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- Here is a bunch of one shots by yours truly, organized by most well received to worst.
- I just can't bring myself to delete even the worst work.
- Any who these are mostly funny. But a few are serious, those are at the bottom regardless of reception.
- Here goes the first one:
- 1,999 characters exactly
- "Thank you so much for having me Princess," you say with glee.
- >The throne room was something rather amazing, and you could hardly wrap your head around how artfully crafted the stained glass windows were.
- >You hoped your simple suit was enough to impress Celestia.
- >You see Twilight bow beside you and you follow suit quickly.
- >Both of your hands were behind your back, gripping your offering tightly.
- >But you bowed anyway, smiling proudly as you faced Celestia.
- >"It's my pleasure to have you two here," she says in her majestic voice.
- >"Twilight have you showed our guest around Canterlot yet?"
- >"No, he insisted on seeing you first."
- "I'm sorry Princess but I just had to thank you for our all expenses paid weekend here in Canterlot."
- >"It's nothing really, you two should be enjoying yourselves. Don't worry about thanking me."
- "If you don't mind I actually made a little something as a thank you."
- >"Oh, that's not necessary."
- "It's not much," you presented your gift, three large cue cards, the blank side facing Celestia.
- >"Um."
- >You laugh softly.
- "Allow me to explain. As you may know, I am from Earth. We have many languages back home, unlike here. I've written a simple greeting in a foreign language that you could perhaps use when talking to ambassadors, it's a nice conversation starter. This greeting is for use with someone in authority or an elder."
- >Twilight looked at you with concern, she didn't want you to go on.
- >You smile in an attempt to lull her.
- "Twilight, if you'd please join Celestia over there. Maybe you should learn this too."
- >Apprehensively she joins her former teacher, standing beside her.
- "Please read from these sheets," you flip over the first one.
- "I am."
- >"I am," they say in unison.
- >You flip over the next.
- "Sofa king," it was hard keeping a straight face.
- >"Sofa king," they were none the wiser.
- >Last card.
- "We Todd Ed"
- >"We Todd Ed.
- "Now repeat it all, very fast, please."
- >"I am sofa king we todd ed," they chant.
- >Twilight stops for a moment.
- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- The Rock
- >"Twilight, why is the human with us?" Spike asks, treading lightly beside you.
- "Well, this is the Everfree forest, and you know he has that certain special talent for..."
- >"Smashing things?" he finishes for you.
- >You nod, looking around for the massive lump of rock that human is.
- >Spike had lost track of him while you were picking flowers in the clearing, he had run off after a timberwolf.
- >At least he was doing his job.
- >But now you and him are all alone, no human to save you now.
- >What if something went wrong?
- >You scan the area, but it's useless with these dense trees.
- >With a sigh you start off again.
- >Spike cowers beside you, so much for your valiant dragon protector.
- >There is a low growl from behind you.
- >You freeze, spine tingling and fur standing on edge.
- >Spike hugs your leg.
- >From the dark woods dozens of green eyes come forward.
- >Timberwolves, and a lot of them.
- >"Twilight?" he whimpers.
- "Hush," you say harshly, trying to think of what to do.
- >Where is that damn human!?
- >The beasts pounce, causing you to flinch.
- >But none of them strike, rather forming a circle around you and Spike.
- >They prowling around you two snarling and snapping.
- >Your hope is dwindling, and the wolves are getting closer.
- >Suddenly something large bursts forth from the trees.
- "IF YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING!"
- >The human brings his huge dragontooth club down on the nearest timberwolf, smashing it into a splintered mess.
- The smell of victory, The Rock pt2
- >"I challenge you!" Iron Will bellows, pointing to you.
- >The ponies gasp and back away, unintentionally forming a circle.
- >You look around, dust off the dirt from your stone plate armor and nod.
- >"The human accepts?"
- >You flex your arms to confirm, showing off for the crowd.
- >A few cheer for you, and the mares throw their undergarments.
- >Wait, what?
- >"Very well. Get ready for the thrashing of your life."
- >Iron Will backs off to one end of the pony ring, and you stride to the other.
- >"No weapons, just fists."
- >You nod, setting aside your dragontooth club and stone shield.
- >Iron Will cracks his knuckles and huffs.
- >You nod and pace around your side of the ring, through your mask you squint at him, growling like an animal.
- >He charges out of the blue, roaring, arms open.
- >You dig in a prepare for impact.
- >And it comes!
- >Five hundred pounds of unstoppable force slamming against the immovable object.
- >Your feet dig into the dirt below them, he's pushing you back.
- >With your left and you shove back against his chest, and with your right you deliver a few blows to his ribs.
- "Argh," he bellows, staggering back.
- >You move to the side, FAT ROLL, FAT ROLL.
- >The earth shakes with the weight of you trying to roll around in rock armor.
- >Iron Will descends on you, cocking back his arm.
- >With quick reflexes your move to catch his fist, retorting with an uppercut of your own.
- >The man bull cartoon thing gets sent flying, slamming hard on the ground.
- >He doesn't move, he's down!
- "YA JUST GOT YOUR SALAD TOSSED BY THE ROCK!" you shout at his limp form.
- >The crowd cheers and roars.
- >You make the mistake of turning your back on your opponent.
- >He grabs your shoulder, spins you around and picks you up.
- >"You've made a grave mistake human."
- >He tosses you onto the ground, sending you a whole foot into the earth.
- >Ow.
- >You try to move, but you're too deep in the dirt.
- >For once rock armor doesn't pay off.
- >Iron Will walks over to you, placing his foot on your chest.
- >He begins laughing, softly at first, but it develops into a riotous cackle.
- >"Do you bend to Iron Will human?"
- >You look into the crowd.
- >The roar, not for Iron Will, but for you!
- >A minty green mare pops out from the back.
- >"Do it for me Anon!" she yells, swinging around, presenting her butt, and much more.
- >One thought comes to you: I must posses that.
- >You rip your arms from the dirt, grabbing Will's foot.
- >He must be distracted by the same display because you easily flip him over.
- >Using the few seconds you've bought yourself you shake yourself free.
- >It takes some effort, but by the time Will has recovered you're back on your feet.
- >He bellows and rushes you again.
- >You jump to the side, and tackle him , catching him completely off guard.
- >Iron tumbles to the ground, and you land on top of him, fist raised, ready to bust his melon.
- >"Urg, stop! I submit."
- >He laugh and nod, getting off him.
- >You help him up, quickly shake his hand and charge into the crowd.
- >Where is it!? you think frantically, searching through the ponies.
