Iron Anon: Ponies Suck

>As the small group of ponies approach, you’re finally able to get a good look at the unicorns
>The unicorn mare known as ‘Rarity’ has a surprisingly normal colored coat of (slightly grey) white and a stylized indigo mane and tail
>She gives you a mixture of a look between disgust and loathing
>Same expression goes pretty much for all of them
>Except the purple unicorn Twilight, with her unembellished mane of dark indigo with a tinted pink highlight
>She looked at you curiously… vigilant but still curious
>Twilight:”Wow. Wait till the Princess sees this…”
>Applejack:”RD, why’d you put that bandage around its mouth”
>Rainbow [plainly]:”He wouldn’t shut up”
“Yeah…right”
>Your speech isn’t even muffled by the piece of cloth
>Twilight nearly jumps
>Twilight:”It-it CAN talk…”
>Her purple horn glows
>Suddenly, the gag floats away from your face surrounded by a purple aura
>So that’s what magic looks like…

>The unicorn quickly hides her excitement and now takes on a very serious tone
>Twilight:”Now, tell us who and what are you”
>Might as well just comply right?
>Not like you could say no
“For starters, my name is Anon Stoneman and I am a human”
>Rarity begins whispering to Applejack as Twilight continues
>Twilight:”I never heard or seen any reference in all my books to anything called a ‘human’…”
>She moves in a bit closer, while the rest of the group stays put
>Twilight:”You already told my friend that you are not from around here, is that correct?”
“Yes, I’m from a place called South Dakota… I assume you’ve never heard of that either”
>She gives a nod, seeming very… intrigued
>It doesn’t last long though
>Twilight[coldly]:”And I believe I would be correct to assume you are the same Anon that kidnapped my good friend, Rainbow Dash?”
>You give a sigh
“Yes…”
>Applejack lunges towards you, pointing an accusing hoof
>Applejack:”See! It ah’mits!”
>Twilight:”Applejack, calm down. We’ll never get it to talk if you scare it like that”
“Like I’d ever be scared by a little orange pony”
>Applejack silently growls at you, Twilight however ignores your remark

>Twilight:”Why would you do such a horrible thing to a fellow pony?”
>This one didn’t seem to hate your guts so much as the rest, so you needed to play nice with her
“Like I said, I’m very VERY far away from home and I don’t have the slightest clue on how I got here”
>Everyone seems to lean in closer to you
“After I had found Rainbow unconscious, I explained to her what happened and she told me that you unicorns could send me back”
>They all have moved up beside Twilight by now, forming in a semi-circle around you
“But when I asked her to take me to you ponies, she kicked me and ran off so I chased after her“
>Rainbow opens her mouth to protest but you cut her off quickly
“Then I saw you guys in the woods looking for her and, seeing how Rainbow didn’t want to help me willing-“
>Twilight:”You decided to hold her captive in hopes you could strike a deal with us for her release…”
“Yeah bu-“
>Rainbow:”HEY!”
“What?”
>Rainbow:”Oh nothing, it just seems you forgot to mention… well, EVERYTHING ELSE!”
“What do you mean-“
>Rainbow:”I mean, when you tried to EAT me!”
>Twilight:”Rainbow, please, don’t be silly”
“Yeah, I didn’t know you were a talking pony before”
>You smile at Twilight (kind of) defending you
 “If I would have known that, I would have never tried to eat you”
>Your smile vanishes when an array of hushed gasps rings out from the ponies as they all take a step back
>Twilight:”You-you mean you DID try to eat her?”
“Well, when I found her I didn’t have much food and-“
>Rarity [horrified]:”Are you implying you eat… meat?!”
“Um yeah, humans often do that but-“

