Bit & Smidget: Sophie's Choice Cuts

Bit & Smidget: Sophie's Choice Cuts StrangeCreed 03/31/12(Sat)20:50 No.959555

>you are now Smidget
>Bit has been confined to a play pen for the safety of your babies
>baby wouldn't be the best word to describe it though
>their eyes have opened and they're walking around
>your master hasn't named them, though
>apparently, Bit and you should be the ones
>you totter to Bit's enclosure
>he stares at you before uttering a question, "Which one is dumb?"
>you sit down, "Da unicorn, but you awe not gonna kiww him."
>he rushes the walls, his rather small body weight barely moving the plastic playpen
>"I wiww get out, an' you won't be abew to stop me!"
>you puff your cheeks out, "You stiww have two babbehs that awen't stupid! Dey awe wearning to wead!"
>there is an awkward silence
>Bit breaks it, "How do you know one's wetawded?"
>you explain how the unicorn just can't understand why pooping on the floor gives her time-out, or that just because something is yellow and like string, it is not spaghetti
>Bit is now throwing his body against the barrier, goring the fabric net
>he is entirely incomprehensible with the desire to snuff out fluffy life
>you trot out to your babies, where the unicorn is run around babbling about "Squishy fun!"
>your owner is already getting the bleach

>the days pass slowly, since the unicorn requires near constant attention
>not because he's needy or demanding
>he just has no idea what's dangerous and is too stupid to remember what you tell him
>against your wishes, your owner has been putting the other two in the enclosure with Bit
>as expected, he doesn't make any violence against them
>he enjoys the company when you find the time to watch them playing
>otherwise, Hurples the retarded unicorn takes up all your time
>in your absence, Bit named your more intelligent offspring Star and Moon
>the owner likes these
>you still don't trust him
>however you can't really act on your suspicions due to uncanny power of Hurples to find ways to nearly die
>he eats the yellow stuff they fill couch cushions with then vomits and asks why his "tummy is owchies"
>still, your maternal instinct drives you to protect him
>both from himself and Bit

***

>you are now Bit, livid
>someone left the door outside of your enclosure open
>in tottered some THING that Smidget called her babeh
>you can smell the stupid on this creature
>"fwuffy wan pway!"
>your brain burns at a mean pace, but you can't find any way out of the pen
>the tv is too heavy to move, and even if you could balance on your ball, it's not tall enough to let you grab the top of the pen
>there is no gate for you to wriggle loose
>...and this whole time, the retard has not stopped babbling about how he wants to 'pway'
>an idea pops into your head
>you try to choke back your disgust, "fwuffy wan pway, but meanie wall in way!"
>the idiot sits there, tongue lolling out of his mouth
>"waww... bad?"
>you put your horn under the edge of the wall, "do what Bit is doing!"
>he manages the copy you, but not without four tries
>"Wift!"
>through the combined might of yourself and Hurples, you lift the 10lbs barrier
>you rush ahead to freedom, and ready to kill

>you look around, horn ready to mildly annoy
>the retard apparently ran into your prison and into safety
>"fwuffy wuv game!"
>you don't have time for this
>you're going to levitate yourself a kitchen knife and kill this worm
>you trot to the kitchen where Moon and Star are rolling a ball back and forth
>"Bit, wan pway wif us?"
>ignoring them, you concentrate on lifting a paring knife from its hold
>it slides out, but still tumbles out of the air and hits the ground
>you're not above using your teeth
>the two foals follow you
>you return to find most of your personal effects... soiled by this abomination
>you are going to enjoy this
>you cut through the cloth mesh with little difficulty
>"new game for fwuffy?" it babbles, a quite literal shit-eating grin on its face
>you proceed to slash and stab at the retard with your mouth-knife
>the second you draw blood, Hurples is crying like a bitch, the kind of wail that only makes you want to carve his lungs out
>of course, before you can finish eviscerating this mongrel, the cavalry arrives
>master slaps the knife from your mouth and Smidget tries to keep Hurples from hurting himself further
>Moon and Star just watch

>once again you are confined, but you don't care
>you drew blood and that little shit was going to die
>the door it shut and locked, and with a satisfied smile you sleep on the floor
>you aren't going to sleep on a shit-stained blanket
>when you awake, your owner has returned without Hurples
>you accept this as a job well done...

***

>be the hapless owner
>tell from the smug look on Bit's little face, he thinks he killed Hurples
>truth is, he didn't even wound him
>the vet just but a bandage on, gave the unicorn a lollypop (which he nearly choked on), and charged your five dollars for your time
>however, you didn't want to bring Hurples home
>you were getting tired of scrubbing pony shits out of your carpet, and he would just be a wedge in the harmony of your house
>so you stopped by the adoption center to drop him off
>you'll let Bit think he's a killer, but Smidget will know

MEANWHILE AT THE ADOPTION CENTER
>be hapless volunteer
>another fluffy abandoned
>this one even looked hurt, with a big bandage on his little face
>of course, he was actually picked up only a few hours later
>some poor couple bought about seven premium fluffy ponies, but in some freak accident they all burned to death
>they chocked it up to simply having too many at once
>so the adopted the unicorn

>you are still the hapless owner
>while their memories are decidedly more keen than other fluffy ponies, they are just as forgiving
>Smidget is relieved that she won't have to watch Hurples like a hawk and plays with her babies for the first time in weeks
>murder attempt aside, but has shown that he's clearly accepted Moon and Star as worthy
>he's out of his enclosure, sits in your lap when you browse the internet
>Moon and Star don't seem to mind that Hurples is gone
>he ruined play time with his accidents, both life-threatening and fecal
>this peace does not last
>one morning Bit is dragging a machete across the floor with his teeth
What the hell, Bit?
>dropping it, he answers "Hurples is back! Need bigga knife."
>you look out your window
>there he is, running around in circles with the neighbors
>ISHYGDDT
Bit, you have nothing to worry about. Their last batch... went up in smoke.
>Bit loves puns, but he doesn't laugh for long
>"I bunned them, thass why they died. So bigga knife still ansa!"
>you pick it up by the blade
Have you considered taking up Smidget's policy for this one? You heard how often he nearly choked to death on... well, ANYTHING that ended up in his mouth?
>fluffy pony shrugs are kind of weird to look at
>"I give it a week, then I kiww it."

***

>be Moon, male earth fluffy
>you play a game of tag with your sister in the backyard when you recognize a familiar stink
>stumbling around the neighbor's backyard is Hurples, your dullard brother
>"why Hurples here?"
>the couple laughs as Hurples babbles and itches his back on the grass
>"Staw, why bwuvver so a dummy?"
>Star sits, watching through the hole in the fence
>"Daddy Bit said iss 'cause he's mo' wike an' actua fwuffy pony, an' that we awe betta."
>you cock your head, "'cause we go poopies in a box an'... don't awmost dwown in ow own spit?"
>she nods, and trots off towards the doggie door
>you keep watching as Hurples defecates, gibbers, and somehow manages win the hearts of his owners
>something about this seems... disgusting to you
>your sister totters back, "Bit says we should kiww him..."
>you are perplexed, "how we gonna do dat?"
>"he gonna hep us in a week"
>Hurples has rolled over in his own excrement, and is now crying because he "no smell pwetty"