- "WHERE IS THAT BUTT? THE ROCK DESIRES IT!"
- >The color of chocolate chip mint ice cream catches your eye from your side.
- >There!
- >You scoop up the little mare and throw her over your shoulder.
- >You run in the direction of the Everfree forest.
- >But you turn and wave goodbye to Iron Will, who is standing among the ponies in disbelief.
- >"Where are we going?" the pony asks.
- "We're going to fuck."
- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Thanks hiatus
- >Well, time to set the sun, if ya catch my drift.
- >You're tied to the bed though, which is weird.
- >Not as weird as the fact that you're faced down, with your ass in the air.
- >See now that's not good.
- >It's a bit worry some, but you suppose you'd be open to something new...
- >The door squeaks as it's opened, your head darts to the left, spotting Celestia.
- "H-hey."
- >"Hello."
- >She saunters up to you, and you begin to tremble.
- "Uh, I don't think I'm ready for-"
- >The bed leans down as she mounts it.
- >You can see her shadow over you, and feel her presence near you.
- >"Shhh....It'll be alright."
- >She leans forward, resting her forehooves near your trembling shoulders.
- >Slowly you feel her move forward.
- >You're wincing and trying to keep your breathing under control.
- >IT HITS YOU.
- >Her warmth slaps against your rear end.
- >Well...sort of.
- >She does it again.
- >It's sort of rhythmic, relaxing almost.
- >Is she using magic to halt the pain?
- >Why doesn't it feel like anything?
- "Hey, Celestia?"
- >She stops her thrusting.
- >"Yes?"
- "I can't feel anything."
- >"What do you mean?"
- "I mean...shouldn't I be feeling the thing?"
- >There is a long pause, which makes you feel extremely embarrassed.
- >"What? I'm just humping you dear."
- "O-oh, okay."
- >Celestia gets back to work...thrusting.
- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Beatmaster
- It's prime time and you're out on the prowl.
- >Mares for days.
- >All this booty!
- >You don't have enough hands or cocks for it all.
- >A large gathering of ponies catches your eye in the distance.
- >Jewel tipped cane in hand you stride forward, long purple fur coat swaying with each step.
- >You tilt your feathered hat down to a certain mint colored mare who passes you by.
- >She blushes and trots away with a silly grin.
- >The crowd is gathered for some event, a fight it seems.
- >You take up the back, the best seat in the house in your opinion.
- >The fight doesn't interest you in the least.
- >All these round, perfect rear ends have your eye.
- >You scan the crowd.
- >O.
- >Wat's dat?
- >Nah, can't be!?
- >IT CAN'T BE.
- >That butt.
- >It's too phat.
- >All your attention is locked on the back end of a pink mare with three balloons as her ass tattoo.
- >Your lower lip trembles.
- >You're spellbound.
- >The way her little bouncy tail sways slightly, brushing on that sssooooffft back area.
- >You bit your lip to hold it in.
- >But your will is crumbling.
- >Y-you must!
- >It's your obligation as a man and a human to say something.
- >Anything!
- >That butt needs recognition!
- "WOOP WOOP PULL OVA DAT ASS TOO FAT!"
- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- You missed!
- >Day conveniently placed fruit in Equestria.
- >You are Twilight Sparkle.
- >It's a slow day.
- >You're reading and snacking on a banana while Spike dusts the library.
- >After a few minutes only the peel remains, and being too lazy to get up you resolve to tossing it in the bin by the door.
- >GOOAA- aw shit.
- >It hits off the edge of the basket and lands on the floor.
- >You try to get up, but ya just can't.
- >You're too relaxed.
- >Eh, Spike will get it sooner or later you think.
- >Some more time passes, and around noon the door bursts open.
- >"Hey Twilight I've had this raging erection for like four hours. I think I need to see a doctor," Anonymous says a mile a minute, undoing his belt.
- >He is power walking toward you, his pants tented.
- >In slow motion you turn your head.
- >Spike is bent over, feather duster in claw, cleaning up the lower shelves.
- >Anonymous is still coming forward, he's right over the peel now!
- >Uh oh.
- >Slip.
- >Comedic, cartoonish spin across the room.
- >Anonymous tumbles past you, crashing into him.
- >Spike yelps, feather duster going flying.
- >"OH GOD, TWILIGHT! I've entered the dragon."
- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- The Interviews, Day Redacted
- >You try to relax in the familiar steel chair of the interview room.
- >Your legs are bound to the floor, and your hands chained together, rendering you practically immobile.
- >Keeping your head down and tucked in is your only defense against the harsh white light above.
- >The door swings open, and you look up, expect Miss Sparkle.
- >But to your surprise it isn't your normal interviewer, rather your captor.
- >Your oppressor.
- >The grim faced alicorn paces from one side of the table to the other.
- >You lean back, chains rattling in response.
- >She leans in, scowling, lips curled back.
- >You gather your saliva and spit straight at her.
- >She recoils in disgust, "Argh!"
- >You break into a fit of cackling at your victory, the look on her face is priceless.
- >She wipes the spittle from her cheek, resuming her steely grimace.
- >"You've made a grave mistake, human," she growls lowly.
- >The alicorn turns her back to you.
- >Although you can't see what's going on the beeps whirs and coming from the hunched over pony tell you it isn't good.
- >In a horrific display the very skin of Celestia peels off, falling limply at her sides, leaving a familiar and stange being before you.
- >It's a human, a man it appears.
- >But all you can see of him is his bare ass.
- >He turns on a heel and you're met with the angry, frightening gaze of none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger
- >"Your clothes, give them to me."
- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- You'll understand at the end
- >Rainbow Dash stands guard by a goal, which is nothing more than a net tied to two trees.
- >She isn't enthusiastic about playing your "stupid" human sport, but she complied to learning about it.
- >You rest your foot on the old soccer ball, rolling it a little on the grass.
- >It's nice to be playing again, even if there no other humans to play with.
- "You ready for this?"
- >She nods firmly and steels up, hunching down and spreading here wings.
- >You give the ball your best kick, and in a soar of blue she completely overshoots it.
- >You throw your arms up in triumph as the net bounces the ball back at you.
- >Dash snorts at you, laying in the grass.
- >With a malevolent grin you waltz over to her.
- "You lost the bet, now I collect my reward."
- >She lays back on the fluffy bed, sighing.
- >"Please tell me this will be more interesting than that dumb game."
- "Oh it will be," you climb over her, silencing her with your mouth.
- >Her eyes go wide and she melts into the bed, opening her mouth for your tongue.
- >With your right hand you trace your finger around her body, top to bottom.