>Their cringing faces and flat ears just then reminds you what horrible mistake you just made
>Well, except Rainbow, she just had ‘soundless victory’ look written all over her face
>They live in a ponified world
>Everything here eats greens and leafy plants, living happily in harmony together
>And you just admitted you and your kind dined on the flesh of other animals
>You’re the very definition of a monster to these ponies
“Wait! It’s not like that”
>Twilight[shaken]:”Then what is it then?!”
“Ok, you see back-“
>Applejack[disgusted]:”How can ya live with yourself?!”
“I’m trying to explain-“
>Rarity[furious]:”Is that what you were trying to do to MY Sweetie Belle?!”
“What!?”
>You all turn to Rarity
>Rarity:”When I found Sweetie Belle in the woods, her mane was all disheveled and she said YOU did it!”
>She moves in closer, eyes burning with anger
>Rarity:”You licked her, didn’t you?! Tried to get a taste for her, you-you brute!”
“What, no! I gave her a little pat on the head because she looked scared. Why the hell-“
>The purple glowing piece of bandage flies at your face and ties itself around your head, this time in the form of a move effective cleave gag
>Twilight:”Sweet Celestia! I thought Rainbow was just suffering from post-traumatic stress when she said that…”
>Applejack:”Dat thing’s a monster! We gotta take it to Princess Celestia!”
>You did not like the sound of that
>Any protest you try to give is stifled by soft foamy cloth
>Rarity:”I concur with Applejack. This ‘thing’…*shivers*”

>Twilight:”I already had Spike send a letter before I came. The Princess said that she’d be able to send a chariot in three days.”
>Applejack:”Three days?”
>Rainbow:”The Royal Weather Commission in Cloudsdale scheduled a huge monsoon right between Canterlot and Ponyville. Apparently, they missed a few thunderstorms in that area and have to make up for it”
>Rarity:”But what are we going to with ‘it’?”
>Twilight:”I’m not quite sure… any ideas?
>Applejack:”Ah’ can keep it locked up in the barn for ah few days”
>Twilight:”That’d be perfect! Here let me help you get him inside”
>Her horn glows again as she stares directly at you
>You gulp uneasily as you see the purple aura enwraps your body this time
>Suddenly a white spark shoots from her horn as she continues to make a pained face
>She closes her eyes to concentrate as more and more sparkles fizz and fly from her horn
>You… you don’t feel anything
>Finally the light fades and she hangs over, panting and sweating
>Twilight [exhausted]:”What…how…”
>Rarity [concerned]:”What’s a matter, darling?”
>Twilight:”Can’t… move him… it’s like…nothings there”
>Rainbow walks over and (painfully) jabs you hard in the chest, flashing a slight grin to you as she does
>Bitch, that hurt!
>Rainbow:”You sure about that, egghead? Looks like he’s here to me”
>Twilight:”I know that, Rainbow!… its just… I can’t feel him with my magic”
>Applejack:”Ain’t this thing just FULL of surprises. Big Mac, ya want ta put it in the barn for ‘ur little sis? Me and the girls got to go head down to Sugarcube Corner”
>Rainbow:”Wait, Why do we-… Pinkie Pie’s throwing me a party, isn’t she?”
>They all smile and nod their heads

>Rainbow:”Ha, I love that pony”
>They all hurry off to the apparent party, leaving you in the dust
>That… that could of went a lot better
>Dropping that gun seemed like a pretty bad move right now
>Dammit…
>Big Mac makes his way over to you without a word, grabbing the back of your collar and dragging you into the barn
>You had really fucked up today
>How come Gus, a walking pair of fanged teeth, gets along so well with these ponies
>Especially seeing how he managed it with Applejack
>Man, she hated you
>What could you have done differently back there?
>Anything to keep them from throwing you mercilessly at the feet of their ruler?
>The gag slips off accidentally when Big Mac puts you down to open the barn door
>He doesn’t seem to care or notice, just picking you back up and walking deeper into the barn
>It’s pretty big but awfully empty
>Finally, he plops you down on a patch of hay at the one end of the barn
>The red stallion turns and starts to walk away
>What did he think of all this you wondered
>What did he think about you?
>…
“Hey, big guy, what’s your take on all this?”
>He continues to walk away, ignoring you
>When he’s about halfway through the door, you speak up again
“I saw you before with your sister… the day you ponies went looking for Rainbow in the woods”
>Big Mac stops, but keeps looking forward, listening but not acknowledging you
“I never meant for any of this to happen… I never wanted to hurt Applejack or anyone the way I did”
>You take a second to gather your thoughts
“But that’s in the past now and I can’t do anything to change that… All I can say, is that I’m sorry”

