I'm sorry I acted so wrong toward you. You might have done things, but it was up to me how i responded
and i want you to know that i really really am extremely sorry. you dont deserve to get called names,
or have me swear at you, and im not going to make excuses, im an angry person, and i have a really
bad temper, and i let it get out of hand a lot, but i do love you, and i shouldnt have that happen,
especially to you. I'm sorry i made your life so difficult, i truly, honestly, 100% believe youre a
really smart, gorgeous person, and i love you, and i know im never going to find anyone i love more than
you, and im just, so, full of regret that i just cant control my anger. Nothing you ever did was worthy of
me calling you a bitch, or a dumbass, or a stupid bitch. In all honesty youre smart than me, by a lot,
and i think the reason why its my reaction to go to those things is because im so insecure about them and
i know how much it hurts to have someone call you those things. I'm extremely proud of you, as a person, and
and as your boyfriend, because even if i dont seem like i recognize it, you have changed a lot since we met.
You're a lot more compassionate, and youre a lot nicer to me, and the flirting really has gone down so much.
I think thats why i get so angry, I think in my head youre just still that person that did all those things,
but you arent, and i just cant get past it, im stupid, and im insecure, and i have really bad anger issues,
and that works out great when im pitted against guys, or my father, or my family because i can be mean to them,
and i can fight them, but i cant fight you, and i shouldnt try, you dont deserve to be screamed at, or called
those ugly names, and i just feel so awful, every time, but i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me, that
when i get angry i just think its okay to say those things, and i know its wrong, because the second im done
being angry i look at what i said and i just feel disgusted with myself. I'm a bad person. Whatever you did,
or could've done, is not worth that, and i wish you hadnt stuck with me for so long, because ive only gotten
meaner as time went on, and its my fault. If i could go back in time and pull the henry that did nothing all
day but sit in his underwear and compliment you for 24 hours i would, because you deserve him. Not me. I had
Jennie tell me a few days ago, and i didnt tell you this because it really hurt me, because its true, but i
think its fair now. She told me that if a guy existed, that looked like me, and was as tall as me but just
wasnt such an asshole, that he would be perfect. She said it in a funny way, but i just cant stop thinking
about how true it is. I wish i had stayed that anorexic, shorter, goofy looking kid with the bowl hair for
you forever, because i was a lot nicer before now. I'm sorry for everything, and you deserve someone that
doesnt swear, doesnt have a temper, and can appreciate a girlfriend that does so many things for him, and
gives him space when he needs it. my life has been hard lately, i just found out i lost my other grandfather
but im not going to use it as an excuse. A man should be able to control his emotions, regardless of whats
going on around him, and i just show myself everyday that im not capable of being a man, and i shouldnt
even have someone like you around me, dragging you down to my level. I'm just a stupid kid, who dropped out,
and cant divide fractions or multiply them who gets angry and hits things and fights people and curses people
out, and you dont deserve that. I love you. I have no doubt the next person you meet is going to love how
you are, and the way you act, and im truly sorry that you got this way to try to make me happy, and i havent
appreciated it. also, fuck, hella.