- >You execute simple filigree on her body, twirling her tuffs of fur around.
- >She moans a little, which incites a smile.
- >After much teasing you reach her nethers, and they are slick from the foreplay.
- >You quickly unzip and slide off your pants, unleashing your beast.
- >She looks down in not concern but lust, huffing loudly.
- >You oblige, sliding in with one rough thrust.
- >"OH!"
- >A grin curls across your face.
- >Oh, she is like wet velvet.
- >Panting, sweating, moaning, bliss!
- >It's nearly time, you look into her eyes, both your bodies rocking together.
- >Her eyes are a red sea of bliss, her tongue hanging out.
- >With a forceful, powerful final thrust you release into eternity.
- >Your battlecry is heard across the world.
- >Still the one simple word is reverberating in Canterlot's high mountains.
- >Still it rolls through the southern plains, a single cry of ecstasy and pleasure.
- "GOOOOAAAALLLL!"
- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- The goddamn smooze
- >The door to your nice little home bursts open, a purple flurry tackles you before you can make sense of what's going on.
- >Worst possible time too.
- >"Anon! Something awful has happened!"
- >You push Twilight off of your chest, rising from the floor.
- >You grumble to yourself, pulling up your pants and taking a seat on the bed.
- "What fucked up experiment did you do this time?"
- >"That doesn't matter, but I've raised a great evil from a time long past. And it's headed here, for Pony Town- er, I mean PonyVille."
- "Please leave me alone, I'm done saving your town from shit."
- >She looks down in sadness, and brushes her face against your leg.
- "Nope, not this time. Not worth it, not after I had to deal with those fucking timber wolves, those sons of bitches gave me scars."
- >"Please, you're the only one who can stop it!"
- "First of all I have no damn idea what it is. Secondly, why can't one of your fruity princess handle it? I'm not Equestria's garbage man for Christ's sake."
- >The ground rumbles, dusty falls from the rafters and your house shakes.
- "What did you do? Set off a volcano or cause and Earthquake?"
- >"In a way..." her voice trails off as she opens your door, allowing you a view of Ponyville.
- >You look outside, nothing seems out of the ordinary.
- >Ponies running about in fear, Pegasi snatching up animals and flying away with them.
- >And Pinkie Pie, standing on the roof of Sugar Cube Corner, hurling pies AT A MASSIVE PURPLE MOVING MOUNTAIN OF HORROR AND DESPAIR.
- >"BOAH BOW BOW BOAH BOW BOW BOAH," the beast bellowed, dozens of painful looking faces formed from purple muck rolled forward in a tidal wave of nightmares.
- >You shrug, your mind unable to comprehend what that was.
- "What did you fucking do?" you say calmly.
- >You spin around, snatch her up and bring her to eye level, your pupils almost touching her's.
- >In no more than a silent whisper:
- "What did you fucking do you stupid purple cunt?"
- >"It's the smooze!" you hear somep0ny yell from behind.
- >It was closing in, crushing buildings.
- >To your horror it enveloped Pinkie without a second thought, it was eating everything in it's path.
- >Fluttershy runs down your street, her bunny hanging on to her wing.
- >She too was assimilated into the goop.
- >You, not wanting to become part of this Lovecraftian monstrosity, slung Twilight on your back and began running.
- >She bouncea around on your back, holding on to your neck for dear life.
- >You feel the heat of her horn as she tries slowing it down with magic.
- >The mighty shadow of these beast was gaining on you, it's battle cry ringing in your ears.
- >"BOW BOAH BOW BOW BOW BOAH BOW."
- "Ya dun fucked up now," you shout at no one in particular.
- >"BOW BOW BOW BOW BOW," it was almost singing, mocking the futility of your attempt to flee.
- >Your legs burned and cried out from the effort of running and holding a pony, who had admittedly let herself go in recent months.
- >You were almost to the edge of down, perhaps it would give up or something.
- >But the shadow was growing bigger and you were beginning to feel a hot presences bearing down on you.
- >Sloop.
- >The world was now a milky purple.
- >You could see the outside world near perfect through the hazy purple case.
- >You open your mouth to breath, and find air.
- >But you couldn't move very much, it felt like laying in a pool of jello.
- >And indeed you were on your back, legs and arms out stretched but relaxed.
- >Twilight was still here too, you can feel her shift around, coming up to your stomach.
- >If you were trapped in a purple jello monster she would have actually look kind of pretty.
- >"Sorry," she says meekly.
- >You look away from her, up into the seemingly endless purple sky.
- >Trees, chunks of buildings and ponies shifted about in the gelatinous mass.
- >You think you can make out Pinkie Pie swimming somewhere above you, her tongue stuck out.
- >To the side you see Fluttershy, gently rolling around in the slime.
- >She comes close to you and Twilight and nods a hello.
- >When she's just out of sight you think you hear her whisper to herself:
- "Vore is my fetish."
- >You spend twenty minutes eye to eye with Twilight, trying to beam all your contempt and rage at her without words.
- >"You can't stop the smooze."
- >You turn your head away from her.
- "I fucking hate you."
- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Murrican In Equestria
- >Day RED WHITE AND BLUE in Equestria.
- >You emerge from your cozy shack outside of Ponyville, crushing a beer can on your forehead as you do.
- "God Bless Murrica'," you say, heaving a shotgun in your right hand.
- >Causally you stroll toward Ponyville, taking aim at any commies that come across your path.
- >Damn them Reds, infesting every inch of your precious democracy!
- >Especially that Twilight Sparkle, she was in cahoots with Russians surely.
- >In a bit of a daze from your early morning drinking you were a bit tipsy, and your aim was off.
- >Nay! God would make your aim straight, praise jebus.
- >You sneeze, wiping your nose with your sunburned arm, the hairs tickling your nose.
- >Wiping the mysterious fluid on your already greasy, stained wife beater reminds you that you've put on a few pounds - your round belly was a testament to that.
- >You belch with unbridled joy and new vigor, breaking into a run as you see her library in the distance.
- >Damn her and her books, evil books.
- >You kick down the door.
- >On the couch the rainbow wing horse lay on top of the purple horned one.
- "Gay marriage is a sin."
- >You take aim at the two horses, your Remington practically buzzing with need to kill these foreigners.
- >You shoot, but the recoil from your shitty gun knocks you back.
- >When you come to your sense all you've done is torn up a few books.
- >Twilight stands over you, she's using some sort of evil socialist mind powers to keep you bound.
- "Stop readin' meh mind you sunuvabitch!"
- >"Dash, would you kindly dispose of this human."
