big problems that no one else has time to tackle. Though of course, all of my solutions would be patently self-serving.

<cmd102> Question from theephemera : What is your favorite children's book?

<SiwelP> The Bears Famous Invasion of Sicily, by Dino Buzzati.

<cmd102> Question from theephemera : What were you afraid of as a child?

<SiwelP> When I was very young, I would get these awful "bad feelings" (as I called them) I would just be sitting around, minding my own business, and suddenly be overcome with this crushing dread. Almost like a panic-attack, but I was quite small. I was never quite sure what caused them. Strangely, I would always want to go somewhere dark to calm down, and
<SiwelP>  always felt better when shrouded in darkness.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray : Which superhero do you find the most sexually arousing?

<SiwelP> My first reaction is to say Iron Man, but that may be inaccurate, as like 85% of that arousal belongs solely to Robert Downey Jr.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray : What exotic animal do you empathize with most strongly? What exotic animal fills you with an unbridled fury?

<SiwelP> Ever since I read R.A. Salvatore's Drizzt novels, I have been obsessed with having a magical panther companion. Fury-wise, I hope those unbearable Unipegajackalopes finally get the extinction they so rightly deserve.

<cmd102> Question from Sterbai : What is the best story you have ever read on nosleep?

<SiwelP> Very hard to pick just one, but I would have to say Penpal is the one that typically sticks out in my mind.

<cmd102> Question from KPants : Are you old fashioned?

<SiwelP> Both in my attire, and manner of speaking, I would wholeheartedly agree with that statement.

<cmd102> Question from KPants : Who is someone you envy and why?

<SiwelP> I often find myself envying Chris Pratt, because I want to zoom around on jet-boots and fight galactic evil to rockin' 70's anthems.

<cmd102> Question from KPants : What's the hardest thing you have ever had to do?

<SiwelP> I've never been much for goodbyes, and have had too many of them foisted on me. Saying goodbye to a very sick pet, as they attempt with all their remaining strength to convince you that they're totally fine. Or holding my grandmother's hand every time I left her room and telling her "I'll see you soon." when I knew I was probably lying.

<cmd102> Question from kneeod : BerenstEin or BerenstAin?

<SiwelP> I ALWAYS thought it was Berenstein growing up. No idea what cosmic shenanigans caused that whole mess.

<cmd102> Question from findingthewardrobe : If you could go back and rewrite one day in history, what would it be?

<SiwelP> Oooh, whoever was in charge of dishing out powers made a mistake in giving that to me. I would most likely go back and attempt to save the dinosaurs, give them a chance at ruling this globe of ours without such fiery interference.

<cmd102> Question from findingthewardrobe : Have you ever stolen anything? What was it and why?

<SiwelP> Storytime, part-deux: I was young, I had pockets, it was Easter. Egg decorations everywhere. Shiny, glittery, irresistible. I skimmed through the meat department at my local grocery store, and just popped all of the egg decor off of the little string, and started collecting them in my pocket. Cut to the checkout lane, I'm playing with an egg, and m
<SiwelP> y mom asks me where I got it. Without a moments hesitation, without even a twitch of the eye, I say: "I don't know, it just fell into my pocket." Then I shift in just the right way to cause 5 or 6 more eggs to come spilling out onto the tiles. My hands were so red that day.

<cmd102> Question from EtTuTortilla : Trebuche... or... wait for it... ballista?

<SiwelP>  Trebuchet! It's much funner to shout, when you're being attacked by one. Otherwise all of your fellow knights just think you're being attacked by Ally McBeal.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray :  What's your favorite board game?

<SiwelP>  I always had way too much fun lying my way through a round or two of Balderdash

<cmd102> Question from Sterbai :  If the only pets available in the world were animals that could kill you, what would your pet be?

<SiwelP> I would have an Elephant! Because though it easily could, it probably wouldn't kill me, unless I insulted its hat.

<cmd102> Question from ThrowAwatSalesman : what drives you to keeep putting out content?

<SiwelP> I touched on how narrating, for me, is like therapy, and much-needed in that regard. The fact that people usually seem to like what I do is just a very succulent cherry on top.

<cmd102> Question from theephemera : You are a Hogwarts professor: what do you teach?

<SiwelP> Defense against the dark arts? Nuh-uh, "Here's how to use all those fantastic dark arts for personal gain 101" Please sit anywhere.

<cmd102> Question from KPants :  What do you do in your spare time, other than strategically twirling broomsticks like some majestic wizard?

<SiwelP> Haha, I really need to find a suitably pointy hat for that. I spend most of my spare-spare time reading or planted in front of a tv.

<cmd102> Question from kneeod : If you have a button in front of you with a 50/50 chance of granting you one wish of your choosing with no strings attached, or horribly murdering you, do you press it?

<SiwelP> Yes. And can I keep pressing it? I think I would go for all of my wishes.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray : Do you prefer square, round, or oblong shaped snacks?

<SiwelP> All manner and shapes of snack have made their way lazily down my esophagus. There is something devilishly tempting in an oblong though.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray : Do you prefer: zombies, vampires, witches, or werewolves? Which would you most like to be?

<SiwelP> While I prefer vampires, I would probably make for a more successful witch. It's the incessant cackling that does it.

<cmd102> Question from Sterbai : If you could travel to any country in the world, where would you go?

<SiwelP> Right now, I would love to plant myself in a remote cabin in the Swiss Alps, and enjoy some peace, quiet and cocoa for a time.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray : Are the rumors that you liberally coat your nude figure from head to toe in shimmering silver body glitter before narrating each story for the podcast true? If yes, pics or gtfo. If no, may we request you please do so from now on?

<SiwelP> Yes. Taking the pics now, and yes. All rumours about me are very true.

<cmd102> Question from Manen Lyset : How many kittens do you think it would take to cover the surface of the earth?

<SiwelP> Depends on how stretchy they are, and if I could stop snuggling them long enough to liberally spread them out. I'm going to say 1 trillion.

<cmd102> Question from poppymoonray : What are your feelings toward cats dressed in formal wear?

<SiwelP> Early and often.

<cmd102> Question from findingthewardrobe :  If you could invent any recipe and have it turn out exactly how you imagined, what would you create?

<SiwelP> Oooh, maybe like an M.C. Escher sculpture made out of crystallized maple syrup.

<cmd102> Question from Sterbai : Box fort or pillow fort?

<SiwelP> Pillow fort! With pillows that you can draw on.

<cmd102> FINAL QUESTION: from kneeod : Any advice for aspiring writers and narrators?

<SiwelP> Never try to do what you think other people want to read/hear. Make stuff for you, and you'll always have an appreciative audience.

<cmd102> That concludes our AMA! Thanks so much for answering our questions, SiwelP! And thanks everyone who asked such awesome questions!
<cmd102> Keep an eye out on /r/nosleepinterviews for upcoming awesomeness!