ASB! or "There is a STAND on my soup!" (MLPxJojo)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ScC4JWoeLc
Snap me down! It’s Fuckface Mcgee’s Anon & Ziggy Stardust in:

ASB! Or “There is a STAND on my soup!”

>You are…
>Anon Yancy Mous.
>But under the cover of the night you fight crime under the name of…
>The Uber Nigga!
>Just kidding.
>You are no super hero.
>You are way better than that.
>You are a stand user!
>Spiderman ain’t got nothin’ on you.
>Except like, a bunch of movies, genius level intellect and the tightest butt…
>Unf.
>Some of the homo…
>I mean.
>Fuck it, you got no time to be thinking about men in spandex.
>You are on a date!
>Your bae, Twi Twi, wanted to try out this fancy ass restaurant that opened just a few weeks ago.
>Apparently her friend Rarity wouldn’t shut up about how it was the new “in” place in town.
>The French-Mex Buffet  Jean-Pierre Sanchez.
>What the fuck?
>Who came up with this?
>Whatever, play your cards right and you know what else will be “in” tonight.

>You don’t like to jump to conclusions, but Rarity knows shit about what is popular or not.
>This place is emptier than Derpy’s head!
>There’s just one waiter, and some other guy sitting in a corner.
>Let’s hope the food is edible.
>You and Twilight take a seat.
>This place got some ambience at least.
>Candle lights, smooth mariachi music playing in the background…
>Yeah, bitches love this.
>”Isn’t this place nice?” asks Twilight.
“It ain’t all that bad.”
>”We should thank Rarity for recommending this place.”
>Sure, let’s do that. She surely won’t go on and on about how fancy and posh and FABULOUS her taste in restaurants is.
>The again, you probably should thank her a little.
>It’s thanks to her dad that you have such a flipping prosthetic arm.
>>”Monsieur and madame, my name is Gustav and I will be your camarero tonight.”
>Shit, make up your mind.
>His accents are all over the place.
>This is why the races shouldn’t be mixing.
>Hold on, wasn’t your girlfriend an interdimensional horse woman?
>Bah, don’t mind the small things.
>the waiter gives you both a menu and remains waiting next to you.
>Let’s see what we got here.
>…
>This must be some kind of joke.
>Everything listed on the menu is some bizarre mixture of French cuisine with Mexican food.
>”I want the Bastille Enchiladas.”
>Twilight doesn’t question this at all?
>Well, if she doesn’t mind then neither do you.
“I want the Louvre Nachos.”
>>”Oui monsieur, I’ll bring them rapidamente. Please, help yourselves to some breadsticks and water on the house.”
>He leaves with a spring on his step.
>What a fag.

>An indeterminate amount of time passes.
>Wait, it’s only been ten minutes.
>How come you didn’t notice?
>”And then this one time, in Equestria, my brother was having a wedding and then…”
>Oh, that’s why.
>Something else gets your attention.
>The other guy just got his meal served.
>He ordered a lot!
>There must be like five different things.
>He grabs a taco… and he just looks at it.
>What a weirdo.
>>”Here’s your comida.”
>You jump in your seat with the grace of a baby giraffe going down a slide.
>And you totally didn’t scream like a little girl.
>Fuck this waiter, appearing out of nowhere and shit.
>He serves your nachos, Twilight’s enchiladas and a plate of spaghetti with meatballs.
>”We didn’t order that.” Points out Twilight.
>>”It’s on the house for making you wait so much for the meal señorita.”
“It’s ok Twilight, I’ve never said no to free food.”
>The waiter leaves and you start to dig in to your nachos.
>They are quite good!
>They have an unhealthy amount of spice and chili, and you are sure your anus will be burning next time you drop a deuce, but it’s still worth it.
>Twilight is also going down on those enchiladas.
>Her face is covered in sauce.
> What a cute Twiggy Piggy.
>But… something feels strange.
>You look over at the waiter.
>He is looking intently at your table, rubbing his hands.
>Is he also part jew?
>Then you look back at the weirdo in the Hawaiian shirt.
>He finally gave a bite to that taco.
>But the filling is… moving?
>It seems to be something black and slimy.
>They are… no. It can’t be.
>He is swallowing them.
>That motherfucker is eating a snail’s taco!
“Urp… be right back.”
>You rush to the bathroom, holding your mouth close with your hands trying to not throw up everywhere.

