Faerzen & Abyss talk about Nick and feelings

[15:23]  * Faerzen_Norstov shuts the door behind him, hesitating when he hears Nick speak, but dismisses it as soon as he hears the word "Reggie" and continues down the stairs
[15:30] <Faerzen_Norstov> Hello again, Abyss! Thank you for giving Nick and I some time to ourselves. We had a picnic and I really appreciated being able spend some time with him, so thank you.
[15:30] <Faerzen_Norstov> How are you doing?
[15:31] <Abyss> As good as can be expected
[15:32]  * Faerzen_Norstov reaches his workshop after changing Eva's settings and sits on a stool, thinking
[15:33] <Faerzen_Norstov> I am afraid I am not entirely sure how to interpret that. I still want you to know that I'm here if you need anything.
[15:33] <Faerzen_Norstov> I apologize if being around Nick this afternoon was uncomfortable for you.
[15:34] <Abyss> ...
[15:34] <Faerzen_Norstov> For what it is worth, I do hope that you were able to see that he is significantly less unstable and murderous in this timeline.
[15:34] <Abyss> so far...
[15:35] <Faerzen_Norstov> While we were having our picnic, he told me a message that he would like me to pass on to you, if you would hear it.
[15:35] <Abyss> ... I suppose
[15:36] <Faerzen_Norstov> He wants to say that he is sorry. I quote, "for everything". He said that he cannot even begin to imagine all of the terrible things that that version of himself did, let alone did to you. He feels awful for what that version of himself put you through, so he is sorry. "For everything".
[15:37] <Faerzen_Norstov> I know an apology of words passed through a messenger can hardly even begin to make up for all of the pain you experienced, but he still wants you to know this.
[15:38] <Abyss> What is this supposed to mean to me?
[15:38] <Abyss> Apologizing for something he didn't do?
[15:39] <Faerzen_Norstov> What would prefer him to say? That he doesn't care?
[15:39] <Faerzen_Norstov> He knows that the Nick you know is a different version of him, but he was still Nick.
[15:39] <Abyss> ...
[15:42] <Faerzen_Norstov> Nick here saw a glimpse firsthand of the destruction that the other version of himself was capable of. Ever since then, at the beginning of the game, he has worked tirelessly to try and change himself so he does not turn into the same monster. I know that you have only now just met him, and that trusting him to not do what the other Nick did to you
[15:42] <Faerzen_Norstov>  is going to be a very long and hard process, but I want you to know that I am here for you regardless.
[15:43] <Faerzen_Norstov> Trust, especially in the face of something so painful and traumatic, is not something that can easily be built in an instant. This will take time, and I would not expect you to get along perfectly amicably with him right away. Do not worry.
[17:12] <Abyss> (No response)
[17:13] <Faerzen_Norstov> I also asked Nick something out of my own personal curiosity.
[17:13] <Faerzen_Norstov> You may be interested to hear his response.
[17:15] <Faerzen_Norstov> Nick said that in the entire time he had the mask, he never felt the mask compel him to do anything. Everything he killed, the anger he felt, the darkness he saw inside himself and that he buried himself in, all of that. He said that it was all of his own accord, that you never compelled or made him do anything.
[17:15] <Faerzen_Norstov> You simply had a source of power, and he used that to do with what he wished.
[17:16]  * Faerzen_Norstov finishes gathering parts for the glove and begins working
[17:20] <Faerzen_Norstov> I know that you likely feel to blame for the huge amount of destruction alternate Nick caused, but I do not think you should burden yourself with the responsibility of fixing someone and making sure they act with perfect morality.
[17:20] <Faerzen_Norstov> I know personally that that burden is never achievable, and all you will end up doing is falling short.
[17:20] <Faerzen_Norstov> The same thing happened to Reggie and Lyra. Reggie was Lyra's companion for quite some time before coming to me.
[17:21] <Faerzen_Norstov> Lyra was angry, Lyra was masochistic, Lyra was schizophrenic, Lyra was lonely, and Reggie, being a sentient object that could interact with his wearer's mind, burdened himself with fixing Lyra's problems to make her a better and happier person.
[17:21] <Faerzen_Norstov> It didn't work, and he was devastated.
[17:23] <Faerzen_Norstov> You can't always control what people do with what you give them. If you could they either wouldn't really be people or what you gave wouldn't really be a gift.
[17:24]  * Faerzen_Norstov continues soldering
[17:24] <Faerzen_Norstov> I cannot change the past, nor can I change the hurt or pain of the past. All I can do is help make sure the present and future aren't repeats of that past, and that is what I intend to do.
