Uncouth - Part 1

>Day 715 in Equestria.
>”Twilight! Your library is on fire!” Rainbow Dash calls.
>It’s 3 A.M.
>Panicked screams from both Twilight and Spike are heard from inside the Ponyville Library.
>The front door bursts open as the two residents jump out into the cold, snow covered outdoors.
>Spike and Twilight jerk their head in every direction, looking for fire, smoke, or even just an ember.
>Nothing, just you, standing in front of them with the biggest shit eating grin.
>Twilight’s eyes go wide.
>”Don’t-”
>WOMP, a huge pile of snow lands on the two, covering them completely.
>”Yes! Gotcha!” Rainbow Dash cheers from the now snowless branches of the library.
“Nice one, RD!”
>She flutters down to your side and hold a hoof out.
>You bump it in return.
>With a burst of green fire, Spike emerges from the snow on the right side of the pile.
>He looks at you with tired eyes and a small grin on his face.
>He then looks at the rest of the pile that hides Twilight and elicits a small chuckle. Good to know someone can take a prank.
>A faint purple glow grows within the rest of the snow.
“Uh, RD? We’d better bail.”
>”Uhhh, yeah.”
>The two of you turn tail and book it, Rainbow Dash easily speeds ahead of you.
>Seconds later you hear a crackling magical explosion behind you. Small globs of snow fly past your head.
>You then feel a familiar weightlessness as a purple aura surrounds you.
>You’re jerked and twisted in Twilight’s direction until you’re close enough to lick her.
>Your body is contorted on the ground so you can meet her at eye level, her glare pouring into you.
>She says nothing before tossing you into her library. The horrors that follow would break any man.
-
>”She LECTURED you?! Pfffthahaha!”
“Yeah, a five hour lecture. Five. Fucking. Hours.”
>”Oh, how terrible.” Rainbow Dash’s sarcasm was nearly palpable.
“Hey, it wasn’t an educational lecture or anything. I can sleep through those. It was like… Has you dad ever said, “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.” To you? Well imagine that over five. Fucking. Hours.”
>Rainbow Dash just laughs harder at your analogy.
“Shut up, I bet I could have gotten out of there if you didn’t ditch me!”
>”It’s not my fault you can’t keep up with The Dash!”
>Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty to everyone but Anon.
“Whatever, Rainbow Dash.”
>Pulling the betrayed act gets Rainbow Dash all upset.
>”Aww come on, dude. Look, we still have one more pony to hit! I need your help on this one.”
“Then do it, you didn’t need my help for Twilight and you shouldn’t need my help for Rarity.”
>”Dude!” She grabs you by the shoulders with an apologetic look on her face. This mare is easy to manipulate.
>”You KNOW that’s not true! If you didn’t get me out of Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie would have baked me into a Cupcake or something!”
>Oh god, Sugarcube Corner. Rainbow Dash said you could go to the extreme with Pinkie Pie because she liked pranks. The extreme was…
>Too extreme.
>Pinkie Pie will most likely be out for your blood for the next few years.
“Fine, I’ll forgive ya if we never bring that up again.”
>”Deal!” She raises her hoof for another hoofbump.
>You return it.
“Okay, so what’s the plan?”
>”You know how Rarity is an,” Rainbow Dash gets in a ‘Draw me like one of your French girls’ pose while still flying, “artist?”
“Uh-huh.”
>”Well, I say we turn her house into an art gallery.”
-
>This is perfect. It’s devious and horrible, but it’s perfect.
“How’s this?”
>”No way! Rarity’s butt is way bigger than that!”
>The two of you share an, “Oooooooooooooooh!” before returning to painting.
>You were worried when Rainbow Dash brought cans of paint but she assured you it was some kiddie hoof-paint-like material that should easily wash off.
>The goal? Paint several portraits of Rarity’s big butt all over her boutique. And dicks. Lots of dicks.
>Rainbow Dash had the second floor covered, you managed the first.
>How no one has seen the two of you is a complete mystery. You focused on the back but, still.
