I have a list of the best and funny times we had and i added to it the more we were together and i found it the other day. I thought maybe i could show my true feelings even though this is
something i never showed you. It's just something I liked to look at when sometimes I wasn't with you


When we used to sit in the garden and the bees used to come over haha, and when I stroked your neck and you used to nearly fall asleep (Dentist Appointments hehe)
When we used to sit in the conservatory when it was sunny
When we used to kiss on my sofa but have to stop when my mam past hehe
When we sat in the shelter at the train station for ages talking and kissing. Couldn't keep away from you hehe. You looked beautiful... Think this is when I fell for you
When we would go in the bath and when we moved you'd get something in your eye every time hahaha
When we turned on the jacuzzi in Blackpool and it started making a noise in the middle of the night ahahah
When you sneezed on me on the train hahaha
When you threw crisps at me on the train ahahahah
When we got locked out the York bedroom
When we walked all the way across Blackpool for a drink and there was one around the corner haha
When we went on that ghost train and jumped at everything that jumped out haha
When I got you on that ride in Blackpool and u finally conquered your fear haha
When we went to flamingo land, both times haha
When we went to centre parcs and made that cake and when u fell off the bike hahaha and played badminton , proper competitive haha it was really fun. Most competitive I'd ever seen you
When we saw those birds and ducks and they nearly came in the apartment haha
When we went to beadnell and stood on that pier with the curry on the pole haha, and biked to the station and the train didn't turn up ahahaha
When we always watched the Simpsons I'm beadnell
When we always went for chocolate at like 9 at night to the co-op at beadnell hahaha
The laugh u do cos its really funny and I love it, the one when I'd ask u to do it again after but it was reserved for special occasions haha
When we went to za za bazaar but u didn't want to eat anything cos u didn't wanna seem like a food person in front of my family haha but I ate tonnes haha
Chester park just generally loved it there with you.
When u farted and absolutely creased every time hahaha.
When we used to cuddle all through the night.
The things we went through to bring us closer, and the way we didn't care what other people thought of us. Nobody came between our bond.
When u helped me get through that eye problem, and I tried to help you get your eczema better.
When u came with me to the eye hospital and helped me get football boots after
When we went to bannatynes and I would catch u doing nothing so I'd put it on like a huge weight hehehe
When we used to go in the pool and jacuzzi and mess around with the little spongey things
When we went in family changing and you had a wee in the shower ahahahah
When we used to talk about getting a farmhouse in the country with horses and like 3 dogs
When we went into Anne summers haha, that was awkward but it was fun haha
When we went to the cinema to see those scary films and I try talking to you and your in a  daze hahaha
When we went to see those comedians and u hardly got any of the jokes hahaha, and just laughed at that man ahahah
When we got those 3 trebles which were flat, and you poured them on the floor ahahahah.
When I first kissed you in front of my friends hehe.
When u told us to go on the water ride at Blackpool cos you 'don't get wet' ahahahah, and we had to dry off on the carousel after being drenched ahahaha.
When we fed the ducks at Chester park and they followed u for ages hahaha.
When we got crave, some dishes and a spoon and ate them in the park haha
When we went to Chester that night and you had a wee in the middle of the park hahahah
When u bought me midget gems and sweets a lot hehe, I appreciated that a lot.
When I got you those flowers and I remember the way u kissed me hehe
When we had our first kiss on the sofa in yours when we were both really shy hehe.
The way you looked at me when you saw me after a long time apart.
The way you looked at me when u kissed me.
When we wrestled on the floor at yours when u pretended you were a zombie hehehe
When I gave you that biscuit with the heart on at dinner.
When u used to wait for me after dinner to give me a hug but I was shy hehe
When we used to call each other egglet and egg box hehe
When you complained about the tickets so we got free ones haha
When we fell asleep on the bus on the way back from flamingo land and nearly went past the stop haha.
When we used to search for bargains in the shops
When we used to sit in the garden on the swivel chair and I'd stroke your neck.
When we went to Beamish museum and went on that train when the other people made it awkward haha
The times we were really passionate with each other,  and I felt like you were a part of me.
When we sat in front of the fire that night
I don't think I've ever felt more comfortable sharing my feelings and thoughts with someone at the time we were together and happy hehe. U always liked to make sure I was happy when u knew something was up.
I like how similar we were to each other in many ways, and we knew each others problems and knew when the other had something on they're mind. I think being so like each other helped us be so close at times.
I love how u always wanted to look good for me every time u saw me, and I appreciated that a lot, and u always looked gorgeous any time of day and night. I really wanted to be the person that u looked at and couldn't stop looking at. I think that's why I tried so much to go to the gym and footy to get myself in shape for you, when really I should have spent more time with you.
I loved the way u smelt , it always turned me on when u would kiss me before sleep and I remember the scent u had
Finally, I love how much we loved each other and wanted to be together all the time and forever more . I feel that you were like part of my family at the time, and you brought a funny and nice feeling into the house from your happy mood.


