Fuuko's Diary - The Mundane Monarch

Fuuko's Diary - The Mundane Monarch, by SadPancakes


[Introduction to the diary]


15/08/2013

Never in my life have I ever found any interest in keeping a personal diary. Confessing my feelings and worries never was my kind of thing. Plus it's a bit cliche too, right?

But lately, my life took... An unexpected turn. I am experiencing so much things now, and I am having so much fun, that I became afraid of forgetting even one second of it. That's why I'm starting this diary today. It is meant to be read only by myself. Myself from the future, so I can remember this too fast-paced life. Maybe I'll read it by nostalgia of an era that has been taken from me one way or another. Who knows.

So hello me. I know it is you because this diary was made from an ipse-tree which grows at the obscure edges of the milky way, meaning it can only recognize my identity and thus can only respond to my will. If you aren't me but can still manage to read this, then congratulations, you are very good at exo-individuality hacking.

Do I need to introduce myself to, well, myself? Seems stupid and yet I feel like I must go through this stage. Maybe so I can remember what my life was like at the time of writing? Okay, sounds like a good enough reason.

My name is Fuuko Ferrino. 20 years old, living in England. Half-japanese, half-italian, no job, no studies, still a bit of optimism left. Lately I've been trying to survive financially as I have recently taken my first apartment. Independence has a price, but I really, really wanted a place for myself only.

I needed some kind for miracle if I wanted to stabilize my life, and that's actually what happened: An army of killer robots fell from the skies and besieged every public swimming pools in the name of a vengeance against reptilian people that inhabited Earth millions of years ago.

...Which doesn't really look like a miracle, I know. It barely sounds like a coherent sentence either, but we'll have to get used to that.

Anyway, for a week the entire planet suffered an embargo on chlorinated water. It made the news for roughly two hours, at which time this celebrity I never heard about before announced his transsexuality. The robot siege has since then been considered as a giant happening orchestrated by contemporary artists. To be honest, I quickly forgot about them too. In doing so, I almost missed an once in a lifetime opportunity.

At the end of that week, on my way home, I got curious and decided make a detour so I could see those robots. I didn't really know what I would do with them. Probably try to have a nice chat or something. I thought it would be fun. They didn't agree and tried to kill me with high-tech sponges that could absorb all the water found in the human body. They almost got me.

And that's when the Doctor appeared.

This man saved my life. He fought the robots, scolded them like they were children, and their entire army had left Earth in the next minute.

The Doctor is charming. He knows his stuff when it comes to seduction. Too bad he's just not my type. But that night, I couldn't manage to take my eyes off him. Right after his confrontation with the robots, he tried to slip away. I briefly lost his trace but ultimately found him again. Or rather, he found me. Somehow it felt like he wanted me to follow him. That's why I say he's good at seduction.

He presented himself as a time traveller, and invited me to follow him. Long story short, I accepted the offer and since then, I have no regrets. The TARDIS, the Axons, the Telos olympics... So much incredible stuff. Way too much incredible stuff. Hence the diary. I want to describe in here everything I experienced before I forget it because something else even more impossible happened.

Right, here we go.


[An extract, found in the middle of the diary]

24/05/16

Just got out of the French revolution. What a nightmare. Even the Doctor didn't want to go there. Yet he said it was the ninth time he landed at this period and that it had been his favorite era of Earth History for a while. "But it's like those chocolates with liqueur in it." He said. "Looks tasty. The chocolate part is delicious. And then this horrid taste comes in. You swear you wont touch this stuff ever again but time passes and you forgot what it was like. You wonder if it was that horrible or if you were just a bit difficult at the time. So you give it a second chance. But it's still crap. Rince and repeat. It's a shame because it just LOOKS so good, and for a little moment, it actually is!"

There's nothing I can say against that, sadly. Such a well-known point of History, I was excited. But it's really dangerous. Really violent. It doesn't look like the noble fight for democracy I saw in my school books. Still, this isn't so different from most of our adventures, is it?

I don't actually have much more to say about this journey. The usual routine, really. We land, we get captured by patriots who believe we're monarchists because the Doctor somehow looks like one, we escape, we put on local clothes to blend in, we get captured by monarchists because they're not convinced by our cosplay, we escape, the TARDIS gets captured, the Doctor gets in a fight with a random bearded guy because he thought he was the Master, we find the TARDIS, we take off, I realize I forgot my keys, we come back...

I'm exhausted. I'll just take a bath so I can get rid of this gunpowder smell and go to sleep.


25/05/16

I have nothing planned for today.

