<•Antioch|GM> Gwyn walks back to her dorm at a brisk pace. It's the first day she's felt together enough to start going back to class, and she can't shake the feeling that she's being watched. It's not inaccurate. Even overdressed as she is for the brisk fall chill she's still trailing small curls of black smoke, leaking through the cuff of her sleeve or from under her
2:18 PM scarf, and people stare.
2:18 PM She couldn't focus in her gen chem class, let alone take notes -- her hands are still stiff from the scarring -- and it didn't seem like many of her classmates could, either. Despite sitting in one of the rear corners of the large section of more than a hundred students, it felt like at any given moment there were one or two students sneaking a glance at
2:18 PM her, others outright gaping, whispering among themselves.
2:18 PM It won't get any better, either. Rumors only grow, and the thought of aiming for some chance at normalcy, going back to school, seems shot from day one. ||
2:23 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff I hate this. I used to relatively enjoy school but... Now it's probably one of the worst things I can experience. Everyone was staring so much... and my hands still hurt too much to write anything down. I don't think I absorbed one single thing from that lesson. I reach for my phone, intending to call my mom, but stop. I don't want to bother her... Not for
2:23 PM this. Instead I shove my hands deeper into my pockets and keep walking. Normally after class I'd pick up breakfast, or something... but I'm not feeling very hungry now.||
2:28 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "Hey!"
2:28 PM She hears shouting behind her, passing it off as being addressed to someone else in the crowd.
2:28 PM "Hey, wait up!"
2:28 PM This time, she's not so sure. ||
2:29 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff I keep walking faster. I really hope they're not talking to me. I just want to disappear. But as the voice comes closer, I stop and turn around, a frown on my face under the scarf. "Me?"||
2:34 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "Yeah, you!"
2:34 PM She turns around, looking at a girl a few inches shorter than she is with messy brown hair, a floppy sweatshirt, and a note-taking binder held in front of her with both hands. The shy smile and the upbeat demeanor are surprisingly jarring, if only because they clash with Gywn's current state of mind.
2:34 PM She scoots back a half-step or so when Gwyn turns and looks at her.
2:34 PM "Um, hey," she says, taking one hand off her binder to do a little wave. Her sleeves are too long for her. ||
2:36 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Hi? Um. Do I know you?" I push my scarf higher up on my face, as if it'll make me disappear. "I really have to go so..." My heart is racing. I don't... I don't understand any of this. She shouldn't be talking to me. Everyone else was staring. I'm worried. Is she... Does she think I'm a freak too?||
2:38 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "No, uh, I mean," she mumbles, handing over her notebook and dropping eye contact briefly. "I, uh, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to copy my notes." ||
2:39 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "I um." I shake my head. "For what class?" I'm still really confused and... I can't really copy notes anyway. "I don't think I've ever seen you before." Oh god, this girl probably thinks I'm weird. Or stuck up. Or something. "Thanks but... My hands... I can't really do that."||
2:42 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "No, um, like with a scanner or something. Or I can copy them for you. Or. Sorry. I... I just wanted to help." ||
2:43 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "I don't." I stop and take a deep breath. "I don't need help. There's nothing wrong with me."||
2:48 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "No! I mean, um, you're right, there's nothing wrong with you. But I... I just thought that. Um."
2:48 PM She looks nervously at Gwyn for a moment, then looks away almost immediately after.
2:48 PM "No, um. Nevermind. Sorry." ||
2:53 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Um. Sorry I." I freeze, and I can feel my shadows start to solidify on my skin. God damnit. No, no, no, NO.  I stop and cover my face, taking a few steps backwards. "Look just... Please leave me alone. I'm just. Going to go back to my dorm."||
3:02 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "I..." she mumbles, turning away. "I was just trying to be nice."
3:02 PM She starts walking away, her cheery attitude from before gone in an instant. ||
3:06 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "No don't." God, I'm such a bitch. "I'm. Look, it was nice of you to offer but I'm Okay." Now that I think about it, she didn't even tell me what class this is for. I've never seen her before... "Who did you say you were again?"||
3:08 PM A<•Antioch|GM> She freezes in her tracks, turning around.
