Christian Men's Defense Network
Blessed be the LORD, my rock, Who trains my hands for war and my fingers for battle.

Getting Out the Put-Out Vote
Posted on October 26, 2012

Rumors of my demise are greatly exaggerated.  Unfortunately, a hellacious confluence of events has kept me from being able to blog for the past few months, much of it centered around the stress of working at a severely dysfunctional firm.  Thankfully, God willing I expect to rid myself of that little thorn in the flesh in the next few weeks.

But there is another rumor going around.  The rumor is that we have an election coming up in a week and a half.  And His Divine Highness the Lord Messiah Barack Obama appears to be making an all-out push for the slut vote.

The slut vote is of course crucially important to liberal politicians, as well as to the so-called “So-Con” politicians who are in fact the religious vanguard of the feminine imperative.  Obama’s play for the slut vote is transparent.

Consider the legitimate political rape of one Todd Akin, Republican candidate for US Senate from Missouri.  Akin made the factually accurate statement that it is very difficult biologically for a female to get pregnant as a result of rape, because the female body has ways of protecting itself.  However, he made the mistake of using the (again factually correct) term “legitimate rape” to describe forcible rape.

The obvious point being that one of the popular ways for sluts to get cash, prizes, and empathy is to engage in consensual sex with many guys, and then accuse men of raping them.  This is especially popular if the town slut ends up pregnant, and now has to engage in hamsterbatics to protect her reputation.

Consensual sex was never considered rape in English and American common law, until feminism came along. Now, a woman is at liberty to decide she was raped long after she consented to sexual intercourse, and she is free to legitimately ruin the life of any fellow whom she willingly invites into her bedchamber.

Todd Akin knows this, which is why he once sponsored a bill to change the legal definition of rape to cover only forcible rape.  But that directly interferes with the desires of sluts everywhere to hamsterbate:  They aren’t really sluts, you see.  They were just raped by 40 different boyfriends on 30 different occasions (yes, you read that right).

To quote Austin Powers, “She’s the village bicycle.  Everybody’s had a ride.” But now that her tires have gone flat and her seat is cracked and her rims are warped, she wants to claim she never actually consented to being ridden in the Tour de Pants.

And in feminist logic, a woman’s right to hamsterbate trumps the civil rights of an innocent man.

And a woman’s right to murder her child trumps the right of that child to live.

But lest you think this was the only attempt by Obama to get out the put-out vote, consider the left’s campaign to get women to vote with their “lady parts.”  The problem with this, of course, is that when a hundred-millionaire powerful high-finance type with great hair showed his alpha teeth in the first debate, female voters started to do just that: Mitt apparently gives Julia the gina tingles.  And now the slut vote is moving his way  gender gap is closing.

Obama’s problem, of course, is that tingles are one of the most powerful forces in the universe.  Tingles cannot be stopped by reason, by evidence, or by logic.  And since Obama doesn’t even know what those three things are, his chance of regaining the slut vote are slim.

And Mitt Romney, for all his quirks, apparently comes across a bit like Pierce Brosnan as Thomas Crowne.  Or at least, as someone as rich as Thomas Crowne, which he is.  And social dominance being the turn-on that it is, you can’t get more dominant than taking the most powerful man in the world to the tool shed in nationally televised debate.

When hypergamy is casting the ballot, positions don’t matter.  Or maybe, in Julia’s mind, they do.

[Photo of President Barack Obama riding bicycle]
Do I make you horny?

So Obama’s latest strategery is to conflate a slut voting for Obama or Romney with losing her virginity to either of said candidates.  The problem with this is three-fold:  1) It is extremely crass and un-Presidential, which means Obama is further alienating the slut-hating male vote; 2) It is highly unlikely there are any virgins left of voting age who would consider Obama (except for fat chicks, but who wants the ignominy of winning the fat-chick vote?); and 3) If you ask women whether they’d rather get nailed by a radical Marxist university lecturer whose wife apparently dominates him like Hulk Hogan,  or a multi-millionaire baron of corporate finance who made the aforementioned lecturer his intellectual beyotch on live TV, well, Obama’s going to have to be resigned to cleaning house and baking cookies for Michelle for at least the next four years.

This entry was posted in Humor, Politics.