Magical Girl Madoka Magica FIGHTERS

Kyubey: Don’t you want to save your life and instantly heal yourself? Make a contract with me and become a magical girl today!
Maddie: All right…I…will…become…a…magical…magic…whoa! How did I heal so fast? And why is my hair blonde? What…am I wearing?
Kyubey: That is your new outfit. You can switch back if you want to.
Maddie: Oh…cool.
Maddie (background): I fought for my life, everyday.  I fought witches and demons and everything else you thought you only saw in fairy tales that were read to you by your mother when you went to bed. I was a magical girl. You know, those Sailor Moon anime you watched when you were in third grade. In third grade, I wanted to be Sailor Moon. I thought she was a hero. But I was no hero…a while ago, I crashed my car in a drunk driving incident. I was driving my parents and my little sister home from a business party hosted by my dad’s boss. I killed my whole family. No one suspected me of it, and I never told that story to anyone. Well, okay, I did tell it to one person back in senior year…
Newscaster: Bill 201, a bill designed to increase federal penalties for rapes and sexual assaults in the military, was defeated overwhelmingly by the Conservative Party…
Priest: Man…why are we electing…such idiots to office…
Katie: Dad? Are you…are you drunk again?
Priest: Katie…oh…take care of your little sister for me won’t you?
Katie: *sighs*…fine, dad. Get your act together, please.
Priest: We have no mone…y….y…
Katie: Mom,  tell dad to get his act together!
Mom: Sorry honey, I’m about to go to bed…
Katie: Victoria, you should go to bed too. It’s what, 11 PM already?
Victoria: Not until you read me another bedtime story.
Katie: *sigh*…fine. But I’m in high school now, and I got work to do. You have to stop doing this.
Victoria: Story! Story!
Katie: I guess it can’t be helped…
Maddie: Kyubey, no, I don’t mean…I mean, why are we here? This is like, the most ghetto….run-down…section of Denver! The only people who live here are prostitutes and rapists…or something. What, don’t tell me you want to recruit a prostitute as your sex slave?
Kyubey: Look over there. On the porch of that run down church.
Maddie: Hey. That’s that girl I know from my AP Biology class…Katie, wasn’t it? That ghetto girl that the boys are oogling over in class? I thought she was a bit wealthier than that…I mean, she’s not rich, but this looks horrible...
Katie: Oh my. It’s the rich little daddy’s girl in my biology class. What the hell brings you out at this hour? Do you want to hurt me? Kill me? Do you want the boys who keep coming to me? You can have them.
Maddie: No, really, that’s not how I see you at all. I’m…not a bitch. I promise. I want to help you.
Katie: Yeah, sure, and pigs will fly one day.
Maddie: Hey, pigs are cute. They go oink and roll in mud…
Katie: What the fuck do you want?
Maddie: Look, I don’t really feel all that well about myself lately. I want to help you. I promise you that. Here.
Katie: Oh look, a stuffed animal. Anything else interesting you want to show me? Will I be looking at your favorite fairy tale next?
Kyubey: Do you want to get out of this despair?
Katie: The hell?
Kyubey: Don’t you want more people to listen to your father? Don’t you need money? Just make a contract with me and become a magical girl!
Katie: …uh…magical girl? You mean that shit from anime? You didn’t record this, did you, Maddie?
Kyubey: No, she did not. I am the real deal.
Katie: Fuck it, what do I have to lose? I’ll take your offer. Make me into a magical girl or whatever the fuck you want to make me.
Kyubey: You shall have your wish.
Katie: Whoa! Nice spear! Hey uh…why is my hair red? And why am I wearing this rather elaborate…skirt?
Kyubey: You can transform back if you want to.
Katie: Wow. Amazing, I guess.
Kyubey: Check your pocket.
Katie: A paper slip…wait…what? All I can see is that it’s a paper code…
Kyubey: Look behind you. In that truck.
Katie: What the…a computer server and a…huge…pile of weed…and a bunch of shipping boxes…
Kyubey: Enjoy your new business!
Katie: What the fuck…I’m a drug dealer now?
Maddie (background): At first she was angry, but she then took advantage of the situation. To be honest, out of everyone I knew, Katie was my first real friend. We actually did take care of each other, unlike my other friends who didn’t give a shit when personal problems came up. I saw Katie as a friend and as a little sister to me. But like everything in real life, happy stories do not last.
Maddie: Wow. Last time I visited this place was 3 months ago, now it’s a fucking garden in here.
Katie: Yeah? Been making a shitton in profits, and no one knows about this place. I love Silk Road. I been making close to a thousand bucks daily from this shit.
Maddie: How’s fighting witches going for you? Kinda hard? No?
Katie: Oh, I toughened up. Witches are no big deal. Kill a few on a weeknight, end up with enough grief seeds to last me for half a year. It’s great.
Maddie: How’s your dad’s…church?
Katie: He’s loving every minute of it. Seriously, I have never seen so many cars in the church parking lot before. Everyone is listening to him…whatever he’s saying. I don’t really know. Hey…uh…
Maddie: Hmm?
Katie: Thanks for everything. Really. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I mean…wow. You helped me. A lot. Want to go to a coffee shop? Hell, maybe even a nightclub? We could both use a break. Here, I got a present for you.
Maddie: …a fake ID. Wow. Dunno whether to laugh or cry. But thanks, dammit.
Katie: It’s not fake, it’s legit. Some nice seller got these for us straight from the DMV. Shows up on scanners too.
Maddie: Wow. Just wow.
Katie: Come on. Let’s not spend our whole day in this creepy place.