>You are Ziggy Stardust.
>And you just swallowed a bunch of snails.
>You leave the “Escargot Taco” on the plate, next to the other one you haven’t tried yet and the “Moulin Rouge Burrito”.
“This was a mistake.”
>When Sonic recommended you this place, you thought it would be nice to try out something different for once.
>And you have tried grody things before, but this is a first.
>You don’t know about French-mex cuisine, but you have the slight suspicion that this meal is quite raw.
>You gulp down some of your water.
>Perhaps Sonic meant this place was good as a joke?
>…
>Nah, he wouldn’t do that.
>Right?
>Either way, you can at least agree that the ambience is great.
>And the waiter seemed like a nice man, all dressed up in a suit and with a big Mexican moustache.
>You may not show it, but you are a sucker for romantic things.
>You sat at a corner where the background music could be appreciated the most, your meal was illuminated by the candlelight’s, you even ordered the couple’s “Beaner Baguette”.
>Which come to think of it you don’t know if it’s a racist name or if it is alright when they say it.
>And still you can’t help but feel like something important is missing.
>You look over at the young couple that was eating a few tables away from you.
>The guy is gone, but his girlfriend is still eating.
>Mmm.
>You still don’t know what could be missing.

>This girl…
>She eats like an animal!
> Her face is covered in sauce.
>And there are chunks of food flying everywhere.
>Her boyfriend must like her a lot.
>She is now eating from a plate of spaghetti.
>And here you thought pasta was Italian.
>Maybe you were wrong this whole time.
>Although you don’t remember seeing pasta anywhere on the menu.
>She eats a meatball and her whole body stiffens.
>Did she finally have enough?
>No.
>Something is wrong.
>She is flailing her arms desperately.
>She is beginning to look purple-er.
>…
>Oh no.
“Oh no! She is choking!”
>You look around.
>The waiter is nowhere in sight.
>This is really bad!
>You rush towards the girl.
>You’ll have to help her yourself.

>You try to get a hold of her, but she tries to get away from you.
“Calm down! I’m trying to help you!”
>She looks at you with tears in her eyes.
>She begins to claw at her neck.
>And then you see it.
>There is definitely something stuck in her throat.
>But that lump, which must be an un-chewed meatball, is growing by the second.
“It’s ok. Don’t panic, I know what to do.”
>You go behind her and put your arms around her mid-section.
>You begin to apply pressure to the bottom of her diaphragm with your hands.
“Come on, try to cough! You can do it!”
>You can tell she is trying her best, but she is beginning to turn blue.
>The lump is moving out ever so slightly.
>She will die if you don’t do something faster.
>You keep applying pressure with your right hand, while you shove your left one in her mouth.
>Maybe you can get it out with your fingers.
>This isn’t enough though.
>You should be slapping her back, but you don’t have enough hands.
>So you hit her back with your body.
>It should help a little.
>The lump is getting out faster.
>You put a yellow star in her uvula.
>This should be it.
>”What the fuck!?”

>You are Anon and you are fucking pissed.
>This asshole rapist is humping your girl and shoving his fingers down her throat.
>He is even making her cry.
“Get your hands away from her!”
>”I can’t! We are almost done!”
>What a sick piece of shit.
>Wait, you can see a faint glow in his left hand.
>This guy is a stand user!
“Damnit! Did Flash send you?”
>”What?”
“You won’t get away with this [FIRE IN THE CHURCH]!”
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1qalGBVEeE
>You call out your stand.
>But as much as you want to use [WIFIN’ YOU] on this motherfucker, you can’t risk getting Twilight hurt, or horny in this situation.
>The rapist gives one more push and something comes out flying from Twilight’s mouth.
>He lets her go.
>This is your chance!
“REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
>Your stand begins to pummel his body with a barrage of fists.
>You know they won’t hurt him much, but that isn’t what you are after.
>”[STARMAN]!”
>His stand comes out and pushes [FITC] back to you.
>”Look, I don’t know what you are thinking but…”
>The thing that came out of Twilight’s mouth, who by the way is lying on the floor trying to regain her breath, bounced on a wall and then entered in his mouth.
>Whatever it is its big enough that his whole mouth is covered.
>His knees begin shake, and his cheeks are puffing.
>He must be feeling the effects of [WIFIN’ YOU]
>The rapist spits out a big ball of meat, which hits Twilight in the back of her head, and now is vomiting next to your girlfriend.
“You are done motherfucker!”
>You send [FITC] after him.
>But his skinny, and sexy, stand gets in the way.
>[FITC] attacks him with a rush of punches.
>They are too fast; he won’t be able to counter attack.
>But fuck you sideways, you are wrong.
>His stand (you think he said [STARMAN]) kicks [FITC] in the kneecap and both you and your stand lose balance and fall forward.
>His stand takes this opportunity to grab [FITC] by the back of its head and slams its face (and yours) to the ground.
>Shit, you feel like the ground just tried to rape your mouth through your teeth.
>The rapist is getting a hold of himself.
>[WIFIN’ YOU] must be wearing off.
>This can’t end like this.
>That fucker messed with you Twilight, and he also fucked with the wrong nigga.
>You will show him [WHO I AM]
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLO8LknyZs8
>You get a feel of his mind bubble, and begin to attack it.
>It’s working! The fucker is grabbing his head in pain.
>But his stand grip isn’t getting any weaker.
>Fine, its mind rape time!
>You attack his bubble harder.
>He falls on top of a table.
>Come on! Just die already!
>There is something in his hand.
>A fork?
>What is he going to do? Fork you up?
>He stabs his leg.
>And with that his mind bubble gets harder.
>No way.
>He used pain as a way to get his mind together.
>Just who the fuck is this guy?