- >A hoof comes down hard on your head.
- >You wake up, laying in bed in your dinky shack.
- Liberty Prime and Pals
- >Day Liberty Prime in Equestria.
- >"OBSTRUCTION DETECTED. COMPOSITION: FRIENDSHIP."
- >"Twilight, what is that thing!?" Celestia's panic filling her voice as she spoke to her student.
- >"Oh that's just Liberty Prime. He's harmless, as long as you aren't a socialist, or Chinese."
- >"Am I Chinese?"
- "I hope not, or yer fucked," you call from behind the massive, bulky machine.
- >You fiddled with the thing's controls, still not understanding what the red button did.
- >"Primary targets: any and all Red Chinese Invaders."
- >"Communist detected on American Soil lethal force engaged."
- "AW SHIT," you yell, getting behind a building.
- >The sound of the machines heat mounted energy weapons firing shook Canterlot.
- >The screams of escaping communists filled your ears.
- >You peek out in the space between Prime's legs, where you could just make out Celestia, Twilight and the huge crater beside them.
- >Celestia's coat and mane were blackened from the explosion, leaving her wide eyed and looking distraught.
- >You mashed Prime's controller, screwing with the throttles.
- >By the grace of god you some how managed to scoop up Celestia.
- >The Alicorn wailed in fear as Prime held her above his head at full arm's length.
- >Twilight shouted at both you and her, trying to calm her down.
- >You mashed the controls again, trying to get her down.
- >Sweat beaded on your forehead, the passing of time slowed to a crawl.
- >Celestia's screams became elongated and distant.
- >The world froze for one divine minute.
- >You knock a throttle forward at random, parizin jebus.
- >Prime's arm cocks back.
- "Aw, fuck."
- >"Is he putting me-"
- >A streak of white, and what ever the fucking color Celestia's mane was arced across the sky, over Canterlot, over Canterlot's castle and into the plains below.
- >Everyone was silent, Liberty Prime turns to you in the cramp street, raising his hand to his "forehead" in a salute of sorts.
- >"AMERICA."
- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Flash Sentry in Equestria (Sure is fucking stupid grimderp for no reason in Equestria)
- >It was another cool and dim afternoon in Equestria.
- >Springs here were always pleasant and today was exceptionally nice, and by god today was going to be great.
- >Twilight was returning from her trip to Canterlot, she had left for some important business nearly a month ago.
- >And those four weeks of her absence were hard to deal with, but you had bared through, and the upside: it gave you plenty of time to prepare today.
- >The reservations were expensive, two weeks pay - so were the flowers you had purchased.
- >But it would be worth it, today was the day you tell her how you felt.
- >You were bubbling with anticipation, you had kept it bottled up for months, nine grueling months.
- >With all her work, and all your apprehension you had missed precious chances at telling her.
- >But now was the perfect moment, nothing to worry about now.
- >You waited patiently outside of the library for her to roll up, and not a moment too soon it did, touching down just in front of you.
- >However she wasn't alone, there was another with her.
- >She was conversing with a stallion, a pegasus.
- >She threw her head back, giggling at everything he said.
- >He exits the cart, helping her out, she blushes as he holds her hoof until she was on sturdy ground.
- >Neither had noticed your presence, or cared enough to.
- >She spots you only at the last second as she went to open the door to her library.
- >"Hey Anonymous," she said with a giggle, taking a look at the strange stallion standing just behind her.
- >You felt empty and out of place, but surely these feelings were misplaced.
- >You saw the cart wheel off without this newcomer, looks like he was here to stay.
- >"Oh, I should introduce my friend here first. This is Flash Sentry, he helped me with my research in Canterlot," she added this with a whisper meant only for Flash, "and a little more."
- "It's a pleasure to meet you," you said awkwardly, shaking Flash's hoof.
- >"Yeah," he didn't seem to enjoy you touching him, and made it apparent with the roll of his eyes he gave you.
- >Shudders nearly come to you as your innards become cold on this warm night.
- >"Come on inside, I'll show you you're room."
- >Flash walked inside, leaving you and Twilight alone.
- "Oh, he's going to be staying?"
- >"Yeah, do you mind?"
- "Of course not, the more the merrier," you prayed your disdain wasn't apparent in your features.
- >"Alright, I'm going to help him get set up," you stopped her before she walked inside.
- "Are you busy later tonight?"
- >She flinched away from you with the smallest amount of disgust, "yeah, sorry. Me and Flash have some stuff to do around town."
- >A tsunami of embarrassment washed over you, your checks becoming a bright red.
- "Understandable, excuse me," you leave her there, heade the restaurant you had placed reservations at.
- >They were nonrefundable, and you weren't about to throw all that money away.
- >The sun had long since set when you returned to the library.
- >You had walked around Ponyville three times, individually bottling each emotion that had popped up.
- >Still you did not know what she meant by "and a little more", but you had a fair idea.
- >The lights were off in the library.
- >Cool moonlight illuminated the place partially, it was pleasant and calming.
- >Just what you needed right now.
- >A nice long rest would help you loose this cold emptiness in your chest.
- >You ascended the stairs with a huff, your suit jacket slung over a slouching shoulder.
- >Your bedroom was suppose to be right next to Twilight's.
- >But it wasn't.
- >Flash Sentry, the mysterious stallion from Canterlot, had taken it upon himself to remove all your things and replace them with his.
- >Nice of him to tell you first.
- >You trudge to the room at the end of the hall, it was more of a closet however.
- >Your things were haphazardly thrown in boxes and tossed in the room carelessly.
- >No matter, you just needed some sleep, tomorrow you would sort this out.
- >But sleep doesn't come, and after hours of laying in bed, your face cover by your arm the door downstairs opens.
- >There is giggling, the sliding of furniture, and Twilight playfully saying "stop".
- >They ascend the stairs loudly, doors open and slam shut.
- >Moans ring out throughout the house, there is silence for nearly five minutes.
- >You remain in the dark, eyes wide and ears perked up for any sound.
- >Eventually you hear it, more moans, grunts, and the sound of bed springs.
- >By now you were done, as silently as possible you raise from bed, and walk outside.
- >A guttural scream not heard for ages rocks the night.
- Some Anon asked
- >Twilight Sparkle had been gone for some time, nearly two months.
- >Some important business in Canterlot, but that didn't matter.
- >What did matter was her return.
- >In her absence you'd come to appreciate her in a deeper way.
- >And you would display this emotion to her tonight, when she finally returned home.
- >But she did not return home alone, rather another was accompanying her.
- >A pegasus, some prick from the guard.