>”Bro, I’m gonna get more paint. I’m out.”
“Already?  Damn, you’re one fast pony.”
>”The fastest!”
>Rainbow Dash zooms off in an unknown direction. You’re too focused on this butt to pay attention.
>This butt had to be perfect. The right proportion of curly hairs, even distribution of smelly lines. Yes, this butt is perfect.
>You move to the next blank spot on the wall. This time, you’re making a BLUE dick.
>A blood curdling scream breaks your concentration! How dare th-Ohshit.
>Rarity stands off to the left, tailed by Rainbow Dash. Rarity’s mouth agape.
>With Rarity distracted, Rainbow Dash was silently laughing up a storm.
>The devious cunt. You were her final target.
>”W-what have you done to my boutique!?”
>You have no answer, what ARE you doing to her boutique? Painting dicks on it? Yeah but you’re not going to say that.
“I… can wash it off! It’s only hoof-paint so it comes off easy!”
>Rainbow Dash trots over to analyze the cans SHE bought.
>”You sure about that, Anon? It says, ‘Exterior House Paint’ on the cans.”
>RAINBOW DASH YOU ARE THE WORST!
-
>”Oh you ARE going to clean it up! You’re going to clean until I don’t see a speck on the wall! Then you’re going to sweep! Then you’re going to mop, then brush, then wash!”
>Rarity is slowly approaching you with a murderous look in her eyes.
>”Then, you’re going to come back tomorrow and do it again! And the next day! And the day after that!”
>”Whoa, Rarity calm down. Anon was just playin’ a prank is all.” Oh, noooooow Rainbow Dash is trying to help. Vapid lying whore.
>Rarity turns on Rainbow Dash.
>”A prank?! This is vandalism! He defiled my home with…” She points to the biggest dick you painted. You kept telling Rainbow Dash it was an accurate representation of your own. “This smut!”
>“And this!” She points to a lovely portrait of her smelly, hairy butt. “This is just insulting!”
>Rainbow Dash, obviously more afraid of Rarity than you, puts on her best fake angry face.
>It’s a horrible fake angry face.
>”Yeah, Anon, what a jerk! Why would you do that, man.”
>Traitor. There is nothing more disgusting than what she is right now.
“You know what, I’m not taking the heat on this one. Not by myself. Rarity, Rainbow Dash came up with the idea, supplied the paint, and did the entire top half.”
>”Nuh-uh!”
“Yeah-huh!”
>”Nuh-uuuhh!”
“Ye-“
>”Enough!” Rarity has gotten tired of your shit.
>Both of you shut up and looked at Rarity.
>She turns to Rainbow Dash.
>”Rainbow Dash, go home. We will talk later this afternoon.”
>She turns to you with a glare so cold it freezes your heart.
>”And you, follow me.”
“Ugh, fine, Rarity.”
>”That’s ‘Miss Rarity,’ to you.”
-
>A small bucket of water, a sponge, and a scrub brush are levitated into your hands.
>”You can START by scrubbing off the muck you plastered all over my house. Once you’re done with that, come see me for more work.”
>You let out a long, annoyed groan. Something paps you in the face mid-groan.
“What was…”
>Rarity was levitating a rolled up newspaper. It didn’t hurt but it was annoying.
>”You will conduct yourself properly when working for me.”
“Why does it ma-HEY!” She hits you again.
>You try to catch the newspaper in midair but it moves out of your reach effortlessly.
>”Now, once you’re done with that, come see me for more work.”
”Ugh. Yes, Rarity.” She raises the newspaper threateningly.
“Miss Rarity! Yes, Miss Rarity!”
>”Good, you do learn.”
>Rarity retreats into another room as you walk out of the boutique.
>From the front, you can’t see a damn thing.
>Walk around to the back… God, you painted so many dicks and butts. This is going to take forever.
>To make things better, your lack of sleep last night is catching up to you.
>Fantastic.