I was so tired yesterday that I forgot to check if the Tivolian I made an agreement with when the Doctor wasn't looking was still transferring the money for my rent. He does, like he's supposed to this time. I don't think he'll forget to convert credits into pounds again.

A bit gutted that I so stupidly lost a set of keys in 1792, but I still have my spare, so no need to worry about that.


26/05/16

I am so furious. Guess what? The Doctor is already back. He found the bloody king of France crying in the TARDIS's storage closet. He said he couldn't bring him back to his time right now because there was something urgent he needed to take care of and that he couldn't let Louis XVI walk around in the TARDIS, so you see Fuuko it would be cool if you could look after him in the meantime, we'll go eat infra-red ice creams I promise.

Then he got away before I had time to answer. As usual.

So I'm stuck with Louis XVI in my tiny apartment that I just cleaned up. Is the TARDIS not big enough on the inside for him or what? I know this guy has a fat ass, but still.

Damn it, I got this place thinking I could finally have my tranquility, and now I must host someone who's a couple centuries late to his own death.


27/05/16

Now then, concerning Louis (that's how I'll call him from now on), the first thing I did was to lock the door and close the shutters of every window. This way he might not be too disorientated. Obviously, he's asking questions on every piece of modern technology he can find. Even though he understands that he is in England, I'm not sure he's aware that he's in another time. He seems to simply believe that the British have very different taste in architecture. "I had no idea England was like this. You always do have to show off with your extravagance, do you?", he said.

I have no idea when the Doctor will be back (it's not like he had a way to come here at any moment, right?). I guess I'll have to try to get his majesty used to the modern world until then...


28/05/16

It's been two days since I was forced to share my place with a parasite. Still, I have to say that I'm a bit surprised by the speed at which Louis is starting to understand the 21th century. I guess that being from a less advanced time doesn't necessarily mean someone is more stupid or narrow-minded...


29/05/16

Louis isn't really bad, he's just taking up some of my space, that's all. I've been thinking about the improbable fact of having an living historical celebrity in front of you. I mean, he's too ancient for us to actually have stock footage of him, so we can only learn about his character from glorified portraits and fictionalized stories. But when we meet the real man, we're simply left in front of a... Normal guy. His noble clothes don't sparkle like they do on a painting, his manners are a bit more natural and familiar than what we would expect. This contrast should probably surprise us, but no, not really. The king of France is just like any old bloke from our time, who by the way is starting to really get at ease in my sofa.


30/05/16

Still no Doctor. The fridge is already empty. Seems a bit risky to ask my Tivolian assistant to increase the amount of money he gives me each week. I don't want to get into trouble with fiscal control, whether British or sub-galactic.


31/05/16

I went to the store yesterday and I also took large-sized clothes at the Red Cross. Louis's current garb stink and stick out too much.


02/06/16

A turd born of divine right is still a turd. At least the basics of a modern bathroom seems mostly acquired. As is the fact that I am not a servant.


05/06/16

The Doctor's got to be kidding me. He still didn't give any sign of life. I tried to call him several times but I keep getting the answering machine. I thought that I could call all of time and space? One time I even got redirected to a robot talking with an unintelligible accent.


06/06/16

I'm not worried about Louis's ability at using high tech stuff anymore, only about his tastes. He just won't let go of my smartphone and is always using this face swapping crap.


08/06/16

Spent a nice evening with Louis yesterday. Turns out we have some things in common. He told me some stories about his childhood and how shy he was then. Royal court bullies were brutal. ...Not that those at my school were so different. Some things never change.

We're also both the oldest children of our families. Well, broadly speaking. He's actually the fourth child but the first three died.

With two of them so early he has no memories of them.

And none of them lived past the age of ten.

And there's also the child his father had with a former wife.

Also dead, obviously.


09/06/16

I'm now allowing Louis to go outside. I accompany him of course, to make sure he's safe. But to my surprise again, he quickly processes the things that are new to him. He's just curious and excited like a kid... A bit like I am when I'm travelling with the Doctor. Still nothing from him by the way, and it's getting a bit redundant to note that.


13/06/16

Took new clothes again for Louis. I grin like a retard every time he passes in front of me with his shirt from a girls cartoon. He must believe I'm smiling because I want to be nicer to him. Bless him.


15/06/16

My FTL microwave broke down. Damn, 25th century's planned obsolescence is even worse than nowadays.


16/06/16

Louis is an internet pro now. I only took the precaution of blocking his wikipedia page.


24/06/16

It's been a month since Louis XVI first landed here and it's getting irritating. We had fun every now and then but lately he's been particularly annoying. Gives me the cold shoulder, cries often, talks about depressing stuff like "Being a king is too hard" "I don't want to die" "My wife won't fuck me since I gave her an heir". Urgh.