- >The conversation was quick, hellos, introductions, a subtle insult from Flash and finally him and Twilight heading off to dinner somewhere in town.
- >That was fine, you simply bottled up those feelings, they mixed with all that other repressed rage and loneliness in your chest.
- >It was painful to see them together, but you managed.
- >He disrespected and insulted you every chance he got from the moment he met you.
- "Hey Flash," you would say
- >"Hey, still haven't found a mare yet?"
- "Nope, how's it going with Twilight?"
- >"Better than you'll ever know," he'd say with a laugh.
- >Every time you see him it went the same way.
- >One day he even "bumped" into you with enough force to land you in a pool of mud.
- >After nearly six months of these little things you've had enough.
- >That box of memories and repressed things in your chest had crawled up and taken root in your mind.
- >Tendrils infesting your mind and actions, soon you were plotting vile things, praying they would come to fruition.
- >Today was the perfect day, Twilight was out doing some errands, it was just you and Flash in the library.
- >"Hey, still don't have a marefriend?"
- "No, you recall asking that this morning?"
- >"Nah," his smug face curls into a smile.
- >He walks into the kitchen, prepares himself a sandwich with your bread, and sits down.
- >His first mistake was turning his back to you.
- "Flash, what's this on your wing?"
- >You place your hands on the furthest part of his wing before he even turns.
- >Your strong hands bent the bone in the opposite direction, the hollow bone snapping with ease.
- >Flash cried out in agony, he spit up the food in his mouth.
- >He falls to the floor, whimpering.
- "You're rather weak for a former guard."
- >You bring your boot down on his hindleg, crushing it.
- >He's crying now, odd.
- >You help him back into his chair, oh the agony he must be experiencing.
- >Poor Flash.
- >"P-please-"
- "Please what?"
- >You pick up his plate, cock your arm back and smash it into his face.
- >Shards of ceramic get stuck in his muzzle and eye, if he lived this experience he would be blind in one eye.
- "Sorry. Hey Flash, do you recall the time you were having sex with Twilight, the door open, and you smiled to me as I passed. Do you remember the words said to me?"
- >"N-no."
- "Oh, well let's see," you grab his foreleg, which dangled limply at his side, "if this helps."
- >It was simple breaking his leg, he seemed rather fragile.
- >Even more amazing was his lack of survival skills, he simple sat by, mewling to himself as you enacted revenge.
- "Do you want me to stop?"
- >"Pl-"
- "No," you knock him off his chair once more, planting your boot on his skull.
- >Another kick, another cry of pain.
- >Eventually it happens, his head just cracks.
- >It was marvelous in a way, brain and shards of skull being squished out in such a way.
- >But you didn't have time to admire your work.
- >The sound of a door unlocking reverberates throughout the house, you turn to the front door.
- >Twilight drops her bags, her shock and disgust obvious.
- "Like what I've made you?"
- >She runs, screaming.
- >She so special, so fucking special.
- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- These next one shots really fell flat.
- Genius
- >Day "ingenious evil plan" in Equestria.
- >You rolled up on the first Ponyville bank with your crew.
- >You pull the plastic horse mask that would be your cover over your face.
- >It's long snout swung a little as you moved your head back and forth, addressing your comrades.
- "Remember the plan? Go in quick, fuck up shit and drive home."
- >Twilight Applejack and Rainbow Dash nod in unison, placing on their masks.
- >You get out of the mech-stallion drawn carriage and cock back your pistol.
- >You had no clue how your associates made use of their guns but that didn't really matter, as long as they fired properly.
- >Taking the lead you storm into the bank through the glass revolving doors.
- >Just was planned Twilight hops on the table in the center.
- >"Everyp0ny be cool this is a robbery," she says, her horn glowing.
- >Applejack was rustling with the customers, Rainbow watched the door for guards.
- >It was amazing how the bank had no security whatsoever.
- >There were three tellers working the windows, a pink earth pony, a yellow pegasus and a white unicorn.
- >"Don't be ah hero," Applejack says behind you, you turn to see her crush a cellphone underneath her hoof.
- >Good thing no one will be able to call the guard.
- >You decide to work with the yellow one, she seemed the calmest.
- >You glance at the pink pony next to her, she was smiling like a maniac.
- "Alright honey just be calm, do what I say and this will be over really quickly," you try to use the smoothest voice possible to keep her calm.
- >She was quiet for a long time so you continue.
- "I need you to go into the back, where you keep the bits, and place them in a bag or box or whatever you have, then give it to me and I'll be out of here."
- >She whimpers.
- >"Hey, hey, hurry up bro we don't have much time left," Dash calls to you.
- "You want to give me an answer?"
- >You see her name tag reads "Fluttershy", the other two are Rarity and Pinkie Pie it would appear.
- >she stutters something then breaks down into tears.
- >Oh my god this bitch.
- >You move on to the pink one.
- "Do you think you can stay calm and get me the money?"
- >Damn this horse mask was getting hot.
- >"What's that?" she pokes the window with her hoof, pointing at your gun.
- "Don't pay attention to that, just get-"
- >"What'sthatmaskfor?Areyougoingtoafancyball? Idon'treallylikethosekindsofparties,but Iloveparties.IlovepartiessomuchIheldlikethreebirthdaypartiesformyselflastyear. Doyoulikeparties,misterhorseface?"
- "SHUT UP. Get me the money, how hard is that?"
- >Her smile vanished, the pegasus started sobbing again.
- >Hopefully this one wouldn't break down.
- >Just when you though she was going to turn around and calmly get the bits you demanded her grin returns, stretching ear to ear.
- >"Okie dokie lokie," the mare happily bounces away into he back of the bank.
- >Rainbow Dash comes up behind you and tugs on your suit sleeve.
- "what?"
- >"Um," she swallowed, "we got a problem."
- >Your ears picked up the whirr of distant sirens.
- >Fuck fuck fuck.
- "Applejack get the wallets and purses, if things go bad at least we'll have that."
- >she nods and roughs a few nervous looking stallions and mares for their goods.
- >"couldn't you have done this yesterday, all this stress will upset my hair," the unicorn pleas.
- "Hey, I got an idea, shut up."
- >You itch your neck under the mask, it was slick with sweat.
- >The sirens were getting closer, Twilight looked nervous, Applejack was stuffing phones and money into a black plastic garbage bag and Dash was peering out the window looking for guards.
- >"Who called the fucking guards?" Twilight questions.
- >"Hell if I know, I took all these pony's phones 'n' stuff," Applejack claims.
- >Pink Party bounces back over, her ears perk up.
