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- >Day New Clothes.
- >You are Anonymous.
- >You live in the Everfree Forest.
- >You spend winters with the bears.
- >And enter life-or-death combat with them regularly.
- >As you are not dead yet, you are pretty hardcore.
- >It is your fifth summer.
- >Your clothes are more for decency than protection by this point.
- >And failing at the first too.
- >Time to get new digs!
- >
- >You decide to stake out a road between two pony towns.
- >Within a few hours you hear a carriage being pulled down the road.
- >You remember to make sure that the ponies don’t have horns.
- >Fucking unicorns.
- >Fucking magic.
- >No horns.
- >Delightful.
- >Wait until carriage passes under your branch.
- >And drop onto the top of the carriage.
- >Land with only a small creak.
- >Infiltration successful!
- >You sit down on roof and begin rooting through to find the fancy pony-clothes suitcase.
- >Going through pony-things always distracts you.
- >They are, you assume, the dominant species.
- >How they live interests you.
- >Just, not enough to learn their language.
- >Tossing a suitcase full of paperwork off the carriage, you open another.
- >Jackpot.
- >
- >Grinning, you root through the pony-clothes, for a basic idea of what you’ve found.
- >Male-pony things, tuxedo, undershirt, top hat.
- >All useable.
- >Setting the suitcase aside, you check the last suitcase.
- >Dresses, hats, feathers.
- >Girl-pony.
- >Useless.
- >You prepare to toss the suitcase when something catches your eyes.
- >A shoe.
- >You wiggle your toes and realize you haven’t had shoes since your first winter.
- >You dig deeper.
- >So.
- >Many.
- >Shoes.
- >Most look extremely painful.
- >Walking through snow barefoot is painful.
- >You could handle a little pain.
- >
- >Beneath the clothes and the shoes, you find something else.
- >Underthings.
- >Why does girl-pony need underthings?
- >As you sit there stretching them between your hands, pondering the necessity for pony-underthings, you fail to hear someone join you on the roof.
- >“Ahem.”
- >That gets your attention.
- >You turn.
- >Slowly.
- >Fuck.
- >Unicorn.
- >With a monocle.
- >This guy is big time.
- >
- >“Excuse me, but what are you doing with my wife’s undergarments?”
- >You tense.
- >Unicorn spoke to you.
- >You understood unicorn.
- >Maybe, he could understand you too?
- >A chance to explain yourself.
- >No.
- >A chance to rejoin civilization.
- >No more living in the woods.
- >No more running from Timberwolves.
- >No more wrestling Manticores.
- >You could have hot meals and clean, well fitting clothes.
- >And shoes.
- >Oh good heavens so many shoes.
- >For the shoes!
- >
- >You open your mouth to explain.
- “Grawrgroargrerrrrrr,” you growl.
- >Oh right.
- >You’ve been speaking bear for the last five years.
- >He screams.
- >You scream.
- >And punch him in the snout so he can’t magic you.
- >Unicorn collapses on top of the carriage.
- >You grab both suitcases and prepare to jump off the carriage.
- >You look back at the unicorn.
- >Maybe you could still explain yourself.
- >Dropping the suitcases, you walk back to the unicorn.
- >Reaching down, you hold out your hand
- >And snatch that monocle right off his unicorn face.
- >As you pick up the suitcases again, he calls after you.
- >“Wh-what are you? Why are you doing this?”
- >You grin back at him and place his monocle over your right eye.
- “I’m a damn bear, man. I do whatever I feel like.”
- >
- >Today was a pretty good day.
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