>You get to spongin’ the closest dickpainting to you. The paint is still pretty wet so it’s coming off rather easily. You won’t have that luxury as the day goes on.
>Just as you finish wiping off the last speck of the dick, a familiar flapping descends behind you.
>You turn to confirm your suspicions. Rainbow Dash.
“Ugh, what.”
>”Just wanted to say I’m sorry, dude.” Oh boy, it’s that apologetic look again.
“If you’re sorry, you’ll pick up a sponge and help me out.”
>She gives you a toothy grin with false guilt plaguing her eyes.
“Fine, just fuck off then.”
-
>”C’mon, man, I said I was sorry!”
“Yeah I heard! And the last time I forgave you, you turned around and got me in a shitload of trouble. The only way this could be worse is if Rarity got the Princess’ Guard.”
>”Aww, it’s not that bad.”
“You know what, the guards would have been nice. They would have taken me to a quiet dungeon where I couldn’t be visited by backstabbers and liars!”
>”Anon, are you even listening to yourself? You sound insane!”
“I’M FUCKING MAD! I’M ALLOWED TO BE INSANE!”
>”Anonymous~” Rarity’s voice called out, “You had better not be chatting with a certain cyan Pegasus while on duty!”
>That sing-song voice was a lot more menacing than it should have been. You turn back to the wall and begin scrubbing a butt you made to look very smelly.
>”Ugh! What the heck, Anon! You’re too cool for-“ Blah blah blah. You don’t have time for this, you’re on the clock.
>…
>No you’re not. But, Rarity will…
>What WILL Rarity do if you stopped?
>Throw gems at you annoyingly until you gave up?
>Heh, that does sound kind of funny.
>And painful. But, she wouldn’t waste gems like that.
>No.
>She would probably sneak up on you and slip a girly dress on you in public.
>Every day until one of you dies off.
>How horrifying.
>You decide to not try to back out of this. It’s not fair to Rarity to force her to clean it up.
>You doubt Rainbow would volunteer for her, she’s not doing it for you.
>Speaking of, is she still talking?
>”… and he had me pinned. I couldn’t move and I was afraid I was going to lose my virginity before Flight High School.”
>Huh, interesting topic change.
>Anyway, this butt is clean. Moving on.
 -
>The sun is setting.
>You’re far beyond exhausted.
>And your final enemy stands before you, mocking you.
>A butt. The last butt. It is no different than any other butt.
>But, you’re weak. Tired. Hills turn into mountains when a man hits his limit.
>You can’t quit now. You bring your scrub brush to Rarity’s plump butt cheeks.
>You refuse to be gentle with her… it. You take every ounce of hatred you possess and pour it into your muscles. Hatred for this work. Hatred for Rarity making you do this.
>Hatred for Rainbow Dash. Why would your bro ditch you like that?
>And another thing, didn’t she and Rarity have a talk today?
>Didn’t Rarity ask Rainbow Dash about this whole thing? Rarity is a smart mare, she could easily connect the dots.
>So why isn’t Rainbow Dash out here helping you?
>Almost done, just need a little extra energy…
>And…
>FUCK! FINALLY! ALL DONE! YOU STRIPPED HALF OF THE HOUSE DOWN TO BARE WOOD BUT IT’S DONE!
>You dismount the ladder, throw all the cleaning materials in a pile, and turn towards home.
>You let your arms fall as deadweight to your sides. You’re done using them for the day, let them rest.
>”Anonymous, where do you think you’re going?”
>Oh no.
“Home, it’s getting la-“
>”I believe I told you to come to me once your job was done.”
“You’re joking… Please tell me you’re joking.”
>”Afraid not, dear. Before you leave, I want you to put away the cleaning materials and the ladder.”
>You begin to groan but a quick tap to the nose with that rolled up newspaper silences you quickly.
>”You will do so without protest.” She begins to trot back into the boutique. “And, if you desire, you may join Sweetie Bell and I for dinner.”
-
>You toss the tools you used earlier into the utility closet.
>Actually… No.
