r16d story-time FR, and Throkil telling it like it is

okil: Tell me about your night
02:45 r16d: lol
02:45 r16d: dude
02:45 r16d: so there's this chick
02:45 r16d: who for all intents and purposes is a 10 to me
02:46 r16d: my mom died a couple months ago
02:46 r16d: and she was around
02:46 Throkil: Wow, i'm sorry r16d.
02:46 r16d: and her friend jumped off a bridge
02:46 r16d: and that was a bummer too
02:46 r16d: so it's been complicated
02:46 Throkil: Sounds like you two were there for the comforting periods
02:46 r16d: well
02:46 Throkil: grieving*
02:46 r16d: i sort of hit on her
02:46 r16d: and she got all erratic
02:47 r16d: very fucking intense fucked up situation follows
02:47 r16d: i end up finally telling her i like her
02:47 r16d: then the day after, she's acting weird
02:47 r16d: so i think
02:47 Throkil: tell me about that
02:47 r16d: fuck it
02:47 Throkil: the erratic and intense situation
02:48 r16d: and i send her a facebook message of all the shit i had to say to her
02:48 r16d: and we back and forth a little
02:48 r16d: and it's a little aggro, but gets nicer
02:48 r16d: i'll tell you about the erratic intense thing later
02:48 Throkil: mmk
02:48 r16d: it's so complicated
02:48 r16d: then i go to this party
02:48 r16d: at this party, there's this chick i banged who's super aggressive
02:48 r16d: who basically f-closed me
02:48 r16d: lol
02:49 r16d: this other chick i like
02:49 r16d: and would like to sleep with
02:49 r16d: who is friends with the one who wants to bang me
02:49 r16d: i show up
02:49 r16d: am sort of cockblocked by the one i don't want
02:49 r16d: then my hb10 shows up
02:50 r16d: and my brain starts to explode
02:50 r16d: because i sent her this brutally honest shit and i didn't hear back from her, and the last time in a public situation she was weird to me
02:50 r16d: but she just says hey, and gives me a nice open hug
02:50 r16d: fuck, dude
02:50 r16d: this is a very complicated story
02:50 r16d: haha
02:51 Throkil: fuck dude, that sounds so hairy
02:51 Throkil: just like
02:51 r16d: yeah
02:51 Throkil: inside your own head
02:51 Throkil: its like
02:51 Throkil: they're all pushing this agenda on you somehow
02:51 Throkil: well
02:51 Throkil: not the hb10
02:51 r16d: ugh, i dunno
02:51 r16d: right
02:51 Throkil: the other two
02:51 r16d: yeah
02:51 r16d: me no like
02:51 Throkil: haha
02:51 Throkil: Okay
02:51 Throkil: so continue
02:51 r16d: so the hb6 who wants to fuck me
02:51 r16d: is still all over me
02:51 r16d: i keep escaping
02:52 r16d: trying to hit on the hb8, which is the one i'm interested in
02:52 r16d: but i have social anxiety
02:52 r16d: so i'm walking around
02:52 r16d: freaking out
02:52 r16d: and so i walk out front, squat on the porch
02:52 r16d: and cry
02:52 r16d: and so hb6 comes out
02:52 r16d: and i stop crying
02:53 r16d: and she kneels in front of me
02:53 r16d: and i brush her off until she leaves
02:53 r16d: and i'm there by myself
02:53 Throkil: How did you brush her off?
02:53 r16d: i can't quite remember
02:53 Throkil: Did you not make eye contact
02:53 r16d: i held my hands in between our faces
02:53 r16d: for one
02:53 r16d: hahaha
02:53 Throkil: LOL
02:53 Throkil: DUDE
02:53 Throkil: You literally closed her off from you
02:53 r16d: i was having a fucking moment
02:54 r16d: yeah
02:54 Throkil: Yeah
02:54 Throkil: I hear ya.