3:08 PM "Kelly," she says. "I'm... I'm in your Gen Chem class." ||
3:09 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Oh um. Yeah. That's a big class. Sorry I um. I'm Gwyn." I'm pretty sure I'm still covered in the stupid armor. Great. This girl is probably terrified of me now. "Uh. See you around, I guess."||
3:11 PM A<•Antioch|GM> She pauses for a moment, contemplating saying something, but then seems to decide against it.
3:11 PM "Nice to meet you," she says, a hint of her smile returning. "I'll see you later." ||
3:11 PM ((Do a general post, we'll timeskip to the next meaningful interaction after.))
3:13 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff ((okay. You want me to start or you?))
3:14 PM A<•Antioch|GM> ((Just do a wrap-up on Gwyn's general thought after this encounter so I can get a better grip on her headspace, and then I'll do a post that jumps to like, two or three days later.))
3:17 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff I give her a small nod, then hurry back to my dorm. It's still hard to get the key in the goddamn hole with my hands like this, but when I finally get it open I can't even feel a sense of relief. Class did nothing but stress me out more. So many people staring... I still haven't seen Paige, even though I know she's been here... I take off my shoes and coat
3:17 PM and hop up onto my bed, pulling the blankets tightly around me. But... I can't leave school. My parents would kill me. So I guess I have to suck it up.||
3:20 PM A<•Antioch|GM> ...
3:24 PM A<•Antioch|GM> The weekend passes. As weekends go, it's a pretty shitty one. Gwyn's usually the solitary sort, but in her current state of mind, being cooped up with essentially no human interaction, she has time to agonize. It's not like she couldn't get a medical exemption for the semester, but... staying in class, going to school -- it honestly feels like the last
3:24 PM thread keeping her tied to a sort of functional, sort of normal life.
3:24 PM A very frayed thread, at that.
3:24 PM Gen Chem's her 11 AM class on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and it's the biggest class she's part of. She has to brace herself with more people, more stares, more trying to figure out where the hell she is in the curriculum. ||
3:27 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff I hate this. And I can't even stop to get coffee before class because the heat from the cup on my hands hurts too much. The doctors didn't want me getting addicted to painkillers or whatever, so I've been popping a few advils and hoping that might stop the pain. It's not helping much. It sucks ass. Sitting in chem, half asleep, and unable to take readable
3:27 PM notes... I let out an almost inaudible groan and put my head down on the desk. This whole thing sucks, and it's all my fault because I'm so fucking STUPID.||
3:29 PM A<•Antioch|GM> There's too much going on, too many racing thoughts, too many twinges in her fingers and arms to really solve anything. Visual stimulus down, plenty of others still clamoring for attention. The teacher asks the class to take out their clickers for a quick quiz. ||
3:31 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff Shit. Did I even remember to bring mine? I look down at my bag and cringe at the thought of having to dig through it. But my grade depends on this... I stick my hand in the bag and start rummaging around, a twinge of pain shooting through my fingers every time I hit something. "Please be in here..."||
3:34 PM A<•Antioch|GM> The clicker is, thankfully, in her backpack. That's only half of the problem solved, because she has no fucking clue if a cation is positive or negative. ||
3:36 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff My hands shake as I try to figure out what I should punch in. Positive... negative. I remember making some kind of note about it but... I can't remember what it was. Cation.... Cation. I look around to see if I can discern the answer from someone else, but time is running out. Shit. I click answer A and hope for the best. ||
3:39 PM A<•Antioch|GM> It is, thankfully. The next question is multiple choice out of four, so luck might not prevail. What the hell is a stoichiometric coefficient, and how the hell do you balance it? ||
3:41 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Shit." I mumble again, this time pressing C. I don't know. I don't know any of this. God, I feel like I can't fucking breathe. I look down at my notes, but they're all illegible. Maybe I should have taken that Kelly girl up on her offer. But... It was only a matter of time before she got scared of me too. I don't know how to do this. None of these words
3:41 PM look like they make sense.||
3:47 PM A<•Antioch|GM> It's basically to the point where she's guessing at every answer. Is there a way to salvage this? Get a tutor, speak to the teacher during office hours? She... had the whole weekend to study, upon reflection, but used most of it to mope and order delivery pizza so she wouldn't have to go down to the dining hall and deal with other people. ||
3:49 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff I think for a second, then frown. Fuck this. I haphazardly shove my shit into my bag and start walking out of the room, my stomach doing flips. I can't handle this. I can't... I've missed so much... I'm probably just going to fail anyway.||
3:51 PM A<•Antioch|GM> She walks out of the classroom a good five or ten minutes before class ends. Surprisingly, she's followed. The girl from last time. Whatsherface.