>Your last words hang in the air as Big Mac slightly lowers his head, in thought
>Then he makes his way out of the barn, locking the barn door behind him
>You sit there in the dark, waiting for night, waiting for sleep
>Hours pass until you start to see the light through the doorway begin to dim
>Through the barn walls, you hear something faint like music off in far the distance but it’s still loud enough that it reverberates through the ground under your feet
>Your thoughts drift off as the gravity of the situation begins to take its toll on you
>What were they planning to do with you?
>More precisely, what was this ‘Princess Celestia’ going to do with you?
>You were in some serious hot water…
>If they couldn’t simply forgive and forget about you kidnapping Rainbow then they sure as hell wouldn’t just forget about you being a meat-eater
>Suddenly, something jumps down from the loft of the barn and lands right next to you
>Gus
>He makes his way over to you
>When you aren’t able to pet him, he curiously sniffs the ropes that bind you
>You could get him to break you out if you wanted; all he needed was a whistle
>But that would just put you two steps backwards…
>Only these unicorns alone could help you, running from them would do nothing
>Not matter how they treated and thought about you, the ponies you had seen before at the marketplace were friendly and kind
>You just needed time… time to explain yourself and get their understanding
>Gus takes a spot next to you as your mind and thoughts succumb to a dreamless snooze

>Your eyes open as the sound of the door’s rusty bolt is unlocked
>Blinding sunlight causes you to wince and turn away for the moment
>When you turn back, you see the silhouette of a small pony carrying a bag in its mouth
>As it approaches, you’re finally able to see her more clearly
>Applejack
>She silently gawks at you, but seems to more under control of herself then she had been yesterday
>She drops the bag with a thud as it falls to its side, spilling its contents in front of you
>Rotten apples
>Oh God, did you just see a worm crawl out of one?!
>She starts to walk away when you call out to her
“W-what is this?”
>Applejack[no emotion]:”Ur’ breakfast”
“You want me to eat -this-?”
>Applejack:”What? Do ya hav’ a problem eating FREE food ya don’t even deserve?”
“You call this stuff food?”
>You shuffle around in your bindings
>Damn, they are tight
“And how am I even supposed to eat them?”
>Applejack:”Rainbow told me ya STOLE from our Apple Orchard to keep y’all -both- feed, so Twilight said ya must be one of dem’ omni-nomvores…. omnirores-“
“Omnivores. Don’t hurt yourself”
>Applejack narrows her eyes but says nothing
>Applejack:”Whatev’r. The fact is that ya can also eat fruit and vegetables just like any other pony”
>She turns away
>Applejack:”Now eat up before Ah’ change my mind and just let you starve”
“I wasn’t talking about that… how able I supposed to eat when I can’t even use my hands?”
>Applejack:”Why the hay would ya need your hooves to eat? Use yer mouth”
>She begins to walk away, obviously not wanting to be around you

“What about water? I kind of need that a lot more than some rotten apples!”
>Applejack:”Big Macintosh will take you to the watering trough at the same time as the rest of the animals”
>As the mare is about to step out of the door, she slightly rears back as a white blur squeezes past her and runs to you
>She, dumbstruck, turns back to witness the scene
>Gus comes to a stop by you, dropping a slobbery but fresh apple into your lap
>Because you aren’t able to pet him, you can only smile and tell him ‘good boy’
>Applejack:”How?”
>You and Gus look up to her
>Applejack:”That er-
“dog?”
>Applejack:”That there dog is almost as hard working and dependable as Winona… How can somethin’ like that care for something like ‘you’?”
>Her tongue hangs onto the ‘you’ with repulsion
“It seems you don’t know much about me then”
>Applejack shoots her ears back and snarls
>Applejack:”I know enough…”
>A beckoning bark from Winona outside causes Gus to promptly trot out of the barn
>The orange mare turns to follow
“…I’m sorry”
>Applejack stops and her head slightly picks up, surprised

