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sephirotic

Corrections/suggestion notes for /ak/ GuP's v3 subs

sephirotic
Jun 5th, 2016
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  1. There are several couple of frames of gaps between following lines and frame bleeding that could probably be improved. I didn't comment on those as they would be too numerous and chances of missing some of them would be high.
  2.  
  3. 00:00:18 Question without a question mark.
  4.  
  5. 00:03:03 "Feels a bit weird" What? The potato she is eating? Makes no sense. It obviously that she is referring to the Chihatan girls "They are a little weird/eccentric" or something like that.
  6.  
  7. 00:08:16 I don't think this double line is necessary, the dialogues barely overlaps, a continuity is probably better.
  8.  
  9. 00:08:44 Suggestion: Communications with radio distortion and not "humanization" of the tanks should probably be in italic.
  10.  
  11. 00:13:24 Missing period.
  12.  
  13. 00:13:28 "Alles Klar" should probably come after the previous double line to avoid a triple one.
  14.  
  15. 00:14:30 Either change the period for a comma or capitalize "Please"
  16.  
  17. 00:17:23 Another couple of italic lines here.
  18.  
  19. 00:18:43 In the series, on episode 03, he says: "Ore no mise" not "uchi/ie", so it shouldn't be "house". Also double line bad-timing following this.
  20.  
  21. 00:22:21 Other possible italic line
  22.  
  23. 00:23:31 I'd change "It's turning so slowly" to "It's so slow to turn!" The former gives the idea that in this particular occasion is turning even slower than normal, which is not the case.
  24.  
  25. 00:24:11 Yet again I'd split that triple line.
  26.  
  27. 00:27:39 Other possible italic lines. Also, if the inverted order of the names is to be preserved, a comma after "Kadotani" and before "Anzu" should be added.
  28.  
  29. 00:29:00 I'd remove those suspension points before the question mark.
  30.  
  31. 00:30:10 Another bad timing double lines
  32.  
  33. 00:30:19 I particularly think this GP note is unnecessary.
  34.  
  35. 00:33:16 Other possible italic line
  36.  
  37. 00:34:44 I'd split this line.
  38.  
  39. 00:36:39 - "Yeah" -> line delayed over 2 seconds. -
  40.  
  41. 00:38:31 Other possible italic lines.
  42.  
  43. 00:40:20 Other possible italic lines
  44.  
  45. 00:41:20 Split somehow these triple lines
  46.  
  47. 00:45:10 I'd remove the suspensions point here.
  48.  
  49. 00:45:34 "The heck is that" -> Bad timed double line
  50.  
  51. 00:46:48 Another double line due to bad overlapping timing.
  52.  
  53. 00:48:47 Another double line due to bad overlapping timing.
  54.  
  55. 00:51:56 timing is a little rushed here maybe this could be improved in some way?
  56.  
  57. 00:53:32 "If I won, please become the sponsor of the Boko Musuem" Should be Museum, also, I'm no English native but shouldn't be "If I win" instead of "won"?
  58.  
  59. 00:54:47 I'd consider spliting the "sounds scary" line from Aya here as it is considerable delayed from the previous one and the screen is already full of text with the background announcement on top, which by the way, is another such case of possible italic lines
  60.  
  61. 01:02:49 Another double line due to bad overlapping timing.
  62.  
  63. 01:03:56 Another double line due to bad overlapping timing.
  64.  
  65. 01:05:55 Line too long for the short time it's displayed. Since she doesn't actually "say the enemy" maybe changing it just to "it" and contracting "it'll" would put the line in a single line and making it easier to read.
  66.  
  67. 01:06:40 Another double line due to bad overlapping timing.
  68.  
  69. 01:06:59 I'd remove this exclamation mark. There is no emphasis on Maho's calm voice.
  70.  
  71. 01:07:03 I'd remove this exclamation mark. There is no emphasis on Maho's calm voice.
  72. Still on the matter of exclamation marks, some seems to be unnatural, yet again at 01:07:12 there isn't really enphasis on Anzu's line either, but Katyusha's line at 01:07:37 does. This may be a little bit too picky so I'd avoid commenting on it on the following lines unless is too blatantly off.
  73.  
  74. 01:08:08 "Let's go?" translation missing.
  75.  
  76. 01:08:26- 01:08:36 Other possible italic lines
  77.  
  78. 01:08:41 I'd split this line in too as the scene changes.
  79.  
  80. 01:09:02 Anther possible italic line.
  81.  
  82. 01:10:09 - 01:10:36 Other possible italic lines. Actually, there are many radio communication lines on this battle, it'll be pointless to mention all if you are not willing to change it so I'd refrain from doing it from now on.
  83.  
  84. 01:12:29 A real mess around here, triple line and also a missing line from the Usagi team, If I got it right they say something like: "We can't keep going/advancing!". First I'd split "Transmission damaged" from the beginning of Alisa lines and join it with Kei's(?) line forming two lines at the scene changing to the interior of Nonnas tank. The "Both Track Damaged! Turret Damaged" would be joined with the missing Usagi team lines at another double line before the aforementioned one. Should probably work nicely without needing to recur to triple line and in the limited timing we have.
  85.  
  86. 01:12:52 Maho's "Doushita?" here is considerable delayed and shorter than Katyusha's line, it would probably be better to split this lines.
  87.  
  88. 01:13:57 I suppose this is adapted but a little joke is lost here with the "Gonna get knocked out" said from Momo. She actually said that in the past tense thus the tsukomi from Yuzu in the following line: "We haven't been knocked out yet!" WHich is a reference to Anzu saying "Yarareta" back on episode 12 when they are blasted away from Maus fire but weren't actually disabled. Anzu always say this when they are out even at 01:46:11 of this movie, Yuzu made the same tsukomi back then.
  89.  
  90. 01:16:21 Nonna is not really being polite here, and the "Hayaku" is absent so I'd change to "So hurry, pull back!" instead of please.
  91.  
  92. 01:19:00 Shouldn't be "'ve"?
  93.  
  94. 01:23:14 Shouldn't be better to split this line so the "Damn" woul appear at the top instead of the bottom?
  95.  
  96. 01:25:24 I don't have a better Idea how to adapt here but it's simply impossible to read this line without pausing.
  97.  
  98. 01:27:55 "Wanted" in the past? Why?
  99.  
  100. 01:30:05 Another double line due to bad overlapping timing.
  101.  
  102. 01:30:09 Missing period.
  103.  
  104. 01:30:16 MIssing period here too.
  105.  
  106. 01:33:15 another over extensive line. Judging that Maho doesn't actually say "probably has an ambush somewhere near", and just "I sense something", this could probably be adapted to be smaller.
  107.  
  108. 01:34:07 Missing period.
  109.  
  110. 01:34:11 Should be "We got lost" instead of "What should we do".
  111.  
  112. 01:40:16 Yet again I know it's a translation adaptation choice, but I'd still prefer to have it more literal here: "I really think it's meaningless" in reference to the translation of other episodes.
  113.  
  114. 01:40:48 She said "nice fight!" not "shot", was this change intentional?
  115.  
  116. 01:44:12 Barely overlapping, I'd just concatenate instead.
  117.  
  118. 01:47:56 I'd concatenate this line with the previous one at the switch of the scene.
  119.  
  120. 01:54:29 I'd split the "Won! We Won!" Line from the other two.
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