3:51 PM "Wait up!" ||
3:54 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "What?" I turn around, smoke literally coming out of my ears. I'd ball my hands up into fists, but they hurt too much for that. God fucking DAMNIT. "I'm trying not to completely embarrass myself, Kelly."||
3:57 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "It's okay!" she says, looking a little uncertain. "I know it's probably hard after missing some school. I... even if you don't want my notes, you could maybe study with me?" ||
3:58 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "I don't..." I swallow and pull on my scarf. "I don't know. I don't know anything. What the fuck is a cation? Like I just. I don't know any of it."||
3:59 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "It's, um, it's a positive ion, see?"
3:59 PM She flips open her binder to a specific page and points at her notes. They're neatly-taken and color coded. There's a small doodle of a cat with a plus sign on its tummy. ||
4:03 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Oh um. Okay?" I don't know if I really want to be here, or if I want to hear this. I mean, I just stormed out of class. It's not going to help me much now, right? "And that... Stoichi... That stuff. I don't know. I've been so zoned out." ||
4:04 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "It's, well, you can treat it sort of like algebra? You can treat the elements like they're variables and solve for the unknowns? Umm..."
4:04 PM "You want to get some lunch with me and I can show you how it goes?"
4:04 PM She sounds hopeful. ||
4:06 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Um... I guess. But um." I blush, my stomach doing flips. "I don't... I don't really go to the dining halls or anything." I look down for a moment, and notice that the smoke has solidified on my skin again. "Sorry! Sorry..." ||
4:07 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "Nonono! It's okay! We can go to a library study room or my dorm or something! We can just order out, like Jimmy John's or pizza, okay?" ||
4:10 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "I don't... I don't know. I'm sorry. I just." I'm a freak? I'm a monster? I ripped up the girls' dorm shower by accident? "I guess Jimmy John's is okay. I'm sorry. I just. I don't want to scare you." Everyone else is.||
4:11 PM A<•Antioch|GM> She shakes her head frantically. "No, no, why would I be scared? It's fine!" ||
4:12 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Because I um." I point to my face. "Have you not noticed the...?" ||
4:15 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "So? There are plenty of capes that aren't scary. It's... it's not a huge deal, I promise." ||
4:15 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "I'm not a cape." I say, the words just falling out of my mouth. ||
4:18 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "I, um... well, um, people with powers. Sorry. That's- that's not what I meant. You're- you're just a regular person, okay? Just someone who I'd like to be my friend."
4:18 PM She gets a little quiet after that, looking at her feet. ||
4:19 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Friend?" I step back, a frown on my face. "Are you... sure?" God, why does this have to be so complicated? "Because... Everyone else seems to think I'm scary... and dangerous."||
4:20 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "Fuck them," she says, snapping for a moment. "That's stupid." ||
4:22 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "You don't even know what I can do." I look towards the classroom doors, my hands shaking. Class has got to be letting out soon... I don't want all those people to stare at me, and god those fluorescent lights make me want to throw up. "Can we just... Get out of here first?" ||
4:23 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "And they don't either," she retorts. "C'mon."
4:23 PM She begins making her way towards another part of campus -- the newer dorms, rather than the old-ish ones that Gwyn lives in. ||
4:36 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Um.... Okay." I wrap my scarf back around my face and follow Kelly, my heart still racing. I don't know if this is a good idea, but I want it to be. Maybe people would stop staring at me...||
4:56 PM A<•Antioch|GM> Kelly's dorm building is one that got built pretty recently as the campus expanded. It's pretty tall -- her room is on the fourth floor, and it's one of the four-room setups where each student has their own room that can be locked and a shower that's shared between two.