- >"Is that the party sirens!" she says joyously, dropping the cloth bag she was dragging over.
- >Dozens of bits spill out.
- "No, no it's not-"
- >"Yes it is! Ihopetheybroughtcakeandstreamersandpartyfavorsandballoons," she shows off her cutie mark to you, slamming her flank into the window so you can see the three balloons on her side.
- "Just give me those bits so we can go."
- >But she was too far gone, she galloped out from behind the booths and into the street screaming about something.
- >You chide yourself for not doing this in the first place, hopping over the table to get behind the booths.
- >You scoop up some of the spilled bits and place them in the bag trying to be quick, greed gets the better of you though.
- "You two, money, jewelry, phones, everything in the bag now."
- >You pointed the gun at Fluttershy and Rarity.
- >The pegasus stepped forward first throwing a few bits in the bag along with a weird circlet made of twigs and flowers.
- >"Angel bunny made that, I hope you like it," she says before slinking back to her post.
- >Next up was the unicron.
- >She removes her earrings slowly.
- >"I got these at that little place on Main and 5th. Have you ever been? It's a small store but they have such marvelous pieces!"
- >Please shut up and give me your money.
- >You hear two gun shots, turning to see Rainbow Dash had fired at a guard, she missed though.
- >You really didn't want to add murder to armed robbery.
- >Rarity slides off and anklet/bracelet thing, telling you she picked it up in Canterlot.
- >Finally she tosses in her cellphone carelessly, you see it's still unlocked.
- >You manage to make out a few of the texts on screen.
- >[Sent]Will you believe this, I'm being robbed
- >[Received]Rly? lol u should call the guard
- >[Sent]Can you do it for me, darling? Thnx, ttyl.
- >You grind your teeth to keep from slapping yourself in the face with your gun.
- "Time to roll guys lets get the fuck outta here."
- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- THE WORST ONE SHOT IN THE WORLD
- >Day Purity Ring in Equestria.
- >You huddled on the cold wooden floor, contemplating whether or not your barriers would stand.
- >You knew full well about horses, and their s-stressing.
- >A shiver went down your spine, they might make you do things.
- >Do things to them, ew.
- >You hadn't eaten or drank anything in awhile, let alone bathe.
- >You were hoping the reeking stench that followed you around would keep them off of you.
- >You were dead, fucking, wrong.
- >They followed you even then, calling your name constantly.
- >A knock comes at the door.
- >[The Camera zooms in on your eye, highlighting the purple bags under your crusted, bloodshot eyes]
- >A single breath escapes your mouth, the knocking continues.
- >"Hey, human, get out here. We need your help with something," it sounded like the rainbow one, if only you could remember her name.
- >"Yeah, we need some help with this water and soap," this was Pinkie something, Pinkie Cake - yeah that was it.
- >You hear some muffled scolding.
- >"Uh, just come out for a second, we want to talk."
- >You kept your position, balled up on the floor.
- >"You okay in there?" Pinkie calls.
- >There is some more muffled talking, then the sound of wood being hit hard.
- >A shiver runs through you.
- >It comes again, the chair at the top of the pile falls to the floor with a loud slam.
- >A low moan of despair escapes your parted lips.
- >"Anonymous?"
- >It takes some time but eventually the bed falls, and that blue face with the rainbow mane pops up over the pile of furniture.
- "Please, please..."
- >"We're here to help, just stay still, it'll be over quick. We're fast."
- >The Pink one joins her up there.
- >Still in ball form, your legs tucked close to your chest, being held there by your arms you roll backward to the wall at the other end.
- >You left a trail of tears along the way.
- "Please, please don't fuck me."
- >"Is that a human word for-"
- "No! GET BACK!"
- >You hadn't seen them get over the pile, now they were inside.
- >The Pink one had some sort of sponge, and Rainbow was carrying a bucket of something.
- >It was probably oils, horse oils and lubricants for when they have saxy tiems no doubt!
- "STAY BACK. YOU CAN'T HAVE ME!"
- >"Get a load of this-"
- >You mustered the courage of a thousand men the second they crossed the small patch of sunlight coming in from the window above.
- "YOU WILL NOT TAKE MY VIRGINITY!"
- >If only the good book was here to guide you.
- >They kept getting closer, ready to pounce.
- >Pinkie bounced forward on her hindlegs, a sponge in each of her fore-hooves.
- >You were out of options.
- >Your mind started generating possibilities for all the vile things they would do you.
- >Then an idea broke through all the dirty images flying through your head.
- "Only Jesus can have my virginity!" that certainly sounded better in your head but that didn't matter.
- >You turned, and leaped straight for the window.
- >Crashing through it you fell straight into glass and dirt when you impacted on the other side.
- >You scrambled to your feet, glass in your cheeks and forehead.
- >You turn to give a parting glance to the two horses in the window.
- >You've won this round.
- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Movie Trailers
- >Trixie takes a puff of her cigar, smiling up at the dangling human as he twitches, his life slowly fading.
- >The phone rings, Snips picks it up.
- >"Who is it? Cuz it sure ain't the mayor," she nods to Mayor Mare, who is beside her, looking pale.
- >"It's the Princess."
- >Trixie grabs the phone the sound of the princess yelling can be heard, "Alright, alright."
- >Reluctantly she levitates a knife and slices the rope holding the human up.
- >He falls to his feet, grunting and trying to loosen the noose around his neck.
- >Trixie hands him the phone.
- "Yes, this is Anonymous."
- [Cut to Anonymous sharpening a knife, Announcer speaks]
- >"Trained to kill."
- [Cut to Anonymous laying in a field, with some pretty flowers]
- >"Left to die."
- >"This summer Anon Y. Mouse returns as Anon in Anonymous Kills."
- >"Featuring Celestia as Princess Sexy Hooves."
- >"Twilight Sparkle playing Taco Loving Mare."
- >"And Spike as Spike, the suave drug lord."
- >In Theaters soon.
- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Yeah, I watch AMC
- >You open the door to the library, closing it as soon as you step in.
- >Not a moment passes before Twilight enters, dragging something behind her.
- >She looks angered, ready to lash out.
- >She tosses the bag on the table, it's clear, and the red powder within is very visible.
- >You sigh, unsure of how to react.
- >It was only a matter of time before this happened.
- >There is some silence, you take a seat on the couch.
- >She stands on the other side of the table, apparently waiting for you to make some excuse.
- >But there is no excuse.
- >"So you're the one who's been on the news. The one spreading this around town."
- >You shake your head.
- >"We have to tell the guard before they find out themselves, or you'll end up dead! Killed by some rival druggie."