02:54 r16d: so after she leaves
02:54 r16d: i think
02:54 r16d: fuck, if HB10 comes out
02:54 r16d: fuck
02:54 r16d: and so
02:54 r16d: she does
02:54 r16d: with her friend
02:54 r16d: and i'm like
02:54 r16d: i'm doing okay
02:54 r16d: and she walks off with her friends
02:54 r16d: and comes back like 3 minutes later by herself
02:55 r16d: to talk to me
02:55 r16d: and ask me how i am
02:55 r16d: and i told her i had social anxiety
02:55 r16d: and she told me that whenever i get it together to stop looking like a crazy person and come back inside
02:55 r16d: and i told her she was awesome
02:55 r16d: fuck dude
02:55 Throkil: what was her tone
02:55 Throkil: when she said that
02:56 Throkil: how did it sound to you
02:56 Throkil: coming out of her mouth
02:56 r16d: very positive and nurturing
02:56 Throkil: Oh okay\
02:56 r16d: yeah
02:56 Throkil: so it was very sweet
02:56 r16d: yeah
02:56 Throkil: CMaj7
02:56 r16d: haha
02:56 Throkil: just a little but of dissonance
02:56 Throkil: but its loving positive dissonance
02:56 r16d: i don't even know
02:56 Throkil: that leads to jazz
02:56 Throkil: alright
02:56 r16d: might've just been a triad
02:56 Throkil: lol
02:56 Throkil: C E GH
02:56 Throkil: fucking
02:57 Throkil: 1-4-5 Progression
02:57 Throkil: I-IV-V*
02:57 r16d: i dunno
02:57 Throkil: Well,
02:57 r16d: more of just a sonorty
02:57 Throkil: what do you feel weird about
02:57 r16d: one fucking awesome chord
02:58 r16d: so
02:58 r16d: then i went inside
02:58 r16d: and ran into molly, the hb8
02:58 Throkil: MOLLY [last name]?
02:58 r16d: probably not
02:58 r16d: if that's a last name
02:58 Throkil: Please say no, because that is def. not hb8
02:58 Throkil: anyways go on lol
02:59 r16d: so
02:59 r16d: i am visibly perturbed
02:59 r16d: i think
02:59 r16d: but in any case, she asks me how it's going
02:59 r16d: and i tell her
02:59 r16d: and she asks me if she can do anything
03:00 r16d: for me
03:00 r16d: well, an aside
03:00 r16d: i had told her i had social anxiety before, and she didn't believe me
03:00 r16d: so i had said, "you know that social anxiety you didn't believe i had?  well, i'm having it right now."
03:01 Throkil: nice
03:01 Throkil: I mean
03:01 Throkil: its a bad situation
03:01 Throkil: but you crushed a shit test after the fact
03:01 r16d: haha
03:01 r16d: i didn't think of it that way
03:01 Throkil: reframe! :D
03:01 r16d: so i told her i wanted to kiss her, but didn't know if it would be okay
03:01 r16d: in retrospect
03:01 r16d: i should've kissed her
03:01 r16d: but
03:02 r16d: she said, "i don't know if HB6 would be okay.  i... would be okay"
03:02 r16d: and then i should've kissed her
03:02 Throkil: why?
03:02 Throkil: because she had doubt/
03:02 r16d: but she was very body language 'no'
03:02 r16d: well
03:02 r16d: maybe i made the right call
03:02 r16d: in any case
03:03 r16d: later, i end up sitting on a couch after i smoke some weed
03:03 r16d: btw, this is all while i'm buzzed
03:03 r16d: jesus
03:03 r16d: and hb6 comes and sits with me
03:04 r16d: and starts rubbing my nipple with the back of her beverage hand
03:04 r16d: and i'm like
03:04 r16d: well
03:04 Throkil: lmfao
03:04 r16d: she asked me how i was
03:04 r16d: and i told her i was having existintial issues
03:04 r16d: and then she starts rubbing my nipple
03:04 r16d: and i'm like
03:05 r16d: i need you to stop this nipple thing
03:05 r16d: and she went to kiss me, and i turned away
03:05 r16d: and she got up and stormed off
03:05 Throkil: You must be a hot dude
03:05 Throkil: no homo
03:05 r16d: i think i've got some shit going on
03:05 r16d: i need to feel it
03:05 r16d: goddammit
03:05 r16d: i'm getting there
03:05 r16d: i dunno
03:05 Throkil: Feel that you are a good looking dude?
03:05 r16d: yes
03:06 r16d: i used to be fat
03:06 Throkil: Me too
03:06 Throkil: I used to weigh 207 lbs in the 9th grade
03:06 r16d: that shit stays in your brain
03:06 Throkil: yeah
03:06 Throkil: for sure
03:06 Throkil: if you let it
03:06 r16d: i weighed like 250 when i was 14
03:06 Throkil: How bout these apples, boy
03:06 Throkil: being as fat as I was
03:06 Throkil: and then
03:06 r16d: but i weigh like 210 now
03:06 Throkil: being as receding hairliney and bald as I am
03:06 r16d: i'm pretty hefty even fit
03:06 Throkil: Lost weight and shaved my head
03:06 Throkil: How tall are you?
03:07 r16d: like 5'11"
03:07 r16d: on a good day
03:07 r16d: i'm dense as fuck
03:07 r16d: i don't know how i weigh this much
03:07 Throkil: I look super thin, but I weigh 145
03:07 Throkil: well, I look fit
03:07 Throkil: nvm
03:07 Throkil: do you work out?