4:56 PM They run into a good few students along the way headed in the opposite direction, en route to the dining hall for lunch. A few of them stare as Kelly tries to distract her with conversation, generally sticking close to the safe topic of Chemistry.
4:56 PM The building still has that newly built smell. There's even a small courtyard in the center. ||
5:00 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff Wow. How did I get stuck in the dump that I did? Oh. Right. Mom wanted me to have the ~traditional college experience~ I don't know where getting mauled by wolves falls under that but... "Um. Thanks for this. By the way." God damnit. I'm worried that she thinks I'm some crushed and delicate little flower. I just... I want to be able to get back to my normal
5:00 PM life. I used to be good at school and now I can't even define a fucking cation.||
5:02 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "It's really no problem," she says, starting to smile more widely. "What do you want on your sandwich?" ||
5:07 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Uh. Turkey. Mayo. Provolone. And like. Lettuce I guess?" I shrug and look down at my fucked up hands. Maybe I should have worn the splints today... "I've been eating pizza for the past week." Well. Picking at it. I still haven't gotten my full appetite back after the last round of rabies shots. "The Chinese place doesn't deliver to campus."||
5:09 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "I've got a car," she says. "We could go there some other time, if you like."
5:10 PM She turns aside for a moment, making a phone call to order the subs while walking down the hall to her suite.
5:10 PM It's a pretty cozy setup, though the common living area doesn't really have any personal touches. ||
5:12 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Um. No thank you. I don't... I don't really want to sit in a restaurant. People stare. They talk. I don't like it." I look down at my shoes, shifting my weight uncomfortably from foot to foot. "They don't really teach you how to handle this stuff in school, you know?"||
5:15 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "We can get takeout, y'know?"
5:15 PM She unlocks her room. It's more cramped than her own, though granted Gwyn has to share with a roommate. There's enough for a dresser, a bed, a desk with a laptop on it, a chair, and a corkboard/calendar combo mounted on the back of the door. The bed is littered with old and raggedy stuffed animals, and there are a lot of animal photos on the corkboard.
5:15 PM "And... yeah, I guess not." ||
5:21 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "It sucks." I stand awkwardly at the edge of the room, just inside the doorway. I'm reluctant to touch anything, just in case I accidentally destroy something again. "And takeout... That would be cool, I guess." I haven't made eye contact with Kelly in a few minutes, mostly because I'm just... embarrassed. "Maybe I deserve it though." I shrug. "Sorry. I
5:21 PM don't mean to burden you with all of this."||
5:22 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "What? Why? Why would you deserve this?" ||
5:23 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Because I did something stupid." I shrug, looking around the room. I kind of want to sit down, my legs are starting to get that pins and needles feeling, but I don't particularly want to burden her. "Do you know anything about camping?"||
5:24 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "Um... not really, no." ||
5:25 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Well like. Look. Stuff goes wrong all the time in the woods. That's why there's park rangers and search and rescue teams and stuff. There are animals. Storms. Trees can fall. Things happen. You shouldn't go alone. I did." I stop and look away from her, but don't really look at anything in particular. I can feel my palms start to sweat, my heart start to
5:25 PM race. "That's why it's my fault."||
5:26 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "Well... if you ever want to go camping again, um, if you feel like it, that is, I'll go with." ||
5:29 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "No." I snap, stepping back from her. "Not again. Not ever again. No. No way." Shit, shit, shit. Why do I feel like my chest is going to implode? I try to regain my balance against the wall, but I don't quite make it. Thoughts keep pouring into my head--thoughts of that night. "No, no, NO!"||
5:29 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "Sorry, sorry-- I didn't mean --"
5:30 PM She backs away a little, but then steps closer, hugging Gwyn and keeping her steady. ||
5:33 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff I have the urge to push her away, but... What if I hurt her. "I should just... Go. I'm going to..." I try to step back, but trip on one of the things on the floor. "I'm sorry I'll just. I'll leave it's okay."||
5:36 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "No, no, it's fine. It's fine. My fault. I shouldn't have mentioned the camping thing. Sorry." She seems very determined to maintain the hug. ||
5:38 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "No it's. Not your fault. It's mine." God damnit, just let me go. "Like I said. I was stupid. It's stupid." I pause, cringing a little. "You're hurting me."||
5:45 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "Sorry," she says, letting go as if she'd been burned. "Sorry, sorry, sorry." ||
5:47 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "No I'm sorry I. I should have warned you. I'm still. I still have stuff that's healing." I shake my head and sigh. "You wouldn't have known. I'm wearing a lot of layers to hide the bandages. Um." I take another step back towards the door. "Really I could just go..."||
5:57 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "I, um... our sandwiches are still coming." She tries to give a small smile.
