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  1. ECE190 ASSmail: SUPER-DUPER HIGH PRIORITY IMPORTANT - NOTICE OF OFFICE ORIFACE INTEGRITY VIOLATION <---READ THIS!!!111ONEONEONEELEVENTY
  2.  
  3. Dear Students,
  4.  
  5. It has come to my attention that someone in the class has egregiously violated the integrity of the keyhole to my office with copious amounts of cyanoacrylate adhesive glue binding stuff and small circular pieces of a metallic substance composed of iron and carbon in an attempt to delay me from writing incoherent run-on sentences with superfluous linguistic gerrymandering in regards to imaginary lapses in academic integrity by students who may, or may not, even be registered for my class.
  6.  
  7. AS PROOF, HERE IS THE MD5 HASH OF THE SUPERGLUE FOUND IN MY LOCK:
  8. 1ed4de8986cf6e4a68d5a18c135d36f2
  9.  
  10. AND FOR GOOD MEASURE, HERE ARE FIVE MORE MD5 HASHES THAT MEAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING:
  11. f313147ecd0d7e4701d66b23480dedd1
  12. 02083c6e448bb4072b0b75137622a056
  13. 96fa743065836a51ea5df7c473b5a81f
  14. 62f2c7ba864fb7361e31187cd6371484
  15. 81e5635a5cb66d42f3eb1ec7e0b08fe4
  16.  
  17. If you are as stupid as most people in the class, the take home message is someone glued bits of steel into the door lock on my office and this in turn inserted large amounts of sand into my (perhaps) proverbial vagina.
  18.  
  19. AS PROOF, HERE IS THE MD5 HASH OF THE SAND IN MY VAGINA:
  20. 88336b5bb2a1cc21bac7cf33fd451270
  21.  
  22. AFTER SIGNIFICANT CONSIDERATION OF THE MATTER, I HAVE DECIDED TO REQUIRE ALL PEOPLE WITHIN A 2,000 MILE RADIUS OF MY OFFICE ON THE NIGHT OF THE 12TH TO UNDERGO THE FOLLOWING PROFILING TESTS: DISTINCTIVE FINGERPRINTS, SCARS, FORDYCE'S SPOTS, HAIR COLOR, HAIR TYPE, DATE AND TIME OF BIRTH, HEIGHT, WEIGHT, GENDER, ETHNIC BACKGROUND, FAT DISTRIBUTION, OCULAR SURFACE, BLOOD PRESSURE, CHROMOSOME COUNT, INTELLIGENCE QUOTIENT, SAT SCORE, EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT, EPIDERMAL TENSILE STRENGTH, NEURAL IMPULSE QUADRATURE MODULATION FREQUENCY, MOLAR MASS, CLOCK SPEED, MIDICHLORIAN COUNT, OT LEVELS, THETAN DETECTION, SPERM COUNT, CARPAL DERMAL TISSUE CONDUCTIVITY, HEAT OF VAPORIZATION, FIRST IONIZATION ENERGY, VISCOSITY, SPECIFIC HEAT, RESONANCE STRUCTURE, CRYSTALLINE PACKING STRUCTURE, ANAL DIAMETER, BRUCE TREADMILL TEST SCORES, BODY MASS INDEX, BODY-FAT PERCENTAGE, PERSONALITY, VO2 MAX, ACOUSTIC ABSORPTION CHARACTERISTICS, OTHER BIOMETRIC DATA, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, FAVORITE COLOR, AND STDS WILL ALL BE DOCUMENTED AND STORED INDEFINITELY AT AN UNSPECIFIED LOCATION WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT AND/OR KNOWLEDGE
  23.  
  24. AS PROOF, HERE IS AN MD5 HASH OF THE TREADMILL I USE:
  25. 3ee7840a38e8422ecc02afe9562c3152
  26.  
  27. As far as punishment goes, I have decided to fail the entire class for the semester. If *every* student in the class confesses to gluing my lock shut, I reserve the right to *not* expel the entire class from the University and imprison them in a Federal SUPERMAX facility on 24-hour lockdown for an indefinite period of time not less than 60 months.
  28.  
  29. AS PROOF, HERE IS AN MD5 HASH OF THE SUPERMAX PRISON:
  30. daeca84b8a6bda44f5101fdaade7b3aa
  31.  
  32. If so much as one student does not confess, I will enforce the maximum punishment on everyone in the class, everyone who has ever taken the class, and everyone who can reasonably be expected to major in ECE at UIUC at some point in their lives, and every relative up to a third degree thereof.
  33.  
  34. AS PROOF, HERE IS AN MD5 HASH OF THE ECE CLASS OF 2028:
  35. 587db0ea5a0f8338cda8ccd6474be3e3
  36.  
  37. Given the current issues with my office, I will instead be holding confessional bathroom hours in the first floor men's restroom in Loomis Lab on Friday at 2am. Attendence of these office hours are mandatory, and failure to appear will result in a Navy SEAL Team rounding up your entire family for indefinite detention at my secret lair under the North Pole.
  38.  
  39. AS PROOF, HERE IS AN MD5 HASH OF LOOMIS LAB:
  40. 04213d45e37602a8c68f6469f6819afd
  41.  
  42. AGAIN, I TAKE VIOLATIONS TO THE ORIFICES ON MY OFFICES VERY, VERY SERIOUSLY.
  43.  
  44. Sincerely,
  45. Professor Yih Chun Hu
  46. Office: 464 CSL (Except when people glue me out of it)
  47. Random MD5 Hash: a3b2783b76368b9d977ebf3a70b44ef5