>Applejack:”…What did you say?”
“I said I’m sorry”
>Applejack:”So, wat of it? Do ya expect me ta just forgive you after all ya put us off through?!”
“No. I don’t. I’m just asking that I would be treated with a bit of…”
>Applejack:”With a bit of what?”
“…empathy”
>She spins around at you, furious, stomping her one hoof into the ground
>Applejack:”YA’LL WANT ME TO JUST- UGH!”
>She gives an agitated shout before galloping out of the barn, slamming the door behind her
>… At least you got to say you’re sorry, right?
>Right?
>…
>Dammit
>You lean over, trying to wipe the salvia off the apple with your pants before eating it out of your lap
>This wasn’t very comfortable to say the least
>One apple also wasn’t going to be enough for a big guy like you
>You look back at the pile of slowly decaying apples
>Yeah, fuck no
>You’d rather starve
>Sitting around in the hay for such a long time, you have the need to get up and stretch
>Clumsily, you manage to get to you feet and began pacing around the barn
>You do your best to wiggle your arms, trying to get some feeling back in them but the rope isn’t helping
>About 20 minutes later, you hear some shouting and laughter come from outside
>Curious, you make your way to the barn door
>In her little fit, Applejack had forgotten to lock it
>You slowly push it open so that there was only a small crack to let you see outside
>You’re given a good overlook of the farm from your position
>The Apple Orchard is directly in front of you, with the fence and road to Ponyville on your left and the farm house to your far right
>From your new angle, you are now able to see a flat, field-ish area neighboring that of the Orchard
>You squint until you can see the source of the noise

>On the outskirts of the Orchard, you spot Applejack and Apple Bloom
>Around them are scattered dozens upon dozens of apples, perhaps ones that naturally fallen from the surrounding trees as opposed to have being bucked
>The little yellow filly is balancing a… wooden basket on her head, it seems
>Just then, Applejack kicks up an apple and, using her tail, flicks it in a curved arc towards Apple Bloom
>Quite skillfully, Apple Bloom moves in while keeping balance and catches the apple in the basket
>You see Applejack say something and Apple Bloom laughs
>They continue collecting apples together
>Huh, seemed they had turned their little farm work into a game
>Cute.
>You bet that made the work go a lot faster
>Why hadn’t Ned or you thought of doing that before on your farm?
>As you watch Applejack and Apple Bloom play their little game of chores, something catches your eye
>Over the hill on the open field comes a herd of sheep, heading straight for the farmhouse and barn
>Just then you catch sight of a little brown and white hound racing to the one side of the flock, effectively steering them away
>Good. But how is she going to prevent them from-
>You halt the thought as you see Gus flanking to the other side, keeping the flock in line
>So that’s what Applejack meant by ‘hard working’
>Gus had been helping them round up their sheep with Winona
>You wondered what was preventing him from just taking one down and eating it
>The urge to do so must be intoxicating from him
>How was he resisting against his natural lust of meat for a measly apple supplement?

>The tag team of canines round the sheep eventually into a white-fenced pen
>Winona runs ahead to pull open the gate, while Gus comes in from behind to head butt it closed
>They were a good team…
>You close the door and head back to the hay
>This rope was starting to chafe, not moving was the best thing you could do for that
>Not even a half hour later and the door opens again, Big Mac entering with his typical poker face
>He makes his way over to you but before he can start dragging you, you stand up
>You notice him try to stand up straighter but he can still only come up to your lower chest
>The red stallion seems a bit taken back by your height but doesn’t allow it to show
>Without a word, he gestures with his head to get moving outside
>You start walking as he takes to tailing close behind you
>Big Mac[low]:”No funny business”
>You step out into the light, gratefully for the warm sunlight hitting your skin
>A hoof taps your lower back to go around the farmhouse
>In the corner of your eye, you see Applejack talking down to Apple Bloom
>She using her body to try and block you from her sight, but the little filly trying her best to peak around her
>Soon enough you come to a pig pen, a little ways from behind the farmhouse
>On the far end of the pen sat a long water trough
>It looked… surprisingly clean
>Big Mac nudges you with his head to get inside
“Ok geez, I’m moving”
>As you walk in, you hear something coming from the house and you turn to see Applejack making her way to Big Mac, giving you a dirty glance