I feel like this is the final stage to help me move on, to reflect on the past in a good way  because it was, and I feel that me saying this will finally move me on.

It was probably immature the way it ended cos I would never intend to hurt you the way I think I did, because you were the person I cared for more than anyone else. I admit i shouldn't have done things I did,and ive learned from them and won't let emotion get the better of me again, whatever or however badly I think the situation is. Think I'll keep myself to myself like I used to. I could have done things differently and i should have but there's nothing to change now and I've learned from my mistakes. I'm not going to dwell on it or what could have been and I learned a lot from our time together. I wish uni shouldn't have come between us, I wish u didn't have to have gone but I wasn't gonna jeopardise your future, I really did want the best for you, at the time I'm sure u saw that...i Wish u had been in my year. Wish uni wasn't a thing haha. Anyway, those were some simplest but good and fun and most loving memories that ive ever had and made me happy hehe , wish they could have continued. Im not asking for forgiveness or you to change your opinions or go telling your friends, as only time will heal what i did, i think people who werent involved with it forget quickly and it was between only me and you and we're the ones it will effect., but others will forget about what we said to each other. When I look back now, I loved you down to the bone when I just remember your smile when you saw me and your playful nature and the way u were with me hehe. You were immature in a fun way sometimes and I loved it hehe. Nobody had a relationship which was as loving as ours in school, and nobody could beat it really hehe. Wish we could have had loads more memories like that hehe. Maybe if we'd gone to Alton towers in that October holiday, or before u went to uni, we might have grown close enough to survive uni, but these things happen and I accept them. I didn't really wanna say cos I don't know what u would have thought, but I had booked the trip to Alton towers for us for my birthday and was gonna surprise you, but things happened...and it doesn't matter, no harm done. I'm not gonna dwell on it cos there's nothing to change now, but I'm glad that the time we spent was ,what I thought, was special and I'm glad I shared it with you, cos it made up really , probably the most valued and nice time in my life, especially feeling so loved and I definitely don't regret it, so in a way im saying thank you for everything we went through together.You were my closest friend in many ways at the time and a real first love and we did everything together, so thank you, I really appreciate the things you did and bought me. I didnt really think that i could ever meet someone in a chester nightclub that was so suited to me and a very nice all round beautiful girl. I doubt someone like that will come around soon and definitely not in the same place haha. Must have just been fate, cos i didnt really go out often, and i know u didnt either, so to find a relationship from two people who aren't like others would think, cos it was Roxy's , I mean come on haha, I think was quite special haha. I didn't expect someone I met in a nightclub to be as good and suited to be very similar to me but there you go haha. I hope u don't end up with some of the people u do associate with nightclubs in the future , and theres much more to life than drink and sex. Make sure you dont get taken advantage of. If someone is trying to get you to put out within like a month, then make sure its not for the wrong reasons , cos i believe that i always made sure that u were ready for anything that we did and never pressured you at all, but some people arent like that. I think that's why we got along well, cos both of us know it goes way past that, and there's much more to a relationship like I always said to you. Don't think anyone from chester will be the same as you haha, but there's so many places to explore. I know I didn't say I loved you enough, in the relationship and this was the main thing I regret, cos I really really did and wished I had seen u a final time in person before uni to tell you, but these things happen . And now you can enjoy doing different things with someone else and have more nice memories and I'll do the same in my life, but thank you for a brilliant 7 months of my life , cos even though it didn't last, I really enjoyed them, and I think they made me a better person in the long term, cos I've learnt things from mistakes. I Hope you enjoyed the time as well 😘 .