- >You chuckle.
- >"What are you laughing about? This is serious. You're in danger!" she says, all her nervous energy pouring into her words.
- "Oh Twilight," you say shaking your head and smiling, you look down at the floor before flicking your eyes to her.
- "I am the danger."
- Untitled
- >I could make some poor attempt to describe how I felt
- >But I'm so tired
- >I'm a certain tired that sleep doesn't cure
- >The type of tired that gives you chills on warm summer days
- >I suppose black could describe how I felt
- >But it would seem I've surpassed those feelings
- >They've evolved into a glistening, cold white
- >I could also begin to ramble about the past
- >But I'll keep it too the point
- >I had just a few hours now
- >I already feel the crumbling, fuck, I feel like I'm being cracked from the inside
- >I'll tell you about what happened
- >I'll tell you about how I found piece
- >I'll tell you about how I was calm
- >The blood was washed from my hands by her overpowering light
- >She looked past all of the things that held me back, she let me in
- >She came down, the sun was just rising
- >Like always I had walked just to the border between their land and my wasteland
- >The ground was still cracked and dry here, it was desolate and empty
- >I was scared at first, I knew this was one of their gods and I had no interest in being perceived as a threat
- >But I couldn't deny her majestic beauty
- >Her gorgeous wings, and her mighty horn had me in awe
- >They still do
- >But that's how things worked in life
- >She had offered me shelter, and food, and water
- >I was shocked
- >For months I would lay in that barren expanse, starring up at the sky
- >I was so hungry
- >I hadn't tasted my own saliva in god knows how long
- >I was so confused
- >Another day would pass and I would just sit there, I couldn't die
- >Not that I tried
- >I was scared
- >I never tried to end it
- >I just hoped it would get better tomorrow
- >It never did
- >Well, until that day
- >Her voice was the grandest thing I've ever heard
- >She showed me kindness
- >But she showed me more then that
- >We were alike
- >We were each different from the others
- >Every morning she would come down and visit me
- >She had provided me a little shelter
- >And food and water, enough for a day, every morning
- >But she didn't just get up and leave after
- >We talked
- >We became close
- >I trusted someone for the first time in such a long time
- >I felt like I had something worth living for
- >Sometimes she would kiss me
- >Sometimes I would kiss her, without asking
- >She was so warm
- >Her embrace relieved the cold from my empty body
- >I don't like admitting it, but I think I loved her
- >Sometimes she stayed until nightfall
- >But she had turned cold
- >One day she had simply dropped off my supplies and left
- >Then it happened again
- >After a month I had built up the nerve to ask
- >She was already mid flight
- >But she turned and looked back
- >"How could I ever love a human?"
- >She didn't come back for months
- >The sun rose again
- >She had apologized, something about her sister being sent away
- >It was almost sunset that day
- >I got scared
- >What if she fucked with my heart again
- >I accepted her gifts and apologies
- >I accept her again
- >She let me into her land
- >I was attacked upon entering, but she had called them off
- >I asked, once more, just exactly what we were doing
- >She refused to answer, instead showing me around the grand palace I always looked up at
- >Months past
- >Nothing was said, but it was certainly felt
- >She did say however, that I relived the stress of her rule, which I took pride in
- >She said I made her feel normal again
- >Tension was also felt
- >I was given looks of hatred
- >But I just wanted to exist
- >Things escalated
- >Even I heard the whispers, they would cast her from the land if I stayed
- >So she kicked me out
- >A second time I was broken
- >I asked
- >And got my answer
- >"How could I ever love a human?"
- >So I just walked away
- >I've been walking now, for about three days
- >Finally I've reached the canyon
- >It's not something you could admire
- >I would jump soon
- >But I just wanted to see her raise the sun one more time
- ~Gallant Arrow's edit~
- I could make some poor attempt to describe how I felt,
- But I'm so tired.
- I'm a certain tired that sleep doesn't cure,
- The type of tired that gives you chills on warm summer days.
- I suppose "black" could describe how I felt,
- But it would seem I've surpassed those feelings.
- They've evolved into a glistening, cold white.
- I could also begin to ramble about the past.
- I have just a few hours now, the moon has begun its descent
- I already feel the crumbling, I feel like I'm being cracked from the inside!
- I'll keep it short.
- I'll tell you what happened,
- I'll tell you how I found peace,
- I'll tell you how I found serenity,
- Then it was taken.
- The blood was washed from my hands by her overpowering light
- She looked past all of the things that held me back, she let me in.
- She came down, the sun was just rising.
- Like always, I had walked just to the border between their land and my wasteland.
- The ground was still cracked and dry here, it was desolate and empty.
- I was scared at first, I knew this was one of their gods and I had no interest in being perceived as a threat
- But I couldn't deny her majestic beauty
- Her gorgeous wings, her mighty horn
- They held me in awe.
- They still do.
- Such is life, I suppose.
- She offered me shelter, and food, and water.
- I was shocked.
- For months I would lay in that barren expanse, staring up at the sky
- I was so hungry
- I hadn't tasted my own saliva in God knows how long.
- I was so confused:
- Another day would pass and I would just sit there; I couldn't die
- Not that I tried
- I was scared.
- I never tried to end it.
- I just hoped it would get better tomorrow.
- It never did.
- Well, until that day.
- Her voice was the grandest thing I've ever heard.
- She showed me kindness,
- But she showed me more then that.
- We were alike,
- We were each different from the others.
- Every morning she would come down and visit me
- She had provided me a little shelter
- Food and water, enough for a day, every morning
- But she didn't just get up and leave after.
- We talked
- We became close
- I trusted someone for the first time in such a long time.
- I felt like I had something worth living for!
- Sometimes she would kiss me
- Sometimes I would kiss her, without asking.
- She was so warm!
- Her embrace relieved the cold from my empty body
- As strange as it was, I loved her
- I still do.
- Sometimes she stayed until nightfall,
- But she had turned cold.
- One day she had simply dropped off my supplies and left
- Then it happened again.
- After a month I had built up the nerve to ask;
- She was already mid flight,
- But she turned and looked back
- "How could I ever love a human?"
- She didn't come back for months.
- The sun rose again.
- She apologized: something about her sister being sent away
- It was almost sunset that day
- I got scared
- What had she hidden from me?
- What was she still hiding from me?
- I accepted her gifts and apologies
- And I accepted her again.
- She let me into her land!
- I was attacked upon entering, but she called them off
- I asked, once more, just exactly what we were doing.
- She refused to answer, instead showing me around the grand palace I always looked up
- Months passed.