Priest: Katie? Come here for a second.
Katie: Sure thing, dad.
Priest: You been using magic to get people to come here, haven’t you?
Katie: Dad? What, no? How could I even do such a thing? I’m not a witch!
Priest: Then how do you explain this whole box of cloudy ink balls in a box with “Grief Seeds” written on it?
Katie: Um…they look like ink balls?
Priest: You do know I have a book and guide on sorcery, right?
Katie: You bought that from an elementary school library sale…
Priest: And hell, I caught you shipping weed from the old factory building.
Katie: The hell?
Priest: My daughter…is a witch and a drug dealer…
Katie: Dad, calm down, I can explain-
Maddie: This vodka is rather strong. Where the hell did you buy it?
Leon: Sneaked it out of that liquor store next door.
Maddie: That’s my Leon…
Elena: Hey Maddie…uh…where’s the restroom?
Maddie: Upstairs. Don’t pee on the floor again, please. Seriously.
Newscaster: A priest of a church near Colfax and Quebec killed himself along with his young daughter and his wife. Headlines at 11…
Maddie: Oh…shit. Hold on guys, I need to make a call…Katie, Katie, you okay?
Katie: I’m honestly scared as fuck…hey uh…can I stay at your place for tonight?
Maddie: Sure. You can stay here forever if you want…
Katie: No, no. Just for now while I get an apartment. Thanks a lot though.
Maddie: No, no problem. I know what’s going on. Calm down…everything will be all right.
Maddie (background): The bonds between me and Katie grew closer and closer. While we came from different socioeconomic backgrounds, we were both in the same boat; teenage girls with no families and too much money in their bank accounts fighting monsters. We had a sister-like bond which no one could break apart: me as the older sister, Katie as the younger one. Or so I thought, anyways. One day my boyfriend was bringing home some cocaine...to sell.  And things went downhill from there…
Maddie: We need a place to hide that shit. And no, before you ask, not in my house. Ever. Where is it now?
Leon: Pfft, sweetheart. I would never harm you. You are the sweetest little thing, sweeter than strawberries and chocolate…
Maddie: Aw. Thanks. I love you too. Wait…if you didn’t hide the drugs in my house or yours…where the hell did you put it?
Leon: You know that apartment number and key number that you left on a sticky note a few months ago? I hid it there. Looked like some weird hipster girl’s apartment…
Maddie: Oh…fuck…you…
Leon: What’s wrong?
Maddie: Oh…shit.
Maddie (background): When I arrived, the cop cars were in full force and Katie was in handcuffs, crying. Some old lady reported seeing cocaine being delivered to that apartment, and apparently that was enough for the police to arrest her. Even though she did nothing wrong, the judge sentenced her to 6 months in prison. She could fight witches in the vast amount of prison labyrinths, which kept her alive. But she also grew resentful and angry. As for me, I would have visited, but I had too much on my plate back then. I was leader of the Human Rights club…
Maddie: Please sign this petition to support women’s rights in India!
Boy: I’ll sign it!
Maddie: Yeah, do sign, thanks! Here’s the pape…ah you know what, I need a new sheet. Here.
Boy: Did you know your boobs are cute as hell?
Maddie: Sign it, fuck off, and leave.
Maddie (background): I had 5 AP courses in one year…
Maddie: Aristotle…Zeus…aren’t they both…ugh…I need sleep…fuck…off…
Maddie (background): I was a cheerleader…
Teacher: Are you okay?
Maddie: I think I hit my head on the beam…owww….
Maddie (background): And I was occupied with a new boyfriend. A cute Chinese kid named Sean.
Sean: Hey, uh, want to go on another date tomorrow night? I know some good clubs in town. Maybe we can see The Hangover 6 or something.
Maddie: I don’t know, Sean…
Sean: Hey, look, sweetheart. I really want an intimate experience…just the two of us. I like partying with the guys, but this is the week where cops are extra alert. I don’t want to end up as a victim of a crackdown.
Maddie: Good point…
Maddie (background): As for Leon, I broke up with him after Katie got arrested. He later killed himself after he got too drunk and crashed his Subaru into a lake. Unfortunately, Sean was a Chinese identity thief who was later tortured and killed by Chinese Triad members for failing to pay his dues. On the outside, I was the perfect girl: I had a 4.8 GPA, I was the leader of the cheerleading team, I was a club president, and I was attractive to most boys. On the inside though, I was a wreck. On the day of my high school graduation, I was the selected valedictorian. I tried to make a speech, but my speech was jumbled and stupid. Katie got out of prison a week afterwards, and things got messy…
Maddie: Jesus Christ, you look fucking terrible. I never thought…wow.
Katie: Fuck off.
Maddie: Geez, why so harsh?
Katie: Figure it out, goddammit. I’m not in the mood to talk to you.
Maddie: What did I do? Seriously, what? I’m…
Katie: Use your brain.
Maddie: I still can’t…
Katie: Ok, so you want me to tell you? I’ll tell you. Your boyfriend hid a few grams of cocaine in my apartment, and instead of doing something about it, you waited until I was arrested for it and still didn’t manage to do shit about it. You told me you would be there for me, yet you didn’t bother to visit me once-once!-in prison, and when I tried to call you, I never got a reply. At least you could have answered me or something! Meanwhile while I was in prison, you managed to steal a bunch of stuff from my apartment, stuff I paid good money for. You got drunk, took my car and crashed it into a lake. Oh, you also managed to tear up a lot of my family albums.  And now you want to be my “older sister” again? What type of older sister decides to wreck their little sister’s life and laughs about it?
Maddie: Wait, what the fuck?