[19:02]  * Faerzen_Norstov continues working in silence
[19:03] <Faerzen_Norstov> You do not need to talk if you do not wish to, but I am here to listen to whatever it is you have to say if you do. You do not need to worry about burdening me or hurting me with your feelings.
[19:03] <Abyss> I...
[19:04]  * Faerzen_Norstov begins testing the first couple joints, listening to the gentle nature noises in the background coming from Eva and waiting for a response, if any, from Abyss
[19:04]  * Abyss begins quietly sobbing
[19:04] <Abyss> t-t-thank you Faerzen
[19:06]  * Faerzen_Norstov sets down the glove and gently pats a couple of the feathers on the mask before sitting quietly, still at the workbench, listening
[19:09]  * Faerzen_Norstov remains silent, simply sitting and listening, for some time
[19:13]  * Faerzen_Norstov eventually returns to working on testing the sensors and fixing any loose connections
[19:16]  * Faerzen_Norstov brings up the testing interface on his glasses to test the arrangement and ID of the sensors
[19:17]  * Faerzen_Norstov finishes testing the right glove and begins applying padding putty and replacing the fabric on the inside
[19:19]  * Faerzen_Norstov sets down the finished right glove, smiling that it looks identical on the outside to before he started working on it
[19:20]  * Faerzen_Norstov sends out several brief messages to various people before turning back to working on the left glove
[19:28] <Faerzen_Norstov> Do you want to talk now?
[19:28] <Abyss> Are we friends?
[19:29] <Faerzen_Norstov> I would say so.
[19:29] <Abyss> ...
[19:29] <Faerzen_Norstov> I care about your well-being, that you are safe, that you are happy, that you treated fairly, and I trust that you care about the same for me.
[19:29] <Abyss> I don't think it's possible for me to have anything other than a friend
[19:30] <Faerzen_Norstov> What do you mean?
[19:31] <Abyss> Family, Lovers, Keismeissesses, Jig Partners...
[19:31] <Abyss> < Last one is a reference to Leprechaun Sex lelelel >
[19:31] <Faerzen_Norstov> I am going to have to say I haven't the foggiest what those last two are, but I understand the first two.
[19:31] <Faerzen_Norstov> I am afraid we are all in the same boat when it comes to family.
[19:32] <Faerzen_Norstov> I haven't met a single other person in this game who still believes any of their family to be alive at the moment.
[19:32] <Faerzen_Norstov> We are all alone in that regard, but that is why we have each other.
[19:33] <Faerzen_Norstov> It is also one of the reasons why I hate to see so much conflict and drama between people.
[19:33] <Faerzen_Norstov> When all we have here is each other, it seems a shame to waste that on anger and foolishness and backstabbing.
[19:35] <Faerzen_Norstov> As for lovers, I am afraid I do not have much experience occupying an inanimate object, but I wouldn't think that that would prohibit the possibility.
[19:36] <Faerzen_Norstov> Yes, you may not be physically capable of some of the interactions and gestures commonly associated with romance, but that doesn't mean that it is impossible for you to ever be in a romantic relationship with someone.
[19:36] <Abyss> Who would ever love a mask? Or a crown for that matter?
[19:37] <Abyss> Out of all the people left from your universe, there's not a one I can think of caring about and loving for any of your band of sentient magic items
[19:38] <Faerzen_Norstov> Just because you feel that is true now, that does not mean it will always be true.
[19:38] <Faerzen_Norstov> People change, feelings change.
[19:39] <Faerzen_Norstov> Honestly, right now in the middle of a horribly stressful game filled with death and challenges, I think that is one of the most difficult environments to make a romantic relationship happen.
[19:40] <Abyss> I'm going to die alone...
[19:41] <Faerzen_Norstov> Look at me and Nick! I call myself his boyf-- significant other, and yet I've manipulated him, thrown his feelings in the dirt, and ridiculed him for it. I have only spent a couple hours with him ever that I would truly call a date, and every other minute I have had this stupid game hanging over my head, threatening me at every turn.
[19:41] <Faerzen_Norstov> Trust and relationships take time, and time is definitely something we do not have a great deal of here.
[19:41] <Faerzen_Norstov> And no, you will not be alone!
[19:41] <Abyss> You wouldn't feel the same way if he was just an object
[19:42] <Faerzen_Norstov> That is entirely possible. However, I would not use the words "just an object" there.
[19:42] <Faerzen_Norstov> You are still an intelligent being with feelings and emotions, perfectly capable of feeling all the things that a normal human being would.
[19:42] <Faerzen_Norstov> Your body simply happens to be quite different.
[19:42] <Abyss> I should just be destroyed so I can't hurt anybody anymore...
