Spamusement

Spammer: You look cute 😍🌺😍🌺😍🌺
Me: where are you?
Spammer: Am [assshole] looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with 🌺😍🌺😍
Me: I asked, where are you?
Spammer: New York City and you
[Guy is 5000 miles from NJ, right...]
Me: Gondwanaland.
Spammer: Do you have Google Hangouts application
Me: Yes but I dropped it on the floor and broke it.
Me: One of the splinters got in my foot and I had to go to the hospital.
Me: so I can't use Hangouts anymore.
Spammer: Can you add me on Google Hangouts application now
Me: I don't want to touch all the broken glass.
Spammer: Try it again
Spammer: Just add me
Me: they gave me such weird food at the hospital.
Me: they had this gross stuff that looks like corn but tasted like turnips.
Me: would you eat that?
Spammer: Yes
Spammer: Can you download Google Hangouts application again
Me: I asked them to mail me another one but it's taking some time.
Me: I have a mouthful of turnip corn at the time and maybe they didn't understand me.
Spammer: Give me your text number.
Me: I don't usually give that out, do you really need it?
Spammer: Yes
Me: I feel weird about doing that with someone I haven't met yet... last time someone made me glue gravel to my lampposts...
Spammer: Can you download Google Hangouts application now
Me: oh hang on I just got it...
Me: hold on it just came in the mail.
Spammer: Add me with [asshole]@gmail.com
Spammer: Do you add me finish
Me: give me a minute here...
Spammer: Waiting
Me: oh.
Me: oh crap.
Me: I asked for the left-handed version of the app and they sent me the right-handed version.
Spammer: Do you add me
Spammer: Give me your Gmail account on Google Hangouts application
Me: no I can't install this version, I have to mail it back to them.
Spammer: Download Google Hangouts application
Spammer: Do you add me on Google Hangouts application
Me: they sent it to me but it's not the left-handed version, it won't fit on my phone.
Spammer: Which type of phone do you have
Me: a Quadco Flammenwerfer. it runs Android .5 or so
Spammer: Try it again
Me: okay...
Spammer: Waiting
Me: let me just go get my screwdriver.
Spammer: Do you download it finished
Me: I tried it but it's the right handed version, I need the left-handed version. I'm going to strip the screws if I push it.
Spammer: Give me your number
Me: okay, hold on...
Spammer: Waiting
Me: two.
Spammer: I don't understand
Me: 6...
Me: seven.
Me: (sending the number bit by bit so scammers don't try to steal it.)
Me: (9)
Me: the eighth number...
Me: seven
Me: 42
Me: nine.
Me: 3.
Me: did you get that?