- Nothing was said, but it was certainly felt
- She did say however, that I relived the stress of her rule, which I took pride in
- She said I made her feel normal again.
- There was also much tension.
- I was given looks of hatred.
- I just wanted to exist.
- Things escalated
- Even I heard the whispers, they would cast her from the land if I stayed
- So she made me leave.
- A second time I was broken.
- I asked,
- And I got my answer,
- "How could I ever love a human?"
- So I just walked away.
- I've been walking now, for about three days
- trodding slowly across the bleak sand
- my surroundings as dead as I long to be.
- Finally I've reached the canyon,
- My eyes see no beauty or magnificence in it.
- I would jump soon;
- How could I continue to live here?
- I peer over the edge.
- In the lingering glow of the setting moon, I cannot see the bottom.
- Neither hunger nor thirst ended my pain.
- Would the fall?
- The bridge thread
- >After a long day of hunting, you just wanted to get home
- >It was another slow day, no kills this time
- >As you walk back to your truck, the snowy, scenic forest helped distract from the annoyance of another bad day
- >Just before reaching the end a shimmer catches your attention from the corner of your eye
- >Pursuing the hazy mist in the distance you hardly notice as your old Mosin Nagant drops to the floor
- >An imposing hazy circular mist has taken place in the forest
- >Without thinking you touch it
- >It feels as if your souls is tugged from it's body
- >Blackness takes over
- >You awake to the face of two equines
- >You knew them
- >"Is this the one Celestia?"
- >You knew that voice!
- >"Yes, but I can no longer use my magic, the time has come."
- "Oh god is this really happening?"
- >The dark one moved back, Luna was just as pretty here as she was in the show
- >So was Celestia
- >They explain their situation, something about the balance of their world being broken
- >You're the one they decided to summon, with the last of their strength, to protect their land
- >How could you say no?
- >How could you deny all those ponies, their faces frozen in fear as you walked through the many corridors of the Canterlot castle
- >You were at the door now, Celestia nudged you forward
- >All they needed was an hour
- >"Please, just until the sun rises and I can rejuvenate my power," Celestia plead
- >What they didn't understand was your lack of magical ability, you weren't some master warrior
- >You were just a hunter, mediocre one at that
- >And you didn't even have your rifle, just a sidearm and a hunting knife
- >You were forced onto the narrow bridge, fear weighed in your chest
- >The M1911 in your hands was old, it had been your fathers
- >Seven bullets, then one in the chamber
- >And one knife
- >You took a deep breath, relaxing into a cool emptiness
- >The first one ran up, you could already see the horde behind it rolling up the bridge
- >You shoot, the bullet finding it's mark in the monstrosity's head
- >Two more roll up, two more killed
- >The dreaded sound of "Click, click" came all too quickly
- >But they didn't know that was empty
- >They waited a short distance from you, growling and yelling
- >You draw your knife slowly, dropping the empty pistol
- >A deep breath fills your shuttering chest
- >They charge, one or two die in your slashing fury
- >But soon it's too much
- >They tear at your leg, sending you to your knees
- >You plant the blade in one's neck, it gets stuck
- >A charging beast sends you on your back, the wind is knocked from you
- >You feel your shirt, pants and hands are wet
- >They charge past you, heavy feet break your arm and leg
- >With your dying eyes you spy a magnificent sight
- >The beauty of which nothing you've ever witness or imagine could witness
- >The first rays of sunlight illuminate the dark skies
- >You think you hear cheering and the sound of crackling magic, but you could care less
- >You close your eyes, the light of a rising sun giving you some measure of peace
- Pony fiction
- Pony [pone] n.
- 1. A soft, moist, shapeless mass or matter filled with friendship.
- 2. A horse of a small breed, esp. one whose height at the withers is below 14 hands 2 inches.
- >Mid-morning sunlight shines in on Big Mac and Cheerilee's table in Sugar Cube Corner.
- >The place wasn't packed, but there was a good number of ponies enjoying eggs, toast and the pastries Sugar Cube Corner offered.
- [BM] Nah, forget it, I'm done doin' that shit.
- >[C] You always say that, every time: never again, I'm through, too dangerous.
- [Big Mac] How can I say that every time if I hardly talk?
- >Cheerilee had nothing for this.
- >Mrs. Cake comes over.
- [Mrs. Cake] Can I get one anyp0ny some more coffee?
- >[C] Yes, thanks.
- >Big Mac nods a no.
- >Mrs. Cake leaves.
- >Big Mac looks around the diner, examining all the other ponies in the place.
- >He takes out a sprig and lights it, taking a drag and blowing the smoke up at the ceiling.
- [Big Mac] The way it is now, you're takin' the same risk as robbin' a bank. I heard 'bout this colt, he walked up into a Celestian bank with jus' a mobile phone. A phone! He told the tella' they had a filly 'nd if they didn't get the money they'd kill her or somethin'
- >[Cheerilee] Did it work?
- [BM] Eeyup.
- >[C] Did they hurt the little girl?
- [BM] Dunno, but the point of the story is they robbed the bank with a phone, not a gun, a buckin' phone.
- >[C] So you want to rob banks?
- >She looks confused.
- [BM] Naw, they always get caught.
- >[C] And no more liquor stores?
- [BM] Nnope, too many foreigners nowadays. Saddle Arbians, Zebras, those fuckin' griffons. You say open the register and they just stare at ya.
- >[C] So, we get real jobs? I always wanted to be a teacher.
- [BM] We could, heard mah sis was doin' some dangerous work, making good money. Or we could rob this place.
- >[C] Why here?
- [BM] Nop0ny robs a restaurant. So nop0ny is expecting it, we can catch them with their pants down.
- >[C] What's pants?
- [BM] 'Ramember that liquor store we robbed, ponies kept walkin' in and you had the idea to take their wallets n' stuff.
- >[C] Yeah, why?
- [BM] This place has tons of customers, and tons of wallets.
- >Cheerilee's smile widens, she leans in to Big Mac.
- [BM] You got the crowd I got employees.
- >[C]Got it.
- >They both draw pistols and place them on the table.
- [C] You're my cutie-patootie, lovie-dovie, honey-bunny.
- >[BM] You're my heartie-smartie smirchy-wirchy baby-waby.
- >The couple stands, holding out their guns.
- >Big Mac stands on the table for extra height.
- [BM] Everyp0ny be cool, this is a robbery.
- >[C] If anyp0ny moves I swear to Celestia I'll blow yer head off.
- >Freeze frame, black and white filter, play:
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5OHrQYwRac
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