Horsefuckers in Metal Gear - Intruding Ponies

>Be me
>In the middle of Operation Intrude F014
>Just found out that Dr. Madnar had a part in developing a new Metal Gear
>Have to get back to the Zanzibar Building and retrieve the OLIX Formula
>Took a truck back to it
>Went over the sauna and used the key to open up the locker
>There's something in the locker
>Jacobsen told me over codec that inside the locker are "deadly magical Zanzibar ponies"
>What the hell is this
>Go inside the locker and find out there are pastel colored ponies prancing around in the room
>They look at me and start talking into each other in English
>Wait how the hell are these horses even talking
>I tell them to get out of the way so I can take the OLIX Formula and destroy Metal Gear
>The yellow one tells me "it's rude to not talk like that"
>This is going to be a long day.
>mfw

"Fine. Please let me take the OLIX Formula."
>"That's much better."
>The pony and her five other friends give me what I need and I start heading out immediately
>The pink one asks if they can tag along
>No they fucking can't, it's dangerous
"No. You'll get hurt."
>The blue pony with a scratchy-ass voice starts going on about how tough she is
>Why am I even here
>Why are they even here
>I leave and they follow anyway
>Not my fault if they die
>The purple pony gives instructions on how to defeat Metal Gear
>She's actually useful, maybe I'll keep her around
>"The new Metal Gear has weaker armor in its legs compared to other areas, and it's also susceptible to explosive damage," she says
>Annoying blue pony says "Nice research, egghead."
"Be quiet, at least she's actually doing something about this situation."
>That shut her up
>All the ponies give me a stream of questions
>None of which I feel like answering
>The questions stop when I enter the "north room" like Fox said
>The new Metal Gear is in there
>It's being piloted by Gray Fox
>And it's rainbow-colored
>And it's playing songs about friendship
>And it shoots cupcakes
>mfw

>Is this mission some kind of a joke
>Here I was enjoying retirement from war only to get called back in
>Only to find out that Big Boss probably has a thing for these god damn horses
>And that he's made Zanzibar Land themed after it
>Gray Fox is still trying to kill me with cupcakes and pies
>It's actually kind of sad
>The ponies behind me are giggling their asses off
>I just toss grenades at Metal Gear's legs until I destroy it
>Finally destroy "Metal Gear"
>As if anyone would bother calling it that
>Don't even bother doing a fistfight with Gray Fox, I've been through enough bullshit today
>These ponies are still following me
>Finally find Big Boss
>He's dressed in rainbow camo
>He's holding a pony plush
>His gun has a pink paint job
"Big Boss, what the hell is this?"
>"This is everything I have been working towards. By using the magic of friendship, I can plunge the entire world into eternal war."
"That's the dumbest plan I've ever heard."
>The purple pony shouts, "You can't use our friendship like that! Girls!"
>The ponies proceed to gang up and attack Big Boss while I watch from the sidelines
>Mission accomplished
>I guess
>I'll just retire and go to Alaska
>With these ponies
>mfw