Well Hungover
	(transformation, futanari, phone sex, masturbation, first-time)

	[telephone ringing.  We hear but one side of this conversation]
		Hey, uh, Jess? Did I wake you up?  Oh, you're with someone...no, no you don't have to kick him out! Oh.  Well, yes, it is still technically saturday morning.  Fine.  Yes.  You're free? You're free.  Great.
	Sooo...yes.  I have a, uh, question, and since you were a bio major, you know, I naturally thought of you, and...what? Fine.  Yes.  All right, I'll just ask.  Have you ever heard of a woman growing a penis?  What's that? Mmm...mmhmm.  Yes, that's...uh huh.  They call it what in Japan? Oh my.  That's, I, uh...
	JESS! Stop! That's not what I'm talking about.  I'm not talking about at birth, I mean out of the blue! Like right now!  Yes, of course I'm being serious.  No, I'm not doing one of my weird jokes.  No, I'm serious.  Please, Jess!  No, I can't start from the beginning because it just happened! I woke up and it was hanging out of my panties...what? Absolutely not.  No.  I am calling because I am freaking out, not because I wanted to brag about how my big my dick is! My god, do you even understand how weird that sounds?!
	Jess, why do I get the feeling you are not taking me seriously? Please, Jess, I'm really scared and I don't know what to do with this thing!  What do boys even do with all of this? I what? Prove it? How the hell am I supposed to do...no.  No no no no no no no.  I am NOT texting you a picture of my dick! Gross.  No, please, I am being honest with you! Jess.  Please.  We have been friends for years.  Are you seriously telling me you can't trust me about...yeah, you know what? I probably wouldn't believe me either.  [sighs]  Fine.  Fine, you pervert.  [cameraphone sound]

	Did you get it? What? No, I don't know how big that is.  You're the experienced one.  Jess, why are you taking so calmly that I have a giant fucking dick hanging from my crotch? What? Oh, “at least I have some balls now.” Har-de-har, very fucking funny.  You're a goddamned riot.  Thank you.  This is exactly the kind of support I was hoping to get when I was freaking out ten minutes ago.  You're a good friend, Jess.
	Jess, I want you to support me! What? “It doesn't look like it needs support?”...oh, I get it.  Yes, I get it.  That's why I called you.  Is it supposed to be this hard so long? Yes, Jess, thank you.  This is the perfect time for three pump chump jokes.  Completely appropriate.  Why haven't I taken my panties off? Because...because I don't want to touch it! No! This is not happening.  I am not touching the dick that is attached to me.  That is not a thing.  No, no, no.  This clearly not real, so why would I be touching it (high-pitched, anxious laughter).  What? Well...yeah, it does kind of hurt.  Constricted? Why would it be constricted?  Does it hurt...where? Oh.  Well...Yeah, I guess I should.  You're sure it will feel better? Well, I don't know, I've never had a cock before! Yes, yes, I know you haven't either...fine.  Hold on.
	[undressing sounds, pleasurable gasping]
	Oh...Ohhh.  God, I can't even tell you how much better that feels.  Good idea.  Ahhh...I didn't realize how sore that was getting.  Yes, I will admit you were right.  I'm not above that.  What? You want what? No! I already sent you one! No, it's not different with my panties off.  It's...totally...the...same...no, it's just hot in here all of a sudden.  Yes, I know I called you for help, and yes, your last suggestion...fine! Fine.  A mirror? Fine.  Whatever.
	[Cameraphone clicking]
	Yes.  Yes, I do sleep topless.  When it's a bajillion degrees, out yes.  Not all of us feel like spending that much money on air conditioning.  Yes, I am blushing, but that's not why I called you!  What do I do with this...thing?  You want  me to what? Measure it! Oh, why couldn't you have woken up with this.  You would have enjoyed this.  No, I am NOT enjoying this.  It just felt good to loosen up that pressure, is all.  Yes, fine.  Measure.  Do you honestly think I keep a ruler in my room? Why? With my hand.  Mmm...no.  No, I don't want to.  Not happening.  Shut up! Here.  Let me go get one of my shampoo bottles.  [rustling]  Okay, it's, uh...wow.  Hmm.  Wow.  Ohhh, that feels...what? Are you serious.  No, seriously, though.  Do you want to just facetime with my dick? Huh? Do we really need these minute by minute status reports on my brand new genitals?  Fine.  Here I am, matched up with my coconut shampoo bottle.  [cameraphone clicks]