03:07 r16d: i was in bad shape a year ago
03:08 r16d: i've been just trying to get into shape biking
03:08 r16d: and doing some bodyweight exercises
03:08 Throkil: biking's great. I used to ride from coral way and 97th to key biscane
03:08 r16d: i've been too damn busy anyway
03:08 r16d: this summer i'm going to get in really good shape
03:08 Throkil: its how I lost most of the weight
03:08 r16d: yeah
03:08 Throkil: Dude
03:08 r16d: plus you get awesome legs
03:08 Throkil: I might get a bike
03:08 Throkil: if anything we can bike and shit
03:08 Throkil: sarge the beaches
03:08 r16d: sure thing
03:08 Throkil: ALL THE BEACHES
03:08 r16d: yeah
03:08 r16d: haha
03:09 r16d: dude, my story is still not over
03:09 r16d: jesus
03:09 Throkil: Yeah sorry about that haha
03:09 r16d: it's a long story
03:09 r16d: we needed a break
03:09 r16d: shit
03:09 Throkil: I have ADD so you have to keep me on track
03:09 r16d: so this chick storms off
03:09 r16d: and i chill for a bit
03:10 r16d: i had actually asked my friend to sit next to em
03:10 r16d: me
03:10 r16d: because hb6 had sat next to me
03:10 r16d: and i needed someone to ignore her with
03:10 r16d: that's not good strategy
03:10 r16d: but it worked
03:10 r16d: so i talked to him for a bit
03:10 r16d: then go outside
03:10 r16d: blah blah
03:10 r16d: i talk to molly
03:10 r16d: hb8
03:11 r16d: again
03:11 r16d: and she's talking to some dude
03:11 r16d: i tell her hb6 is pissed off at me
03:11 r16d: and she basically kind of backs off again
03:11 r16d: later, i end up giving her beer from the keg
03:12 r16d: and staring into her eyes
03:12 r16d: and she asks me why i'm interested
03:12 r16d: and i say i like her
03:12 r16d: she says i don't know her
03:12 r16d: and i'm like
03:12 r16d: i know, but you never know anybody
03:12 r16d: and she was attractive
03:13 r16d: and seemed reasonably smart
03:13 r16d: and thoughtful
03:13 r16d: and that went pretty well
03:13 r16d: later, my ride was leaving
03:13 r16d: and he goaded me into getting her number
03:13 r16d: which was rough too
03:13 r16d: fuck
03:13 r16d: dude
03:13 Throkil: What a dick
03:13 r16d: well
03:14 r16d: no
03:14 r16d: i wouldn't have gotten her number
03:14 r16d: i wouldn't have closed
03:14 r16d: she had basically told me that in the future, yes
03:14 Throkil: Why not?
03:14 r16d: i wasn't going to get her number
03:14 r16d: and he bugged me until i did it
03:14 r16d: he even argued with me
03:14 Throkil: Do you feel like you need someone to bug you to do this?
03:15 r16d: tonight i did
03:15 r16d: probably
03:15 r16d: i think that may have been the first girl's number that i just straight up asked for ever
03:15 r16d: this hb10 of mine
03:15 Throkil: I raise one small question to you then
03:15 r16d: is the first girl that i have ever told i liked
03:15 r16d: without knowing for sure
03:15 r16d: how it was going to go
03:15 r16d: and for a week
03:15 r16d: i was having panic attacks
03:15 Throkil: Hmmm, it sounds like 'one-itis'
03:15 r16d: contemplating telling her
03:15 r16d: no
03:15 r16d: i can't approach women
03:15 r16d: i mean
03:15 r16d: i can
03:16 r16d: apparently
03:16 r16d: but
03:16 r16d: it's abject horror
03:16 Throkil: Well
03:16 Throkil: that's a good thing
03:16 Throkil: you're approaching women even though you have this almost debilitating fear
03:16 r16d: yeah
03:16 r16d: well it is time
03:16 Throkil: you're scared on the inside, but you've used that fear
03:16 r16d: and i mean
03:16 Throkil: that's a move a lot of men don't make
03:16 Throkil: out of fear.
03:16 r16d: i've got oneitis with this chick, don't get me wrong
03:17 r16d: but i've got all sorts of issues
03:17 r16d: but i feel fucking amazing
03:17 Throkil: haha there we go, a confession. :P
03:17 r16d: this may be the best night of my life
03:17 r16d: honestly
03:17 r16d: better than the threesome
03:18 Throkil: it sounds good, dude
03:18 Throkil: You spoke your feelings out
03:18 Throkil: you'd already approached
03:18 Throkil: but you were nervous to show your feelings and be honest, be yourself, right?