[19:43] <Abyss> It's not like anything else good will come of me being around
[19:43] <Faerzen_Norstov> Yes, that might make building trust, and building relationships, and making friends more difficult, but it is not impossible.
[19:43] <Faerzen_Norstov> How can you possibly say that!
[19:43] <Faerzen_Norstov> All you have experienced in this world so far are the minds of two completely psychotic murderous assholes!
[19:44] <Faerzen_Norstov> If that is what you are basing your entire future on, then maybe I can see where it would be easy to assume that the future must be terrible and lonely.
[19:44] <Faerzen_Norstov> But that is not the case!
[19:44] <Faerzen_Norstov> Things are different here. I am different, I hope. Nick is different. People aren't dead.
[19:44] <Faerzen_Norstov> There is a lot of promise here, and I will not stand idly by and let you say you're worthless!
[19:45] <Faerzen_Norstov> There is so much more to life than being taken advantage of by insane people, and it is simply going to take some time to see that.
[19:45] <Faerzen_Norstov> Don't you keep saying things like that to yourself because they are straight up false.
[19:46] <Faerzen_Norstov> You may have been very, very painfully alone before, but that does not have to continue.
[19:46] <Faerzen_Norstov> I already said I am here for you, and I am sure in time, other people will agree with me.
[19:47] <Abyss> What does it matter if I can't do anything positive anyways?
[19:47] <Faerzen_Norstov> That's not true either though!
[19:48] <Faerzen_Norstov> Doing positive things can be difficult, and after a life of living inside insane minds that hardly ever even thought about doing anything positive, you can't expect a couple failed attempts to mean it will be impossible forever!
[19:49] <Faerzen_Norstov> You have had an entire life so far that has sucked beyond any of my comprehension. Judging yourself, your potential, your future, and your worth off of solely a week where you were repeatedly taken advantage of is blatantly misleading and false.
[19:50] <Faerzen_Norstov> I know it is going to be *incredibly* difficult to do, but what alternate Nick and Lyra used you for does not define you.
[19:50] <Faerzen_Norstov> That is not who Abyss is.
[19:50] <Faerzen_Norstov> That is not the Abyss I know.
[19:51] <Faerzen_Norstov> The Abyss I know is appreciative, kind, and respectful, and he wants to do good.
[19:52] <Faerzen_Norstov> The Abyss I know is scared and doubtful, but those are feelings. They will pass in time. Everything in this game is in turmoil and it will take some time to settle down, but I know that we can make it through this if we try.
[19:53] <Faerzen_Norstov> As my father said, "Let your past refine you, not define you."
[19:53] <Abyss> ...
[19:54] <Abyss> < I'm sorry, I can't RP getting better well >
[19:54] <Faerzen_Norstov> < don't worry about it >
[19:55] <Faerzen_Norstov> Okay?
[19:55] <Abyss> ...
[19:55] <Abyss> ... o-ok
[19:55] <Faerzen_Norstov> I know believe those sorts of things about yourself that you're worthless, that you're pointless, that you're inherently harmful, that you can only do bad, those are going to be easy to think about yourself. But don't believe them.
[19:55] <Faerzen_Norstov> Alternate Nick and Lyra may have torn you down quite a lot.
[19:55] <Faerzen_Norstov> Current Lyra might continue to tear you down.
[19:56] <Faerzen_Norstov> But those things are false and your past does not define who you are.
[19:56] <Faerzen_Norstov> We're in this together.
[19:56] <Abyss> I want to just... feel safe
[19:56] <Faerzen_Norstov> What can I do to make you feel safer?
[19:57] <Abyss> I don't know...
[19:57] <Faerzen_Norstov> I currently have the house on lock-down by the way to prevent any unwanted visitors.
[19:57] <Abyss> I don't believe you have the ability to rid my brain of all fear and nervousness and self-depreciative tendencies
[19:58] <Faerzen_Norstov> Even if I did, I am not sure it would be the best thing for me to magically whisk them away. I don't want to control you; enough people have done that already.
[19:58] <Faerzen_Norstov> It will be hard, but you can do this. We can do this.
[20:03] <Abyss> I don't know if I /can/ do this...
[20:04] <Faerzen_Norstov> Maybe not on your own, but together we *can*. That is why I'm not abandoning you on the doorstep and telling you to sort things out yourself. That is why you are still here, firmly attached to my face.
[20:05] <Abyss> ...
[20:05] <Abyss> Thank you for believing in me even when I couldn't
[20:06] <Faerzen_Norstov> Don't you worry about it. That's what I'm here for. To help.