	Yes, you've told me.  Thank you.  Still doesn't change the fact that it's not going away!Yes, it's been hard this whole time.  Am I still attracted to guys?  Jess, I have no fucking clue.  If you're asking whether I want to jump on somebody and bury this big rod deep inside them (moans)...no, I am not getting carried away.  You asked a question I provided an answer.  I...oh! Oh! Jess! Help! It itches so bad! No, I don't want to touch it! Because then it's real! Okay, yes, it's pretty real, but...agghh this is unbearable! It'll what? It'll feel...[scratching sounds interspersed with moaning]

	Oh.  Oh, baby.  That...what a sweet relief.  Oh, Jess, I'm still so hot, but this bathroom tile feels so cool on my skin, and my nails feel so good on my balls...keep going!? What do you mean, keep going?! I'm just explaining how I feel...Jess, what is that...are you rubbing yourself!? Jess! Stop!  No, yes, I know it's your body...oh god I'm so hard it hurts...Jess, please, I just need...relief.  Please.  Can you think of me for a minute? What? “You are.”  Ha.  Ha. Ha.  Ha.  How very, very funny of you.  What am I doing? I'm laying on my back in the bathroom.  You want another picture?  Why? No.  Not unless you do something to help!  You will? Oh, thank you! Thank you, thank you!  There's something I can do to get rid of it?  What do you mean, not technically? Lady, I'll take smaller over larger at this point.  Progress is progress.  Okay, to do it right I'm going to need...you're sending it to me? What could you possibly be sending?
		[text ding]
		Oh.  You.  Oh.  You, uh, sent me a picture of, um.  You.  Bent over.  What? Listen, just because we joke around but butts does not mean I'm an ass girl, ok? What do you mean, did I like it? Jess, I've told you before, you have a great...okay.  Yes.  I am avoiding the question.  Am I still looking at it?...maybe.  It's, um, it's really nice.  I sound like a what? A virgin? (groaning) Oh, god, I feel like one too.  The bottom of my tummy feels kind of weird, like...jess! Ew! It's leaking! There's a bunch of stuff coming from the top! Yes, it's clear.  Taste it!? What is the matter with you? If I do, you'll send me another picture? Oh, come...on...how is that...oh my god.  It's so warm.  My hand is on it, and it's so warm.  [slurping] Salty.  Oh, god, Jess, it felt so good when I touched it...what? Fine.  [cameraphone] Yes, I know how my small my hand looks wrapped around it.  Stroke it? No, I can't, it...

	[light rhythmic sounds] Oh, my god.  Jess.  This.  Is.  Amazing.  Holy.  Crap.  It's.  So.  Fucking.  Good.  Is this what it's all about? Is this why guys are the way they are? I can't believe this. (Panting, heavy breathing).  Oh, my nipples are so sensitive right now...Jess, are you still there? They feel so good when I pinch them.  My hand is soaked.  This...what is it? Did you just cum? Oh, it's pre-cum.  Jess, my hand is fucking covered in it all ready.  I...uh...listen, it's getting so tight...you want me to what? Oh, you want to cum again with me...no? Oh, yes, but you want me to...uhh...oh, it's building, I can feel it...play with my balls? Well, you've been right so far...uh...underneath where? Underneath my sack.  oh...right...under...

	[improvised orgasm, wet slopping sounds on tile]

	I...oh, my.  That was...what? Are you still there?  You just came, too? Listen, Jess...how soon can you get here?