>The fat and not so muddy pigs look up to and then go back to their business, giving you some space
>You bend over and examine the trough
>The water was crystal clear, meaning it had just been recently drained and refilled
>At least they cared enough not to try and get you sick
>You’re about to bob down to get a sip when you remember something important
“Hey!”
>Big Mac and Applejack, who were talking and waiting outside the pen hush up and turn to you
>Applejack[annoyed]:”Wat do you want now?”
“Where can I take a bath?”
>Big Mac whispers something to Applejack
>Applejack:”Yer lookin’ at it!”
>You look to the trough and then back to Applejack
“You seriously want me to bath in the open, no less in the trough your pigs drink from”
>Applejack:”We were just gonna drain it anyways after you were done using it”
>You stop and think for a second
“Can you take this rope off then? And maybe give me some soa-“
>Applejack:”No!”
“What the big deal-“
>Applejack:”APPLE BLOOM!”
>What?
>You now notice that the orange mare isn’t looking at you anymore, but rather something behind you
>You turn to see a little yellow filly, hooves slightly covered in mud, staring up at you
>When you unintentionally tower over her, she cowers and looks terrified
>Then she closes her eyes, opening them after she has put on a more serious and resolved face
>Apple Bloom:”…S-So you’re the big monster everyp0ny been talkin’ bout”
“Um’ yeah, that’s me”
>Applejack:”Apple Bloom, get away from it!”
>You hear the pen door slam open from behind you, but don’t turn to acknowledge it
>Apple Bloom seems a little confused by your affable, non-hostile tone

>Apple Bloom:”Um, yeah, Hi. Yer mighty… tall”
“Thanks…?”
>Apple Bloom takes a moment to shake her head, trying to refocus her thoughts
>Apple Bloom:”Oh well, I’m Apple Bloom and me and mah friends ‘rite for the Foal Free Press at school-“
>She produces a quill and notepad out of nowhere
>Apple Bloom:“-would ya mind answering some of my questions?”
“Oh well my name’s Anon Stoneman… and sure, why not?”
>Apple Bloom smiles widely with a mouth full of white shinny teeth, it’s kind of adorable
>You can’t help but smile too
>Apple Bloom:”Really?! Oh that’s great, um, first off-“
>You never get to hear her first question as you are bucked straight back into the trough
>As you try to raise yourself out of the water, a familiar hoof collides into your chest pushing you back down
>Applejack:”You stay away from mah sister, ya freak!”
>This pony was getting on your nerves now, despite your best attempts to keep a cool head
“She came to ME, you stupid hick!”
>Applejack holds you down by your chest as she pulls back the other hoof back for a punch
>That’s it.
>Right after she made contact, you were going to beat the shit out of this pony even if you only had your legs to do so
>But before that can happen, something catches her hoof
>Big Mac
>He stands next to Applejack, stopping her hoof with his own
>Big Mac:”Applejack.”
>The mare jerks her hoof back and now turns to face her brother
>Applejack:”What! You tryin’ to defend that thing?”
>Big Mac:”You need to calm down… he didn’t do nothin’”
>The orange pony opens her mouth to say something, but instead closes it and snorts steam