03:18 Throkil: (in the past)
03:18 r16d: yes
03:18 r16d: and tonight
03:18 r16d: and hb10 showing up
03:18 Throkil: You broke that shit like a god damn bearded bald man
03:18 r16d: and being open with me
03:18 r16d: fuck
03:18 r16d: dude
03:18 Throkil: (i'm bearded and bald)
03:18 Throkil: ;D
03:18 r16d: i spilled my fucking guts to her
03:19 r16d: and she showed up and was as nice to me as she's ever been
03:19 Throkil: I bet it feels like a thousand pounds off your shoulder
03:19 r16d: yeah, dude
03:19 r16d: i thought about it while i was peeing
03:19 r16d: and i cried
03:19 Throkil: Lmfao
03:19 r16d: and peed
03:19 Throkil: oh
03:19 Throkil: now i'm sad.
03:19 r16d: best thing ever
03:19 r16d: you should try crying and peeing someday
03:19 Throkil: LMFAO
03:20 Throkil: Dude, i've done it
03:20 Throkil: I know dat feel
03:20 Throkil: its just that, out of context
03:20 r16d: hahahaha
03:20 Throkil: that shit sounds hysterical
03:20 Throkil: 'You should try crying and peeing someday'
03:20 Throkil: Honestly dude, you need to chip at this piece by piece
03:20 Throkil: and just keep hanging out with HB10
03:20 r16d: well
03:20 r16d: i'm not sure i can
03:20 Throkil: she'll come around, it already sounds like she's well on the way
03:21 r16d: she's moving really soon, though
03:21 r16d: to california
03:21 r16d: ugh
03:21 Throkil: aw fuck dude
03:21 r16d: hahahahaha
03:21 r16d: yeah
03:21 r16d: i know
03:21 Throkil: GOD DAMNIT R16
03:21 r16d: hahaha
03:21 Throkil: THIS IS UP AND DOWN
03:21 r16d: don't i know it
03:21 r16d: haha
03:21 Throkil: THIS IS LIKE DAWSON'S CREEK
03:21 r16d: the story is fucking complex, man
03:21 r16d: i gave you the extreme annotated version of the backstory
03:21 Throkil: Sell the rights to this shit to one tree hill
03:21 Throkil: make tons of money
03:22 Throkil: wait, that was the backstory?
03:22 r16d: the party had all the important parts
03:22 r16d: no
03:22 r16d: no
03:22 Throkil: oh oaky
03:22 r16d: i mean about my mom dying
03:22 Throkil: I just read that and understood it
03:22 r16d: and her friend dying
03:22 r16d: i found some boots while cleaning out my mom's place
03:22 r16d: and they were decent actual leather boots
03:22 r16d: so i offered them to her and my other friend
03:22 r16d: she called me first
03:22 r16d: accepted them
03:23 r16d: and shit fell apart and she never took them
03:23 r16d: so i ended up giving them to my friend
03:23 r16d: ugh dude
03:23 r16d: i didn't realize that bothered me
03:23 r16d: interesting
03:23 Throkil: You were numb
03:23 Throkil: its okay
03:23 Throkil: most people go numb when a loved one dies
03:24 Throkil: its an instinct to trump the unproductiveness of grieving
03:24 Throkil: you like being productive
03:24 Throkil: or rather, doing things that are in your interest
03:24 Throkil: I would assume that from you being here, and shit
03:24 Throkil: at least an admin.
03:24 Throkil: Am I right so far?
03:24 r16d: haha
03:24 r16d: i suppose
03:24 Throkil: Damn man,
03:24 Throkil: There's so much to everything
03:24 r16d: i also was taking 19 credits this semester
03:24 r16d: fuck
03:24 Throkil: you just have to find it
03:24 Throkil: yeah
03:25 Throkil: 19 credits'll fucking do it
03:25 r16d: shit
03:25 Throkil: Have you fully let out your emotions
03:25 Throkil: of your mom's passing?
03:25 r16d: probably not
03:25 Throkil: don't do it in a fel swoop.
03:25 Throkil: Its very overpowering
03:25 Throkil: do it piece by piece
03:25 r16d: yeah
03:25 Throkil: but not grain by grain
03:25 Throkil: you get me?
03:25 r16d: i think that's what i'm doing
03:25 r16d: yeah
03:26 r16d: tonight was a huge night for me
03:26 r16d: so many times
03:26 r16d: i was like
03:26 r16d: fuck it
03:26 r16d: i give up