>You neatly place them in the utility closet. Yeah.
>”Anonymous, darling, have you decided to stay for dinner?”
>Her attitude was rather cheery for some reason.
>You follow her voice to the kitchen to avoid yelling.
“I’m actually going to head out, today was pretty brutal.”
>”Hmph!” Oh, there goes the cheery thing, “Just be sure you’re here by 8 A.M. tomorrow morning, sharp!”
“Wait, what, why? Aren’t I done?”
>”Not at all! I’ll be the judge of when you have paid your debt!”
“Debt?”
>”Rarity, what’s a debt?”
>Ah, you were waiting for Sweetie Bell to interject somehow. She enjoys attention just as much as the next filly. Rarity, however, seems to ignore her.
>”You did more than defile my home, Anonymous. You tarnished my reputation and crippled my business!”
>A little overdramatic…
>”So, until I believe you have redeemed yourself from the physical and emotional damage you caused, you will be helping me around the boutique. Understood?”
>You begin to let out a sigh but cut it off quickly. That newspaper, man.
“Yes, Miss Rarity.”
>”Splendid! Goodbye, Anonymous.”
“Right…”
>Rarity clears her throat loudly. Fuck her, you’re done working for the day.
>You take your leave, arms still dangling lifelessly at your side.
>Your legs scream in protest as to walk home. Climbing ladders for half a day is horrible.
>But, the worst is over. There can be nothing as horrible as today’s chore.
>Except the cyan Pegasus sitting at your front door, tapping her hoof oh-so impatiently.
>Her ears perk up once she sees you
>She trots over to you with a sad expression on her face.
>”So… You still mad?”
“Too tired to be mad.”
-
>You sit at the dining table, head down and half asleep.
>The only thing keeping you awake is your hunger.
>Rainbow Dash decided to be cool again and is making you a salad in exchange for forgiveness.
>She’s not going to get it but this is a good start.
>”Done!”
>She slams a humongous bowl in the middle of the table. The salad had its standard lettuce, onion, and carrot but Dash added her own twist to it. Mandarin slices, dried ramen noodles, pepper, and olive oil. God damn it looks tasty.
>You waste no time serving yourself a bowl and digging in.
>Rainbow Dash sits across from you, moving her seat a little so you can see her over the bowl.
>She looks rather pensive.
>”Soooo… we cool?”
>You give her a shrug, your mouth is too full to say anything.
>”Come on, man. I said I was sorry.”
>You give her the universal, ‘Hold the fuck up, I’m chewing’ signal before swallowing your food.
“I told Rarity I was sorry but I still have to work for her forgiveness.”
>”I don’t have time to help Rarity sweep her… lawn or something!”
“But you have time to pull pranks on your friends all day?”
>Gotcha bitch!
>”Hey, I don’t need to hear this from you. I don’t even know why I came over, you’re not very cool you know?”
“Rainbow Dash, quit being Tsundere.”
>”Well… You’re Tsundere too! Ha!”
>You roll your eyes as you get back ito your salad.
>Rainbow Dash goes quiet to eat her own food.
>The two of your finish simultaneously.
>You pick up both yours and Rainbow Dash’s bowls and bring them to the sink to wash them.
>Rainbow Dash opens her mouth to say something but you cut her off before she does.
“I’m going to go to bed early, I think its best that you leave.”
>”Oh… okay Anon. I’ll see you tomorrow then?”
>You grunt in response.
>”Alright, see you later…” Rainbow Dash gives a defeated sigh and leaves requested.
>You appreciate her understanding… That’s really the only positive thing you can say about Rainbow Dash, right now.
>She’s still a self-centered, egotistical, cruel jerk of a pony. She threw you under the fucking bus and didn’t want to deal with the consequences.
>…
>Nope! Can’t think of anything nice!
>Fuck it.
>You pass on the shower and pajamas, desperately needing both, and collapse on your bed.
>The thought of tomorrow somehow keeps you awake for only a little bit.
>Soon, sleep claims you.