No news from the Doctor.


01/07/16

Where has the Doctor gone...?


04/07/16

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


06/07/16

I had a talk with Louis to set the record straight. He's well aware that he's being a burden here and has asked for my forgiveness... I guess he must've looked really pitiful back then because yeah, I forgave him.

But this can't continue for much longer. Even without taking into consideration the fact that the Doctor abandoned me, I can't let Louis believe he can stay in the 21th century for the rest of his life. He has to stop running away from his responsabilities, right?


08/07/16

Louis said that we should go hunting. I don't think it'll be possible.


11/07/16

This moment when you're watching TV late at night and you spot the Doctor on the stock footage shown in this documentary about the beginnings of aviation. This man must be doing this on purpose, I swear.

So much historical inaccuracies in this documentary, by the way.


14/07/16

Oh, it's the french national day today. Louis is a bit gutted to see this, even if he assured me he wasn't too opposed to revolutionary ideas.

There's this subject I wanted to talk about since some time but couldn't find a way to bring it up, and in the end he introduced it himself: Louis was waiting for his trial when me and the Doctor landed in his time. There were strong chances that he'd be condemned to death. And that's true, his head would've been cut off some months later if he didn't disappear and History stayed the same. I guess this is why he hid in the TARDIS. Also explains his recent bad moods.

I don't know what to think of this. Should I really take him back to his era if he must just wait there for his death? I wouldn't want to go back to such violent times. I know what I'm talking about, I went there almost two months ago.


18/07/16

Lately I've been thinking about going to France with Louis for a week end. We might need such a break. Plus I never went there (Actually yes, but not "there". Not "now". Oh, you know what I mean.). There might be good prices for buses going from London to Paris. I'll think about that.


20/07/16

I saw my little brother's holiday photos on Facebook. I still badly want to punch his girlfriend's ugly face.


25/07/16

I forgot a bit about the Doctor lately. Seems like I got used to this situation. Yet last night, I wondered why he still wasn't back. Maybe he's afraid. Because if he took Louis XVI back home, it would like taking him to his execution. And it's not really something the Doctor would like to do.

It's probably not something I'd like to do either.


26/07/06

Louis is watching some youtuber's videos which he finds absolutely hilarious. Not my cup of tea, but I gave up on trying to give some standards. He was laughing so loudly at one point I told him he would manage to laugh his head off.

...

I don't think he could hear me anyway.


29/07/16

Just got back from France. Normal France, the 2016 one. Yeah, we finally did this week end on a whim. It was rather cool too. Summer holidays aren't so bad.

So we took a bus to Paris, went through the Chunnel. I had to make Louis understand that France and Britain weren't at war anymore. It was probably the hardest thing for him to get his head around since he arrived in the 21th century. It kept us busy during the whole trip.

On Saturday we did what regular tourists would do. Visiting moments, taking photos, trying to avoid scammers and thiefs, and so on. Louis tried to recognize familiar places, but it seems that Parisian streets have changed a lot since his time. "I know that place!" "Hold on, this isn't supposed to be like that, where are we?" I know this feeling ever since I started to travel with the Doctor. You realize just how fast the world is changing, how unique and ephemeral the places and atmospheres you love so much actually are. Everybody realize that sooner or later in their life.

When discovering the greatness of the universe through time travel, I first thought that I was an absolutely invisible and irrelevant point of existence. But to see that the place in which I grew up would disappear so easily and silently made me realize that there is a world that only I truly know, a world in which only I have lived in. Such a unique world, whether it is Fuuko's 21th century England, or Louis XVI's 18th century France, is then infinitely valuable.

But back to the subject. Because guess what happened that day too? Miraculously, despite all the changes that Paris underwent since my last visit two hundred years ago, I found my keys! Simply hidden behind that fake wall on the Ile de la Cité we used with the Doctor to infiltrate a patriot meeting, and where I also left my sandwich. What an airhead I am. They're a bit useless now though, since they're all rusted out.

The next day, we went to the Palace of Versailles. Louis wanted to pay a visit to old home. We took a guided tour, and it was just hilarious to see Louis yelling at the guide for her inaccuracies and telling her how life back then really was. The other tourists must have thought he was a fat nerd who was making a scene. Meanwhile I was gasping for air laughing like a maniac. Best memory of the week end.

After that we sat down in the gardens and Louis told me a lot of stories about the place. It was a great, fun and relaxing afternoon. I will never be able to look at Marie-Antoinette the same way again.


04/08/16

Bathroom cleaned. I wonder if the pubes of a two-hundred years old king would sell well on eBay.