5:57 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "We can study while we wait if you still want to." ||
5:59 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "I um. I guess that's fine. Tell me more about Cations." I blush, realizing that that sounded kind of like a come-on. Damnit.||
6:02 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "Well, um, ions are basically an atom of an element but missing an electron or with an extra electron."
6:03 PM "If they're missing an electron then their overall charge is positive, and if they have an extra, then their overall charge is negative."
6:03 PM "Positive ones are called cations–" she points to the cat doodle, "– and negative ones are anions."
6:04 PM She points to a doodle of a stick figure with a bulbous, misshapen head, crying.
6:04 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "Um. That's supposed to be an onion. Because, you know, onions make you cry, which is negative." ||
6:05 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "So... If they have extra baggage, they're negative?" Heh. I want to make a self-deprecating joke, but I decide against it. "And like. Positive is attracted to negative, right?" Shit. I need to stop sounding like I'm flirting. ||
6:13 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "Yeah," she says, pointing to a diagram of two atoms linked together by their electron orbitals. "Sodium ion, chlorine ion."
6:13 PM She doesn't acknowledge the turn of phrase, but she does seem to lean in a little closer. ||
6:15 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "And those together make table salt." I nod, noticing her getting... closer. "Right? I know that one." I swallow a bit, my mouth getting dry. It's not even that bright in here... Why... "Um. How do you know which one is the negative, and which is the positive though?"||
6:20 PM A<•Antioch|GM> She points to the sodium ion, indicated by Na with a subscript plus sign, and the chlorine ion, indicated by Cl with a subscript minus.
6:20 PM "If you have two atoms in an ionic bond and it doesn't say which one is positive and negative, the one on the left half of the periodic table is the positive one, and the one on the right side is the negative one."
6:20 PM She goes on a little further about valence electrons, though the proximity is somewhat distracting. ||
6:21 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Um. Kelly." I say, but I can't think of what words come next. Damnit. God, I'm stupid. I'm so fucking STUPID. My armor condenses over me, almost as a reflex. Why is this how it has to be?||
6:22 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "Yeah?" she replies. She looks at the gathering shadows, not flinching away as Gwyn would expect. ||
6:23 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "I'm sorry. I..." I try to focus on making them go away, but god I'm so embarrassed right now. "Just. Talk to me about Chemistry. Ironic bonds or whatever."||
6:26 PM A<•Antioch|GM> She nods, going on a little further without question or complaint. It's not that she's ignoring the smoke and shadows, per se, more that she's accepting of it. There is, after a moment, a knock at the door.
6:26 PM "Lunch, I think," she says. "I'll get it." ||
6:28 PM <Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Yeah. Right." I take a deep breath, the smoke pulling back to its normal state. God damnit, do I... Do I have a thing for Kelly? Like. I've... Been with girls before but. Shit. Shit I'm a moron. I'm such a moron. "Sandwich time?" I don't sound enthusiastic. If anything I sound terrified by the prospect of sandwiches. Great. Just great.||
6:29 PM A<•Antioch|GM> She comes back with two sub sandwiches. There's not a lot of chance to talk between eating, so there's a moment of awkward silence. ||
6:32 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "I um. Thanks, Kelly. For helping me with all of this. It's been..." I pause, looking down at my sandwich with a frown. "It's been hard since my accident. It's nice to just know... Someone is there for me, I guess." ||
6:34 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "Good," she smiles. "'cause I am." ||
6:36 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Thank you." I inch a little bit closer to her again, feigning like I'm interested in looking at the notes. I could be completely wrong. She could be straight and I'm just... A moron. A big, fat, stupid Moron. ||
6:39 PM A<•Antioch|GM> She doesn't seem to mind.