>You are Ziggy and your head hurts.
>So does your leg and your mouth, but those are on you.
>Also you feel dizzy and disgusted.
>That stand can really get in your head.
>Literally.
>But… you felt something when he attacked your mind.
>Kind of like a distant dream.
>Did he feel it too?
>You have [STARMAN] release him.
>He incorporates and grabs his bleeding face.
>”You imbecile! You should have killed him!”
>You look behind you.
>The waiter came back and he looks furious.
“You wanted him to kill me?”
>”No! You were supposed to kill him!”
“What? Why?”
>”I panicked when Madame Sparkle ate the meatball my stand attacked, but then you appeared and happened to be a stand user, and then that cabrón Anon started to fight you. Everything would have been fine if you’d just killed him.”
>>”You just go around attacking clients? That’s poor service quality.” The guy called Anon stands up and walks next to you.
>”Of course not. Monsieur Flash paid me a lot to get him your head in a silver plate, and that’s what I’m going to do!”
>The waiter rips off his thick moustache.
>And reveals a thin large French moustache beneath it
>Both Anon and you gasp at the revelation.

>”With both of you weakened, you’ll be no match for my stand [TOYS FOR BOYS]!”
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBWU9-aq2Ro
>A robotic Eiffel Tower materializes behind him.
>His stand grabs a knife and a fork and they both grow to become the size of a grown man.
>Anon calls out his stand.
“You know… I don’t really get what’s going on between you two, but from what I get you almost killed this girl, right?”
>”That’s all you understood from my monologue?” says he waiter angrily.
“Well then…, “ you pose and point at him “let me tell you, you just lost this battle.”
>”Qué?”
>The waiter looks were you are pointing, and realize he is stepping on a giant black star!
>You stick a yellow star on Anon, his girlfriend and yourself.
“Hold him there please.”
>>”You got it!”
>The waiter tries to get away from the black star, but Anon’s stand gets a hold of his mind keeping him in place.
>You walk over Anon’s girlfriend and have [STARMAN] pick up the giant meatball from her head.
>[STARMAN] throws it to the air, jumps, and spikes it with a mighty punch.
>The meatball is bouncing all over the restaurant, breaking everything on its way.
>”Mon dieu” says te waiter weakly before the meatball crashes with his face.
>The meatball continues to bounce across the room, always away from you three and every time hitting the waiter all over his body.
>After twenty times, the mass of meat crashes definitely on top of his body, leaving him with no teeth and most of his bones broken.
>Anon and You pose and point at him.
“Bon appetit.”
>”Motherfucker!”

Dual Heat Attack!: “Bon Appetit Motherfucker!”

>You are Twilight Sparkle.
>And this is by far the worst date you’ve ever had.
>You almost choked to death and there is meat and grease all over your body.
>You incorporate and look over to Anon and the other guy.
>They are looking at each other menacingly face to face.
>Are they going to fight?
>Anon speaks first.
>”SATIPO?”
>The other man smirks.
>>”KANYE?”
>”Heh heh heh.”
>>”Ha ha ha.”
>And the they both engage in a weird handshake.
>”Mah man!”
>>”Mah boi!”
>”Mah man”
>>”Mah boi!”
>They keep going at it.
>You recognize friendship when you see it, but this is a brand new experience for you.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfhqaxhqQvI
“It’s the last time I ask Rarity for advice on where to eat.”