07/08/16

Louis said he wanted to go home. At least so he could be with his family.

I said I didn't mind having him here. That having thought of him as a parasite wasn't cool on my part. But he didn't care.

So I told him.

I spoiled History to him. The one that should have happened. The one where he dies only a bunch of months later because he is the enemy of the republic.

I feel bad for doing this. Even more so because it further motivated him to go back to 1792. Now he wants to fight, to stop hiding outside his time and to try more than ever to defend himself and save his life. He says it is his responsibility to stop injustice.

I am completely lost. Must I let him take the risk of changing history, and possibly make it worse? And if he can't change fate, must I let him run to his death?

Help me. I don't know what I should do.


09/08/16

I think Louis XVI is a nice person. I'm not saying this just because we're getting along, but because before I met him, I had a simplistic image of him, the same image that everybody has learned about in school. Louis XVI is the loser that was guillotined and who probably deserved it, this filthy monarch that stood in the way of our glorious democracy that his country celebrates every year with a parade and fireworks. But was killing him worth it?

I never really asked myself this question. Obviously, democracy is cooler than a monarchy. Nobles who try to keep their privileges for themselves aren't cool. They're bad. And we don't like bad people so we kill them, makes sense.

But Louis isn't bad. His breath might be but for the rest... He is a terribly uninteresting man. I say this as if it was a bad thing but it's really not. It's reassuring. He's not arrogant or selfish by default. There are many things on which him and I disagree but it doesn't make me want to kill him. Well, not REALLY.

He is not the embodiment of evil. He is not a man who want or can pretend to represent the entire opposition to the revolution. He is human. He is normal. He is right. He is wrong. He is nuanced and this is such a mundane thing to be.

But his trial's verdict, the one he fled to hide at my place, said he deserved to die. We killed a fat, cowardly bloke and it makes us the better society. And that's how he'll be remembered.

It's not fair. Maybe my opinion became extremely biased after all the time I spent with him, but this lame guy doesn't deserve death and even less that we pride ourselves for killing him. No one however lame they are deserves it. We should be better than that. "A king must show the moral example.". It's Louis who said it.

Or maybe I'm just looking for excuses so I can innocent myself too.

"Fuuko Ferrino, a bitch with tasteless humor who's complaining all the time, who exploits an alien slave so she can pay her rent and avoid working, and who is so cheap she takes free clothes at the Red Cross when she could buy them. Without her, nothing of value is lost."

Is this all I'm worth too? Is this how I will be remembered? How I should be remembered?


13/08/16

I hate summer. I hate the heat. I hate not being able to undress more than I already can. I hate having to keep the windows open all day. I hate those insects who keep getting inside. Oh, I hate my neighbours too. I hate their brat who can't stop screaming, and his parents who can't stop screaming, and their dog who can't stop screaming.

It's time like these I want to live on Pluto.


15/08/16

Guess who materialized in the living room today...

It happened a few hours ago. The Doctor exited his TARDIS with an embarrassed expression he unsuccessfully tried to hide.

I spent weeks thinking about how I would scold him. But I couldn't do anything. I didn't know what I wanted. The moment I feared suddenly came and I wasn't ready for it.

Louis was ready. He quickly got dressed with the clothes he was originally wearing and asked the Doctor to bring him back home. The Doctor was visibly hesitating, but since it was Louis himself that begged for it, it made the decision easier... Of course it was easier. It's so easy to simply let someone do something stupid than to try to change anything.

It was a simple farewell. I said and shown almost nothing. I was just there, standing stupidly still and silent in the middle of the living room. The Doctor was almost as quiet. I rarely saw him being so un-excentric. Damn it, this silence. Thinking about it just drives me mad. It's like we were at a funeral. Maybe because IT SOMEHOW REALLY WAS ONE.

The TARDIS doors closed, the police box disappeared, and I did the dishes.


16/08/16

Woke up at 12. Slept well, had a shower. Everything is normal.

It's as if nothing special ever happened here. Like a dream. It's like memories should usually be physically tangible and since I couldn't see anything out of the ordinary, it must've meant that nothing happened.

How can we forget and move to other things so easily? Is it me being heartless or is it something that everyone experiences?

I let someone die yesterday. I know it, I checked his wikipedia page.

I should feel bad, right? I do, but I'm sure I should feel worse than that.

The truth is I still don't know what to think of it. I let someone fight for himself, I killed a friend. I saved history, I couldn't prevent an injustice.

I'm just clueless. I feel legitimate and wrong at the same time. To be honest, not feeling that way is rare. It doesn't get more human and mundane than this.