[20:06] <Abyss> ...
[20:14] <Abyss> (No response)
[20:15]  * Faerzen_Norstov picks up the left glove, examining it
[20:15] <Abyss> < Just take a 20, assume near perfect results >
[20:16] <Faerzen_Norstov> I told you, I am not going anywhere while we get this figured out, so please don't hesitate to reach out to me if you want to talk about something, if something is bothering you, if you need help, or if you just want a friend.
[20:17] <Abyss> I... just want somebody I can really...
[20:17] <Abyss> ...
[20:17] <Abyss> ...
[20:17] <Abyss> *whispered*
[20:17] <Abyss> love
[20:17] <Faerzen_Norstov> You d--
[20:17]  * Faerzen_Norstov blushes
[20:17] <Faerzen_Norstov> I can definitely understand that.
[20:18] <Faerzen_Norstov> There is nothing wrong with that.
[20:18] <Faerzen_Norstov> I think that we can cross that bridge when get there. One step at a time.
[20:18] <Abyss> ...
[20:19] <Faerzen_Norstov> First we make sure you are feeling better, first we make sure that we don't all horribly die because this twisted game kills us, first we make sure there is a world we can live for after this, first we resolve our conflicts and learn to trust each other.
[20:19] <Faerzen_Norstov> That will come in time, Abyss. One step at a time.
[20:20] <Abyss> ... I'm impatient
[20:21] <Faerzen_Norstov> Being patient can be hard, especially when waiting hurts so much.
[20:21] <Faerzen_Norstov> That doesn't mean we're giving up though.
[20:22] <Abyss> ...
[20:22] <Abyss> I don't know what to do
[20:23] <Faerzen_Norstov> You don't have to.
[20:24] <Faerzen_Norstov> We will keep playing this game, we will keep talking through things, we will keep working, we will keep meeting people
[20:24] <Faerzen_Norstov> We will figure it out the specifics along the way.
[20:24] <Faerzen_Norstov> One step at a time.
[20:25] <Abyss> ...
[20:25] <Abyss> Ok
[20:25] <Abyss> Thank you again Faerzen
[20:26] <Faerzen_Norstov> No worries. I am glad I can be here.
[20:27]  * Faerzen_Norstov sets the glove down and stands up to stretch his arms and wings
[20:28] <Faerzen_Norstov> Abyss, I intend to finish the little bit of this project I have left, but then I believe that Lyra will wish to converse with me.
[20:29] <Abyss> Oh
[20:29] <Faerzen_Norstov> I think it would probably be best to keep the two of you apart, and she would like to engage in video communications.
[20:29] <Faerzen_Norstov> What do you think?
[20:30] <Abyss> If you'll stand up for me I'd be fine with you wearing me during the conversation
[20:31] <Faerzen_Norstov> Okay then. I have a proposal.
[20:31] <Faerzen_Norstov> Lyra is still being stubborn and refuses to believe that anything I say is actually me while I could be wearing you.
[20:31] <Faerzen_Norstov> That is the primary reason she wishes to engage in video communications.
[20:32] <Faerzen_Norstov> How about I begin the conversation without you on, and then if the beginning half goes well and Lyra is amenable to still talking to me with you around, then I shall put you back on.
[20:32] <Faerzen_Norstov> What do you think of that?
[20:32] <Abyss> You *could* just leave me on and talk anyways just to annoy Lyra
[20:34] <Faerzen_Norstov> Yes, I could.
[20:34] <Faerzen_Norstov> However, I do not think needlessly annoying Lyra would be anywhere near productive at the moment.
[20:34] <Faerzen_Norstov> What I am trying to do is mend situations and relationships here, and simply aggravating her further would be counterproductive.
[20:35] <Abyss> I just
[20:35] <Abyss> *sighs*
[20:35] <Abyss> ok
[20:35] <Faerzen_Norstov> What is the matter?
[20:36] <Faerzen_Norstov> I am not suggesting we be apart because I don't think you're worth having in the conversation, not because I think you would get in the way, not because I think you would make things worse, but because Lyra is honestly being an ass.
[20:36] <Abyss> So don't let her be an ass at my expense
[20:37] <Faerzen_Norstov> I don't plan on letting her be an ass.
[20:37] <Faerzen_Norstov> If she flat out refuses to even talk with me while I am in your vicinity, there isn't much I can do.
[20:37] <Abyss> ...
[20:37] <Abyss> Let's just get this over with
[20:37] <Faerzen_Norstov> I agree.
[20:37] <Faerzen_Norstov> I wish for this to be over as soon as possible.
[20:37]  * Faerzen_Norstov messages Lyra