>She avoids looking at you as she throws a worried looking Apple Bloom using her head onto her back, before galloping back to the house
“…Thanks”
>He doesn’t say a word, staring blankly at you
>It was impossible to tell what this pony’s feelings were towards you
>You manage to get out of trough by yourself, back soaked
“…So, do you mind?”
>He walks in front of you, examining you from head to toe
>Finally, he gestures you to turn around, which you do
>You feel his teeth grab the ends of knotted rope as he gives a hard pull
>The cord become lax and falls to the ground
>The stallion picks it up immediately and takes a few steps back, keeping an eye on you
>You give a nod of thanks while wringing your wrists
>Damn, it sucked to be tied up like that
>You can only imagine what Rainbow must have felt being tied up like that for days…
>With a few stretches and cracked joints, you feel limber again
>You get down and start cupping water into your hand to drink
>After you have your fill, you turn back to Big Mac who has his guard up against you
“Could I borrow an old bar of soap or something?”
>Before he can answer, the water behind you plops and splashes as something lands in it
>You both look back to the farm house to see Apple Bloom waving, just before being pulled in the house again by orange and …green hooves
>Reaching back into the trough, you indeed find an old bar of soap
>There was practically nothing left of it, but it would do
>You’d have to thank that filly later when you had the chance

>You’re about to take off your clothes when you realize Big Mac is still watching you
“Um, I’m going to take a bath now”
>Big Mac:”…”
“Could you like, please leave?”
>Big Mac:”Nope”
>You weren’t just about to strip down naked in front of this pony
>But you needed a bath BADLY
>You had just been rinsing off the top layer of grime in the creek, you never had soap to actually do ‘clean’ yourself
“I going to go ahead and guess that ponies are pretty comfortable with being… naked all the time”
>He raises an eyebrow
“Well, you see humans, uh…”
>This was awkward
“Could you just turn around?”
>He shrugs and turns around to face the farm house
>You quickly strip, laying your clothes on nearby fence
>Without a second’s delay, you hop into the trough as fast as you can to hide yourself
>The bar of soap is completely gone by the time you’re done and the water is brown and murky
>You make sure Big Mac or anyone else isn’t looking before you get out of the water
>With no towel and no desire to air dry in the nude, you slip on your long johns instantly
>They get a bit wet but they’ll dry
>Next, you slip on the jacket and pants, followed by your boots
>Big Mac turns back to you as you finish securing the boots
>The stallion approaches you with the rope while you notice Applejack standing on by the back porch, watching
>Instead of the simple coil like tie, Big Mac uses the rope to secure both your forearms tightly together in front
>Now at least you’d be able to use your hands again
>You let your arms hang low as he leads you back to the barn

>It was still mid day, so you had a lot of time before night fell
>A lot of time to spend rotting away in an empty barn
>The red pony doesn’t follow you in this time, but instead simple locks the door behind you as you enter
>You go over and lean against the wall as you sigh heavily
>This was probably going to be the routine until that carriage got here and took you off to their ruler almighty, Princess Celestia
>You slide down the side of the barn onto your bum, letting your mind wander
>…
>Twilight[panicky}:”Applejack!”
>Rainbow:”Hey AJ!”
>Rarity[anxious]:”Darling, come quick!”
>Pinkie Pie:”Zecroa’ sick or something!”
“Huh?”
>You move to the barn door, putting your ear to it
>Why were they here?
>And who the hell is Zecroa?
>You hear the sound of hooves coming from the house to met them
>Applejack:”What in tar‘nation happened?”
>Twilight:”Fluttershy find her unconscious on the edge of the Everfree Forest”
>Rarity:”Not only that, but she was cold to the touch and some of the fur on her ears and hoofs were falling out”
>Applejack:”What did Fluttershy do wit’ her?”
>Rainbow:”She carried her to the hospital, but the doctors there don’t know what’s wrong with her”
>Pinkie Pie:”This is really, really, really bad Applejack!
>Applejack:”What do ya thinks wrong with her, Twi?”
>Twilight:”That’s just it. I looked all over my medical reference books and couldn’t find a single thing describing her condition!”
>Pinkie Pie:”You think it might be poison joke again?”
>Rainbow:”I don’t know, pinkie. It-“
“Frostbite”
>You don’t shout it, but you raise your voice enough to be heard through the barns’ walls
“Your friend has frostbite”